Nov 2 2009 I'm A Mommy!: Wiimote Baby Doll Peripheral

It was only a matter of time before somebody realized what a cash cow a baby doll Wiimote peripheral would be. Cover your daughter's eyes, it's Baby and Me!

Baby and Me comes with a doll, but not just any doll. This doll features a slot for the Wii remote so that the game can track feeding, playing, and excessive shaking motions. The game also features Balance Board support so that you can rock baby to sleep.

Wow that sounds....not fun. Of course, I'm not a five year old that wishes she were a mommy. And, God-willing, neither is your daughter. NO DATING TILL YOU'RE 30! What was....did you just talk back to daddy? 35!!

put your wii remote inside a baby [technabob]

Sep 16 2009 But I Was Gonna Eat That!: 'Danger: High Voltage' As Demonstrated By A Watermelon

You know how all those high-voltage capacitors have warning signs that tell you not to sit on them or play around them but you do anyways because you're an ultra-L337 badass from the planet Choke-slam? Well this is a video demonstration of what can happen if a drunk electrical worker accidentally left some of the wires exposed and you sat on them. Except, in this demo they use a watermelon instead of your buttocks. The same thing would happen to your ass though, trust me. You see these? *knock knock knock* Wooden cheeks. I'm just like George Washington! Except way handsomer and a better leader.

So, This Is What Those High Voltage Danger Signs Mean [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison, who actually taught 'ol George how to make love like an eagle falling out of the sky.

Aug 31 2009 I've Seen It All Now: A 2:30 News Report About A Broom That Stands On Its Own

This is a two and a half minute news report from Alabama about a woman who thinks there's "a little holy spirit" in her new consignment shop because she can stand a broom up unsupported in three separate locations. I watched the whole thing but I highly recommend you not unless you really hate yourself or are into masochism (I am). Which reminds me -- did I ever tell you about the time I had a woman stomp around on my chest with golf cleats on and then hit balls off my nipples? Of course not, cause it's none of your business. Fore!

Hit the jump for an equally horrible (but MUST SEE) news report about a bear in some woman's backyard, complete with cardboard cutout reenactment.

Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: A 2:30 News Report About A Broom That Stands On Its Own "

Aug 24 2009 Questionable: A Shocking Beer Bottle Opener

This is a cheap $3.50 bottle opener that shocks any idiot moron foolish enough to ignore the giant 'Shock Can Opener' graphic on the front. Plus, hopefully their hand will be wet so they really get it. Me? I wouldn't care. You could hook a car battery to my nips every time I opened a beer and I'd still drink a whole case CAUSE I AM A THIRSTY DUDE.

Product Site
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electric shock bottle opener gives you a buzz before your booze does [technabob]

Aug 21 2009 Uh-Oh: Gamers More Likely To Be Depressed

No that isn't me. That is a sad gamer. You see, a recent study found that gamers are more likely to be depressed than non-gamers. Shocking, I know.

The average gamer is 35, overweight, and more likely to be depressed, says a new study conducted by researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

The study, which was carried out in the Seattle-Tacoma area, found that gamers reported "lower extraversion, consistent with research on adolescents that linked video-game playing to a sedentary lifestyle and overweight status, and to mental-health concerns."

Oh yeah? Well I'm only 28, overweight and depressed. So put that in your study and smoke it like a bong (BLUBLBLUBLBLUBLBLUBLUB)!

Study: Games are depressing...or are they? [yahoo]

Thanks to Matt, who is like a giraffe in a potato sack.

Aug 1 2009 TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED!

The TASER Shockwave system was designed to shoot any number of tasers off simultaneously, so you can shock a whole bunch of people at once. Or kill one poor bastard.

The TASER Shockwave is a modular system, letting you bunch together dozens of these TASER X26 stun guns. That oughta keep those evildoers at bay -- when they get within 25 feet of this monster, you open up a can of electro-whoopass while you sit pretty with your remote control trigger 100 meters away.

This beast is designed to "instantaneously incapacitate multiple personnel," and is designed for violent crowds and riot situations.

Really? Because this seems ridiculously expensive for something a little tear gas could do. Or a tank. You steer, I'll man the cannon!

PEW

That. Felt. AMAZING. Like love, but even better. Plus, it won't tear your heart out afterward. *sniff* Hold me, cannon.

TASER Shockwave, a stunning wall of hurt [dvice]

Jul 22 2009 TASER TASER TASER!: New Taser Shoots Three Probes For Zapping Multiple Perps

The TASER X3 is just that, a taser that shoots three separate probes for shocking several victims at once. Or, fire them all into one perp and watch that sucker light up like a Christmas tree!

The new weapon will be officially unveiled on July 27th, but in anticipation of that glorious day, TASER has kindly posted an employee demonstration video of shooting three entirely underpaid women in the back, to the applause of onlookers.

Yes, women. And yes, the guy yells TASER TASER TASER before blasting them all. Which, apparently, is the cool thing to do. Now I'm not saying I could have taken all three shots and still been standing, but I totally could have. Hell, I could have probably taken five. No, ten. Twenty! GIMME THE CHAIR!

Triple-shot TASER X3 imminent, deranged employees celebrate with mock executions [engadget]

Thanks to Julian and michelle, who could take like fifteen shots and still punch you in the face.

Jul 21 2009 Guy Huffs Gas, Gets Tasered, Catches Fire

In a tale of spontaneous human combustion, a man who had been huffing gasoline (real Transformers drink it) was tasered by police and went up in a ball of flames. Sweeeeeet.

Police said they were responding to a complaint at a house when (36-year old Ronald) Mitchell ran outside carrying a cigarette lighter and a plastic bottle containing what they believed was fuel.

When he refused to stop running towards them, one officer Tasered him, police said.

The man was immediately engulfed in flames, but the officer threw him to the ground and smothered the blaze with his hands, the statement said.

Mitchell was charged with assault to prevent arrest and possession of a sniffing substance.

An 18-year-old woman threw rocks at the officer as he tried to help and he was later treated for a cut on his head and burns to his hands, police said.

Ha, that chick brought rocks to a taser fight, what an idiot. And also, am I gonna get arrested for possession of a sniffing substance for this can of gasoline? Because, sorry coppers, that ain't happening! *glug glug glug glug glug* Transform and 7x7 is 35!

Tasered 'Petrol-Sniffer' Bursts Into Flames [yahoonews]

Thanks to Thumperchica, Justin, Jon, Stephen and Ptentacle, who wanted to roast marshmallows on him.

Jul 20 2009 Kid Drinks Gasoline To Be Like Transformer

Some 14-year old kid in China has been drinking gasoline since he was 9 to become more like a Transformer. Unfortunately, he's become more like an idiot moron.

The youngster was so impressed that he began drinking fuel on a daily basis to "obtain energy" and become a mighty warrior like the Transformers.

"Since my son start to drink gas, his intelligence quotient dropped sharply and he couldn't figure out addition and subtraction of sums within 100," the father said. "Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he doesn't know the answer of 7 plus 17."

To the boy's credit, I don't know what 7 plus 17 is either (87?). Still, I love the smell of gasoline as much as the next guy, but actually drinking it? That's just crazy talk. I love robots. So was that.

Transformers fan drank gasoline to gain energy [russiatoday]
via
Optimus Prime Cocktail [runawaytheologian]

Thanks to Anthony, who once drank bleach to be more like a washing machine.

Jul 6 2009 Gruesome: Billboards Bleed When It Rains

An ad agency in New Zealand made a series of billboards that remind drivers to slow down and "drive to the conditions" during the rainy season. The billboards, which feature a young person's face, start bleeding whenever it rains.

"The advertising agency that came up with the sign says the goal was to reduce the road toll by creating maximum awareness through unease."

Unease is right, I can barely look at my monitor, let alone the road. HOLY SHIT I'M DRIVING.

Bleeding Billboard [buzzfeed]

Thanks to towhee, who just pulls over and makes out whenever it rains. Oooh la la.

Jun 22 2009 Girl Electrocutes Herself Tweeting In Bathtub

Following in the trend of tweeting from the bathroom, a 17-year old Romanian girl died while apparently trying to Twitter from the tub (this new loofah feels great!).

The Austrian times says that Maria Barbu was, in fact, in the tub while using Twitter when she likely reached to plug in her charger with a wet hand, electrocuting herself in the process.

As much fun as I do want to make of Maria, you really can't blame her. Women understanding electricity? BWHAHAH AHAH HA HA! God, I needed that.

Girl Dies by Electrocution While Twitting in Bathtub, Apocalypse Draws Nearer [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who once showered with a toaster but the bread got all soggy.

Jun 13 2009 Meat Hero: Man Gets Struck By Lightning While BBQing, Only Utters 'Sausages'

Eric Brocklebank, 64, got struck by lightning while manning the barbecue. And what did he have to say about it? Sausages.

"It was like an implosion inside my body."

"There was so much pressure inside of me and I couldn't see properly. I could just make out the faint outline of people heading my way."

It came in through my arm, which is burnt, then it must have gone down through my body and out through my feet."

He added: "I was told the only thing I could say as I was drifting in and out of consciousness was 'sausages'."

Somebody get this man an award. Not only does he brave the elements to cook some delicious meat, but he gets struck by lightning and SOMEHOW KEEPS HIS BURNT EYES ON THE SAUSAGE-Y PRIZE. My God they must have been delicious.

Lightning bolt heats up BBQ [thesun]

Thanks to Vask, who nominates Eric for a 2009 Wiener Award.

May 17 2009 Inventor Denied Patent For Human 'Killer Chip'

A Saudi inventor was recently denied a German patent for what is being described as a "killer chip". What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.

The basic model would consist of a tiny GPS transceiver placed in a capsule and inserted under a person's skin, so that authorities could track him easily. Model B would have an extra function -- a dose of cyanide to remotely kill the wearer without muss or fuss if authorities deemed he'd become a public threat.

The inventor said the chip could be used to track terrorists, criminals, fugitives, illegal immigrants, political dissidents, domestic servants and foreigners overstaying their visas.

"The invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law -- which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals

If the aliens have taught us anything, it's that the key to successful human tracking is NOT LETTING THE HUMANS KNOW. You embed a cyanide chip under my skin and guess what -- I'm cutting it out. With my teeth. Oh I'm sorry, was that too hardcore for you? Yeah, well one time I ate two of my own toes because I hadn't eaten dessert.

Saudi 'Killer Chip' Implant Would Track, Eliminate Undesirables [foxnews]

Thanks to Dustin and philip, who track people the old fashioned way: by looking for footprints and shit. Literally, looking for shit.

May 7 2009 Duke Nukem Forever Is Not Happening :(

In news that should surprise no one, apparently Duke Nukem Forever, the much anticipated follow up title in development since 1997(!!!), is being scrapped. I guess that's what happens when you take 12 years to develop a game.

Game On just received a somewhat cryptic form-email from development studios Deep Silver and Apogee Entertainment (a legal alias for 3D Realms) stating, simply, that "Deep Silver and Apogee Software are not affected by the situation at 3D Realms" and that "Development on the Duke Nukem Trilogy is continuing as planned." No further details were offered, or reference made to what the "situation at 3D Realms" actually is.

The situation, I suspect, is pissing money into a game for 12 years and seeing no return. I mean, I'm not financial analyst or anything, but I do know I want to ring the bell at the NYSE someday.

Duke Nukem For-Never? 3D Realms Shutting Down [pcworld]

Thanks to JMR and Nathan, who remember Duke when he was just Duke Napalmem.

Apr 27 2009 I Want Out: Electrocuting Rubber Duckie

Looking for a way out but second guessing your decision to dive into a volcano? Enter the Electric Bath Duck, a suicide assistance device that allegedly works better than a toaster. Thankfully, it's fake. But listen -- I don't want any of you killing yourselves anyways, you hear me? Because then who would read the words I write? Nobody, that's who. My family doesn't even read my diary anymore and I leave it open on the coffee table. So if you are having suicidal thoughts, seek help. And remember folks, I'm here for you. God may have spited me downstairs, but I do have big ears.

Hit the jump for a shot of the back.

Continue Reading " I Want Out: Electrocuting Rubber Duckie "

Apr 17 2009 Surprise!: Japanese Video Game Harnesses Head Tracking Technology For Perversion

Japanese erotic game maker Teatime's latest perversion comes in the form of Tech48, a platform which allows players to look at the in-game characters using head-tracking technology via webcam. What does this mean to the lay-pervert? More realistic upskirt action. Wow, using the latest in technology for deviancy, I'm shocked. Just kidding, it's the American way. Did I say American? I mean Japanese. My God those people are geniuses.

Hit the jump for a video of the perversion in action (upskirt demo starts at 2:30).

Continue Reading " Surprise!: Japanese Video Game Harnesses Head Tracking Technology For Perversion "

Mar 18 2009 Imperial March Tesla Coil And Faraday Suit

This is some guy testing his new Faraday suit with a Tesla coil playing the Imperial March. It looks like fun. And by fun I mean this guy is nuts. I don't care how harmless it is, you just don't go messing around with something that looks that much like lightning. Reminds me of the time I accidentally broke one of those plasma lamps at Spencer's Gifts. You know what happened? An electric plasma ball escaped and blew up the food court. Also, it told me to look under a dressing room door at Victoria's Secret. True story.

Youtube

Thanks to JAG and Martyn, who have both beat Zeus in an arm-wrestling match and then called him a sissy and struck him with a bolt of his own lightning. Hardcore to power of Mount Olympus!

Mar 5 2009 Wow, I'm Shocked: Robot Programmed To Love Goes Too Far, Commences Stalking

Kenji, a third-generation humanoid, was programmed by Toshiba's Akimu Robotic Research Institute to emulate human emotions, including love. But shockingly, Kenji has gone haywire and will probably end up killing off all his love interests.

The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.

Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.

Oh hell no you crackpot. Ain't no love for robots here. It's kill or be killed. YOUR EXPERIMENT FAILED MISERABLY -- GIVE UP. Seriously, we need this guy behind bars STAT. The day I'm forced to love a robot is the day I stab that mechanical beast through the eye-camera with a rusty screwdriver and sparks fly everywhere as I mash it around in his brain real good until the BEEPITY BOOP BEEPING stops and I push my would-be mechanical lover off me and take a nap.

Robot Programmed to Love Goes too Far [muckflash]

Thanks to Jon, who once kicked a robot in the metallic junk for stepping on his shoe.

Jan 27 2009 Awh Yeah: Some Sexy Pokemon Cosplay

It's already been noted here on Geekologie that I have a thing for Pokemon. Now that may or may not be true, but the point I'm trying to make is that I would totally do the chick in these photos. I mean it too, I would get mad electric up on that. With a car battery. "WHERE'S THE MASTER BALL?!"

Hit the jump for three more. One has a yellow car partially in the shot.

Continue Reading " Awh Yeah: Some Sexy Pokemon Cosplay "

Dec 24 2008 Scientists Say 'Sex Chips' Are Coming Soon

Sex chips. My God, what if they come in honey bbq flavor?

The chip works by sending tiny shocks from implanted electrodes in the brain.

Neurosurgery professor Tipu Aziz, said: "There is evidence that this chip will work. A few years ago a scientist implanted such a device into the brain of a woman with a low sex drive and turned her into a very sexually active woman. She didn't like the sudden change, so the wiring in her head was removed."

An electronic machine, named the Orgasmatron (pictured above), taken from the 1973 Woody Allen film Sleeper, is already under development by a North Carolina doctor, who is modifying a spinal cord stimulator to produce pleasure in women.

I mean, this is great and all, but for the ultimate in pleasure, I've got two words for you: me. Baby, I will take you places you've never been. Including, but not limited to: the emergency room, and Advance Auto. Ladies?

'Sex chip' being developed by scientists [telegraph]

Thanks to Pete, who, behind me (not literally), is the world's 2nd greatest lover. It's true, he even has the coffee mug to prove it.