Jul 17 2009 Cell Phone Lighter: For All Your Cancer Needs

MORE: brain , cancer , cell phone , cigarettes , fire , fire hazard , handy , heat , hmm , interesting , new products , nipples of fire , okay , questionable , smoking , smoking in the boy's room , sure why not , whoooosh!

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The SB6309 Lighter Phone isn't just the best named cellphone ever, it's also the first with a functional cigarette lighter. Brain AND lung cancers in one fell swoop! But seriously, mind if I do a J?

instruction


SB6309 The world's first mobile phone with lighter!
Patent product Gold cigarette lighter
Defend wind,
No gas,
Never blew out
Suit for high altitude areas

Well technically, those weren't instructions. They were, however, convincing. That's right -- you're looking at the first U.S. authorized dealer! Haha, now my garage is on fire.

Lighter phone may be the most dangerous cellphone ever [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who once went to a strip club where the strippers dipped their nipples in wax and you were allowed to light your cigarettes off them.

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Apr 20 2009 Sure, Why Not: The NOM NOM NOM Song

MORE: aaaahh , ear poison , ears , getting high , getting high with dinosaurs , grass grass and more grass , high , holiday , nom for your life! , nom nom nom , smoking , smoking in the boy's room , sticky icky , video , weed

Well folks, it's 4.20, and if I was still in college right now I'd be rolling a four-paper dank-blunt and skipping all my classes. But I'm not -- I'm at work -- so I'm smoking swag in the janitor's closet and blowing through a spoof. It's pathetic. Not unlike this video, which, whether you're high or not, will make you want to gouge your eardrums out. Consider it my little gift to you on this, the greenest of holidays. Haha -- suck it, Arbor Day!

NOM NOM NOM Song [collegehumor]

Thanks to Johnathan, who once smoked a whole O of that presidential in a day and then realized he just smoked $350 of weed in one day.

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Mar 31 2009 Puff Puff Pass: USB Smokeless Cigarettes

MORE: better for you , cheap , computers , connectivity , digital smoking , drugs , eh , fire , health risks , pole smoking , puff puff pass , questionable , smoke it , smoking , smoking in the boy's room , sure why not , usb

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Need a nicotine fix but can't leave your cube? No problem! Puff on a Health E-Cigarette from Thanko! Identical to pretty much ever other electronic cigarette out there, the $30 device "uses a heating element to vaporize a nicotine solution to supposedly give you a purer smoking experience", which is just fancy marketing jargon for, "short-circuit and burn your office to the ground". Trust me folks, I hold a Master's in Marketing. And also, Lovemaking. You see this? You see this move I'm doing right now? Senior thesis, baby.

Thanko's USB-powered Health E-Cigarettes sound healthy [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who once got caught smoking a tampon in the boy's room because some upperclassmen told him it was a cigar.

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