Nov 14 2009
The Million Dollar Man With The Bionic Ass
Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn't care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone. And by texted I mean sexted. All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I'd jump off a bridge!
Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.
The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.
"They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn't bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle."
Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that's a tough call. I'd probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you're my ex-wife, in which case it totally is.
Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom' [telegraph]
Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.
Sep 11 2009 Noooo!: Prego-Bot Gives Birth To Robo-Son
In one of the most f'ed up things I've seen in recent history, the University of Arizona Medical Center has a robotic woman that gives birth to a robotic son so that medical students can witness the horrors of robotic birth firsthand.
Named Noelle, she grunts, screams, yells at the doctors, pees, bleeds -- and yes, even gives birth (to a cute little robot baby named Hal).
Paid for with a $40,000 grant from Miami-based Guarnard Scientific, the university bought Noell, baby Hal, and another, smaller robot-baby in January. Then Noelle was taken out of commission for a while when medical students (yelp!) broke her pelvic bone.an average of 20 medical students a week diagnose all sorts of birth complications like cesareans and breach births. Noelle can even hemorrhage, all while screaming in pain and yelling things like "don't touch me" at the medical students.
Great, at this rate she's gonna have like 1,000 babies a year. WHO KEEPS KNOCKING THIS ROBOTIC BITCH UP? I'm looking at you, shifty night patrolman! DUM DUM DUM!
University of Arizona Medical Students Help Robot Give Birth to Baby Robot [phoenixnewtimes]
Thanks to Demon Spawn, who get it pregnant with like thirty little devil babies.
Aug 20 2009 For The (Clumsy) Ladies: Twilight Bandages
Look down. Do you have breasts? If so, you're a woman or a man who could afford to lose some weight. Either of which may be interested in these Twilight bandages. They're band-aids, but with Twilight shit on them. Now, not to flaunt my superior product design skills or anything, but they should have made the bandages look like vampire bites. BOOM, $1 million idea. You'd have girls throwing themselves off their bicycles just so they could wear more of them. Oh, right, Twi-hards are cutters.
Product Site (sorry ladies, currently sold out)
Thanks to ech0z, who doesn't wear bandages because he has the healing properties of Wolverine, but is way more rugged and handsome. There, I did it -- now pay up.
Jul 29 2009 Honey, I'm Gonna Need That Ring Back: Nano-diamonds May Help Heal Wounds
Seen here is Dr. Manhattan's conception a nano-diamond attracting insulin to help a wound heal quicker. Neat, but I'd still douse it with Blue # 1 just to be on the safe side.
Northwestern University scientist Dean Ho and his team discovered that nanodiamonds are very attractive to insulin, best know for helping regulate blood sugar. Insulin, however, can also accelerate healing processes and stave off infection in wound sites, according to Ho:
Insulin accelerates wound healing by acting as a growth hormone. It encourages skin cells to proliferate and divide, restores blood flow to the wound, suppresses inflammation and fights infection.
Nice, but I can't even get my insurance to cover regular bandages at the doctor, so I can pretty much forget about DIABANDAGES©. Haha -- pay me, suckers!
Diamonds Are A Wound's Best Friend [io9]
Thanks to Tank and Totex, who once shot up emeralds and died. Don't do precious stones, kids.
May 6 2009 Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant
46-year old Connie Culp was nearly killed when her deranged husband literally blasted her face off with a shotgun in 2004. But now, five years later, she has a new face thanks to a recently deceased organ donor (sign your cards!).
She endured 30 operations to try to fix her face. Doctors took parts of her ribs to make cheekbones and fashioned an upper jaw from one of her leg bones. She had countless skin grafts from her thighs. Still, she was left unable to eat solid food, breathe on her own, or smell.
Then, on Dec. 10, in a 22-hour operation, Dr. Maria Siemionow led a team of doctors who replaced 80 percent of Culp's face with bone, muscles, nerves, skin and blood vessels from another woman who had just died. It was the fourth face transplant in the world, though the others were not as extensive."Here I am, five years later. He did what he said -- I got me my nose," Culp said of Djohan, laughing.
I got me my nose, I got me my nose. My goodness what a heartwarming story. Uncensored picture is after the jump, and, not to be insensitive, but it is a little rough on the eyes. Kind of like a belt sander, but with lasers attached. Seriously though, great job, guys.
You have been warned, now hit it.
Continue Reading " Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant "
Feb 17 2009 I Can See Inside!: The Anatomy Of A Qee Doll
Okay, so I didn't know what a Qee was, but apparently they're little collectible dolls that come in all sorts of crazy funky-fresh designs. And this is what the insides would look like if there were actually living bear-mice and not plastic dolls for grownups. This anatomical chart was created by Jason Freeny, the same man responsible for the studies of balloon animal, gummi bear, and LEGO minifig. A limited edition of 1,000 prints are available if you're interested. Good looking, Jason. But not as good looking as yours truly. That mirror broke itself, I swear!
