Sep 2 2009 Tactical Canned Bacon Has 10-Year Shelf Life

Sure we've seen canned bacon before, but I don't want to seem I give preferential treatment to one pig's belly over another, so here's Tac Bac! Like its competitor, this bacon is good for TEN FREAKIN' YEARS. Buy now and you can eat the very same can in 2019 while huddled in your basement praying the robots' heat sensors can't reach you down there. Each tactical can will set you back $16 and contains approximately 54 strips of fatty pig. Definitely not the cheapest thing to survive on, but it's worlds better than ten year old Ho-Hos and Ding Dongs, which, I don't care if they're the last things on earth, are still illegal.

ThinkGeek

Thanks to MDGrein, JFreezy, stereotypical, Harsh, Cpt. Awesome, Ste, Hammer, Dave, LucidSteel, Bryan, shogunu, and anyone I may have missed, you are all welcome to take shelter in my robot-proof lair, but only because I love sausage fests.

Mar 25 2009 Real Life Spider-Man Rescues Autistic Boy

A quick-thinking Thai fireman came to the rescue recently when he dressed as Spider-Man in order to coerce an 8-year old autistic student off a high ledge.

Teachers at a special needs school in Bangkok alerted authorities on Monday when an autistic pupil, scared of attending his first day at school, sat out on the third-floor ledge and refused to come inside, a police sergeant told AFP.

Despite teachers' efforts to beckon the boy inside, he refused to budge until his mother mentioned her son's love of superheroes, prompting fireman Sonchai Yoosabai to take a novel approach to the problem.

The rescuer dashed back to his fire station and made a quick change into a Spider-Man costume before returning to the boy, he said.

"I told him Spider-Man is here to rescue you, no monsters are going to attack you and I told him to walk slowly towards me as running could be dangerous," Somchai told local television.

The boy came to the masked hero without hesitation (I hope no candy vanners are reading this). Sonchai says the fire department keeps Spider-Man and Ultraman costumes to "liven up school fire drills", and also, "freaky deaky sex". Well PEW PEW to you too, Bangkok Fire Dept.

Thai fireman in 'spider-man' rescue of autistic boy [yahoonews]

Thanks to Joemo, Sam and Jason, who ask, "where were you, Iron Man?"

Jul 22 2008 Wait, What?: SAS Dogs Trained To Parachute

Allegedly, German Shepherds are being trained to jump from planes at 25,000 feet strapped to SAS soldiers. The dogs will soon be deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, where they will serve as reconnaissance shepherds.

With tiny cameras fixed to their heads, the animals will be sent in before their human partners to hunt for Taliban or insurgent hideouts. The cameras will beam live images back to the troops as the dogs penetrate behind enemy lines and warn of ambushes.

According to The Sun, the dogs will be trained to accompany soldiers on what are called 'High Altitude High Opening' parachute jumps, after which they may have to travel 20 miles to their targets.

Apparently dogs have been trained to jump out of airplanes since World War II, when German Shepherds were used to infiltrate the German ranks and poison high ranking officials. Okay, I made that up (minus the parachuting). Still, somebody should make a movie about it. But I have a question. Why does that dog in the picture have a bionic mouth? And why is that guy pointing his gun at its head? Calm down bro, so it ate your boot -- that's what dogs do. And also, hump the cat and shit on the sofa. Right?
German Shepherds trained to parachute with SAS troops [telegraph]

Thanks Pat, now imagine if they did the same thing with mice. Stuart Little parachuting in behind enemy lines and then sneaking around and shit and talking in that little cute voice of his. That'd be great. Oh, another blockbuster movie idea.

Feb 13 2008 Grappling Hook Launcher For Lame Ninjas

I'm a card carrying elite ninja and do all my grapple tossing by hand, so personally I wouldn't be caught dead with a pneumatic grappling hook (although I may be caught dead with a chest full of throwing stars).

A pneumatically launched tactical line-throwing system developed by DFT for Special Operations Forces. The T-PLS can launch a standard titanium grappling hook towing a 7mm Kevlar line in excess of 120 vertical feet using a regulated air source. Minimizing complexity and emphasizing durability, T-PLS brings a much needed capability by mitigating noise and allowing the SOF operator to reach new heights in tactical climbing missions.

The only thing it's missing is a device that automatically sends you up the rope, which obviously us real ninjas would frown upon. However for you out of shape and/or novice ninjas, this may be a necessary evil. I don't know about that marketing picture though. Are they implying that you can grapple all the way to the sun? How ridiculous! Because once I grappled to Mercury to kill an alien warlord, and that climb was about all my arms could take.

Grappling hook back-ups high tech gear [crave]