Oct 9 2009 Could It Really Be?: Link's Biological Father

This is a picture of a Nordic looking dude who may or may not be Link's biological father. He probably is, I just never pictured Link Sr. as a pantless cigar smoker. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. Love you Grandpa!

Picture (WARNING: all other images on that site are verrrrry NSFW. Clicking any of the other tags on the page will take you to cartoon pictures that will get you fired, including a ton more Zelda-themed ones I didn't look at, I swear).

Thanks to Yopoleo, who I question how he found the picture in the first place. Suuuure you just stumbled across it searching Google!

Sep 28 2009 Stop Smoking The Pew Way: Laser Cessation

Apparently laser therapy has been in practice for awhile, but did you know it could help you stop smoking? I didn't. I'm gonna put the pole down forever! Kidding -- I can't quit you!

* We highly recommend you stop smoking 1-hour prior to your session. (Not required)

* Therapy will take place with a laser technician who will gently stimulate acupuncture points, primarily on the hands, face and ear.
* During the session the emotional and psychological aspects of quitting smoking will be addressed.
* During and after treatment you'll feel relaxed, comfortable and peaceful. There is no pain associated with the treatment.
* Afterwards you'll be able to go back to your normal activities. Most notable effects occur between 18-24 hours after the treatment.
* In general, it takes the average smoker 3-4 days to rid the body of nicotine or its by-products after stopping.

So basically it's acupuncture with a laserbeam. Sounds kind of suspect to me. But who knows, maybe it works. Anybody quit smoking something (anything -- I don't care what) this way? Also, what the hell's about to happen in that picture -- butthurt smoking cessation? Cause that sounds promising.

Product Site

Thanks to Trevor, who actually smokes laserbeams because he's that hardcore.

Sep 1 2009 Volcano-y: Time Lapse Footage Of LA Wildfires

This is some time lapse footage of the LA wildfires as shot by photographer Brandon Riza. As you will see, they are super smokey. And not smokey like "and the bandit" either. Like fire-smokey. And where there's smoke there's....say -- mind if I hit that? Fun fact: Smokey the Bear secretly gets high BUT WILL ONLY USE A VAPORIZER.

Brandon Riza
via
Amazing, and scary, timelapse footage of the Los Angeles Station fire [agentmlovestacos]

Aug 26 2009 Smoke Bud: Another Hacked Roadsign

Another day, another hacked roadsign, this time in Raleigh, NC outside North Carolina State University. Honestly, I have no idea what this bud is of which the sign speaks (you hear that, mom -- no idea!), but if it's anything like banana peels and grape leaves, you count me in. Whee, I see stars! I mean it -- I'm passing out somebody catch me.

Tampered sign promotes pot [abc]

Thanks to Milkman, who better stop using the backdoor.

Aug 9 2009 Not Surprised: Bacon Flavored Rolling Papers

Seeing how every flavor of rolling paper already seems to exist (I've heard -- I don't know anything about these things in case my mom is reading), it was only a matter of time bong rips before somebody put two and two together and then got the munchies and forgot what they were doing. Then, sometime much later, somebody else created bacon flavored rolling papers. Made by Juicy Jay's, the papers promise a sizzlin' bacon taste and aroma. Interesting. Unfortunately, I only smoke REAL bacon (I swear, mom) and banana peels. I AM THE BBQ WIZ-ARD!

Product Site (must be 19 or older)

Thanks to The Robot Slayer, who got high and thought I was a robot. Well, I'm not. BEEP BOOP BOP. Kidding!

Aug 4 2009 Cops May Get Portable Drug Detectors Soon

So apparently law enforcement agencies may have access to roadside drug detectors soon, to determine if you've been been drugging and driving EVEN IF YOU HID YOUR STASH SOMEWHERE REALLY GOOD (read: not your butt, they always look there).

Spit into this little plastic test tube, and you're busted -- any cocaine, heroin, cannabis, amphetamines, and methamphetamine you might be partying with is no longer a secret.

Phillips, a company that makes TVs and all kinds of other techno-stuff, created this sophisticated dope-a-lysing device using nanotechnology, with a clever use of electromagnets and nanoparticles that can separate the sober from the impaired. After 90 seconds, the verdict shows up on a color-coded readout.

Damnit Phillips, you just made it a whole lot harder to talk my way out of a ticket. You know what i told the cop the last time I got pulled over? Me neither, I was high. ON YOUR NATURAL MUSK. Now get over here and let me whiff those pits.

Roadside dope tester on the way [dvice]

Jul 30 2009 You've Got To Quit, Smoking Will Kill Us All!

I swear, these public service announcements are getting a little out of hand. That said, here's the latest:

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Reading Geekologie makes you more attractive to the opposite sex. Also, the same sex. Every time you tell a friend about Geekologie a baby unicorn gets its horn and stabs the devil IN HIS CROTCH. Help poke holes in the devil's nads by telling as many people as possible about this great website. Thank you and have a Thirsty Thursday.

Extreme Anti-Smoking Ad [collegehumor]

Thanks to Rodger, steve and Dallas, who smoke rocks. Igneous is their favorite.

Jul 17 2009 Cell Phone Lighter: For All Your Cancer Needs

The SB6309 Lighter Phone isn't just the best named cellphone ever, it's also the first with a functional cigarette lighter. Brain AND lung cancers in one fell swoop! But seriously, mind if I do a J?

instruction

SB6309 The world's first mobile phone with lighter!
Patent product Gold cigarette lighter
Defend wind,
No gas,
Never blew out
Suit for high altitude areas

Well technically, those weren't instructions. They were, however, convincing. That's right -- you're looking at the first U.S. authorized dealer! Haha, now my garage is on fire.

Lighter phone may be the most dangerous cellphone ever [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who once went to a strip club where the strippers dipped their nipples in wax and you were allowed to light your cigarettes off them.

Jul 2 2009 Just Sad: 2-Year Old Smoking Cigarette

There's no way around it, this is just plain sad. And it would have been the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen all day if my little sister didn't get hit by a garbage truck. Kidding, streetsweeper.

China : 2yo Lights Up Cigarette And Smokes It. [liveleak]

Thanks to Weeze, who, slow down and take a breath man, it looks like you're about to die.

Apr 21 2009 Whee: Getting High With The God Of Thunder

A day late (the story of my life), comes an animated gif of Thor getting all high on some beaster-looking weed. It's all good too, since, as you may recall from your Germanic mythology course in college, Thor is Canadian. *thunder rumbling* Eh?

Thanks to Alex, who once got high with Poseidon in an octopus' garden in the shade. Cool.

Apr 20 2009 Sure, Why Not: The NOM NOM NOM Song

Well folks, it's 4.20, and if I was still in college right now I'd be rolling a four-paper dank-blunt and skipping all my classes. But I'm not -- I'm at work -- so I'm smoking swag in the janitor's closet and blowing through a spoof. It's pathetic. Not unlike this video, which, whether you're high or not, will make you want to gouge your eardrums out. Consider it my little gift to you on this, the greenest of holidays. Haha -- suck it, Arbor Day!

NOM NOM NOM Song [collegehumor]

Thanks to Johnathan, who once smoked a whole O of that presidential in a day and then realized he just smoked $350 of weed in one day.

Mar 31 2009 Puff Puff Pass: USB Smokeless Cigarettes

Need a nicotine fix but can't leave your cube? No problem! Puff on a Health E-Cigarette from Thanko! Identical to pretty much ever other electronic cigarette out there, the $30 device "uses a heating element to vaporize a nicotine solution to supposedly give you a purer smoking experience", which is just fancy marketing jargon for, "short-circuit and burn your office to the ground". Trust me folks, I hold a Master's in Marketing. And also, Lovemaking. You see this? You see this move I'm doing right now? Senior thesis, baby.

Thanko's USB-powered Health E-Cigarettes sound healthy [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who once got caught smoking a tampon in the boy's room because some upperclassmen told him it was a cigar.

Mar 3 2009 Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It'

20-year old Acea Shomaker is a failure at life who shouldn't even be allowed to have a cat. I mean Jesus, just look at that bong. Pathetic.

Deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a home that Schomaker shares with his grandfather, Sgt. Andy Stebbing said.

Deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on Schomaker that alleged possession of drug paraphernalia.

Upon re-entering the house, deputies saw Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose duct-taped to a Plexiglass box, in which the cat had been stuffed, Stebbing said.

Shomaker told police the cat was too hyper and he was just trying to calm it down. The kitten is now in good condition in the care of Capital Humane Society. Wow. Now I'm all about some vigilante justice, so I suggest we dose Shomaker with a taste of his own medicine. Namely, we stuff him in a Rubbermaid full of acid. And not the happy face-melting kind either. I'm talking the real face-melting stuff -- that hydrochloric joint. IT BUUUUUURNS!

Hit the jump to see the kitty and the face of a failure.

Continue Reading " Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It' "

Feb 10 2009 ZOMG, I'm Bidding: Mr. Miyagi's Stuff On eBay

Pat Morita, best known for portraying Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid series, passed away in 2005. And somewhere, in heaven, he's still catching flies with chopsticks. And somewhere, here on earth (Las Vegas, Nevada), his widow is selling his personal effects on eBay. This happens to be a Viking pipe puffed on by Mr. Miyagi himself -- I'm bidding!

YOU ARE BIDDING ON A GREAT PIECE FROM THE ESTATE OF LATE ACTOR PAT MORITA. I AM THE WIDOW AND TRUSTEE OF HIS ESTATE. I HAVE BEEN OFFERING FILM MEMORABILIA. AFTER MANY REQUESTS TO LIST SOME OF HIS PERSONAL EFFECTS I HAVE BEEN DOING SO RECENTLY.

OFFERED HERE IS A GENUINE MEERSCHAUM SMOKING PIPE WITH THE ORIGNAL FELT LINED CASE. THE PIPE WAS USED VERY LITTLE BY MR. MORITA. I PURCHASED IT AS A GIFT TO HIM FOR HIS BIRTHDAY ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY "THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE USED" BUT HE ENJOYED IT NEVER THE LESS.

Haha, "enjoyed it never the less" is right. She's talking about that reefer. You know, marijuana. And, in honor of Mr. Miyagi, I am buying this pipe, getting high, and waxing my car. Who's with me? Okay good, you bring the weed and elbow grease.

eBay Auction
and
Mr. Miyagi's other auctions

Thanks to Kyle, who allegedly owns Mr. Miyagi's headband. I'll fight you for it!

Feb 8 2009 Bond Would Be Ashamed: A Lighter Spycam

Ever wanted to covertly record six-hours of the inside of your pants pocket? Well now you can thanks to Ajoka's Real Lighter DVR Lighter Camera Hidden Digital Video Recorder Micro Camera. Jesus, hell of a product title there. The thing costs about $150 wholesale and "discreetly records 640 x 480 or QVGA in AVI format at 30 frames per second and supports microSD up to 8GB. It's got a lithium ion battery for 6 hours of filming and is charged via USB." Interesting, but I've tried smoking before and nope: the girls still run screaming from the locker room.

Cigarette lighter camera shows there's nothing more patriotic than espionage [engadget]

Thanks to Justin, who wasn't really that into Miss Moneypenny but double-oh sixty-nine'd her anyways just to spite Mr. Bond.

Jan 29 2009 Swiss Pot Farmers Busted Via Google Earth

Swiss police happened upon a 'marijuana plantation' while viewing parts of the countryside via Google Earth. 16 people have been arrested, and 1.2 tons of marijuana and $780,000 in cash and valuables confiscated.

The plantation, measuring almost two acres, was hidden inside a field of corn. But officers using Google Earth to locate the address of two farmers suspected of involvement in the drug operation quickly spotted the illegal crop.

The gang is alleged to have sold up to7.7 US tons of hashish and marijuana between 2004 and 2008, with an annual turnover of 3-10 million francs a year, officials said.

Damnit Switzerland, whatever happened to being neutral? I mean, it was just a little chronic. Okay, probably schwag. Whichever the case, I'm still boycotting your knives.

Police Google farmers, find marijuana field [msnbc]

Thanks to chad, the man, not the country.

Dec 6 2008 Dude, Stop Boggarting The Stash: 2,700 Year Old Pot Found Buried In Gobi Desert Grave

Scientists unearthed two pounds of chronic in a Gobi Desert grave this week. The herb, which is believed to have been buried some 2,700 years ago, breaks the previous record for oldest marijuana stash by 2,700 years.

The size of seeds mixed in with the leaves, along with their color and other characteristics, indicate the marijuana came from a cultivated strain. Before the burial, someone had carefully picked out all of the male plant parts, which are less psychoactive, so Russo and his team believe there is little doubt as to why the cannabis was grown.

No shit there's little doubt why the cannabis was grown.

What is in question, however, is how the marijuana was administered, since no pipes or other objects associated with smoking were found in the grave.

Three words folks: up the ass. Try it sometime.

World's oldest marijuana stash totally busted [msnbc]

Thanks to Eric and Matty, who know to pass to the left.

Nov 11 2008 Sure, Why Not: A New, Flatter Lightbulb

Korean designer Joonhuyn Kim came up with a novel improvement for lightbulbs -- making them flatter!

unlike ordinary bulbs its volume is 1/3 smaller, reducing the cost of packaging and transport. its slim shape allows bulbs to be easily stacked and prevents breakage as it does not roll.

Sweet. But as a guy who's smoked crack thinking it was something else, a word of advice: you catch yourself freebasing out of a lightbulb and it's time to reevaluate your life. Or admit you're a crackhead.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not: A New, Flatter Lightbulb "

Oct 17 2008 Crown 7 'Hydro' Smokeless Cigarette

Well Crown 7 is at it again, this time with a new smokeless cigarette, the Hydro ($80). What's so hydro about it eludes me, but it has something to do with water vapor. Anyway, like their other models, the device delivers nicotine but no smoke or carcinogens and is sadly not a bong. But you can "smoke" it anywhere. Like in the boy's room. Or, alternatively, the girl's room. But not your parent's room -- they might be doing it! I'm still passing though, because I only smoke pole. HAHA! But seriously, does that make me gay?

Product Site

Oct 9 2008 German Artist To Smoke Kurt Cobain's Ashes

German artist Natascha Stellmach has allegedly acquired Kurt Cobain's ashes after they were stolen from Courtney Love's home, where she had been keeping them in a pink teddy bear.

The artist is keeping mum about how exactly she came to be in possession of the remains. She tells Artworld magazine, "That's confidential and kind of magic. They came to me. And I am setting him free."

In a statement announcing her find, Berlin-based Stellmach has detailed her plans to smoke the ashes as part of the forthcoming Set Me Free exhibition at the city's Wagner + Partner gallery on October 11th.

Wow, can you really get high smoking someone's ashes?

UPDATE: Not my grandma's!

German Artist To 'Smoke' Kurt Cobain's Ashes [mtv]

Thanks to Sean, who only smokes asses. If that's cool. If not, then something else.