Nov 13 2009 Happy Friday The 13th!: Ecko Jason Hoodie

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! To celebrate this un-momentous occasion here's a $98 Jason hoodie by Marc Ecko. Watch out for black cats and shit!

Channel the terror of Crystal Lake in this "Jason" hoodie from the Friday the 13th series by Marc Ecko. Bloody full zip-up hoodie with breathing holes and mesh eyeholes for visibility. Four button flap pockets, flocking, leather straps and metal rivets, rib knit sleeve cuffs and hem.

Cool. Unfortunately, it's a little late to order one to wear today. Unlesssssss you have a time machine and could go back a week. But if you could do that why wouldn't you go back and kill Hitler in a Jason hoodie. That little mustachio'd twink will never know what hit him! (It was your machete)

Hit the jump for three more shots of this very quality product.

Continue Reading " Happy Friday The 13th!: Ecko Jason Hoodie "

Oct 26 2009 What Could Go Wrong?: Razor Blade Soap

Razor blade soap is exactly what it sounds like, unless you thought it was razor blade shaped soap, in which case it's not. No, razor blade soap has an actual razor blade inside. A nice rusty one. But don't worry -- you'll bleed out well before the lockjaw sets in. Available for $7/bar, it makes the perfect gift for that special someone in the slammer. Alternatively, Polish roulette!

Razor Blade Soap Puts Your Nipples At Risk [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who once made soap with a revolver inside and shot himself in the butt. Use a wash cloth, bro.

Oct 4 2009 Don't Tell The Robots!: Blood Powered Lamp

Awesome, a lamp powered by human blood. Because this will end well.

What if, every time you wanted to switch on a light, you had to bleed? Would you think twice before illuminating the room, and in turn, using up energy?

That's the idea behind the blood lamp, invented by Mike Thomspon, an English designer based in The Netherlands. The lamp contains luminol - the same chemical forensic scientists use to check for traces of blood at a crime scence. Luminol reacts with the iron in red blood cells and creates a bright blue glow. To use the lamp, you first need to mix in an activating powder. Then, you break the glass, cut yourself, and drip blood into the opening.

And this, my friends, is how our robotic overlords will read their Kindles at night. And I'll be damned if I become some robot's lamp juice. You hear me?! You will never take my blood! Quick, Edward, bite me! DO IT NOW, NANCY! *swoon* God I love your hair.

Lamp Runs On Human Blood [livescience]

Thanks to Dustin, who has never kissed a vampire (he didn't like).

Sep 21 2009 Not For Airline Travel: Ninja Kunai USB Drive

A dangerously metal USB drive shaped like a ninja knife, it just makes sense. The 2GB Ninja Kunai drives cost $125 and are in no way, shape or form safe for airplane travel. Or train. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't even drive anywhere with one. Because I used to keep a little pen knife on my keychain and now I push the gas with a peg. Which brings me to an important point: Pirate for hire. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I do bachelor parties.

Ninja Kunai USB Drive: the tech equivalent of getting a foreign language tattoo [engadget]

Thanks to Harrison, who once stabbed a foe with a traditional USB drive and lost all his data.

Sep 16 2009 Hack And Slash: College Student Kills Would-Be Robber With Samurai Sword

John Pontilillo, a Johns Hopkins undergrad, killed a would-be robber with a samurai sword after finding the thieving bastard attempting to pilfer items from his garage. Nice, John, I would have done the same thing. Except blindfolded because I'm like 30x tougher than you are.

Hours earlier, someone had broken into John Pontolillo's house and taken two laptops and a video-game console. Now it was past midnight, and he heard noises coming from the garage out back.

The Johns Hopkins University undergraduate didn't run. He didn't call the police. He grabbed his samurai sword.

With the 3- to 5-foot-long (HOW LONG WAS IT?!), razor-sharp weapon in hand, police say, Pontolillo crept toward the noise. He noticed a side door in the garage had been pried open. When a man inside lunged at him, police say, the confrontation was fatal.

Pontolillo...struck the intruder no more than twice, police say, nearly severing his left hand and inflicting what police termed a "spear laceration."

Hell yeah, vigilante justice. This is exactly why I booby-trapped my Pop Tart cabinet. Next time my roommate tries to steal some, BOOM! Literally, boom: monster effing explosion. Say goodbye to your face, Dave -- it sucked anyways! Seriously, your mom doesn't even love it. I know because she told me WHEN WE WERE MAKING LOVE. She talked about you the whole time.

Hopkins student kills man with samurai sword [baltimoresun]
and
Picture Source

Thanks to Justina, An, draw and jawn, muzakx, Kate from NashVegas, Alan, Alex, Carrie and e., who would have used nunchucks.

Jul 21 2009 Simple Enough: Mario Mushroom Radishes

They're mushrooms made from radishes. Now marinate on the depth of what I just said for a second. Still with me? *wheezing* Damn, I thought I lost you. Anyway, these power up mushroom radishes were made by video game themed bento maker extraordinaire, Anna The Red. Pretty simple, huh? Now I know what you're thinking, "Pfft, I could do that". But you're wrong. Remember what happened the last time you tried to use a knife? You almost lost your penis, didn't you? The prosecution rests.

Cooking with Anna the Red: Mario mushrooms from regular radishes [offworld]

Thanks to towhee, who can knows you gotta do the cookin' by the book.

Jun 18 2009 Gorilla Gets All Stabby At Calgary Zoo

A gorilla at the Calgary Zoo picked up a knife left by one of its keepers and threatened to stab another primate if it didn't reveal the whereabouts of its banana horde. Okay, not really. But it did swing the knife around menacingly. I lie. BITCH I'LL CUT YOU!

"He grabbed the knife exactly in the correct position and he smelled it and looked at it," said Calgarian Joe Scheffler, who was at the zoo with his wife, Heike. "A few seconds later, another gorilla came and he was very interested.

"He tried to get the knife, but the gorilla with the knife lifted the knife for his buddy . . . it seems to me that the gorilla with the knife was a little bit angry and he lifted his hand with the knife.

"It was just (like) a scene from a crime," added Scheffler, whose wife snapped photos of the incident.

Suddenly, as though it sensed danger, Scheffler said the second gorilla stepped away and the knife-wielding gorilla walked a short distance and placed it on an old chair in the exhibit.

Oh man, animals with weapons. This reminds me of the future!

Gorilla caught holding knife at Calgary Zoo [calgaryherald]

Thanks to Jeremy, who once brought a lightsaber to a knife fight but was disqualified for cheating.

Jun 15 2009 Alleged Anti-Stab Knife Won't Stab To Kill

Allegedly this New Point knife was designed to be unable to stab someone to death. Questionable, I know.

Mr Cornock, 42, from Swindon, said that the knife will cut vegetables, but will make it almost impossible to stab someone to death and will reduce the risk of accidental injuries.

He said: "It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can't inflict a fatal wound. Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.

I call shenanigans. There's no such thing as a stab-proof knife. I could hands-down kill somebody (or something -- I'm looking at you, zombie robot) with this thing. Shit, one time I stabbed a guy to death with a brick.

First Anti-Stab Knife Prevents Deadly Kitchen "Accidents" [gizmodo]

Thanks to Pew³, who doesn't need knives because the dude's made of lasers.

May 24 2009 Finally: A Venn Diagram Of Hybrid Cutlery

This is a Venn Diagram of hybrid cutlery. As you can see in the middle, the splayd incorporates all three standard eating utensils in one, high questionable design. Of course, I wouldn't want to eat cereal with it. Or you. YOU'RE DRIBBLING MILK ON MY CARPET YOU HEATHEN!

Towards a Grand Unification of Cutlery [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Andrew, who eats with his hands because he's an animal.

Apr 27 2009 Devil Worshipping Mega Fail: The Satanist Star I Cut Into My Arm

This is definitely NOT how you pledge your allegiance to the dark lord. You show up at the Pit of Eternal Damnation with this thing on your arm and a bunch of imps are just gonna laugh at you and then take turns packing your asshole full of hot charcoals. Just sayin', tsssssssssss.

I Cut the Satan Star Into My Arm! [youthink]

Thanks to Yopoleo, who once beat the devil in a fiddling contest and never received his golden violin prize. I warned you, Yopoleo, you can't trust that horned bastard.

Apr 24 2009 Modern Samurai Returns With More HI-YA

I'm not sure if you enjoyed the last episode of Isao Machii: Modern Samurai as much as I did, but if you didn't, you should watch it again until you do. Then we can start a book club. But instead of books we'll discuss Youtube videos and drink beer. Plus, if you're a chick, we could make out. Hell, even if you're not but willing to wear a Dilophosaurus costume. Anyway, I'm sure you've just been chilling till the next episode, but chill no longer, because here she blows. The highlights:

0:45: Isao cuts the wick off a burning candle. The GW begins practicing for his next birthday party.
2:30: Isao cuts the skin off a piece of asparagus. My pee smells funny after I eat asparagus.
4:40: Isao slices the tail off an arrow that's been shot at him. I reconsider bringing a bow and arrow to a samurai sword fight.
8:30: Isao cuts a steel plate in half without bending or warping the piece at all. I consider hiring Isao for future construction jobs.

Well folks, there you have it, the latest from a modern Samurai. And now, the latest from a modern Don Juan:

Last night: Woman at the bar rejected all my advances, despite my insistence I could make her internet famous. Went home alone and treated myself to a stranger in the bathtub.

Too romantic?

Youtube

Thanks to Tom and Jason, who can cut through steel with just a glance and have to wear those special shades Cyclops wears. Just kidding, they're fake Oakleys.

Apr 14 2009 Blade Work: Isao Machii, Modern Samurai

This is a video of Isao Machii, who is billed as a modern-day Samurai, showing off his skills with the blade. It's a long video, so I'll direct you to the good parts.

1:45: Cuts the top half of a mushroom's cap off. Sent shivers down my pants.
3:30: Horizontally cuts a bean lengthwise. Sent shivers down my pants.
5:15: Cuts a 6mm Airsoft BB shot at him in half. GW realizes bringing a gun to a Samurai fight might not be enough.
8:00: Cuts an iron pipe in half without bending or warping the pipe. This part is skippable, since I totally could have done that. With my penis. HI-YA, BITCHES!

Youtube

Thanks to Jason, who once got a watermelon pregnant just by glancing at it in the produce section of the grocery store.

Apr 12 2009 Woody Harrelson Assaults 'Zombie' Paparazzo

And in celebrity-related undead news, Woody Harrelson beat up a photographer and blamed it on the fact he thought the dude was a zombie. Good lookin', Woody.

Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

Ha, quite understandably is right. But seriously, Woody, how'd you sneak weed on the plane?

Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie [cnn]

Thanks to Larry, RyanThePerson, Evan and 4thirty, who once beat up a group of vampire paparazzi before realizing they were just a bunch of pale Twihards trying to score a picture of Robert Patteson.

Apr 10 2009 Woman Tries To Break Up Sword Fight, Dies

In the latest of a string of sword attacks, a woman tried to break up her husband and grandson involved in a serious swordfight, and ended up getting stabbed and killed. And that, my friends, is why you always bring a gun to a swordfight.

The fight was reported about 1 a.m. today. Rondeau (39) and Adolf Stegbauer, 69, both of Indianapolis, were "actively involved in a sword fight," IMPD spokesman Sgt. Matt Mount said in a statement. One man used what police described as a World War II Japanese officer's sword and another had a thin blade sword, although investigators were not immediately certain which weapon was used by which man.

Preliminary reports from police said that Franziska Stegbauer, 77, Indianapolis, tried to break up the fight and was fatally stabbed. Police found all three victims inside the residence on Raceway Road when they arrived early this morning.

Police said Rondeau was Franziska Stegbauer's grandson.

Well Happy Easter to you too! Thankfully, tipster Chuck Nunchuck was kind enough to create a graphic of what the confrontation obviously looked like, so that was nice. Good lookin', Chuck, but it could have used some more PEW PEW. Love that stuff.

Woman dies after intervening in sword fight [indystar]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, twice as deadly as that sissy-boy Chuck Norris.

Mar 23 2009 True Blood Advertisements In New Zealand

HBO posted these True Blood posters in New Zealand (who seems to get much cooler ads than we do) to advertise the upcoming season of the blood-sucking series starting June 2009. As you can see, each ad features several handy-dandy vampire pokers should you find yourself with some pointy-toothed bastard eying your neck on the bus. Ya best protect ya neck! And also, your purse -- vampires are thieves! It's true, that dreamy Edward Cullen stole my heart. You smell that? *sniiiiiiiiiiiiff* Smells like Twilight on DVD!

Hit the jump for several more pictures, this one and the next of which were taken by New Zealand Geekologie operative, Jonathan.

Continue Reading " True Blood Advertisements In New Zealand "

Mar 18 2009 BigDog: Now With More Horns, Goring

Remember Boston Dynamic's BigDog? Well they decided it'd be funny to put horns on it and pretend like it's a bull. As you can see, it's not humorous. Nope, not one bit. I don't care if you paint its face and have it make balloon animals at the fair, BigDog will never be funny. Or cute. Not even with a furry little bunny tail and dressed like a schoolgirl. Which, ZOMG.....

dinosaursdressedlikeschoolgirls.com!

Video: BigDog turned into BigBull (with BigHorns) [engadget]

Thanks to Julian and Pete, who could totally ride that thing for the full 8 seconds.

Mar 9 2009 You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword

The Belt Sword is a questionable sword hidden within a belt. It was created to make dorks feel safe even though in a real-life situation they'd either forget they were wearing the thing or stab themselves trying to get it out. Also, they look suspiciously like aluminum-foil wrapped cardboard. The belt with 24" and 27" swords costs $150. $210 if you want five swords (24", 27", 29", 31", and 33"). Sorry folks, but I'm not interested. No, unlatching my buckle releases another, much more powerful weapon. Obviously, I'm talking about a flying dragon. *unbuckling* KA-P....uh-oh. Looks like the proverbial chicken has flown the coop. And, oh God -- taken off with the eggs.

Hit the jump to see more of this chick, along with a picture of the system and links to the product page and video demonstrations.

Continue Reading " You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword "

Mar 3 2009 Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It'

20-year old Acea Shomaker is a failure at life who shouldn't even be allowed to have a cat. I mean Jesus, just look at that bong. Pathetic.

Deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a home that Schomaker shares with his grandfather, Sgt. Andy Stebbing said.

Deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on Schomaker that alleged possession of drug paraphernalia.

Upon re-entering the house, deputies saw Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose duct-taped to a Plexiglass box, in which the cat had been stuffed, Stebbing said.

Shomaker told police the cat was too hyper and he was just trying to calm it down. The kitten is now in good condition in the care of Capital Humane Society. Wow. Now I'm all about some vigilante justice, so I suggest we dose Shomaker with a taste of his own medicine. Namely, we stuff him in a Rubbermaid full of acid. And not the happy face-melting kind either. I'm talking the real face-melting stuff -- that hydrochloric joint. IT BUUUUUURNS!

Hit the jump to see the kitty and the face of a failure.

Continue Reading " Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It' "

Feb 25 2009 Even Parking Meters Are Out To Get Us

Thought you were safe from robotic parking meters? Think again. Apparently the clever little bastards are pretending to be broken, then, once you've limped away without feeding them, auto-correct themselves and POW, parking ticket.

How is this possible? One explanation, according to DDOT, is that 74 percent of D.C.'s 15,453 meters are designed to self-correct, but are also "at the end of their useful life." So a person who parks at a meter displaying a "fail" message may return an hour later to find a working meter flashing zero time and a ticket on the windshield -- a process that may repeat several times a day.

"It was a news flash to me that we had this huge number of meters that are self-repairing," Ward 1 Councilman Jim Graham, chairman of the public works committee, said Thursday.

First of all, I think it's time for a new Ward 1 Councilman. And secondly, I live here in DC and just write BROKEN in black Sharpie across the glass of all parking meters. Law breaker or handsome vigilante -- you decide. But if you decided law breaker you should reconsider. Because -- you see this? No, down here. Yeah, the knife in my hand -- It's got your spleen's name on it. Well, it will. What's your spleen's name? Okay, now what'd I do with the Sharpie?

Parking Meters Out to Destroy the Human Race [nbcwashington]

Thanks spudtheimpaler, you in DC? We should drink beer together.

Feb 7 2009 eBay: Vampire Killing Kit Perfect For Bedroom

We've featured a couple other vampire killing kits (not to mention zombie killing ones) here on Geekologie, but I particularly like this one because it's nice and discreet. Typically, it just looks like an old art print (lower right in photo), but slide the front off and TA-DOW -- a mirror, cross, garlic, holy water and stake.

So the next time your suspicious friend who only comes over after dark and stares at your neck is in your room, whip out the mirror from this, and if there is no reflection, you'll be glad the rest of what you need is at your fingertips! Yeah!

I've got news for you: if you whip out that mirror and your lady friend doesn't have a reflection, guess what -- you just had sex with a vampire! High-fives all around! Now stake her.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Mike, who's never killed a vampire but has slayed two dragons.