Nov 4 2009 I Want One!: A Secret Knock Door Lock

Holy shit, it's a PVC pipe bomb! No, not really. It's the Knock Lock, a homebrew door lock that will only release the deadbolt if you perform the secret knock. Cooooool -- I want one for my clubhouse!

A microphone (okay, really a speaker) presses against the door and listens for knocks. If it hears the right number of knocks in the right cadence it triggers the motor to turn the deadbolt and unlock the door. If the sequence isn't recognized, the system resets and listens for knocks again.

There's a very worthwhile video after the jump of the lock in action. The only problem is every time you perform a knock your neighbors learn how to gain access to your apartment. Still, neat idea. But I'll just stick with my tried and true knock: KICK IN THE DOOR, WAVIN' THE FOUR-FOUR, ALL YOU HEARD WAS GW DON'T HIT ME NO MORE!! I'm serious, don't make me pistol-whip you.

Hit the jump for another shot and the video.

Continue Reading " I Want One!: A Secret Knock Door Lock "

Aug 22 2009 High Security: USB Drive Has Number Lock

Worried about somebody getting at the precious files on you flash drive? Try keeping it in your pocket and not leaving it on the bus. But if you're really worried you should handcuff it to your wrist like a briefcase filled with pirate treasure. Alternatively, get a Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive ($99).

[The drive] features a built in num keypad that requires you to enter a pin code before you can access your data. It is the 256bit encryption, if someone try to access your data by forcing access, the Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive will automatically destroy all data stored on the drive. However, if you do worry that you'll forget your PIN you can back everything up online, and there's also an optional PIN replacement assistance service available too.

Wow, that seems pretty intense. You must have some seriously serious files in order to require this much security. What are you, a spy? And, if so, how about hooking me up with a bow tie camera?

Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive [likecool]

Thanks to Ste, who keeps his data protected the old fashioned way: with hungry lions.

Aug 4 2009 Okay: Lamps That Look Like Security Cameras

The Antrepo 'I'm Not A Security Camera' is a desk lamp in the form factor of a security camera. Set it on the desk or hang it on the wall -- either way you'll think twice before looking at what you and I both know you looked at online while at work. Tsk, tsk. Plus, it might help deter stapler theft. Better than a loaded gun? No, but safer. Remember when you shot yourself in the leg trying to fill up a cup at the water cooler? That was funny. Your blood makes me laugh.

Spoticam Lamp [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Steven, who just booby traps everything instead.

Jul 23 2009 Tour Guide/Rent-A-Cop Robot Eats Children

Okay, so maybe it doesn't. OR AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THEY'D HAVE YOU BELIEVE. The Alsok Guard Robot D1 is being put to use in Fukuoka, Japan as tour guide/guard/monster piece of suck. Damn I'm good with the news!

The area's tourist attraction known as Canal City opted to use the decidedly cute and human-friendly services of a Alsok's Guard Robot D1.

In the daytime the robot functions as a kind of tour guide, offering website information and communication in Japanese, English, Chinese and Korean. At night the robot functions as a security guard, ready to alert authorities in case of trouble.

Not to start any wild rumors or anything, but I heard it touched a kid. BURN IT WITH FIRE!

Hit the jump for a video of the monster waste of money.

Continue Reading " Tour Guide/Rent-A-Cop Robot Eats Children "

May 1 2009 Cincinnati Has Its Own Superheroes, Both Super And Hero Debatable (Can I Join?)

Finally, Cincinnati has it's own superheros. Shadow Hare, a 21-year old masked vigilante, prowls the streets while leading a ragtag bag of other assholes crimefighters known as The Allegiance of Heroes (MUST SEE hero pep rally at 1:07). And, apparently, this isn't a unique phenomenon -- there's actually a World Superhero Registry (ANOTHER MUST SEE), showcasing all the real-life heroes operating around the globe. Which, after viewing, has inspired me to start my own group of crimefighters (now accepting applications). I'm thinking 'GW and the Nut-Busting Crusaders Of Truth And Cool Costumes'. Too professional?

Hit the jump for parts 2 and 3 of the news story about Shadow Hare. Trust me, best way to spend your Friday afternoon. ALLEGIANCE ASSEMBLE!

Continue Reading " Cincinnati Has Its Own Superheroes, Both Super And Hero Debatable (Can I Join?) "

Apr 7 2009 Man Finds Card Number Skimmer Attached To ATM, Removes, Takes Pictures, Internets

A man, Dan we'll call him, because that's his name (or is it? Allegedly it is), visited a Washington Mutual ATM to get some money. Pretty normal story so far, right? Did I mention he was wearing a dinosaur costume? He wasn't -- but you're right, that would have added a sexy twist. Well, when Danald was about to stick his junk in the machine, he noticed something fishy -- the junk receptacle just didn't feel right. So he ripped it off and, HIYO, a card skimmer! For those of you not in on the government conspiracy, skimmers are used to steal your credit card numbers and join adult websites. *ahem* So I've heard. Seriously though, I don't need technology to score women's numbers. Here, watch me work my magic on this chick.

Hey good lookin', what's your name? Oooh, Jenny, I like that. I'm Dick Dragon. I write Geekologie -- maybe you've heard of it? G-E-E-K-O-L-O-G-I-E. It's a website. Just Myspace, huh? Well listen -- you wanna come back to my place later and play strip Risk? No? Well how about you write your number down on this bar napkin anyways. Whoa, you actually did. 867-5309, I'll be calling you later. *wink*

A Man Finds an Actual Card Skimmer in the Wild, in the Flesh [gizmodo]

Nov 19 2008 Keep Your Money Secure With A LEGO Safe

This LEGO safe is made out of modular plastic blocks called LEGO bricks. And it has a Mindstorm NXT unit attached to handle its secret combination.

Five double digit codes protect your valuables, and the dial goes both ways, so there's a left and right entry for each number -- hence, over 305 billion possible combinations. Moving the safe will trip motion sensors and set off an alarm, and bars inside strengthen the structure.

Not bad -- as long as you're only locking up old Halloween candy or your little sister. But what if you need to protect something a little more valuable? That's right -- always cover your nuts with a free hand.

Video after the jump.

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Nov 6 2008 Fail: Drunk "Businessmen" Break Horse Statue

Police in Saratoga Springs, NY are looking for the asshats in this video for breaking that poor fiberglass horse after repeatedly trying to mount it in their drunken stupor. There were three people involved, two males and a female (obviously a lady of the night).

Catone said police officials are tracking down the hosts of two functions held Saturday night at the Saratoga Springs City Center. The three people in the video are "very well dressed, and look like they just came from a party," Catone said.

The vandals, two men and a woman in their late 20s to early 30s, are seen walking south on Broadway in front of the real estate office when the two men attempt to mount the artwork as the woman snaps pictures.

Wow. If I could count the number of times I've done stupid shit like this, well, I wouldn't be such a drunk.

Spa police searching for horse vandals [timesunion]

Longer, uncut video here and here.

Thanks to Julian, who once tried to escape a crowd of pursuing women on one of those coin-operated horse rides. He didn't make it far.

Oct 6 2008 Passengers Worried X-Ray Security Shots Will Wind Up On Facebook And Myspace

Passengers are worried that pictures from a new x-ray security camera, the "virtual strip search", will end up online and display their privates for the whole social networking world to see.

Readers feel the new security measure has gone too far.

"Sure as heck, some customs officers will make snide remarks about young girls with breast implants and people with piercings in private locations. You betcha some will appear on Facebook or MySpace," said a post on news.com.au

However, authorities insist there's nothing to worry about.

"Faces are blurred and images are not saved and cannot be transferred," said Office of Transport Security executive director Paul Retter.

Oh yeah, because I'm dying to see some fuzzy monochromatic images of a chick's privates on Facebook. Wait....I think I am. Sweet!

Passengers fear airport "virtual strip search" [news.com.au]

Oct 2 2008 Bad Idea: X-Ray Messages For Your Luggage

Evan Roth designed these custom etched metal plates to show up on X-ray machines when your luggage is scanned at the airport. And let me tell you, airport security loooooves a good joke. Like the time I drank a half liter of bourbon waiting for my flight out of Vegas and fell asleep under a chair and missed my flight by four hours. Oh man, they loved that one.

Metal Plate X-Ray Messages - Because Airport Security Officers Have A Great Sense Of Humor [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Heather, who loves being drunk in the airport as much as I do.

Sep 15 2008 Uh-Oh: Large Hadron Collider Hacked, Countdown To Destruction Initiated !!

Last week a group of hackers busted all up in the Large Hadron Collider's network and did stuff. Okay, so they didn't really do anything. That we know about.

Calling themselves the Greek Security Team, the interlopers mocked the IT used on the project, describing the technicians responsible for security as "a bunch of schoolkids."

However, despite an ominous warning "don't mess with us," the hackers said they had no intention of disrupting the work of the atom smasher.

"We're pulling your pants down because we don't want to see you running around naked looking to hide yourselves when the panic comes," they wrote in Greek in a rambling note posted on the LHC's network.

Of course they're not going to disrupt the atom smashing. They have to make sure the LHC is fully functional before they bust back in. Then they'll use the system's time machining capabilities to travel back in time and fulfill man's quest to have sex with dinosaurs. Lizard people yo, lizard people.

Hit the jump for a video explaining the experiments conducted using the LHC.

Continue Reading " Uh-Oh: Large Hadron Collider Hacked, Countdown To Destruction Initiated !! "

Sep 2 2008 Teddy Bear Phone Actually Being Made?

Willcom recently displayed a new phone at the 2008 Good Design Expo in Japan. But it doesn't stream classic 70's porno flicks or have a built in taser. Nope, The Kuma Phone just comes in the form factor of a teddy bear. The sick thing is the company actually wants to make the damn things, at $500 a pop.

It has a SIM card inside just like a real cell phone, and even stores four speed dial numbers, accessed through paw-squeezes. Awww. It vibrates and makes noises when you have incoming calls. When you get a call, just answer by gripping the bear's tail and end the call in the same way.

Awesome! One time I dropped a bunch of acid on a camping trip and a squirrel spoke to me. You know what the old and wise Rococo The Acorn Eater said? He said, "the meaning of life lies within the bear's nads". So, by deduction, the meaning of life is either monster testicles or, uh, cell phone parts.

Teddy Bear concept phone is just wrong [slipperybrick]

Thanks to Silver Sided, who once spoke into a Grizzly's balls and can now levitate and turn invisible at will.

Jul 18 2008 Guy Finds Mysterious Keylogger In Laptop

Some guy opened his laptop to make a repair and found a rogue keylogger up in that mother.

What could this mean? I called Dell tech support about it, and they said, and I quote, "The integrated service tag identifier is there for assisting customers in the event of lost or misplaced personal information." He then hung up.

I called the police, as having a keylogger unknown to me in my laptop is a serious offense. They told me to call the Department of Homeland Security. At this point, I am in disbelief. Why would the DHS have a keylogger in my laptop? It was surreal.

So I called them, and they told me to submit a Freedom of Information Act request.

You can read a scanned copy of the reply to his request after the jump, but it basically says his request warrants no freedom of information. DHS for the win! Needless to say, I'm ripping my laptop apart right now.

UPDATE: Okay, I didn't find any mysterious keyloggers, but I did find a couple rogue Cheetos.

UPDATE UPDATE: False alarm. Purportedly fake -- and old. But I'm man enough to admit when I've screwed up, and this was clearly my tipsters fault. Whew, back to surfing porn.

Hit the jump for a scanned copy of the DHS reply to the request for information.

Continue Reading " Guy Finds Mysterious Keylogger In Laptop "

Jul 14 2008 How To Win At Claw Machines: The Little Kid Method. Also, A Picture Of My Claw Winnings

We've all heard the stories before: some kid crawls into a claw machine trying to snag a free prize. Until now we just had to read about, but here comes the video! Note to parents: no matter what your paternal instincts are telling you, a claw machine is not a suitable babysitter. Hard to believe, I know.

Hit the jump for a picture I took with my cameraphone a while ago with a bunch of my claw machine winnings laid out (I'm a real catch ladies). Seriously, those are mine, and yes, the bullwhip in front actually came out of a claw machine. It was right next to a slingshot.

Continue Reading " How To Win At Claw Machines: The Little Kid Method. Also, A Picture Of My Claw Winnings "

Jul 14 2008 Impressive: Homemade Paintball Sentry

Some dude made a paintball sentry that automatically detects moving objects and lights them up (with paintballs, not light, silly!). It's pretty freaking impressive. Skip to 2:00 to see an impressive distraction test, 3:30 to see a kid on a trampoline getting destroyed, and then keep watching to see the thing shooting at a guy speeding by in a Jeep. The kid that made the unit hopes to sell them once he's fine-tuned the design, but claims, "My ridiculously low income is the only thing slowing me down." Tell me about it, paintball sentry maker, I'm right there with ya. My ridiculously low income is the only thing keeping me living in my parent's attic. Well, that and I've befriended the mice. Haven't I, Cheesy Weesy? You're my little mousey wousy, aren't you? Gimme kissy. OW, YOU BIT ME YOU LITTLE....uh-oh. Aw George, I can still tend the rabbits, can't I?

Some Guy Went and Built a Sentry Gun [kotaku]

Thanks to Harry and Sev, both of whom could easily dodge the paintballs with their l33t ninja skills

Jul 8 2008 Jump Out A Window: The Wizard Escape Pack

Look around. See any flames? Take a whiff. Does it smell like smoke? Take your iPod's earbuds out. Is there a fire-alarm blaring? If so, strap on the Wizard safety pack, attach the end of the lifeline to something sturdy (no, not your computer monitor) and then dive out a window. Now sit back and piss your dress pants while the Wizard's 250-meter cable lowers you safely to the ground. Designed by HJC Design, the promises an "automated public safety solution with up to 250-meters of reciprocating lifeline technology." You just better hope a co-worker wants your attach point and disconnects your line before you hit ground level (lest you hit ground level at a break-neck velocity). That's why I'm sticking to plan A: my trusty hang glider. Sure it takes up the entire men's bathroom, but seriously, would you rather be safe in the event of an emergency or urinate in your coworker's desk drawers? Ahhhhhhhhhh, exactly. *zip*

Wizard escape pack: too late for MacGyver, too conceptual for Bauer [engadget]

Thanks Julian, I'm thinking we'll use these to escape the strip club without paying our tab

Jul 1 2008 Paper Shampoo: Because Liquids Are Sketchy

The last time I tried to fly I woke up on the floor beside the bed. And the time before that airport security confiscated my juice box. Needless to say my hair was unkempt. So how can you get some shampoo on your next flight without a hassle? Simple -- Paper Shampoo.
Paper Shampoo comes in boxes of 30 sheets and costs $12.50 for two packages. They dissolve into a lather whenever you add water (including salt-water, which is awesome because I do the majority of my bathing at sea). Plus they're mint scented. And if there's one thing I've learned in my 40-odd years on this planet, it's this: mint-flavored hair is freaking delicious.

Paper Shampoo lets you travel with clean hair without being branded a terrorist [dvice]

Jun 10 2008 Security Robot Protects South Korean Children From "Free Candy" Scams

We've seen Japanese robot babysitters, but now South Korea is ramping it up a notch with an actual robotic security guard for children. The $100,000 robot, dubbed OFRO, has been placed in Seoul middle schools and alerts officials to suspicious behavior.

According to the developers the robot could be useful in alerting staff in case outsiders intend to seduce students. Chief Executive of Du Robo, Kang Jung-Won, told Korea Times that one of the possible scenarios is that in case OFRO spots someone trying to seduce a student it will immediately alert school's officials.

After the robot has alerted teachers, they have several opportunities: whether to warn the offender via loudspeaker or send school's security guards.

OFRO has a top speed of about 3 miles/hour which is slow as shit and can be programmed to walk a regular route or controlled manually. Now where the hell were these things when I was a kid? We had all kind of damned creeps hanging around the middle school. Seriously, Peder Lou's Free Candy Van was like a second home growing up.

South Korea Hires Robot to Protect Children [weirdasianews]

Thanks MIKAL, now lets go blow up some white vans

May 15 2008 (Oh God Please Be) FAKE: Ghost In Elevator

I watched this video a couple of times so needless to say I'm making this post from under the bed. It's allegedly a video of a ghost in a Singapore hotel's elevator (let it load and skip to 1:20 to see the goods). I'm sure it's fake as all hell. Right? It's fake right? Good, because you know ghosts scare the crap out of me. Seriously, I've got a huge mess back there. You know, I'd be more inclined to believe this was real if the ghost wasn't a dead(!) ringer for the bag lady I make out with at the train station on Mondays and Wednesdays. I know she's still kickin' -- we played a little tonsil table tennis just yesterday. I would have won too, but she cheated and bit the tip of my tongue off.

UPDATE: Thankfully, I did some investigative interwebbing and found the creators of the video. It's some human resource group that wants you to work for them and "never have to work late and risk seeing a ghost". Which is stupid because the guys in the video never even saw the damn ghost. That said, I have seen one before. It sucked. It was this real busty chick. I tried to cop a feel but my hand just passed right through her. Tease.

Ghost Caught On A CCTV In An Elevator [aolvideo]

Thanks Emilia, I hate sleeping anyways

Apr 16 2008 Japanese Cigarette Machine Asks For Your ID

You have to be 20 to smoke in Japan, but that hasn't stopped those younger than that from buying cigarettes (but not pot or other meds) from machines (which, unlike awesome robots, can't discern age). So now the Tobacco Institute of Japan has started rolling out machines that will only work after a "tobacco passport" age-verification card is swiped. What prevents Japanese schoolgirls from getting somebody else's card is very little, so I wonder how effective these will be. But what do I know? Did you say jack shit? Then you are absolutely correct, knew him in college. Well, his birth name is Jackamo Crapatonian, that was just a clever nickname we came up with.

Japanese Schoolgirl Watch: Tobacco Vending Machines Block Underage Smokers [wired]

Thanks to Melissa, who doesn't need an ID because everyone knows her, for the tip