Aug 28 2009 Future Farming: Giant Fish-Filled Ocean Balls
According to experts at National Geographic, the future of fish farming (aquaculture) may rely on giant, fish-filled balls floating around in the ocean.
...[A]utomated cages could herald an entirely new form of fish farming.
They might be turned loose to mimic natural systems by following carefully chosen ocean currents. The robotic fish farms could help lead to larger, healthier crops of farmed fish far from crowded coastal areas, where farmed fish both suffer from poor water quality and, by producing waste, add to water woes.Cages might even generate their own electricity by harnessing solar energy, wave energy, or other forms of renewable power.
This reminds me of middle school. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? You are if you answered "cafeteria fish sticks"! Loved those sticks. One time I even had a fish rock! I chipped a tooth and lost it in my corn. Chocolate milk, whee!!!
The Future of Fish Farming Is Giant Autonomous Roaming Robotic Cages [eatmedaily]
Thanks to Resa, who fishes the old fashioned way: with her bare hands (and dynamite).
Jun 15 2009 Raytheon Gets Contract For Laser Weapon
Raytheon, a company best known for my brother and I both swearing we saw an airplane land on top of one of their buildings in Huntsville, Alabama, has received a Navy contract to draw up the initial design of a powerful burning 100-kW Fee Electron Laser (which may or may not look like an automotive engine) to be mounted on seagoing vessels. Pew pew? No. PEW PEW!
Once designed, the naval operators could adjust the wavelength of the laser, which wasn't possible with conventional lasers. This helps compensate for the varying humidity associated with ship-borne situations.
The laser beams could be used against missiles, airplanes, or even boats.
I need one of these for my car. Seriously, I'm tired of sitting in traffic. And let me tell you, I don't just road rage, I road man-rage. You ever seen a guy tear off his own steering wheel, jam it down an air-conditioning vent and then sob uncontrollably? If you've ridden with me you have.
Navy/Raytheon working on 100kW weaponized laser: cue the 'pew-pew' sound effects [dvice]
May 28 2009 Frickin' Huge!: Full-Size Blue Whale Website
This full-sized blue whale website comes to us from the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society that urges everyone to "EAT MOR CHIKIN". Kidding, those are the Chick-Fil-A cows. Damn, now I want a sandwich. Ladies? Anyway, the website was designed to give the average computer user a sense of awe for just how large the sandwich you better be making me should be. Crazy, huh? Those whales are huuuuuuge. And as a guy whose had his fair share of BBW lovers: motion of the ocean, baby. I don't even know what that means, but I just bought a sailboat!
Thanks to Shelby, who is a special f/x artist and could make even me look cool. On fire. While exploding. Riding a shark.
May 20 2009 Crying Wolf: The Fake Shark Attack Wetsuit
Want to look like a shark attack victim? I know, who doesn't? Well now thanks to a line of wetsuits by Diddo (the same guy that created these designer gas masks), you can. But if shark attack victim isn't for you, what about an anatomical muscle suit? Or wood? Or a rusted pattern? Hit the jump to see all the options. Currently only available in limited editions, the wetsuits will hit full production sometime in the near future. Just don't expect me to fall for the shark attack thing more than once. And speaking of which, have I ever told you about the time I faked drowning so the sexy lifeguard would perform mouth to mouth? His mustache was scratchy.
Hit it for some more worthwhile shots.
Continue Reading " Crying Wolf: The Fake Shark Attack Wetsuit "
Mar 20 2009 Underwater Volcano: Ka-Boom Shacka Lacka!
That's right folks, an underwater volcano off the coast of Tonga (near Fiji) has been erupting recently, causing all kinds of mean-nasty things to happen. Just kidding. There has been some smoke and ash though.
Scientists sailed Thursday to inspect an undersea volcano that has been erupting for days near Tonga -- shooting smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet into the sky above the South Pacific ocean.Authorities said Thursday the eruption does not pose any danger to islanders at this stage, and there have been no reports of fish or other animals being affected.
Really, no reports of fish or animals being affected? I find that a little hard to believe. Come on now folks, I'm not five anymore, I can take some deceased fishes. Seriously, you don't have secretly replace my dead hamster with one that looks like him. Wait, you did what? NOOOOOOO -- NOT MR. CHEEKEYS! WAAAAAAAAA, I JUST WANT TO DIE!
Hit the jump for a worthwhile VIDEO of the action.
Continue Reading " Underwater Volcano: Ka-Boom Shacka Lacka! "
Feb 12 2009 Music Video: I Never Thought I'd Be On A Boat
NOTE: Video is clean version but still has lots of bleeping out since every other word is a bad one. Watch at full volume.
This is the latest from The Lonely Island, the SNL crew that made a music album. The song, I'm On A Boat, is about being on a boat. Which *yawn* is nothing special if you're a pirate captain like me. Screw your boat, I'm on a ship, bitches.
I'm on a ship, I'm on a ship, I'm on a pirate shipYou best swab my deck or I'll hook that lip
I got cannons -- I got an anchor too
Come pillage with me on the ocean blue
I'm on a ship, I'm on a ship, I'm on a pirate ship
I gots a wooden leg, bitch, I walk with a limp
We gettin' treasure -- and that booty too
I pop my pistol "YAAAAR!", while I'm aiming at you
And that, my friends, is how it's done. Now where do I sign for the record deal?
Clean Version [youtube]
and
Uncensored Version
Thanks to Jon, who is more than welcome to come sail away with me, Styx style.
Jan 5 2009 Little Jellyfish Cheats Death, Death Is Pissed
So apparently there's this little jellyfish creature (Turritopsis nutricula, a form of hydrozoa) that doesn't ever die. Biology is beyond me, so I'll let somebody else do the talking while I make a sandwich have a sandwich made for me.
What these little folks do is they revert completely to a sexually immature, colonial stage after they reach sexual maturity. They're even cooler than that. When they're young they've got only several tentacles, but at a mature stage, they get to 80-90 of them.
They're able to return to polyp stage due to a cell change in the external screen (Exumbrella), which allows them to bypass death. As far as scientists have been able to find out, this change renders the hydrozoa virtually immortal.
Did that make any sense? I didnt' bother reading it, but I think it had something to do with being able to regenerate your arm like a starfish. *sawing through bone*
UPDATE: Um, so does anybody have the number for Luke Skywalker's doctor?
Meet the world's only immortal animal [zmescience]
Thanks to Emile, who only wants to live long enough to see a hovercar.
Jan 3 2009 WTF Was That!?!: Deep-Sea Siphonophore
This is a video of a deep-sea (770-meters to be exact) siphonophore doing its thing. What the f*** is a siphonophore?
...an eerily fantastic creature that appears to be a single, large organism, but which is actually a colony of numerous individual jellyfish-like animals that behave and function together as a single entity. The individual units, called zooids, all share the same genetic material and each perform a specialized role within the colony. The best-known siphonophore is the poisonous Portuguese Man o' War.
Mmmm, I can almost taste the wasabi and soy sauce from here.
Siphonophore: Deep-sea superorganism [pinktentacle]
Thanks to Jack, a personal friend who knows I'm a sucker for new sushi.
Nov 28 2008 Mysterious 'Elbowed' Squid Caught On Video
An underwater rover operated by Shell oil company caught some video of a rare Magnapinna (attractive metal penis) squid a mile and half down. And the squishy bastard has elbowed tentacles! WTF! And also, nigiri. Mmmm.
Two more pictures (one old) after the jump, horrible one second video here.
Continue Reading " Mysterious 'Elbowed' Squid Caught On Video "
Aug 26 2008 Move Over, Robot: Goblin Shark Is Scarier
Goblin sharks look scary as hell and are scary as hell. Sure they're only a couple feet long, but they're uglier than my sister and have tons of sharp little teeth. Watch the video around 0:20 to see how it's mouth comes out of its face Aliens style to munch on dude's arm. Also, a friend told me that's what a woman's vagina looks like.
Japanese Goblin Shark [collegehumor]
Thanks to Libby, who once punched a goblin shark in the mouth because it looked at her funny.
Jul 8 2008 Dolphin Submarine/Boat Thing Could Be Fun
The Innerspace Dolphin and Seabreacher and water vessels designed to look and behave like actual dolphins. They're powered by a little engine in the back and you can do all sorts of fun stuff like barrel rolls, jumps, dives and drownings. I want one pretty bad. The Seabreacher just became available for sale this spring, unfortunately I couldn't find a price. Allegedly the smaller Dolphin model went for around $50,000, but I couldn't find any verification of this figure. Anybody know? Also, do you think they'll come out with a Dolphinbreacher model in the future? Because that's what I really see myself doing. Besides, I've already had sex with a porpoise. The porpoise was to get my girlfriend pregnant so she wouldn't leave me! HAH AHA HA HAH AH !! She left anyways. Hated puns.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, a commercial of the thing in action, and a link to the website if you want to buy one.
Continue Reading " Dolphin Submarine/Boat Thing Could Be Fun "
Jun 26 2008 World's Largest Pool: No, Not The Ocean
Although it might as well be. The San Alfonso del Mar is a 1,013 meter, 19-acre pool on the central coast of Chile. It holds 66 million gallons of filtered sea-water and even has a 115-foot deep end (making it even deeper than yesterday's pool). Although I think we can all agree this is actually less of a pool and more of a man-made lake. I have a rule: if you can boat on it, it's not a pool. But that's just me. As you can see, the pool is just a stone's throw from the beach, which begs the question, "Did you not see that massive natural pool right there before you built this thing?" Regardless, it took approximately five years and $2 billion to complete. Maintenance costs are estimated to be about $4 million a year -- and that's just to retrieve floaters!
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the ridiculousness.
Continue Reading " World's Largest Pool: No, Not The Ocean "
Jun 16 2008 A Lilypad For The Flood-Induced Apocalypse
The Lilypad Floating Ecopolis for Climate Refugees is a giant floating city that people can live on when the world floods because Al Gore was right. It looks weird but I reserved a spot anyways because I'll be damned if I live in a flooded house. Unless fish promised to swim around my legs while I watch TV, in which I'd consider it. Similar in concept to the Freedom Ship, this mammoth floater would likely cater to the rich. The architectures behind the design believe we'll need these things by 2100 because half of the world will have disappeared underwater. Or maybe just a third will be flooded, I forgot what they said. Maybe just my bathtub. The most unbelievable part about the whole thing? That they had the gall to include marine life in the picture! HA -- like they'll be anything alive in the oceans by 2100. I know, pretty depressing. Seriously though, I have to have sex with a mermaid before they're extinct.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures (including one in which they intentionally made a city look like it's burning even though they're just supposed to be the lights from cars and buildings), along with a link to the project page with a bunch more info.
Continue Reading " A Lilypad For The Flood-Induced Apocalypse "
May 27 2008 Solar-Powered Speedboat Looks Good To Me
This is allegedly the world's first solar-powered speedboat, the Dutch-built Czeers MK1. The 33-foot aquatic transportation device is capable of doing about 30 knots (~35 MPH) and is powered entirely from energy generated from its 14 square meters of photovoltaic cells. No word on cost, but who cares, I definitely couldn't afford one (if you think you could though we should be totally be friends). So, you think it'll make an appearance in the next Bond flick? I sure hope not -- I'd hate to see it destroyed in one way or another. But what I wouldn't hate to see is the return of Pussy Galore. Unless they insisted on using the original actress from Goldfinger (Honor Blackman, 82). If I saw Bond hitting that in the theater I'd gouge my eyes out with the straw from a $6 soda. Actually, forget about Galore, they should just try to get her granddaughter, Snatch Abunch.
A bunch of close-ups of the boat after the jump.
UPDATE: Horrible quality video with an allegedly awesome soundtrack added.
Continue Reading " Solar-Powered Speedboat Looks Good To Me "
May 12 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Get Buried Underwater
Some people are happy being cremated and spending eternity in an urn on the fireplace mantel that the grandkids get all freaked out about. Others are happy with a traditional burial 6 feet under -- but some, some take it a step further and want to rest 45 feet under. Enter the Neptune Memorial Reef, near Miami. The artificial reef opened this last fall, and is an underwater cemetery. The first phase consists of gates, pathways, plaques, and benches, and can hold up to 850 people's remains.
The ashes are mixed with cement designed for underwater use and fitted into a mold, which a diver then places and secures into the reef. A copper and bronze plaque is installed with the person's name, date of birth and death. There is also a line for a message.
The cement mixer treatment starts at $995 for their most modestly priced receptacle, and goes all the way to $6,495 if you want to be incorporated into something wicked like a lion statue. The hope is that eventually the reef will cover 16 acres and hold the burnt remains of up to 125,000 people.
"This is simply as good as it gets," said Gary Levine, a diver who conceived the reef and is now a shareholder in the company that owns it.
Whoa there Gary, whoa there. First off, that is not as good as it gets. Having your remains shot into outerspace in a rocketship is as good as it gets. And secondly, it's a little hard to trust anyone who has "conceived a reef". Now I've conceived children before, but never a reef. As a rule I keep my conceiver away from anything sharp like coral. Cut up your junk real bad.
Several more pictures (including a lion) after the jump.
Feb 14 2008 Seashell House Is Unbelievably Awesome
This seashell inspired abode was built by designed by Senosiain Arquitectos for a couple in Mexico City. It's amazing. It has to be seen to be believed, so there's a bunch more pictures after the jump. My wife said if our next house isn't like this she'll divorce me. And I could tell she wasn't lying.
Taking cues from a Nautilus shell, the house is put together using ferrocement construction, a technique involving a frame of steel-reinforced chicken wire with a special two-inch-thick composite of concrete spread over it, resulting in a structure that's earthquake-proof and maintenance-free.
Before I saw this I didn't even know I wanted to live in a giant shell, but now I totally do. Anybody want to get together on weekends and start construction of something similar? And obviously by 'start construction' I mean go kill the world's largest nautilus and live in its shell.
A bunch more MUST SEE pictures after the jump.
Feb 11 2008 Burial At Sea: The Biodegradable Shell
The Shell is a pressed paper capsule that holds your ashes when you're dead. Your loved ones can write messages on the outside, or insert them into the convenient slot on top. Then they throw it overboard and you slowly sink into the beautiful blue yonder. The unit slowly disintegrates over time, leaving nothing behind. Awesome, I think this may be the way I want to go. I originally wanted to be packed with fireworks and dropped out of a plane, but I reckon this'll do.
Another picture of a woman holding one, after the jump.
