Oct 26 2009 What Could Go Wrong?: Razor Blade Soap

Razor blade soap is exactly what it sounds like, unless you thought it was razor blade shaped soap, in which case it's not. No, razor blade soap has an actual razor blade inside. A nice rusty one. But don't worry -- you'll bleed out well before the lockjaw sets in. Available for $7/bar, it makes the perfect gift for that special someone in the slammer. Alternatively, Polish roulette!

Razor Blade Soap Puts Your Nipples At Risk [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who once made soap with a revolver inside and shot himself in the butt. Use a wash cloth, bro.

Oct 3 2009 Needs More Cowbell: Geekologie Reader's Christopher Walken Ballpoint Portrait

This is a ballpoint pen portrait of everyone's favorite half-zombie Christopher Walken by loyal Geekologie Reader and comic book artist Jesse Starr. It was created in approximately 30 hours with no errors using nothing but black Bic ballpoint pens. Good lookin', Jesse -- I sure as hell could never do that. You see, I'm too prone to making mistakes. I'm looking at you, son. Kidding! But call your sisters in here so I can look at them.

UPDATE: Portrait is available for sale ($2K) on eBay HERE.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the impressiveness.

Continue Reading " Needs More Cowbell: Geekologie Reader's Christopher Walken Ballpoint Portrait "

Sep 19 2009 That's Classy: Truckvette Spotted At Walmart

That has got to be the fastest looking truck I've ever seen. And I saw a truck shot out of a cannon before, so I know. Still, needs truck nuts.

TRUCK-VETTE [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Alan, who once drove a truck to the moon and did donuts in a crater. Bitchin'!

Sep 15 2009 Are You Out Of Your Damn Mind? Alternatively: Oh Helllllllll No: A Needle Wielding, Blood Sucking Robot

Can you count the number of things wrong in the picture above? If you answered, "every single one", congratulations, you are correct. You see, Bloodbot is a robot designed to stab you with a needle. And I think we can all agree: that is exactly NOT what Jesus would do.

The robot consists of an arm with a needle and a probe. In order to find an accessible vein, the robot probes around your arm until it finds an area of flesh that is a little bit less squishy than the rest. Then it jabs you with a needle, and when it feels a little pop indicating that it's punched through into a vein, it knows to stop the jabbage, lest it go right through the other side of your vein, out the back of your arm, and into your femoral artery, causing a massive amount of hemorrhaging that will no doubt kill you in minutes.

So far, the robot is accurate about 78% of the time.

Hell no. Helllllllllll no. I don't care if it's accurate 110% of the time, no robot is getting anywhere near these precious, alcohol filled veins with a needle. I'd rather stab myself in the heart with a cannonball. And not just because I'm a pirate, but I do love booty. Seriously -- back that thang up, wench!

Bloodbot Stabs You Like A Pro [botjunkie]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and qix, who once stabbed a pair of robots in the eyes with syringes full of acid and made them melt from the inside out. Nice, guys, I like your style.

Sep 12 2009 Scratch Meeeeee!: Super Mario Fingernails

This is somebody's false fingernails that photobucket user nailchick27 painted with a Super Mario Bros. 3 theme. As you can see, they're good looking. I can't say for certain I'd date a girl with nails like that (because I wouldn't), but I would let her give me a back scratch. Harder. Go on, harder. HARDER. DO IT TILL YOU SEE RIBS! Now smoke a rack, I'm getting hungry.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the whole set.

Continue Reading " Scratch Meeeeee!: Super Mario Fingernails "

Aug 24 2009 Wow, That's Ridiculous: This Pizza Cutter

Because rich people sometimes struggle to find new things to blow their money on, Frankie Flood makes custom, one-of-a-kind pizza cutters. No word on price or if they're dishwasher safe, but from the looks of this one, no. That thing will kill every dish in the washer and then start eying your cupboard. Look out, little Indian!

The most intense-looking pizza cutters ever? [dvice]

Thanks to Dan, who cuts pizza the way nature intended: with a rusty battle axe.

Jun 26 2009 Samurai Swordsman Cuts Baseball In Half

Resident samurai Isao Machii returns, this time cutting a launched baseball in half. Unfortunately, it took him two tries. I could have done it in one, making a second ball obsolete. Rollerblading accident. It unraveled.

Japanese Samurai Slices Pitched Baseball In Half [totalprosports]

Thanks to Dan, who once chopped a thrown bowling ball in half with laser vision.

Jun 22 2009 Lookin' Sharp: Klingon Inspired Baby Products

Want your child to grow up a powerful warrior with a mountain range for a head? Then you're in luck, thanks to this traditional Klingon blade inspired crib! You just place your little tyke in there, occasionally throw a lion in the room for him/her to battle, and six years later, PRESTO, you're arrested for child neglect. Also, you have a pack of hungry lions living in your nursery.

Hit the jump to see a rocking horse and baby rattle of the same style.

Continue Reading " Lookin' Sharp: Klingon Inspired Baby Products "

Jun 15 2009 Alleged Anti-Stab Knife Won't Stab To Kill

Allegedly this New Point knife was designed to be unable to stab someone to death. Questionable, I know.

Mr Cornock, 42, from Swindon, said that the knife will cut vegetables, but will make it almost impossible to stab someone to death and will reduce the risk of accidental injuries.

He said: "It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can't inflict a fatal wound. Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.

I call shenanigans. There's no such thing as a stab-proof knife. I could hands-down kill somebody (or something -- I'm looking at you, zombie robot) with this thing. Shit, one time I stabbed a guy to death with a brick.

First Anti-Stab Knife Prevents Deadly Kitchen "Accidents" [gizmodo]

Thanks to Pew³, who doesn't need knives because the dude's made of lasers.

May 15 2009 What A Princess: Bride's LED Wedding Dress

Some bride, in a bid to be the classiest bride of all classy times, had a dress made with 300 LEDs sewn into the bottom poofy part. And let me tell you, the applause when she turns it on during her first dance is deafening. And how about that song from Armageddon? I'm not sure if you've seen the movie BUT THEY ALL DIE IN THE END. I'm just sayin', you can't put a price on looking like a Christmas tree at your own wedding.

LED wedding outfits aren't exactly classy [dvice]

May 5 2009 Guy Make Fully Functional Wolverine Claws

Not to be outdone by the Tomahawk Skull Gauntlet, some guy went and made his own fully functional Wolverine claws out of a bunch of copper tubing and sharp metal. They're surprisingly impressive and make pretty short work out of a cardboard box. Which, I think we can all agree, is humanity's real enemy. *SNIKT* Die, tree-zombie!

Hit the jump for a longer video of the assembly and dude giving them the ol' block of Styrofoam test (starting around 3:00).

Continue Reading " Guy Make Fully Functional Wolverine Claws "

Apr 30 2009 I'd Buy One: The NES Controller Mouse

Sadly, the NES Controller Mouse is only conceptual. But, if there's enough consumer interest, I'll step forward and manufacture them myself (read: collect money for pre-orders and skip the country). Capitalism baby, gotta love it. Also, self-conscious strippers and breakfast cereal options.

nintendo nes controller mouse: when can i buy one? [technabob]

Thanks to Matt, Julian and RaDe, who know Count Chocula and Cap'n Crunch make the world go round. Illuminati.

Apr 24 2009 Modern Samurai Returns With More HI-YA

I'm not sure if you enjoyed the last episode of Isao Machii: Modern Samurai as much as I did, but if you didn't, you should watch it again until you do. Then we can start a book club. But instead of books we'll discuss Youtube videos and drink beer. Plus, if you're a chick, we could make out. Hell, even if you're not but willing to wear a Dilophosaurus costume. Anyway, I'm sure you've just been chilling till the next episode, but chill no longer, because here she blows. The highlights:

0:45: Isao cuts the wick off a burning candle. The GW begins practicing for his next birthday party.
2:30: Isao cuts the skin off a piece of asparagus. My pee smells funny after I eat asparagus.
4:40: Isao slices the tail off an arrow that's been shot at him. I reconsider bringing a bow and arrow to a samurai sword fight.
8:30: Isao cuts a steel plate in half without bending or warping the piece at all. I consider hiring Isao for future construction jobs.

Well folks, there you have it, the latest from a modern Samurai. And now, the latest from a modern Don Juan:

Last night: Woman at the bar rejected all my advances, despite my insistence I could make her internet famous. Went home alone and treated myself to a stranger in the bathtub.

Too romantic?

Youtube

Thanks to Tom and Jason, who can cut through steel with just a glance and have to wear those special shades Cyclops wears. Just kidding, they're fake Oakleys.

Apr 20 2009 Awesome: Dog Named Link Dressed As Link

Loyal Geekologie Reader Natalia sent me pictures of her dog, Link, dressed as our favorite video game adventurer of the same name. As you can see, his costume is complete with classic green tunic, sword and shield. And that, my friends, is awesome. So awesome, in fact, I've been inspired to rename my dog Zelda and make her a dress.

UPDATE: BAD IDEA -- BAD IDEA!

Hit the jump for two more.

Continue Reading " Awesome: Dog Named Link Dressed As Link "

Apr 15 2009 Highly Questionable: 'Mow The Lawn' Ad

This is the second in a series of highly questionable commercials (tulips on the mound -- WTF?!) for the Shick Quattro For Women TrimStyle with Bikini Trimmer. Which, if you couldn't tell by the name, is a beaver cleaver. Now I'm not going to go into the racial stereotypes presented in this commercial, but needless to say there were some. Admittedly, I do like to keep myself trimmed. And my ladyfriends too. And not just because it won't reach if we both aren't, but that's totally why. Also, what's up with the perfectly spherical bush? Do you women actually do that? Pictures or it didn't happen.

Youtube

Thanks to Abbo and Eric the Cleric, who don't use razors because they have lasers. That, uh, that sounds scary, guys.

Apr 14 2009 Blade Work: Isao Machii, Modern Samurai

This is a video of Isao Machii, who is billed as a modern-day Samurai, showing off his skills with the blade. It's a long video, so I'll direct you to the good parts.

1:45: Cuts the top half of a mushroom's cap off. Sent shivers down my pants.
3:30: Horizontally cuts a bean lengthwise. Sent shivers down my pants.
5:15: Cuts a 6mm Airsoft BB shot at him in half. GW realizes bringing a gun to a Samurai fight might not be enough.
8:00: Cuts an iron pipe in half without bending or warping the pipe. This part is skippable, since I totally could have done that. With my penis. HI-YA, BITCHES!

Youtube

Thanks to Jason, who once got a watermelon pregnant just by glancing at it in the produce section of the grocery store.

Apr 10 2009 Woman Tries To Break Up Sword Fight, Dies

In the latest of a string of sword attacks, a woman tried to break up her husband and grandson involved in a serious swordfight, and ended up getting stabbed and killed. And that, my friends, is why you always bring a gun to a swordfight.

The fight was reported about 1 a.m. today. Rondeau (39) and Adolf Stegbauer, 69, both of Indianapolis, were "actively involved in a sword fight," IMPD spokesman Sgt. Matt Mount said in a statement. One man used what police described as a World War II Japanese officer's sword and another had a thin blade sword, although investigators were not immediately certain which weapon was used by which man.

Preliminary reports from police said that Franziska Stegbauer, 77, Indianapolis, tried to break up the fight and was fatally stabbed. Police found all three victims inside the residence on Raceway Road when they arrived early this morning.

Police said Rondeau was Franziska Stegbauer's grandson.

Well Happy Easter to you too! Thankfully, tipster Chuck Nunchuck was kind enough to create a graphic of what the confrontation obviously looked like, so that was nice. Good lookin', Chuck, but it could have used some more PEW PEW. Love that stuff.

Woman dies after intervening in sword fight [indystar]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, twice as deadly as that sissy-boy Chuck Norris.

Apr 4 2009 Hardcore: Man Gets Hand Cut Off With Samurai Sword, Punches Attacker With Stump

Peter Rogers is a hardcore dude. First he insults some guy's girlfriend's mother, and then, in the resulting bar fight, gets his hand cut off with a samurai sword but continues to punch his attacker in the face with his bloody stump. Wow, Mr Rogers (I really loved your little train set!).

Detective Garda Tony Gleeson told Dublin Circuit Criminal Court that Russell severed Mr Roger's hand at the wrist with his first swing of the sword and his hand fell to the ground. Mr Rogers continued to struggle with Russell and at one stage punched the accused in the face with the stump of his arm.

Det Gda Gleeson said that Mr Rogers had been in the pub with a number of friends that day when he heard someone shout, "there's the c**t" before he was struck from behind with a hammer. This blow came from Russell's co-accused and friend who was then wrestled away by bar staff.

Russell then swung a samurai sword at Mr Rogers and continued to strike at him four or five times before staff dragged him away. He was restrained by the bar manager but managed to escape and fled the scene.

Det Gda Gleeson said that one customer picked up Mr Rogers' hand and placed it in ice in a black bag. The victim was taken to the Mater hospital where he underwent emergency surgery to re-attach his hand. He is 'unlikely to regain full use' of limb.

First of all, good looking, Mr Rogers (I loved that episode where you visited the post office!) Secondly, how the hell do you get a samurai sword into a bar? I mean, I can't even count the times I've been frisked because a doorman suspected my penis was a WMD (which, to their credit, it totally is. Ladies?). Lastly, sorry to hear about your hand, Mr Rogers (don't forget to feed the fish!), but look on the bright side -- Best. Strangers. EVER.

Sword attacker sliced off victim's left hand [independent]

Thanks to Matthew and Cian, who once got their hands cut off but only cried about it. Wow, you two could really learn a thing or two from Mr Rogers here. Including, but not limited to: how to be a good neighbor.

Mar 12 2009 Freaky Deaky: DIY Bedroom Toy Goes Wrong

Now I'm not saying there's not a place for reciprocating saws in the bedroom, I'm just saying if you do decide to get freaky with a power tool, TAKE THE BLADE OFF FIRST. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (except really, really dire ones) just ram a fake wiener on the existing blade. Because then you'll end up like this poor lady.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.

Trying something new -- I'll say! When I think 'trying something new' I think a clean sock or sitting on my hand for awhile, not power tools. Although....

MEDIC!

Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter [nbcnewyork]
via
Saber Saw Sex Toy Incident: DIY Gone Very, Very Wrong [gizmodo]

Mar 9 2009 You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword

The Belt Sword is a questionable sword hidden within a belt. It was created to make dorks feel safe even though in a real-life situation they'd either forget they were wearing the thing or stab themselves trying to get it out. Also, they look suspiciously like aluminum-foil wrapped cardboard. The belt with 24" and 27" swords costs $150. $210 if you want five swords (24", 27", 29", 31", and 33"). Sorry folks, but I'm not interested. No, unlatching my buckle releases another, much more powerful weapon. Obviously, I'm talking about a flying dragon. *unbuckling* KA-P....uh-oh. Looks like the proverbial chicken has flown the coop. And, oh God -- taken off with the eggs.

Hit the jump to see more of this chick, along with a picture of the system and links to the product page and video demonstrations.

Continue Reading " You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword "