Aug 5 2009 I WANT TO EAT MY LIPS: Bacon Lip Balm

What do you get when you cross Cheetos lip balm and bacon flavored lube? A BACON-CHEESE ORGY TO REMEMBER, AM I RIGHT? God, I sure hope I'm not. You people are freaks. Anyway, bacon lip balm is exactly what it sounds like: bacon flavored lip balm from the porky purveyors over at J&D. A 4-pack will set you back $13, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to fill you up! I'm a pretty skinny guy and I still ate ten sticks for breakfast. PLUS TWO ROCKS AND SOME DIRT.

Amazon Product Site
via
J&D's Bacon Lip Balm [uncrate]

Thanks to Rémy, Ste, tkuper and PrestickNinja, who are smart enough to know hotdogs aren't really just assholes and lips. There are elbows in there too, you know.

Jul 29 2009 Pie Suckers: I Could Probably Eat A Million

Pie suckers are exactly what they sound like: a race of aliens that come down and suck people's pies out of their kitchen windows while they're cooling. No I don't look at pictures or read stuff, I just post! I'm a posting machine. BUT DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A ROBOT OR I WILL BEEP BOOP BOP YOUR FACE IN! Okay, I looked at the picture. Are you happy now? Pie suckers are actually miniature pies on sticks, officially making them the most brilliant things I've ever heard of (move over Pop Tarts!). I just ate like four hundred of them with the sticks. Now my tummy hurts. What are you waiting for -- PUNCH ME IN THE GUT, YOU SISSY!

Artisticly Delicious - Pie Suckers [writhem]

Thanks to Michael, who better have a case of these in the mail to me. OR ELSE. Or else somebody else is gonna have to make me some. Anybody? Notice how I said anybody instead of ladies? I really wanted to say ladies BUT I AM TURNING OVER A NEW, MORE SENSITIVE CRUST. Womens?

Jul 29 2009 I NEED One: Gas Powered Vortex Cannon

We've allegedly seen the world's largest vortex cannon before, but that thing doesn't hold a match to the power of this sucker, featured on the BBC's Bang Goes The Theory. The goal was to use this cannon to recreate the big bad wolf's huffing and puffing from Three Little Pigs. Now I don't want to ruin it for you, so just watch. Then, you and I are building one and robbing a bank. I've always wanted to wear a ski mask!

Youtube

Thanks to Ross and James, who'll huff and puff and then use dynamite.

Mar 16 2009 I'm Toasty: Pogo Failures Warm The Heart

Let's face it: watching people hurt themselves is one of life's most simple and rewarding pleasures. Especially when they're doing something as stupid as extreme pogo-ing (if that's even a real thing. read: it's not). The video is 5:30 long, but the last two minutes don't have any pain, so you don't need to watch them. I did though, hoping they were building up to somebody losing the entire stick up their ass, but sadly, no.

Failed Pogo Stick Compilation [break]

Thanks to MoD, who doesn't have time to pogo because there's always a woman between his legs. Nice MoD, I want a woman there -- all I have is a lapdog.

Feb 2 2009 What, Why?: A See-Through Glass Pool Table

I don't get it -- I don't need to see my feet while I'm shooting pool. But if you have a foot fetish and some serious coin ($25,150), you can pick up a G1 Glass Top Pool Table. It's freaking glass covered in some patented (and likely cancerous) material called Vitrik that allegedly plays like felt. I don't believe a word of it, but there's a video after the jump so you can draw your own conclusions. And, while you're at it, how about a unicorn for yours truly?

Hit the jump for several more pictures and the video.

Continue Reading " What, Why?: A See-Through Glass Pool Table "

Jan 9 2009 Oooooh, Gamey: The Joystick Coat Rack

HangUP Arcade Coat Hooks by Surface Tension are made out of real arcade joysticks and buttons and conveniently store your coat or jacket up and out of bong's way.

Coming sometime early this year, they'll be available in 3UP and 4UP versions. You can pick your own joystick ball colors too. The standard models will ship in black walnut wood, but they're happy to take custom orders for other materials too.

Alternatively, go apeshit at the arcade and rip off a joystick and a couple buttons. Then, screw those bitches to a piece of plywood, and presto: junk. But not in your trunk -- in your foyer. Was that too sexy?

arcade joystick coat hangers: control your clutter [technabob]

Thanks to Riki Kiki Taco, who doesn't need a coat rack because she only wears win.

Dec 23 2008 Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House

With meat instead of gingerbread! And not just any meat -- deliciously processed meat. Mmmm! The whole abode is held together with a delectable mortar, which you can make yourself using the following recipe:

Wifezilla's Low carb "Meat House" Mortar

2 8oz packages of cream cheese

1/4 cup palm oil

1 package onion soup mix

Blend all ingredients together until smooth and creamy. All to sit in the refrigerator for an hour or so to let the onion flavor blend with the cheese.

Mix that shit up, throw some sausage logs and Slim Jims together, and BAM! -- your very own meat cabin. And speaking of which, I once stayed with twelve other dudes in a single room on a ski trip. It was homoerotic to say the least. A full blown orgy complete with ski poles and goggles to say the most.

Hit the jump for a couple more of the yummy.

Continue Reading " Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House "

Dec 10 2008 WTF?: When (Cardboard) Rhinos Attack

This is a Japanese zoo's training video on what to do in the unlikely event that a cardboard rhino with two guys standing underneath it escape from its habitat. Looks like a lot of poking it with sticks, banging on metal buckets, and eventually tranquilizing the horny bastard. Also, make sure its ear breaks off when you finally down the beast. Good to know!

Weird 'Rhino Escape' Training Video [weirdasianews]

Thanks to Chris, who noted that a bottle of overproof rum and a lit cigarette would have sorted the situation out romantically.