Oct 12 2009 Sad: Donkey Kong Reduced To Selling Soda
Seen here unsuccessfully threatening a blurry old man with the 1-2 punch that used to make Mario shit his pants and cry, Donkey Kong, the once fearful gorilla, has been reduced to hocking root beer at local grocery stores. It's a sad day. Also, those arms look a little precarious. I'm definitely gonna stand under one and have a friend push a bunch of cases onto my head. Then, provided I don't get all brain damaged, sue the grocery store. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?! Cleanup in aisle six.
Donkey Kong Soda Display [pixelatedgeek]
Thanks to Jessica, who once laughed so hard she shot root beer out her nose when a friend was telling a joke. It stung. Like a bee, but different.
Sep 8 2009 Impressive: Soda Box Mario At Gas Station
This is an incredibly impressive Mario themed soda display at an unknown gas station in Mysteryville, USA. Sure there are clues in the picture as to where it was actually taken, but do I look like Sherlock Holmes. This is a crack pipe! Anyway, kudos to whoever spent the time and energy to make such a wicked display. I used to work in a gas station and I never did anything like this. No, I would just get high in the walk-in soda cooler and then wait for the first person to come in to buy a drink. It would smell like ganja when they opened the cooler door! Then I'd give them the wrong change and eat a bunch of candy.
Soda Display Win [failblog]
Thanks to everyone who sent this in, I will make a beer can mosaic in your honor. It will probably be a penis.
Jul 10 2009 Blew Out My Flip Flop, Stepped On A Pop Top, Decided To Make A Dragon
This is a dragon made entirely out of pop-tops. NOT POP-TARTS. Soda can pull tabs or whatever you want to call them. Pretty impressive, no? It think it would look great in the curio cabinet next to my novelty shot glass and improvised bong collections.
Banzaaaai!! Another little crazy stuff! I finally finished this dragon sculpture. It took me forever. I used pop tabs all the way from the tip of nose to the tip of tail except for whisker. I wanted to count it but again it'll take me forever to count lol. I glued them together with ordinary epoxy or cold-weld compound type of epoxy. this guy's about 14 inches long and 8 inches tall. By the way i want this to be called 神魂龍 (shinkonryuu) which inhabits the spirit of a person, where they obtain the necessary energy to live. When a person dies they move to a new spirit.
Now I hate to get all metaphysical on you, but is there any way to re-up on shinkonryuu life energy? I'm feeling pretty drained and the tiger penis tea did not work. HELP, NEED MORE DRAGON JUICE PRONTO.
Hit the jump for a collage and a link to the high-res version.
Continue Reading " Blew Out My Flip Flop, Stepped On A Pop Top, Decided To Make A Dragon "
Jun 21 2009 WoW Mountain Dew Game Fuel Commercial
This is a television advertisement for Mountain Dew Game Fuel: World Of Warcraft. I don't want to spoil it for you, but I'm going to: two chicks turn into World of Warcraft characters and start battling right there at the grocery store checkout. Obviously, I would do them both. AFTER transformation ;)
Youtube
Thanks to naas, who once Chaos Bolted an old lady in the face for cutting in line at the checkout.
Jun 9 2009 Mountain Dew Is Back With WoW Game Fuel
You may recall a couple years ago when Mountain Dew came out with a special edition Halo-themed soda called Game Fuel. You may also recall It tasting like shit and the Geekologie Writer suing because it made his penis shrink (it was visible before, I swear). Well now they're back with two World of Warcraft inspired game imbibe-ables.
The Horde drink is reddish orange and packed with "a blast of citrus cherry". Nice, guys -- God knows orcs probably love that citrus cherry flavor. The Alliance beverage is blue and "packs a punch of wild fruit flavor". Ironically, so do I. Both drinks are available now and guarantee to be packed with previously unheard of amounts of performance reducing yellow #5. Mmmm.
Thanks to PsychoSane13, who can't make up his mind and probably leaning towards psycho. Also, the red drink.
May 28 2009 Bottle 'Staches: For Those Who Can't Commit
Can't commit to growing a sweet freaking mustache? Or maybe you just can't grow facial hair? Whatever the case, these Pops Staches from Shane Blomberg, Andrew Reeves and John Healy may be for you. You just pick a style, attach it to your favorite soda, and never be caught not holding the soda to your lips. This just in: work great on 40's too! Awesome. But personally, I rock a traditional handlebar. Which, due to its inherent danger, you must be this tall *flailing arms* to ride. Ladies?
Hit the jump for a picture of the different styles and a closeup.
Continue Reading " Bottle 'Staches: For Those Who Can't Commit "
May 11 2009 World's Smallest Cheeseburger Combo Meal
This is the world's smallest (and cutest) combo meal. It consists of a little cheeseburger with all the fixins, a very small fry, and a miniscule soda. It's all real too. Hit the jump to see just how small it is (burger is about 1" round), along with a link to more pictures of its making. No word on what kind of children's toy was included, but, if I had to guess, a choking hazard. Get it? Because it's so small. AAAAH, I DON'T GET IT EITHER!
Hit it lest you end up looking like Governer L. Phatt from LeChuck's Revenge. Monkey Island reference? MONKEY ISLAND REFERENCE! Who loves you?
Continue Reading " World's Smallest Cheeseburger Combo Meal "
Feb 20 2009 Coca-Cowla, Now With More Bovine Urine
Cow urine soda, folks, it quenches your thirst and is packed with vitamins like Yellow #5. Mmmm, delicious AND nutritious.
The Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), a Hindu nationalist conservative party, plans to sell 'Gau Jal', or 'Cow Water', as a rival to soft drink giants Pepsi and Coca Cola...the drink will not contain any additives and that inclusion of medicinal and ayurvedic herbs ensures it doesn't smell bad.
The cow is sacred to Hindus and the RSS has already promoted its urine as a cure for everything from liver disease to cancer.
Well sign me up for a case. And also, how do they collect all this cow urine. Is it anything like collecting semen from a bull? If so, count me in!
Hindu group makes cola from cow urine [msn]
Thanks to Ramy and Cosmic Rocket Man, who once drank Chupacabra urine and developed x-ray vision. Sweet!
Feb 16 2009 Hooray?: Microsoft Opening Retail Stores
In a power move of questionable questionableness, Microsoft has decided to open actual brick-and-mortar retail stores. Yay? Nay? Yay-nay? Yay-no? Yay-yo?
When Microsoft demoed its retail experience privately last month, reactions were predictably mixed: some thought it made sense, others found themselves sizing it up with the Apple Store. Microsoft has a strong brand to sell, with Windows on desktops, laptops, cells and smartphones, and the Xbox 360 is no slouch, either. Putting it all together in one store, controlling its presentation, and having a physical space to demo products to the public -- such as the Surface or Sync -- seems like a smart move. Though it'll be interesting to see if the company wants to directly compete with stores such as Best Buy and Gamestop, who sell Microsoft products at retail.
I think I speak for all of us when I say I am honestly not excited about this one bit. Unless they give you a free Coke and popcorn when you enter, in which case, okay, but the Coke better come in a bottle.
Microsoft retail experience becomes a retail reality, stores to be announced soon [dvice]
Jan 3 2009 Questionable: Fridge Door Can Caddies
What the hell is a Fridge Door Can Caddy? It's a piece of molded plastic that holds four cans vertically in the refrigerator door so you can save space. And, as an added bonus, it comes with a handle so you can grab your brew and run should the cops come to raid your meth lab (I'm on to you!). $10 gets you a set of two. Also, $10 to anyone who can explain why there's a 3:1 soda to beer ratio in the picture. Who the hell only takes one beer somewhere? Well, except the shower.
Beer Can Door Caddy Might Just Save the Environment From Beer Fridges [uberreview]
Nov 21 2008 Soda Dispenser Dispenses From The Bottom
This piece of crap from Scotsman Beverage Systems dispenses ice from the top, and soda from the bottom. ZOMG, sorcery! It's supposed to revolutionize the beverage serving industry but it's not going to. What it is going to revolutionize is landfills. The system works thanks to special glasses with a non-return valve in the bottom that are set on top of a special filling unit. Now why is this necessary? Oh right, so Scotsman can charge $6 apiece for the glasses. Can somebody say "shenanigans"? Nice. Now say "Don't worry, I'll pick". Great -- finish it off with an "up the tab". Bartender, you heard the man, keep the bourbon flowing.
Magic system fills glasses from the bottom up somehow [dvice]
May 21 2008 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Resealable Can
Sometimes an invention comes along that is so simple, awesome, and bound to change the world of canned drinking so drastically that you just have to stop and ponder, "Why didn't I think of that?" Well this isn't one of those, but it is can related. Introducing the Resealable Can by Ukranian inventor Johan De Broyer!
You pop the top as usual with this design, and then when you want to re-seal it, you turn the pop top tab and it completely closes up the can again, good as new. The inventor says his invention can create a completely gas-tight and liquid-tight seal. An added incentive toward this idea's adoption is a space on the resealed top for advertising.
Now I know what you're thinking, "I'm a big boy, I can drink a whole can of beer/soda, so why would I ever need to reseal one?" Two words: Because you just peed in it.
May 20 2008 Coca-Cola Vending Robots Spotted In Japan
So apparently Coca-Cola has these oversized robotic bastards lumbering around Tokyo and pinching the heads off anyone that doesn't buy an ice-cold Coke from its cooling chamber. Has anybody seen one? Do they actually walk around? Is there really just a person about to pass out from heatstroke in there? Has anyone tried knocking one over and prying its change receptacle open with a flathead? I need answers. But what I don't need is a giant robotic vending machine in my neighborhood. I do like Coke though. Who I don't like is Dr. Pepper -- I think that creep tried to touch me when I was under the gas.
coca-cola robots invade japan [technabob]
photo [flickr]
Thanks Steve, lets go robot tipping sometime
Sep 19 2007 Coca-Cola Introduces Self-Chilling Bottle
Coca-Cola, a company best known for putting narcotics in their soda, is rolling out a new technology they hope will take the industry by storm. Self-chilling bottles! That's right, you twist the top off, and presto, the inside of the bottle chills your drink to a pleasant temperature. They don't want to scare anyone away from their current beverages in case these things start exploding (or taste like ass), so they're going to drop 'Sprite Super Chilled', which will probably suck. Just like the clear colas from the 90's. What they need to do is apply this technology to the beer in my car, and make the commute to and from work, uh, even more dangerous.
