Oct 20 2009 I'd Wear Them: Nikes Made Out Of Junk
Gabriel Dishaw is an artist who works primarily in the medium of junk. Like rusty metal sprockets and nuts and bolts. And among other sculptures, he creates shoes with these things.
This piece was a continuation of my previous piece JUNK DUNK (Right) I wanted to attempt this approach again, with a more refined and detailed outcome. I used very little wire and more glue to keep the piece more clean, and less bulky. I also added new details, a hinged tongue and nike logo's on both the tongue and back of the shoe. On previous models I used a real nike sole to build of off. With this piece I started from scratch and build the sole from circuit boards.
Impressive, Gabriel. But there is no doubt in my mind I could dunk in these things. And I don't care if they do cut off all my toes off and give me tetanus -- I don't like standing or talking anyways! I'm more of a lie down and type kind of guy anyways. What? YES I'M STILL IN BED.
Hit the jump for a bunch more shots plus three other Nike models Gabriel has created.
Oct 13 2009 Because Crocs Suck: Sweet Dino Shoes
Dinosaur shoes: more erotic than having your junk stomped in stilettos. And now, thanks to Weboo, you can own a pair -- provided you can stuff your man-feet into toddler sized footwear (is it too late to bind my feet?!). Plus, no laces! It was funny, just this morning an elderly woman on the bus asked me if I had a dinosaur shoe in my pocket or if I was just happy to see her. I told her both and winked. She got off at the next stop.
Product Site
via
Kid's Dinosaur Shoes Threaten Bugs With Teeth & Arms [fashionablygeek]
Thanks to Dick, who doesn't wear shoes because he has ninja feet and can walk on hot coals and razor blades.
Sep 24 2009 For The Ladies: This Ridiculous-Ass Shoe
Yes, that's a shoe. And it's ridiculous looking, isn't it? I know -- what's the matter with flip-flops? I don't get it either. YES I'M JUST JEALOUS!
And a high heel shoe at that. Designed by London architect Julian Hakes, the Mojito shoe is made of carbon fiber--to give it strength and spring--and laminated with rubber on the bottom and leather--from furniture manufacturers in High Wycombe, England--on top.
I can't even begin to imagine how you put that thing on. You could lock me in a room with a pair of these for an hour, and when you came back and I've one have on dangling from an ear and a high-heel sized bulge in my shorts. Yeah, I'd be waving it at ya.
Wait, This Is a Shoe? [gizmodo]
Sep 10 2009 Nice Kicks, Brah: Custom Super Mario Shoes
If there's one thing to earn some serious street cred, it's a pair of custom painted Mario shoes. Kidding, it's calling a grizzly bear a bitch to her tits and stealing a cub, but these might net you a little.
Each one is precisely handpainted by Rachelle Williams of ParadoxArtistry, and covered with imagery of all of your favorite Super Mario characters. At $160 smackeroos a pair, they're not cheap, but think about how much two original paintings and a pair of high-tops would cost you and then it doesn't seem that bad. While the pair shown above is a Men's size 11, Rachelle will happily make you a pair in any size.
I, for one, would rock the hell outta those puppies. WOOF WOOF, know what I'm sayin'?! I don't, I think I've lost my got-damn mind.
Hit the jump for one more shot of the impressiveness.
Continue Reading " Nice Kicks, Brah: Custom Super Mario Shoes "
Jun 5 2009 I Want: These Custom Metal Gear Solid Shoes
These custom painted Metal Gear Solid shoes were made by UCLA student and artist Jacob Patterson (no relation to Robert Pattinson) and shown off at the E3 convention. I want like four for each foot. You know, because I have big feet. ;) Ladies, that wink was for you.
He is apparently going to talk with Kojima and team to discuss the possibility of mass-producing these shoes via the Puma brand. So if things go well expect to be able to buy these at a store near you sometime in the future!
Well I usually only wear flip flips and aqua socks, but I'd make an exception for these bad boys. And speaking of bad boys -- I've been one lately. Now which one of you lovely ladies wants to ride on my motorcycle. And by motorcycle I mean lawn mower. And by 'ride on' I mean cut the backyard. Any takers? Come on -- I'll make lemonade!
Hit the jump for two closeups.
Continue Reading " I Want: These Custom Metal Gear Solid Shoes "
May 29 2009 Fried Footwear: Mmmm, Bacon Loafers
These are bacon loafers by Keds. They are fully customizable by choosing different colors for the thread, elastic, midsole, etc., and will set you back $60 (I made these ones as bacon-y as possible and if you argue that I should have made the elastic red instead of pink you're wrong, pink is the color of raw bacon and I love it). Unfortunately, it appears they're only available in women's sizes (because women love sizzling meat -- am I right, girls?), which is a problem seeing how I'm a size 12 *wink*. Long story short, I'm sawing all my toes off.
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need to buy a woman bacon shoes to get his meat around her feet. YOW YOW!
May 12 2009 $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games
Looking to blow $2,500 on something that's bound to get all scuffed up and smell funky within a few months? Cool, buy me one of those masturbation machines. Or these shoes.
These are an exclusive pair...only one of its kind. Patent leather back with embedded fiber optic wiring in the shape of the XBOX logo. Battery placement is in the tongue as well as on and off switch that has 2 settings: Strobe or Constant light functions. Gradient lime swoosh faded to black. The toe is painted in a surreal Tiger Camouflage with accents of lime and bright green. These are a men's size 11.
$2,500 for a pair of sneakers? For that kind of money I was at least expecting them to play Halo. Yeah, and have speakers so I can hear all the penisless pre-pubescent boys telling me what a homosexual African American I am.
Hit the jump for several more shots including the fiber optics in action.
Continue Reading " $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games "
Apr 18 2009 Must Have: Custom Monkey Island Shoes
Converse All-Stars aren't really my thing, but I would make an exception and rock the hell out of these mama-jammas. Inspired by The Secret of Monkey Island, the shoes were hand-painted by a Spanish fan with scenes from the game (the opening and an insult swordfight). Awesome, now I want a pair of custom Monkey Island kicks. Also, a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle. WHEE!
Hit the jump for close-ups of each shoe.
This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?
Jan 26 2009 It's A Flip-Flop, It's A Shoe, It's A, Um, Bad Idea
This is an '80's looking hightop that turns into a flip-flop via a zipper. It's called a modular shoe, and it's bound to be one of the worst ideas ideas I've ever heard of. I mean, Jesus, flip-flops cost a dollar and fit in your pocket. Now here's a tip: if you're so poor you're actually considering buying a pair of convertible sneak-flops, BUY SOME FREAKING GROCERIES INSTEAD. And, on a side note, I bought a pair but my penis kept getting caught in the zipper so I threw them out. Ladies?
Hybrid Flip-Flop High Tops [ohgizmo]
Jan 5 2009 Pssst, Over Here: Cheap Knock-Off Brands
Knock-offs: they look like the real thing, but are bought out of the back of a skeezy guy's van for a quarter of the price and either break or explode within a week of purchase. Then, to make matters worse, the bastard isn't set up on the same street corner when you go to return the merchandise. What a sham! And speaking of which, I will now perform a magic trick -- Alakasham! Can you still see me? I'm supposed to be invisible. *entering women's locker room* "EEEEEEEEEEKK!!!!!!" Oh, oh shit.
Hit the jump for a few more knock-offs, including a chicken wearing the Colonel's tie.
Continue Reading " Pssst, Over Here: Cheap Knock-Off Brands "
Sep 11 2008 Wait, What?: High Heels For Babies
Heelarious High Heels are your baby girl's first precious step to a life of stripping. Made for infants 0-6 months old, the $35 shoes practically guarantee a future in exotic entertainment. Okay, so they're actually just crib shoes that have a foam heel, but still, I think we can all agree this is fundamentally wrong. Thankfully, I'll never have a daughter -- I always insist my girlfriend be on top.
FUTURE UPDATE: Wow, three girls in a row. Seriously, this woman on top thing just isn't freaking working. So, to you parents of boys out there -- how did you do it? Is the secret in the butt? Just wink one brown eye if it is. I knew it!
Official Website
Thanks to Melanie, who grew up wearing rocket boots and is now an astronaut.
Sep 5 2008 The New Bill Gates/Jerry Seinfeld Microsoft Ad
Remember when we posted that Microsoft was finally gonna stop taking it up the Vista and combat those "Get A Mac" ads? Well here's the first one, featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld. It has a shoe theme. And, while I did like the commercial, I didn't get the commercial. Is there any getting to be got? It seems like an old Seinfeld episode. Is Microsoft selling churros now?
Thanks to Terry, who has enough sense to know that big cinnamon sugar pretzels pwn churros.
Aug 4 2008 Adidaz Hellbeezy Sheeziez Comin' Zoon
Sorry, but I had a bet with a coworker I couldn't use five Z's in a post title. I think it went pretty well, don't you? Barely noticeable. So, Adidas is dropping two new pairs of Hellboy inspired footwear. Those are the two different styles there. They're both limited editions and will be priced around $150. Take a close look at that bottom pair. What do they look like? If you guessed that pair of tight, black vinyl pants I used to wear during my raving days, you guessed correct. You know, the ones that melted to me when I got too close to the bonfire. You ever peeled melted plastic off your junk? It's worse than a burning marshmallow.
Hit the jump for one more picture of the sneakers on top of a shoebox!
Aug 1 2008 Yes Please!: Limited Edition Goonies Pumas
For every kid there's a movie that so was awesome to watch in your youth that it shaped your very being. For many, this movie was Goonies. For me, it was a sick German porno I found in my uncle's closet. But that doesn't make these limited edition Goonies Disk Blaze Pumas any less awesome. Dropping around the 6th of December for an undisclosed number of doubloons, they've got everything a gang of prepubescent treasure hunters could want in a pair of sneakers.
Puma obtained exclusive rights to the artwork and constructed this LE release out of the map on our most iconic runner from the early 1980's, the Disc Blaze. It features the infamous Disc closure system, heavy weave pull tabs and exclusive Goonies film logos on heel, sockliner and midsole. The limited Puma "List" sneaker comes in a customized burlap Goonies sack. Enjoy your adventure trying to snatch these up.
Must have!
Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.
Oh man, I could sit here and copy/paste Goonies quotes forever, but I'm on a mission today. It's a top-secret operation I've cleverly named Operation Get Drunk At The Local Street Fair, Eat A Street Vended Sausage, And Buy A Bunch Of Knick Knacks I'll Regret Tomorrow.
UPDATE: I puked kielbasa all over a basket weaver. Mission Accomplished!
A bunch more of the shoes along with, because it's Friday and I love you all dearly, a video of Chunk doing the Truffle Shuffle.
Continue Reading " Yes Please!: Limited Edition Goonies Pumas "
Jul 24 2008 Why So Serious?: Custom Joker Shoes
Custom shoe-painter SweatShop Clothing sent me the link to a pair of Heath Ledger Joker shoes he made for some chick in New Zealand that wanted them to wear to the movie or something. Here they are. Hit the jump to see a ton of pictures, including several of the painting process. Great job SweatShop. Now how about some polos, but instead of a crocodile or guy on horseback, a little "Why so serious?" Joker face. Oh hell yes. Just let me know if you need any help in the factory, I'll send the neighbor's kids right over.
Hit it for a ton more, and a link to the artist's Myspace if you want something similar.
P.S. Miss you Heath.
Jul 18 2008 eBay: Back To The Future II Shoe Prototype
This is a working prototype of the futuristic Nike's Marty McFly wore in Back to the Future II. This is not the shoe worn in the movie, it's the prototype from which the others were made. Oh, and it isn't a pair, it's just a single shoe.
They were originally called "Slamball Shoes," and that's what most people called them around Nike. There was supposed to have been a scene in the movie in which Marty plays Slamball, a game like 3D racquetball where the participants wear magnetic shoes which allow them to climb up the walls. That scene was never shot because the cost of building a huge room on gimbals to create the effect was too great.
The REAL name of the shoes in Marty McFly's world of 2015 was the "Nike Mag" because of their magnetic properties, and that's what is molded in the back of the heel.
The shoe is in "good" condition for what it is, but since the polyurethane midsole and fabric body of the shoe were simply spray-painted in the suggested color, some of the paint has flaked off over time. The LEDs, the electro-luminescent panel on the ankle strap, and one of the two electro-luminescent panels on the midsole still work. The other midsole panel comes on if you flex the shoe slightly.
Current bidding is at $2,550 with two days left. I'd bid on it, but I have two feet. Oh, and I try to stay clear of footwear that requires you have a battery pack strapped to your junk. That's just me though. Somebody call me when the hoverboard from the movie is for sale. And it better still hover.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of just how poorly things age when brought back in time.
Continue Reading " eBay: Back To The Future II Shoe Prototype "
Jul 10 2008 Limited Edition Star Wars Adidas Shoes
This is the first I'd heard about the limited edition Star Wars x Adidas Super Stars sneakers (do people still say sneakers? I do) but apparently they came out a couple months ago and were limited to 800 pairs per side of the force (that's 800 dark side, 800 light side). So they're probably already snatched up. I looked on eBay and nada. So, yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to write a couple threatening letters to Adidas to send me a pair.
Great attention to detail was taken by Adidas for these sneakers. The "Yoda" Super Stars feature a hemp upper much like something the Jedi Master wore on his home planet of Dagobah. In addition to the good choice of colors and materials, Adidas also covered the lace tips in the neon green color of Yoda's lightsaber. The "Darth Vader" Super Stars takes inspiration from the characters mask. The parallel lines on the side are like that covering Vader's mouth and the black patent leather to represent the glossy finish. Again Adidas finished off the kicks with red lace tips to match Vader's lightsaber.
Okay, so I just found a place that had been selling them (sold out now) for $275. Which, around here, is the same price as 11 mediocre lap dances (22 on buy one get one free night). And, honestly, which would feel better on your weary soles(!)? The prosecution rests.
Hit the jump for a ton more pictures of both the Vader and Yoda models.
Jul 7 2008 Back To The Future II Marty McFly Hyperdunks Coming Next Month, No Word On Hoverboard
In a move that makes Nike infinitely cooler in my eyes, the company had decided to release a model similar to those seen in Back to the Future II. Of course I'll never buy them, but at least they're trying. Unfortunately the Marty McFly Hyperdunks have laces and don't vacuum-fit to your feet. So the similarities basically end at looking kind of like the ones in the movie. They do sport "Flywire technology" though, which doesn't mean anything really except they're allegedly lightweight. Available late next month (July) for an undisclosed amount of future money, I'll most certainly be passing. The time machine is near completion so I'll just travel to the future and snag the real thing.
UPDATE: Just went for my first spin into the future.
Bad news: There are no cool shoes in the future, only killer robots.
Good news: I called it, pay up!
Hit the jump for the scene in the movie where Marty first puts the shoes on.
Jun 27 2008 Stormtrooper High Heels May Make Your Boyfriend's Head Explode Like The Death Star
I'm pretty confident I speak for everyone here when I say there's nothing a geek finds sexier than a stormtrooper. Am I right? Am I right? I am. And what better way to get your girlfriend in on your sick fetish than some Stormtrooper high heels? A girlfriend that would have typically laughed you down will now happily don the costume, as trying on a new pair of shoes is simply too temping for a woman to pass up. Am I right? Am I right? I am. No but seriously honey, put these on. Wow you're hot, now stomp on my junk. That's the stuff. Now pew-pew me in the head and call me Luke.
Stormtrooper High Heels Are Key to All Your Sex Fantasies [gizmodo]
Thanks Shawn, now I really do want a pair.
Jun 23 2008 Custom Aqua Teen Hunger Air Force Ones
I die a little inside every day that I don't post some custom painted shoes, so rest assured that if you don't like them, at least you're not suffering as much as I am. Oh, and you see what I did with the title there? I combined Aqua Teen Hunger Force with Air Force One, a popular Nike shoe. Sure this isn't a Nike, but Aqua Teen British Knights Force sounds stupid. Wait, no it doesn't. Anyway, this is a custom painted Aqua Teen Hunger Force shoe made for someone's birthday.
Artist's Comments:Aqua Teen Hunger Force from Adult Swim.
The left shoe for Mallery's birthday shoes.(Kept laces off for better pictures.)
Haha, Mallery -- you only got one shoe for your birthday. Sucks to be you. Just like it sucked being me when I needed glasses and my dad only got me a monocle and an eyepatch.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force shoe [deviantart]
Thanks Karla, I had almost forgotten I looked like a piratey Mr. Peanut growing up
