Aug 5 2009 I WANT TO EAT MY LIPS: Bacon Lip Balm

MORE: bacon , different strokes for different folks , hmm , i can't stop eating them! , kiss me you fool , lips , meat , mouth , mouth candy , okay , om nom nom , sticks , sticks of meat , sure why not , tastey

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What do you get when you cross Cheetos lip balm and bacon flavored lube? A BACON-CHEESE ORGY TO REMEMBER, AM I RIGHT? God, I sure hope I'm not. You people are freaks. Anyway, bacon lip balm is exactly what it sounds like: bacon flavored lip balm from the porky purveyors over at J&D. A 4-pack will set you back $13, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to fill you up! I'm a pretty skinny guy and I still ate ten sticks for breakfast. PLUS TWO ROCKS AND SOME DIRT.

Amazon Product Site
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J&D's Bacon Lip Balm [uncrate]

Thanks to Rémy, Ste, tkuper and PrestickNinja, who are smart enough to know hotdogs aren't really just assholes and lips. There are elbows in there too, you know.

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Feb 10 2009 It's About Time: How To Convert Your Natural Joystick Into A Functional Atari Controller

MORE: atari , holy smokes , i've seen it all now , junk in your hand , no thank you , omgwtfcalltheauthorities , peripheral , questionable , sin , sinning to centipede , sticks of meat , wow , wrong , wrong but so right , wrong but so right but really really wrong , you do what with what?

NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT A GUY TREATING HIS JUNK LIKE AN ATARI JOYSTICK.

Wow, I've seen it all now. And, quite frankly, I'm surprised I didn't see it earlier.

(The Joydick is) a wearable haptic device for controlling video gameplay based on realtime male masturbation. Through the use of a carefully designed strap-on interface, the user's penis is converted into a joystick capable of moving the character onscreen in all four cardinal directions. For games requiring the fire button, a separate ring can be worn which converts hand-strokes into button presses.

Super, so it can move in all four cardinal directions -- but what about the hummingbird directions, huh? I've heard they can fly backwards. BOOM! That was your head exploding from my profoundness. Take the rest of the day off, GW's orders.

Joydick Atari game controller [boingboing]

Thanks to Amanda, Praveen and Stirling, who don't need this because they have the power to enter video games and have sex with the actual characters. Joust, baby, Joust.

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Dec 23 2008 Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House

MORE: building , college , delicious , deliciousness , health , holidays , house , hungry , i want , meat , meat cabin , mmmm , mmmm nutty , nom nom nom , one guy woke up with ski in his ass , party , sausage , skiing , sticks , sticks of meat , sure why not , yes please , yummy

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With meat instead of gingerbread! And not just any meat -- deliciously processed meat. Mmmm! The whole abode is held together with a delectable mortar, which you can make yourself using the following recipe:

Wifezilla's Low carb "Meat House" Mortar

2 8oz packages of cream cheese

1/4 cup palm oil

1 package onion soup mix

Blend all ingredients together until smooth and creamy. All to sit in the refrigerator for an hour or so to let the onion flavor blend with the cheese.

Mix that shit up, throw some sausage logs and Slim Jims together, and BAM! -- your very own meat cabin. And speaking of which, I once stayed with twelve other dudes in a single room on a ski trip. It was homoerotic to say the least. A full blown orgy complete with ski poles and goggles to say the most.

Hit the jump for a couple more of the yummy.

Continue Reading " Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House "

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