Jul 20 2009 I Would Never Leave: The Hi-Can Luxury Bed
The Hi-Can luxury bed has everything you've ever wanted in a bed minus a bathroom and snack bar. Oh, and dancing pole. I like to strip myself to sleep.
A theater screen pulls down at the foot of the bed for viewing television or movies. An integrated personal computer system means you can work or surf the web in bed as well. Game consoles are built in for added entertainment value. Lights for reading and shades for sleeping are also fully integrated.
Eh, it's a little too weird looking for my taste. Besides, I've been sleeping on a pile of clothes for the past two years and, quite frankly, I think your mom likes it just fine. BU-BU-BU-BURN! But seriously, wonderful lady.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a brief video.
Continue Reading " I Would Never Leave: The Hi-Can Luxury Bed "
Jun 23 2009 The Kush: $55 Nighttime Breast Support
The Kush is a $55 (PLUS S&H!) piece of molded plastic women put between their breasts before bed to "gently support and cushion the weight of a woman's breasts". $55, really? For $10 I'll come over and slip my own, much more natural breast supporter between those puppies. Obviously, I'm talking about a rolling pin. Ladies? Come on -- I'll let you make cookies in the morning!
Kush infomercial makes everyone feel good [adfreak]
Thanks to Todd and Jcon, who are selling empty soda cans for $5. But if you're worried your breasts might crush a can, call me.
May 8 2009 Pillow Laptop: Working Never Felt So Zzzzz
This is a pillow that looks like a laptop. It's nonfunctional (as a computer, fully functional as a sleep aid), but soft. I don't even know if they're for sale, but let's be honest, you wouldn't buy one if they were. Oh you would? *yelling down to the basement* Say, it doesn't have to be sweatshop free, does it? Anyway, I think we can all agree this laptop brings new meaning to the phrase, "passing out on your laptop and puking into the keys and then it catching fire and torching your eyebrows off", doesn't it? Well I think it does.
This Is the Best Laptop in the World (Or At Least the Softest) [gizmodo]
Thanks to trishna87, who once fell asleep on a netbook and woke up in a web. Spiderman is an online predator.
Mar 27 2009 Pillow Blanket: I Need One Like, Last Night
The Pillow Blanket is a blanket made out of interconnecting pillows that looks comfy as all hell. I want one. And not just for the pillow fights you and I could have! No, I would throw myself down on that mother after a long night of drinking and puke to my stomach's content. But not choke on it -- I ain't going out like that! Or am I? I probably am.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Continue Reading " Pillow Blanket: I Need One Like, Last Night "
Mar 18 2009 Where Do I Buy?: Pillows For Working Late
'Pillows for working late' is a three-piece ensemble created by Polish designer Maja Ganszyniec. It comes with a collar, tie and sleeve that are soft and the perfect place to lay your head should you find yourself dozing off at your desk. I don't think you have to be working late to use them. I mean, I just got to work and I can barely keep my eyessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Whoa, I just had a dream I came to work naked. Oh, uh-oh. Think they'll send me home if I run over my penis with an office chair?
'Pillows for working late' makes your desk better than your bed [dvice]
Mar 1 2009 Awww: Bizkit The Sleepwalking Dog
This is a video of Bizkit the sleepwalking dog. You should watch it, it's funny and sad at the same time. SPOILER ALERT: The dog sleepwalks into the wall. I originally thought it was cruel, but then watched the rest of the user's videos and they film the dog all the time, so I don't think they knew it would run into the wall. That said, I'm stealing Bizkit and starting a circus. DOOT DOOT DOODLE DOOT DOO DOO DOO DOOT. Cotton candy makes my clothes come off!
Hit the jump for a couple other videos of Bizkit, including one of some wicked sleep-standing action.
Feb 4 2009 Scientists Invent Longer-Term Sleeping Pill
I don't get it, I put one in my nightcap before bed and I barely slept a wink. Then, just a few minutes ago, I blew a hole in the urinal during a routine bathroom break. WTF?!
sleep forever pill [szymon]
Thanks to Romeo, who one slept 24-hours straight. God, I want to do that.
Feb 3 2009 It's Elemental: A Periodic Table Duvet
This is a duvet cover that a loving woman made for her chemistry major boyfriend. I think this is the first time I've ever typed duvet. Secretly, I liked it.
You may or may not have seen a post I did back in the fall when I was in the planning stages of making a quilt for my boyfriend for Christmas, featuring the "periodic table of the elements", because he is a Chemistry major, and I thought he'd find it totally epic.
Unfortunately, It became a duvet cover instead of a quilt because of a) time constraints and the fact that I still had gifts for 7 or 8 other people that I was making and b) buying the batting for the inside would have put me $50 over budget instead of just $10 over. (shh, don't tell him.)
Haha, he totally just got told. And also, I want one. I'm gonna don an eyepatch and get my argon under that sucker. Know what I'm saying? You bring the parrot.
Hit the jump for several more of the construction.
Jan 14 2009 Mmmm, Delicious Sleep: The Hamburger Bed
The Hamburger bed (which is actually a cheeseburger) is a round bed that looks like a hamburger and has a Facebook fan page. I was going to become a fan, but decided I'd probably end up stalking that delicious bitch and that would bad. So, instead, I'm going to make my own taco bed.
UPDATE: So I had this weird dream about being a giant last night and, f***, I think I ate my pillows.
Hit the jump for a few more shots and a link to the burger's Facebook page. And, while you're at it, friend me, ladies.
Continue Reading " Mmmm, Delicious Sleep: The Hamburger Bed "
Dec 26 2008 New Mercedes Feature Alerts Sleepy Drivers
Mercedes, in their unending quest to save the lives of the rich, is installing a new feature in its E class automobiles (sorry, you C class peasants are still f***ed).
Mercedes studied the brain waves of sleepy drivers, and matched those up with lackadaisical steering tendencies, resulting in a car that can sense if you're spacing out.
Attention Assist uses precision sensors on the steering column to watch your attention level, and if you start to fall asleep, it sounds an obnoxious alarm, accompanied by an icon in the middle of the speedometer suggesting that you pause for a cup of coffee.
No word on whether it can distinguish if you're just masturbating.
Mercedes cars now smart enough to wake up drowsy drivers [dvice]
Dec 24 2008 Blast Out Of Bed With The Rocket Alarm!
The $25 Rocket Launcher Alarm Clock is phallic as hell and I want one really badly. When it's time to wake up the rocket ship blasts off -- and you have to retrieve said rocket and replace it on the base for the beeping to stop. Alternatively, you can break the base. And while this certainly isn't the worst way to wake up, it is a close second behind the SWAT team busting into your bedroom. Those guys act like they've never seen a little morning wood before. Somebody fetch the proverbial buck saw -- this timber looks like a two-man job.
rocket launcher alarm clock blasts into orbit to wake you up [technabob]
Thanks to Julian, who requires like 16 diamond-toothed chainsaws to dispatch his morning lumber.
Nov 13 2008 Live Streaming Puppy Video: What The Interweb Was Built For (No, Not Porn)
This is a litter of Shiba Inu puppies brought to you in live, streaming video. Why? Because they're cute and I want one (the one in the yellow collar). Porn aside, this is clearly what the interweb was built for. So I can lie here on the couch and watch a gaggle of puppies , without fear of shit on my own carpet. You know, sometimes life isn't so bad after all. Oh my god my yellow one is running in his sleep! Precious. Now the green one bit the red one to wake him up! I think I'm gonna cry.
Thanks Heather. This is, in fact, the cutest thing I've seen all day.
Sep 26 2008 Sleep Standing Up With The Vertical Bed
Artist Jamie O'Shea's Vertical Bed combines two of my favorite things: sleeping. Standing can go f*** itself, because I hate it. I like lying down.
The Vertical Bed won't save you from poking and prodding, but with sunglasses on, noise-canceling headphones, a neck-pillow for comfort, and an umbrella to keep you dry, that's a pretty good start. The Vertical Bed will keep you upright thanks to hooks attached to the shoes that will lock into subway grates, and braces and concealed harnesses that keep your legs and back supported. It all conveniently folds down into a briefcase.
You know, I tried to sleep standing up once, but when I started to doze I fell over. To my credit though, I was pretty drunk -- on life! Just kidding, it was the shine.
The Vertical Bed: Power nap in the middle of the street [dvice]
Sep 15 2008 Yes, Please!: A New Star Wars Bedding Set
Star Wars sheets: no man's bed is complete without them. I had Dukes of Hazzard sheets growing up, so I think it's about time for some Star Wars action. Sold by Pottery Barn, the set is expensive, but well worth it. Just imagine: a bottle of wine, some aromatic candles, a whole box of Star Wars condoms, this bedding set, and you stretched out on top PEW PEWing your own spaceship with a numb hand (The Phantom Menace). I know, it almost sounds too romantic.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the collection.
Continue Reading " Yes, Please!: A New Star Wars Bedding Set "
Aug 5 2008 Wake Up To Meat: The Wake N' Bacon
The Wake n' Bacon is a collaborative alarm clock design by Matty Sallin, Daniel Bartolini and Hsiao-huh Hsu. It wakes you up with the delicious scent of bacon instead of beeping. How?
A frozen strip of bacon is placed in Wake n' Bacon the night before. Because there is a 10 minute cooking time, the clock is set to go off 10 minutes before the desired waking time. Once the alarm goes off, the clock it sends a signal to a small speaker to generate the alarm sound. We hacked the clock so that the signal is re-routed by a microchip that in responds by sending a signal to a relay that throws the switch to power two halogen lamps that slow-cook the bacon in about 10 minutes.
Simple as that. No loud noises, no breaking your alarm, just delicious bacon. Now what you need to do is keep a mini-fridge by the bed so you can toss in another piece, hit snooze, and ten minutes later, more bacon. Toss in another piece, hit snooze, and ten minutes later, more bacon. Toss in another piece, hit snooze, and ten minutes later, more bacon. Toss in another piece, hit snooze, and ten minutes later you can't see your penis past your pork-gut anymore because you've been eating two pounds of bacon every morning.
Thanks Mac and Liz, now make one that can cook an egg and biscuit too.
Jul 25 2008 Rockabye Baby!: Rock Lullabyes For Kids
Rockabye Baby! is a series of albums put out by some record label that feature your favorite rock songs turned into wordless, soothing lullabies for children. Each album costs $17 and is basically a "best of" the particular artist. There are a ton to choose from like Metallica, Rolling Stones, Green Day, The Beatles, The Pixies, AC/DC, Smashing Pumpkins, U2, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, Radiohead, Tool, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, along with a bunch of others. I posted a sampler of their stuff after the jump, which includes a short video at the beginning of Metallica's guitarist Kirk Hammet talking about how he used the CD. So maybe they're doing it legally too, I dunno. What I do know is that kids don't need damn lullabies to sleep. What they need is a spot of bourbon. One for you, the rest of the bottle for daddy. Now remember: don't get out of bed or the goblins that live in the dark will eat you. Even your bones. I won't be able to save you. By the time I hear you scream and retreat from your mother's war-torn vagina, you'll be long gone. Well, sweet dreams.
Hit the jump to hear said lullabies.
Continue Reading " Rockabye Baby!: Rock Lullabyes For Kids "
Jul 15 2008 FAKE!: Last Week's Stormtrooper Smash
Remember those Scout Trooper smashing devil-women from last week? Well, as some of you had guessed, a video released yesterday proves it was, in fact, fake. Turns out the dude was in on it the whole time and they were destroying the doll because it was already broken and they needed proof of destruction to get a replacement from Sideshow Collectibles.
Congratulations on the trickery folks, you're all a bunch of assholes! Do you know how many sleepless nights I've had since watching the original video? All of them. Honestly, this doesn't change my opinion of the women whatsoever, and I still suggest they be burned at the stake. Only now, the guy can join them.
Thanks to entropic soul for making me wish harm on all those involved even more now.
Jul 1 2008 Urban Lounge Gear: The SumoSac
From Sumo Lounge, the same company that brought us the Omni Chair, comes the SumoSac. I personally have one, and it's awesome. And I'm not just saying that because I want to get in good with the company so they'll send me that model's number, but I do think we'd make a good couple. Anyway, SumoSac review in three words: comfortable as hell.
I have the 6 foot model (top right, middle right), but they also come in 5 foot (top left, bottom right) and 4 foot models (bottom left). They'll run you $229, $199, and $179, respectively, and all come with free shipping.
An improved version of the beanbag chair, SumoSac is a more savvy, stylish & comfortable alternative. This product will never decompress & is truly the most comfortable chair in the world at 3ft. high & 6ft. wide covered in micro suede. Made with 100% shredded furniture grade urethane foam. Covers zip-off for machine washing.
They're really not lying about it being the most comfortable thing in the world. I've gamed in it, blogged in it, slept in it, passed out drunk in it, caught the pets curled up in it, gotten intimate with a lady-friend in it, and even hidden underneath it when my girlfriend came home while the aforementioned lady-friend was still there. Needless to say I pretended I was a big, soft-shelled turtle watching a catfight. Unfortunately, I couldn't operate the video camera with my flippers.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Jun 6 2008 Sobrietol Reduces Level Of Blood Alcohol, Fun
Sobrietol is some mystery formula of cancer-causing agents that reduces your blood alcohol content after a heavy night of drinking. And let me tell you -- as someone who thought yesterday was Friday and went out and got shit-hammered -- I lost my shoes.
Have you ever had one too many drinks at a party, wine-tasting, or night out with the girls? Unfortunately, for all too many of us, we know what that means for the next morning -- we wake up a little lethargic. Maybe a tummy that's queasy, maybe a throbbing head, maybe a dude you thought was a chick in bed next to you.
Sobrietol® was found to decrease the level of blood alcohol by 56% in independent tests as measured by Oregon State Troopers. The next day will be like you didn't drink at all!
First of all, there's no such thing as "one too many drinks", there are only too few. And secondly, a box of 8 packets costs $40 -- that's like 8 good liquor drinks! And trust me, nothing cures a hangover like drinking the next morning. So thanks but no thanks Sobrietol, the only product I need to help remove alcohol is free -- my penis.
Check out the link to the website right under these words to hear an auto-playing sales pitch for the product that's filled with lies.
Thanks Allyson, lets down like twenty packets each and then go out drinking. Everyone will think we're superheros.
Jun 4 2008 Wake Up Equipment: DANGERBOMB CLOCK Goes Boom -- Boom, All Up In Your Room!
The $22 DANGERBOMB CLOCK looks like a bomb and shouldn't be taken on flights. It's the next generation in wake up equipment that requires you to do something besides slap a button to actually turn the damn thing off. How does it work? Per the translated Amazon Japan page:
Product specifications:Do not happen in the explosion and quickly ugh? KACHI KACHI KACHI... wake-up time bomb-type device! Danger Bomb Clock!! Danger Bomb Clock!!
DOKI DOKI DOKI... "What a piece of wire to stop the explosion I can...?!" In film and television, to stop the time bomb which one should staple a line scene. Such a scene reminiscent of a time bomb alarm clock, and a parody of fun.
Set in a predetermined number of hours to the sound of heavy explosions. In other words, turn off the alarm switch in the explosion, three of the wiring was imitated one of a number. Three, how to stop it is through daily random set. This will also no longer be late? Daily life for the thrill and excitement...!
Basically the alarm goes off and one of the colored lights blinks indicating which wire you have to separate to turn it off. If you choose the wrong one it makes loud explosion noises and scares the shit out of your cats. Simple as that. Now I'm not totally sure what happens if you just disconnect all the wires the night before, but if I had to guess I'd say I'm f***in' MacGyver!
And he's the bottom.
Translated Amazon Product Page
Thanks to Redd, who actually taught MacGyver everything he knows.
