Jun 16 2009 This Tastes Like Poison: Japan's Robot-Chefs
Japanese companies unveiled several new models of robotic-chefs at the recent Tokyo International Food Machinery and Tech Expo., and I, for one, am never eating out again. Kidding, ladies. Here's a breakdown of the video:
0:00 - 0:18: Pancake cooking robot sucks at flipping.
0:19 - 0:25: Robot sympathizer sympathizes with robots. You will not be saved.
0:26 - 0:39: Creepy looking realistic hand robot serves sushi, your fingers.
0:40 - 0:46: Depressed, engineer is depressed.
0:47 - 0:54: Crooked hat robot pleasures itself furiously with cucumber.
0:55 - 1:07: Segway-ass looking robot roofies your drink on it's way from the bar.
There you have it, I'm officially only eating PB&J sandwiches with ingredients processed in non-robotic factories. And if you think I'm joking you've got another thing coming. Namely, *POW* -- my fist.
Thanks to calluless, get100pens, This Is Me Posting, Kai, Marcy, Daniel, 24-bit whore, Julian, Jawn and Draw, who would rather starve to death than eat robot-food.
May 29 2009 No, No, No: Japanese Killer Construction Bot
Wow, they're not even trying to make them look cute anymore. The Japanese born ROBOTOPS is a construction robot whose name is spelled in all caps because IT MEANS BUSINESS. The killing business.
The four-legged, two-armed robot is actually a kind of automated mobile crane with 29 functioning joints for picking off humans, and of course the occasional piece of construction material.
Using a high quality three-chip CCD camera, the robot can be operated remotely for particularly dangerous jobs.
And no, I didn't alter that quote at all. Finally, people are starting to get the picture. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one that sees a problem here. Seriously, Japan -- you know I love you (manga, sushi, worn panty vending machines), but this shit has got to stop. Because if not, well, Godzilla. Just sayin', we share a special bond (read: intercourse).
Japanese construction firm unleashes insectoid robot crane on humanity [dvice]
Thanks to cougar78, Aaron and John, who know the only good robots are the little guys from Batteries Not Included. Am I right? No, that was a test and you all failed.
Apr 6 2009 Creep Factor 12: Learning Robot Child
What is this, an entry in the world's creepiest robot competition? Shockingly not. It's 'Child-robot with Biomimetic Body' (CB2), a learning robot and harbinger of death. Just look into those eyes -- can you feel him stabbing you in your sleep? I can, and it burns. You see, he's using a laser knife. Technology: robots have it.
As you might expect, the bot hasn't simply spent its past two years of existence terrifying the staff at Osaka University, it's actually been learning, and it's now apparently able to make use of its 51 air-powered motors to move itself through a room "quite smoothly" -- with a helping hand, of course. What's more, the researchers behind CB2 are now also starting to talk about some of their future projects, including a new "robo species" that they say will have learning abilities "somewhere between those of a human and other primate species such as the chimpanzee."
Osaka, Osaka, Osaka, when will you learn? I say cut the robotics and actually make a positive contribution to humanity instead of trying to destroy us. Need some ideas for areas of study? Good, I happen to have a list: 1. cloning dinosaurs 2. cloning the things that came after dinosaurs but weren't dinosaurs but were still really sexy, like woolly mammoths and shit. 3. a shrinking ray.
Well, I think you've got your work cut out for you, now get cracking. Also, I'd be happy to intern if you ever successfully clone anything. No, really, I insist.
CB2 "Child Robot" returns: smarter, creepier than ever [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, Paul, Crystal, Spoonman and Soop, who thought the robot was cute and are therefore dead to me.
