Sep 21 2009 Not For Airline Travel: Ninja Kunai USB Drive

A dangerously metal USB drive shaped like a ninja knife, it just makes sense. The 2GB Ninja Kunai drives cost $125 and are in no way, shape or form safe for airplane travel. Or train. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't even drive anywhere with one. Because I used to keep a little pen knife on my keychain and now I push the gas with a peg. Which brings me to an important point: Pirate for hire. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I do bachelor parties.

Ninja Kunai USB Drive: the tech equivalent of getting a foreign language tattoo [engadget]

Thanks to Harrison, who once stabbed a foe with a traditional USB drive and lost all his data.

Sep 2 2009 He's A Little Clingy: Spiderman Backpack

This $45 backpack carries a reasonable amount of stuff and makes it look like you're giving miniature Spiderman a piggyback ride. Or, if you're a real pervert like tipster Ste, like he's trying to get his spidey senses tingling from behind. Which, eeew -- that stuff that comes out of his hands is bad enough. I jest, you know I love it when you spray me with that shit, Spidey!

Product Site
via
Spider-Man Backpack [likecool]

Thanks to Ste and naas, who both got their Wonder Woman backpacks taken away for improper treatment.

Aug 22 2009 High Security: USB Drive Has Number Lock

Worried about somebody getting at the precious files on you flash drive? Try keeping it in your pocket and not leaving it on the bus. But if you're really worried you should handcuff it to your wrist like a briefcase filled with pirate treasure. Alternatively, get a Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive ($99).

[The drive] features a built in num keypad that requires you to enter a pin code before you can access your data. It is the 256bit encryption, if someone try to access your data by forcing access, the Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive will automatically destroy all data stored on the drive. However, if you do worry that you'll forget your PIN you can back everything up online, and there's also an optional PIN replacement assistance service available too.

Wow, that seems pretty intense. You must have some seriously serious files in order to require this much security. What are you, a spy? And, if so, how about hooking me up with a bow tie camera?

Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive [likecool]

Thanks to Ste, who keeps his data protected the old fashioned way: with hungry lions.

Aug 20 2009 RAWR!: The Best iPhone Dock Ever Made

This is an iPhone dock made out of a dinosaur toy. You can make one yourself if you want. You just cut a hole in a dinosaur toy, maybe pleasure yourself with it a couple times because I mean, it's there, and then stuff the docking wire in there. It is seriously the best iPhone dock you could possibly ever make and I don't want any lip about it. I mean it, what I say goes. I am the world's greatest lover. BUT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW CAUSE I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL. No, I said special, not special needs.

iPhone Dinosaur Dock Is Bound To Rule Them All [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Byll and Aaron, who, RAWR! Okay, now I'm in the mood.

Aug 2 2009 Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag

Be honest, every single one of you would rock this handbag. I know I would, and I don't give a dang if it clashes with my live bear chaps or not (all man, baby). Available from evilmadscientist as mini and full-size kits ($20 and $25, respectively) you're still gonna have to know how to sew. Which I, unfortunately, do not. Last time I tried mending a tear in my jeans I ended up sewing my penis to my ankle. True story.

Hit the jump for some shots of the unfinished kit so you can get a real sense of all the fun to be had.

Continue Reading " Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag "

Jul 30 2009 Jacket Assassins: Ninja Star Coat Hooks

Does Ninja Boy hang his denim jacket on ninja star coat hooks? You bet your socially awkward katana he does! These Ninja Coat Hooks from Spinning Hat designs are coat hooks made to look like ninja stars. Hi-ya? HI-YA!

The Ninja Coat Hooks will transform your hallway into the scene of a Shanghai back street stand-off. Each metal Ninja Coat Hook has one corner cleverly engineered into a screw, which allows you to fix securely to your wall or door, whilst making it look like it has been hurled from the hands of a deadly Ninjitsu assassin.

Each star will set you back around $13. Alternatively, I'll drive you to the mall and we can go the kiosk that sells ninja swords and body jewelry and pick up a pack of real ones. Afterwards, we'll head over to Hot Topic for novelty t-shirts and then to the food court to wash it all down with an Orange Julius. High five!

Product Site

Jul 10 2009 4GB Vision: Calvin Klein USB Sunglasses

These $200 sunglasses from Calvin Klein (available this October) feature a 4GB flash drive in the right arm so you can take your data to the beach or wherever the hell people wear sunglasses these days. Me? I just squint.

calvin klein usb sunglasses: data for your eyes only [technabob]

Jul 6 2009 Another Day, Another Retro iPhone Case

Last week it was an exceptionally made oldschool Playstation iPhone case, and this week, a Game Boy.

"You will love it, and your friends will be jealous because you are so much cooler." said German designer Toastkawaii wildly exaggerating in her product description.

$15 will take one home, and another $10 will take me. Now I don't know about you, but I'm digging this one more than the fancy Playstation. This one's got a nice kindergarten arts and crafts feel to it.

Hit the jump for another shot.

Continue Reading " Another Day, Another Retro iPhone Case "

Jun 23 2009 Wine Balls: Not Just For Sommelier Orgies

Tired of drinking wine straight from the bottle? That was rhetorical -- it never gets old. But N2Wine decided to make these Wine Globe systems anyways. Cheers, Jesus. Want to teach me how to fish?

Wine globes are glass containers capable of holding 33 or 70 bottles of wine (depending on the size) that are specifically designed to thwart oxidization, the chemical reaction that ages wine, by preventing any air from entering the system. Instead, the globes vino-filled spheres constantly topped off by "food-grade" nitrogen when liquid levels deplete, essentially freezing wine's flavor in time.

The wine is also under constant water-cooled temperature regulation so that it's served perfectly every time and, obviously, the system can offer more wines by the glass than most restaurants currently offer.

Each globe costs about $1,000 but can be run in line off the same nitrogen tank, making them still not worth it. No, I'll be sticking to my boxed wine, thank you very much. Literally, I glued it myself. Ever played Edward Fortyhands? You should try Bernard Boxarm.

Wine Globes Swap Tastings for Keggers [gizmodo]

Jun 22 2009 Go Plates: Stacking Food On Your Beer

Go Plates are reusable party plates (not to be confused with party hats) that sit on top of your beer can, bottle or plastic cup, allowing you a free hand for playing grab-ass with all your friends or whatever it is people do at parties (I've never been to one). A pack of 42 will set you back $48.50, which isn't too bad considering their reusable (read: I'll lay them all out on the floor and let the dog lick them before putting them back in the cabinet). Party at my house!

Product Site

Thanks to Gino, who once choked on a hors d'œuvre and had to be given mouth to mouth by a very sexy lady.

Jun 19 2009 Perfect Bookends For Your Star Wars DVDs

These 6" x 12" x 7.5" hand painted Trash Compactor Bookends are available for pre-order (shipping April 2010) from the Star Wars Store for $190. And for those of you that don't do math good, that's almost $100 per side. And speaking of sides, seriously, you have to choose one. It's either me or him. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'HIM'?! You're dead to me.

Trash Compactor Bookends Will Hopefully Crush Your Prequel DVDs [gizmodo]

Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who doesn't bring people back from the dead anymore because of insurance issues.

Continue Reading " Perfect Bookends For Your Star Wars DVDs "

Jun 19 2009 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: 128GB Flashes

That's right, the folks over at Kingston are about to drop a 128GB flashbomb on the world. Available next month, the 128GB DataTraveler 200 will cost a staggering $547. SO DON'T WASH IN IN YOUR JEANS. Still, 128GB -- do you realize how much porn that is? *ahem* Me neither.

Kingston's Flash Drives Hit 128GB [uberreview]

Jun 4 2009 Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack

The new Rolls Royce 200EX has an automatic purse holder. And no, it's not the floor (although those work great too and come standard in most cars). There's a video after the jump that you have to see to believe, but basically a little gripper arm automatically tightens against the purse to ensure your diamonds and gold bars don't fall out during travel. It's stupid. Because when I'm rich enough for a Rolls Royce I'll be damned if I'm carrying my own purse. No, it will be traveling in it's own Rolls Royce. Inside a diamond airplane. Made of platinum. Don't question my logic, peasant.

Hit the jump for a short video of the 'just another thing to break' in action.

Continue Reading " Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack "

Jun 3 2009 Retro Styling: Cassette Tape Wallets

These cassette tape wallets from designbloom are wallets made out of old cassette tapes. Pretty clever, but they cost $43. So if you've ever wanted to try making something yourself, now's your chance. Just make me one. With a Def Leppard tape. Bitchin'? BITCHIN'!

cassette wallet [designboom]

Thanks to phil, who keeps his money in his socks BECAUSE HE'S OLDSCHOOL.

May 25 2009 The Cap-Sac Is A Fanny Pack For Your Head

The Cap-sac came out in 1987 but didn't sell very well because there was no internet then. But now, thanks to a magical series of tubes, the Cap-sac is back to the future and helping people get laid and store things at the same time. It's a fanny pack for your head, yo. Available in both neon and non-neon colors, the $13 hats promise to add a bit of retro flair and storage space to almost any domepiece. I wear two at once because I'm so fresh and also I don't like things in my pockets that make me jingle. You hear that, Santa? I can hear your ass coming from a mile away!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots because I roll deep.

Continue Reading " The Cap-Sac Is A Fanny Pack For Your Head "

May 23 2009 Delicious: The Spoonful Of Cereal USB Drive

This is a USB drive that looks like a spoonful of cereal. And, just like Mary Poppins would say, "a spoonful of cereal helps the....WHY ARE THERE GRAPE NUTS IN MY LAPTOP, YOU LITTLE BITCHES?!?"

Hit the jump to see a video of the cereal in action.

Continue Reading " Delicious: The Spoonful Of Cereal USB Drive "

May 18 2009 Geekologie Reader Make USB Gluestick

Young Geekologie Reader Izzy Slypig went and made himself a 1GB gluestick flashdrive. It rotates up and out of the container as you twist the bottom. That is all. But, if you've ever wanted to steal computer files from preschool, now's your chance.

Hit the jump for three more shots of the drive in various states of twist.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Make USB Gluestick "

Apr 3 2009 Elevator Garages 'Must Have' For The Rich

We already featured a Lamborghini elevator garage a while ago, now here comes one with a Porsche. Apparently London's rich are going apeshit over these things, and buying them faster than Cardock can build them.

The £40,000 (~$59,000) parking spots can be hidden beneath a flowerbed, lawn, or even another parking space.Owners simply press a button on a keyring to raise they car out of the ground much like the rocket launching apparatus in Thunderbirds.

There is already a four month waiting list to get the sci-fi style parking space installed.

Wow, that sounds like an enormous waste of money. Seriously, I suggest you rich asshats on the waiting list go find some other idiotic way to blow your money. I mean it, go! Haha -- now who's first in line, bitches?!

Pop-up garage is latest London must-have [newslite]

Thanks to towhee, who has a whole elevator garage for her shoes. You know, because women like shoes.

Mar 15 2009 Guy Loses Finger, Replaces With Flash Drive

Jerry Jalava is a hacker who lost half his left ring finger in a motorcycle accident and decided to replace the digit with a USB drive. So now he sports a rubber half-finger with thumb(!)drive inside. Awesome. Plus, if he ever has to wear a wedding ring it won't count because it's not a real finger. Am I right? Because that's why I cut mine off. Just kidding, I was really high and trying to make a bong in shop class.

Hit the jump for three more shots of the digital digitry.

Continue Reading " Guy Loses Finger, Replaces With Flash Drive "

Jan 23 2009 Concealed Dork Permit: The Gadget Holster

Oh God, please don't shoot -- with your iPhone! BWHAHHAHAH! Let me guess -- you failed the police academy entrance exam again.

The fashionable e-Volve™ Gadget Shoulder Holster is a new "carry all" shoulder holster that allows you to get all of your personal electronic gadgets off your belt, out of your pockets and into a comfortable shoulder holster.

The e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster is designed to "evolve" and adapt to the reality of constant state of change in personal electronics by enabling you to wear your present and future gadgets. This evolutionary capability is achieved by a simple, but functional design of this ergonomic shoulder holster.

I bet it's got a place to store Awethumbs! And it's only 70! F*** a fanny-pack, I want an e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Douche Holster! Watch this little trick -- nothing in my hands right.....BOOM, iPhone! Haha, I'd bet you'd you like to know where it came from -- too bad it's called magic. I'm serious, I had to fellate the sorcerer's apprentice.

Product Page

Thanks to Atlas Thugged, who done crushed that punk bitch to deaf wif the planet, son.