May 2 2009 DO NOT WANT: Worst MacBook Pro Ever
Ryan went to Best Buy to buy a MacBook Pro. And he did. Or so he thought. Then he brought it home and realized it was a brick. A real brick! Still, it's a step up from rocks.
When I got home I opened the box and found a paving stone packed with bubble wrap, instead of the Macbook Pro. I returned to the store and the manager, "Keith", was not too willing to help me out. He kept falling back on the line "Apple seals the boxes, not us. Take it up with Apple."
I have sent an email to Best Buy corporate and have contacted my credit card company. Unfortunately, they can't do anything until the charge posts.So right now, I paid $2164.89 for a very nice red brick.
ZOMG, I've burnt stores to the ground for less. Like that drug store that was out of Magnums. Okay, that never happened. But if it did....
I wouldn't know what to do with all that penis!
$2164.89 Paving Stone in a MacBook Pro Box Looks Nice, But Won't Run Photoshop [consumerist]
Thanks to Jeremy, who thought he was buying a cinder block but it turned out to be a Ferrari. You lucky dog!
Mar 29 2009 ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face
First of all, Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy, is 44 years old. In the infomercials he doesn't look a day over a very douchey 25. Secondly, a $1,000 hooker tried biting his tongue off during a sexual encounter at a South Beach hotel and Vince was forced to ShamPow her in the face until she let go. Damn, that is some freaky cannibal S & M shit. And lastly, since when is being the ShamWow guy not enough to get a dude laid for free? Next thing you know you'll tell me Ron Popeil isn't sticking his Solid Flavor Injector to a bunch of groupies. Now back me up here, Ron. Ron? What do you mean you're a 'Pocket Fisherman'?
Hit the jump for a raggedly looking ShamWow guy and hooker.
Feb 24 2009 The Whitest Kids You Know: Star Wars VII
This is a slightly NSFW (they say the f word a few times) Whitest Kids U'Know skit about making Star Wars VII with George Lucas. It was okay. I actually chuckled at one point around 2:35. But then I cried. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? Strong men also cry....strong men also cry. I just happen to cry battery acid mixed with snake venom. Makes a great stain-remover! So great, in fact, that the ShamWow douche will stop at nothing to get my secret formula. So you know what I did? I ShamWow whipped him in the face and it sucked his eyeballs out. True story.
Youtube
Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who, despite his claims of moving on, was caught sobbing under his desk clutching a photo of Hayden Panettiere yesterday.
Nov 10 2008 World's Largest Piñata Sadly Not Filled With Thousands Of Airplane Bottles (BOOO!)
The world's largest piñata was recently constructed and displayed in Philadephia, PA as part of a publicity stunt and commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines. "The donkey was 28.5 meters (94′) long, 7.2 meters (24′) wide and 18 (60′) meters tall and fill with 3,628 lbs of candy. (8,000lbs)." Carnival got the crowd riled up by promising to bust the monster ass open with a giant wrecking ball, but never did. Which is pretty freaking disappointing. And you know what else is? That it wasn't filled with cars. Lamest. Fiesta. Ever.
Hit the jump for one more picture.
