Feb 10 2009 It's About Time: How To Convert Your Natural Joystick Into A Functional Atari Controller

MORE: atari , holy smokes , i've seen it all now , junk in your hand , no thank you , omgwtfcalltheauthorities , peripheral , questionable , sin , sinning to centipede , sticks of meat , wow , wrong , wrong but so right , wrong but so right but really really wrong , you do what with what?

NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT A GUY TREATING HIS JUNK LIKE AN ATARI JOYSTICK.

Wow, I've seen it all now. And, quite frankly, I'm surprised I didn't see it earlier.

(The Joydick is) a wearable haptic device for controlling video gameplay based on realtime male masturbation. Through the use of a carefully designed strap-on interface, the user's penis is converted into a joystick capable of moving the character onscreen in all four cardinal directions. For games requiring the fire button, a separate ring can be worn which converts hand-strokes into button presses.

Super, so it can move in all four cardinal directions -- but what about the hummingbird directions, huh? I've heard they can fly backwards. BOOM! That was your head exploding from my profoundness. Take the rest of the day off, GW's orders.

Joydick Atari game controller [boingboing]

Thanks to Amanda, Praveen and Stirling, who don't need this because they have the power to enter video games and have sex with the actual characters. Joust, baby, Joust.

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Sep 11 2008 Two Laser Eyed Cats In A Staring Contest

MORE: animals , art , cats , clever , cool , exhibit , eyes , god , i want , lasers , lights , neat , pets , pew pew , playing with yourself , sin

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Every time you masturbate God makes two cats with laser eyes have a staring contest TO THE DEATH. ZOMG, I've killed so many kitties.

Hit the jump for one more picture, which is actually a sculpture by Steve Bishop made with two ceramic cats and fluorescent tubes.

Continue Reading " Two Laser Eyed Cats In A Staring Contest "

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Feb 26 2008 Reserve A Spot In Heaven & Sin All You Want

MORE: certificate , guarantee , heaven , hell , i've lived a bad life , plane , questionable , sin , transportation , travel , wtf

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Worried about the life you've lived? Don't worry, I'm with you. But now there's hope for even the worst of us sinners thanks to a company selling reserved spots in heaven. That's right folks, for a paltry $12.79 you too can guarantee a pass to the cloudy oasis that is heaven.

The package includes:

Heavenly issued certificate of reservation registered in the Book of Light™

A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly?

The Official Heaven Identification Card so you can get around without getting hassled.

Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land.

Now if you're not satisfied with the Essential Package you can opt for the All Access Kit for $15.95. In addition to all the basic crap it includes an " all access VIP pass. This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey and Thug Mansion, where all the elite get together and kick it." I do like milk and honey, so I may have to drop for the upgrade. Too bad I think this is all a sham. Yeah, it turns out the company also sells reserved spots in hell. That's what tipped me off. Because, let's face it, those spots come free and I've got a whole row reserved.

Heaven Product Page
Hell Product Page

Thanks to Kelly, who doesn't need a stupid pass to be an angel, for the tip

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