Feb 8 2010 Pics Or You Lie: Last Night Shuttle Launch Carries Viewing Portal To Space Station

The last scheduled night launch of a space shuttle (besides mine) went down early this morning, and carried a very important payload. A pickle jar full of my sperms? No. A viewing portal to be attached to the International Space Station (sorry for getting your hopes up, aliens).

On board Endeavor (STS-130) is Cupola, a relatively huge bay window to be attached to the International Space Station (ISS) that will give astronauts the most magnificent view ever seen from space (short of taking a spacewalk). Expect great pictures from this 1.6-ton behemoth -- it's 9.7 feet wide and 5 feet long with seven windows all around, including a 31.5-inch circular window, the largest ever flown into space.

Hey, that's cool too. Why start a colony of alien GW's when you can take pretty pictures of earth? Besides every good reason you could possibly think of, including, wait -- I wouldn't have to pay child support for all them freaky alien kids, would I? Because I'll fight that shit all the way to the Supreme Court Maury. I AM NOT THE FATHER.

Shuttle's final night launch lifts largest window ever into orbit [dvice]

Jan 20 2010 Who Wants To Go Halfsies With Me? NASA Selling Off The Old Space Shuttles

Who's with me? This might just our ticket to becoming diamond gazillionaires by plundering Uranus (straight face, straight face) and Neptune's diamond oceans!

But you will still need a rather large bank balance to purchase the Discovery Space Shuttle, which is being sold off by Nasa for $28.2 m (£17.7m).

The soon-to-be redundant shuttle was the ultimate boy's toy, flying faster and higher than any other machine in history. It was originally worth $42 million (£25.8 m) but the price has plummeted to take in the cost of hauling the monster from the Kennedy Space Centre to a major US airport.

Discovery, which has completed 37 missions into space and 5,247 orbits, has already been promised to the Smithsonian Institution's National Air and Space Museum, but shuttles Atlantis and Endeavour are still available, the Independent reports.

Why that article says you can buy Discovery but then goes on to say it's already been promised to the Kennedy Space Center is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do with incredible journalistic skills like mine. That aside, who wants to go in on a shuttle with me? Worse comes to worse we can just park it in my backyard and play space. "Cobra Commander to Green Giant, come in Green Giant. We are docking at the Space Brothel now, confirm freaky three tittied aliens, over."

Nasa puts Discovery space shuttle up for sale for £17.7m [telegraph]

Thanks to Jack, Riki Kiki Taco, Brandy Alexander the Great and Shabs, who are all welcome to join my crew for the low, low introductory rate of $8.4 million apiece.

Oct 30 2009 Russia To Build Nuclear Powered Spaceship

You read correctly: Russia plans to build a nuclear powered spaceship. I smell a new cold cool lukewarm war coming on! ADVANCE THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK!

Roscosmos, Russia's Federal Space Agency has a new design for a manned spacecraft powered by a nuclear engine. Anatoly Perminov, the head of the agency, told reporters yesterday the goal of the Megawatt-class spaceship was "implementing large-scale space exploration programs."

Perminov added that this new spacecraft -- which will have a preliminary design by 2012 -- is supposed to help Russia maintain its edge in space, and possibly allow travel to the Moon or Mars. But Anatoly Koroteyev, president of the Russian Academy of Cosmonautics and head of the Keldysh research center, told RIA-Novosti that setting up permanent base on the moon was still out of the question.

Listen, I'm all for atomic energy, but I can't imagine the aliens being too thrilled about the Ruskies launching an atomic missile in their direction. AND YOU WONDER WHY THEY COME TO EARTH AND STICK THINGS IN OUR ASSES.

Поехали! Russia Plans Atomic-Powered Spaceship [wired]

Thanks to Nick, who built a nuclear reactor in his parents' basement but got grounded when they found it.

Oct 30 2009 NASA's Ares Rocket Breaking Sound Barrier

This is a beautiful shot (super high-res version HERE) of NASA's Ares rocket taken earlier this week just as it broke the sound barrier. Pretty awesome, huh? Just imagine if you were sitting on top. WHEEEEE!!

What you're looking at is called a "shock egg," or the Prandtl-Glauert singularity, or a shockwave that compresses air and forces the vapor out of it. You see this kind of stuff a lot in photographs trailing behind fighter jets, but it's especially awesome when it happens to rockets. According to NASA, the shot was taken by one Scott Andrews, who used a Canon of some sort.

Hell yes, shock egg. Now tell me -- which do you think came first: the supersonic chicken or the shock egg? Trick question! Dinosaurs.

Ares rocket's 'shock egg' in mind-blowing clarity [dvice]

Jun 27 2009 MacBooks Made With Space Technology

Here's video proof MacBooks are made with space technology. Now I don't want to ruin it for you, but I'm going to anyways: they are among us. And by they I mean them. The French.

Liveleak

Thanks to Ryan, Geekologie fan.

May 1 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Growing Plants On The Moon

Paragon Space Development Corporation, a NASA subcontractor, has decided to take a stab at growing plants in a specially designed greenhouse on the moon. THE MOON! The attempt will take place in 2012, so we may or may not get to see if it works before the world ends.

In order to successfully grow a plant on the moon, Paragon has developed a very specialized greenhouse that can safely contain a plant and provide it with all elements it needs to survive. The greenhouse will need to protect the plant from the sun's intense rays while providing it with enough water, balanced soil, and carbon dioxide while removing its waste oxygen.

Paragon has chosen a species within Brassica (the mustard family), due to their quick growth and the abundance of knowledge about the plant. A typical Brassica needs 14 days of light in order to grow, flower and then set seed. A lunar day is 14 Earth days long, so if the landing is timed perfectly, it will allow just enough time for the plant to grow to maturity and possibly re-seed.

Nice, but you really think anyone cares about growing mustard on the moon? No, I'm convinced there's a much more diabolical motive behind this experiment. Namely, government space weed.

First Gardens on the Moon by 2012! [inhabitat]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and toast king, who once got high on Mars and thought they saw an alien. It was a rock.

Apr 4 2009 65,000 Piece LEGO Shuttle On Launch Pad

It may look real, but that's actually a 65,000 piece LEGO shuttle complete with launch pad and naked alien sluts, minus the naked alien sluts. It took two guys over 1,590 hours to complete and even has flashing lights and sound effects to simulate a launch.

Part of the "Nasu Space Center," it appeared as a scene in Nasu Highland Park, an amusement park in Japan.

The duo who assembled it are said to be participating in an event to top the tallest LEGO tower ever built, an accolade which is currently held by LEGO enthusiasts in Vienna, who constructed a tower over 96 feet tall.

Awesome. And as a guy who has tried to build a functional rocket out of LEGO blocks himself, I've got to hand it to these guys: sex is mad overrated. Am I right, guys? High-fi.... actually, a nod will do.

Hit the jump for two more pictures and a horrible quality video of a launch in action.

Continue Reading " 65,000 Piece LEGO Shuttle On Launch Pad "

Mar 7 2009 Japanese Astronaut To Perform Highly Questionable Space Experiments

A Japanese astronaut is set to perform a number of worthless experiments this month while aboard the International Space Station in an attempt to piss off taxpayers and win over schoolchildren.

Koichi Wakata will perform 16 tasks chosen from 1,597 suggested by hundreds of people, from nursery school pupils to a 90-year-old man, said the official at the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA).

Wakata will try "a magic carpet that floats in the air" after he reaches the Japanese laboratory Kibo (Hope) at the International Space Station (ISS) later in March for a stay of more than three months, said a JAXA report.

Wakata will also attempt to fold clothes, do push-ups and backflips, arm-wrestle another astronaut and "shoot liquid out of the straw of a drink container to see what happens", said the space agency.

Wow, that sounds....boring. How about you actually perform a few of the experiments I suggested, JAXA? For example: is getting drunk in space as awesome as I imagine? And, if so, is it easy to clean up puke? Lastly, are morbidly-obese people REALLY weightless in space? Because last summer I rode a centrifuge at the county fair and this one fat lady kept sliding down the wall.

Japan astronaut to try flying carpet in space lab: official [physorg]

Thanks to Fred, who wants to know if free-dried ice cream is complimentary for astronauts or if you have to pay for it like at Space Camp.

Jan 8 2009 New Space Toilet Ready To Drop (!) In 2014

The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) believe they've solved the age-old problem of how to shit in space.

The current ISS toilet is a Russian-built, western-style commode that sucks waste away like a vacuum cleaner. Use of that toilet requires practice before heading to space, particularly because an improperly seated user has the potential to create a messy situation.

Clean and easy to use, the envisioned space toilet is designed to be worn like a diaper around the astronaut's waist at all times. Sensors detect when the user relieves him or herself, automatically activating a rear-mounted suction unit that draws the waste away from the body through tubes into a separate container. In addition to washing and drying the wearer after each use, the next-generation space toilet will incorporate features that eliminate unwanted sound and odor.

No offense, JAXA, but that sounds a little like overkill. Here's a much simpler and cost effective solution: shit yo pants! Then put them in a bag, and throw them out the nearest air-lock. Extra points for hitting a passing UFO.

Next-generation space toilet ready in five years [pinktentacle

Thanks to abovedefault and Praveen, who don't need vacuum-diapers because they digest everything. That's right, everything. Even gum.

Dec 3 2008 Out Of This World Deliciousness: Space Beer

Mmmm, space beer. It's the stuff my sci-fi fantasies are made of. Well, that, and the aquamarine breasts of alien chicks. Well now fantasy and reality collide -- with honest-to-God space beer (sort of)!

The beer will be made with barley -- to be harvested this weekend -- descended from seeds that spent five months in 2006 aboard the International Space Station.

Sapporo isn't planning to sell the special brew, at least for now, and hasn't decided how it will distribute the planned 100 bottles, Matsumura said.

So far, scientists have not found any difference between space barley and the Earth-confined version, she said.

First of all, The Geekologie Writer clearly deserves a bottle. And secondly, have you tried the new beer on tap at the Mos Eisley Cantina? It's called PEW PEW Pilsner. BWAHAHHA HAHA! Han shot first! Whew *wiping tear* God I hate myself.

Japanese brewery to make beer from space barley [heraldtribune]

Thanks to Jumpin_J and Pat, who, for the tips, can each get a sip of my space brew. Backwash.

Jun 18 2008 Scientists Discover 'Super-Earths' 42-Light Years Away, Regular Earth Gets Depressed

So scientists have discovered what they're dubbing "super-Earths" circling a star 42-light years away. That's an artist's depiction of what they might look like if they were identical in appearance to earth and weren't actually pink with purple polka-dots like I know they are. Three have been identified so far, and they were detected not by sight, but by the effects they have on the star they orbit.

Using a new tool to study more than 100 stars once thought to be devoid of planets, the Swiss-French team found that about one-third had planets that are only slightly bigger than Earth.

That's how the star with three super-Earths, 42 light-years away, was spotted. The European team took a second look with a relatively new instrument that measures tiny changes in light wave lengths and is so sensitive that it is precisely positioned and locked in a special room below the observatory in Chile. And the key is kept in Switzerland, scientists say.

So, you're probably still wondering what the hell a super-Earth is, aren't you? Well you're in luck, because I'm a scientist and I just happen to know. Super-Earths are planets similar to Earth, but have gained super powers -- like the ability to see through another planet's shirt and ogle its mountains.

Astronomers find 'super Earths' circling a star [yahoonews]

Thanks and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to loyal Geekologie operative Altaire

May 28 2008 Space Station's $19 Million Toilet Is Broken

Well folks, the 7-year old, $19 million shitter aboard the International Space Station is acting up. Although truthfully they've only had problems with the urine collection system. The solid waste part is still holding it down (thankfully), but there's no telling for how long. And I thought the plumber that charged me $60 an hour to fish out a couple G.I. Joe figures my son flushed down the john was highway robbery. This thing probably requires a $1 million/hour plumber. NASA is currently considering the best course of action, and the astronauts are currently considering getting the f*** back to earth.

Space station's toilet begins to fail, panic sinking in [engadget]

Thanks to Shawn, who uses a Gatorade bottle like a real man

May 1 2008 Coming Soon: Space Flights For Cheaper

Thought Virgin Galactic had the public space travel market sewn shut? Well think again -- there's a new player coming to the game.

The company, XCOR Aerospace, of Mojave, CA, announced that its two-seat Lynx suborbital spaceship will carry people or payloads to where they will experience weightlessness and see the stars above and the Earth and its atmosphere below. This will launch XCOR into the emerging space tourism market, estimated at over a half-billion dollars.

The Lynx will offer affordable access to space for individuals, researchers and educators," said XCOR CEO Jeff Greason. "Future versions of Lynx will offer ever-improving capabilities for scientific and engineering research and commercial applications.

The spaceship, roughly the size of a small private airplane, will first take off in 2010 and will be capable of flying several times each day.

Rides will last approximately 30 minutes from take-off to landing, but there's no word on pricing yet. It's definitely going to be cheaper than $200,000 Virgin Galactic rides, but probably still expensive. My guess is a tentacled arm and leg! Get it? Because aliens have tentacled appendages. That was a space joke. Just like this one: Why doesn't NASA let me fly the space shuttle? Because I'm a freaking idiot!

Another picture showing what a typical flight will consist of, along with a worthwhile video, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Coming Soon: Space Flights For Cheaper "

Oct 16 2007 Space Money Looks Like Breast Implants

The Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination, or Quid for short, is the new currency designed for outer space. They have no sharp edges and are made from the same polymer as non-stick pans -- to ensure no damage to space tourists or ships. Currently, one quid is worth about $12.50, which is probably enough for an intergalactic gumball. A spaceball. But if you don't want to pay that much I'll sell you a hardened breast implant with a juju fruit inside for half the price. Cheap and edible. Win-win baby.

New currency for space travellers [bbc news]

Sep 21 2007 Lunar Mining Robot Looks Like Awesome Toy

Scarab, the moon miner, was developed at the Robotics Institute of Carnegie Mellon. He's an awesome little guy designed to mine "hydrogen, possibly water, and other volatile chemicals" for use at a future moonbase. I didn't know water was a volatile chemical, but whatever. It runs off solar energy, and when there isn't any, it utilizes a "radioisotope source" for power. Which is good news, because I've been waiting for an RC car that runs off decaying uranium.

[sciencedaily] via [therawfeed]

Sep 5 2007 Spaceport America to Open in 2010

Spaceport America is scheduled to open in 2010, and this is the final design. Located in New Mexico, it's to be 100,000 square feet and cost about $31 million to build. Incorporating the latest in green technology, it promises to be environmentally friendly (minus all the rocket fuel). It will serve as a functional spaceport where Virgin Galactic will transport rich people here or even further into the cosmos. For poor people it will be a tourist attraction. It will also serve as the headquarters of the XPrize Cup and the Rocket Racing League and look like a public restroom toilet seat when viewed from above.

An interior shot after the jump.

Continue Reading " Spaceport America to Open in 2010 "

Aug 22 2007 Aerogel Frozen Smoke Is Awesome

Being a NASA astronaut (and international playboy), I've known about Aerogel (aka: frozen smoke, blue smoke, solid smoke, tasteless jello) since before it was invented. Having been on the scene for a while, many of you may be familiar with the material already, but for those of you out there that aren't, all you need to know is one thing: Its coolness is of mythical proportions.

Aerogel, one of the world’s lightest solids, can withstand a direct blast of 1kg of dynamite and protect against heat from a blowtorch at more than 1,300C. Scientists are working to discover new applications for the substance, ranging from the next generation of tennis rackets to super-insulated space suits for a manned mission to Mars.

I actually had a bed made of Aerogel a few years ago, but one of my live in girlfriends at the time moved it to clean. When I came home from work and threw myself down where the bed used to be I broke all my ribs. Now I live in the hospital.

Check out the article for lots more info. Then buy some on ebay and send it to me.

Aerogel Frozen Smoke is Awesome [thanks to ladykiller Bryon for the article]