Feb 23 2009 You Need Help: Bella's Womb From Twilight
I never read or saw Twlight because I'm a pseudo-adult man with almost 1/2 my dignity intact (I saw Mamma Mia in the theater). To my credit though, I have seen Blade several times. Anway, some Twi-hard -- wait, they're actually calling themselves that? Yes, they are. Wow, I need to sit down for a minute. Whoa, office chair -- bad idea. Floor it is.
Oh yes, one creative (and creepy) Twilight fan actually took the time to felt together Bella's womb, complete with -- wait for it -- an actual felted mutant fetus inside! Who in their right mind does stuff like this? Seriously, who wakes up one day and says, "Ya know, I think I want to spend the next week or so recreating what Bella's womb would look like with a mutant fetus inside, and then maybe share it with fans on the internet ... because they'll of course think I'm, like, completely normal and stuff."
Why do I get the feeling whoever made this also put up a Craigslist ad asking for a vampire to impregnate her? I swear, what the hell's the matter with people? That said, I am 100% vampire. Baby, I will do you like it's 1499 and not hesitate one bite to put a sun-fearing baby in that ass. Just sayin, I pick and eat my own scabs.
Fan Made: Bella's Womb from 'Twilight' (aka Creepiest 'Fan Made' Ever) [cinematical]
Thanks to Jules, who doesn't want a vampire baby, just a little werewolf.
Feb 5 2009 Want A Mini-Robot Version Of Yourself?
If you answered yes, I want you to leave your name and address in the comments section, as I'd like to send you some anthrax literature. You will not be saved. But, for the sake of my Pulitzer, I'll report on these devilish little bastards anyway. Available from Little Island for a little over $2,000, the little creeps serve as a VoIP phone so you can talk "face to face" to you family or pets while you're away. But wait, there's a little more!
Unfortunately, the "robot" doesn't appear to actually have many true robot abilities, although it does have a built-in camera to let you check out its surroundings via a connected computer, and it's apparently able to do a few basic tasks like read your RSS feeds or check the weather. The bot is also essentially just a plush PC itself (complete with a 500MHz Geode processor), so there's certainly plenty of opportunity to expand its capabilities for those so inclined.
Oh my God, you're actually considering one aren't you? You are sicker than I expected. And let me tell you, I expected at least a 9 of out 10. And to think, your parents said you'd never be a 10 at anything. You showed them!
Little Island promises to craft you in creepy robot form [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who had a robot version of himself until it drank his last beer and had to be scrapped.
Jan 27 2009 The Tampon Mona Lisa For Sale On eBay
Tampon Mona Lisa (AKA Bleeding Lisa, AKA Bitching and Moaning Lisa) is just that, a picture of Mona Lisa with a bunch of tampons glued on. It's like a middle school art class/sex ed mashup gone horribly wrong.
TAMPON MONA LISA uses an enlarged photocopy of Mona's face, bodice, and hands, the only areas that show her skin in DaVinci's original. Her hair and her clothing are represented in mosaic fashion by approximately 200 tampons. Some of the tampons have the strings attached, showing up as strands of hair or threads on her dress.
Whatever. The bidding starts at a ridiculous $2,600 and if anybody is interested I'll run out to CVS right now and make one even bigger. I'm talking those super absorbent joints. Shit, I may even throw in a few pads and an adult diaper.
Hit the jump for a closeup.
Dec 10 2008 Pervert Inventor Le Trung Still Working On Building Robot Girlfriend, Wasting Money
Remember Le Trung? The last time we saw him he was busy groping his robotic lover. Well not much has changed in the interim: he's still going strong, perfecting "fem-bot" Aiko to be his wife.
Inventor Le Trung, 33, created Aiko, said to be "in her 20s" with a stunning 32, 23, 33 figure, shiny hair and delicate features.
Pfft, she's not a day over 14 you sick bastard.
"So far she can understand and speak 13,000 different sentences in English and Japanese, so she's already fairly intelligent. "When I need to do my accounts, Aiko does all the maths. She is very patient and never complains."He said he did not build Aiko as a sexual partner, but said she could be tweaked to become one. "Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm and reacting to touch as if she is playing hard to get or being straight to the point," he said.
Sex. With. A. Robot. *HORF*
"Fem-bot" Aiko, who has cost £14,000 (~$21,000) to build so far, is a whizz at maths and even does Le's accounts.Le, a scientific genius from Brampton in Ontario, Canada, said he never had time to find a real partner so he designed one using the latest technology.
Scientific genius my ass. Scientific geniuses don't blow twenty grand building robotic girlfriends. No, scientific geniuses build rocketships to blast off into space and f*** aliens. This is the word of The Geekologie Writer. Amen.
One more of the cute couple after the jump.
Sep 9 2008 How Not To Play Wii
This is how you don't play Wii. SPOILER ALERT (LIKE THE STILL ABOVE WASN'T ENOUGH): With a dog humping you from behind while you scream in ecstasy. I don't know what's more disturbing -- that this video was clearly set up, or that this video was clearly set up. You see what violent video games are doing to today's youth?
Youtube
Thanks Tom, and yes, I'm scarred.
May 29 2008 Man Admits To Having Sexual Relations With Over 1,000 Vehicles. This Just In: I Vow To Never Rent A Car Again
Edward Smith has sex with cars and doesn't care if you think he's a demented perv (which he totally is).
The 57-year-old Washington state native first had sex with a car at age 15, and says he has never been sexually attracted to people, female or male. And he feels no need to change. His current flame is a Volkswagen Beetle that's he's named Vanilla, and considering a typical woman's reaction to Smith's spreading himself around, she's very low maintenance (not counting trips to the mechanic or pricey imported auto parts).
Smith says his fetish took root when he was a teenager. "When I was 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it." He continued, "There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until nighttime, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them."
Wow, it doesn't get much worse than that.
Despite his passion for his four-wheeled friends, Smith has occasionally strayed. His most intense sexual experience ever, he says, was with a helicopter. It totally chopped his nob off.
Holy shit, it did get much worse!
Read the whole article for more ridiculousness.
Man who's had sex with 1000 cars gives new meaning to auto-erotic [nydailynews]
Thanks Jaden, I'll never look at my Neon the same again
May 2 2008 Coffin Couches: A Little Morbid For My Taste
Looking for a unique couch? Looking for a unique couch made out of a "display model" coffin? If so, check out these Coffin Couches. Each one is constructed from a real dead body receptacle (last year's models) and can hold up to 900 pounds (despite the spindly looking legs). You can buy one off the site, or order a custom setup and each costs around $4,500. Now are you thinking what I'm thinking? Hell yeah, making love on a coffin! Just kidding. Anybody that was actually thinking what I was pretending to think there should really consider getting help. Oh, and you shouldn't be allowed to own a shovel and flashlight, or live within walking distance of a cemetery.
A couple pictures of a Los Angeles Dodgers model after the jump.
Continue Reading " Coffin Couches: A Little Morbid For My Taste "
Nov 19 2007 Aiko Robot Doesn't Like Being Touched
Canadian robot lover Trung Le built himself a female android named Aiko and gave a few public demonstrations of what she's capable of. Basically she can give directions, read stuff off the internet, and respond to some stimuli. Like when Trung grabs her arm too hard she tells him "Why did you do that for? It's hurt." Then right after that he moves in and grabs a boobie. She takes a swing at him and tells him "I do not like it when you touch my breasts." Nice one Trung, you're probably the creepiest robot builder ever. It certainly doesn't help that the poor android is limited to a wheelchair. Jesus Trung, you really hit rock bottom with this performance. You sick bastard.
Canadian Fembot Hates Being Sexually Harassed [therawfeed]
