Jun 13 2009 Meat Hero: Man Gets Struck By Lightning While BBQing, Only Utters 'Sausages'
Eric Brocklebank, 64, got struck by lightning while manning the barbecue. And what did he have to say about it? Sausages.
"It was like an implosion inside my body."
"There was so much pressure inside of me and I couldn't see properly. I could just make out the faint outline of people heading my way."It came in through my arm, which is burnt, then it must have gone down through my body and out through my feet."
He added: "I was told the only thing I could say as I was drifting in and out of consciousness was 'sausages'."
Somebody get this man an award. Not only does he brave the elements to cook some delicious meat, but he gets struck by lightning and SOMEHOW KEEPS HIS BURNT EYES ON THE SAUSAGE-Y PRIZE. My God they must have been delicious.
Lightning bolt heats up BBQ [thesun]
Thanks to Vask, who nominates Eric for a 2009 Wiener Award.
Apr 29 2009 About Time: Anti-Robot Denny's Commercial
Truthfully, I rarely go to Denny's because I prefer IHOP's Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity combo (two eggs, two bacon strips, two pork sausage links and two buttermilk pancakes crowned with cool strawberry or your choice of fruit compote and whipped topping). But I may make a change after seeing this commercial, which highlights the importance of eating a hearty breakfast in the fight against machines. You can't go fighting those robotic bastards on an empty stomach -- they'll gut you like a fish! The Grand Slamwich from Denny's: it's what John Connor would do.
Thanks to Scurls, who knows a Carnation Instant Breakfast just won't cut it.
Mar 9 2009 Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates
Want to build you own 17,000 calorie pirate ship? No problem, pick up these ingredients and then follow the picture tutorial after the jump.
Ingredients:
~20 sausages
~48 rashers of bacon
1.2kg of sausage meat
1kg of pork mince
10 franks
1kg of pastry (not 100% meat this time)
1 onion
1 mushroom
2 packets of chipolata sausages
various food colorings
sage
My god that looks delicious. I've always known I wanted to be a pirate, I just had no idea how badly I wanted to be a meatpirate. Yaaar, surrender yer sausage! Haha nothing, I'm being serious -- now drop trow ye scalawags!
Hit the jump for the making of the ship.
Continue Reading " Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates "
Mar 4 2009 Now You're Cooking!: Wii Breakfast
This is video of a fake video game called Wii Breakfast. It's similar to Cooking Mama, except fake and with way more peripherals. And speaking of breakfast....
OKAY, WHICH ONE OF YOU BOOZEHOUNDS DRANK THE LAST OF MY GIN?
Thanks to Jillian, who is more than welcome to come over and cook breakfast whenever she likes. Just a heads up though, Jillian -- I like my eggs like I like my panyhose: runny.
Feb 6 2009 Whee, More Non-Newtonian Speaker Fun!
I swear, I never get tired of watching non-Newtonian fluid fun. In this case, another 2:1 cornstarch to water concoction (aka oobleck) on a speaker. I really liked it when some of the pieces started diving out of the pool. Screw this sausage pool party, I'm outta heeeeeeeeeere!!
Amazing cornstarch speaker monster: Not as easy at looks [dvice]
Jan 12 2009 Move Over Bacon-Cheese Roll, There's A New Heartstopping Sherriff In Town: The Bacon Explosion Will Kill You Dead
HIT THE JUMP TO SEE THE DELICIOUS BACON-EXPLOSION MAKING PROCESS!
If you thought the bacon-cheese roll was bad, you need to check out the Bacon Explosion. This bacon-y treat is so dangerously delicious it'll make your freaking heart explode and still have your corpse begging for a second helping. It's basically a bacon weave made out of a pound of bacon, filled with 2 pounds of Italian sausage and another pound of bacon. And, if you can't tell by the way I'm ogling my monitor, it's making me amorous. I think it's time for another haiku.
Bacon ExplosionI want you in me badly
Call an ambulance
And that, my friends, is how you woo your dinner. To the bedroom my bacon-y goddess -- it's time to pork!
Hit the jump for a bunch of pictures of the process and a link to the in-depth recipe.
Dec 23 2008 Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House
With meat instead of gingerbread! And not just any meat -- deliciously processed meat. Mmmm! The whole abode is held together with a delectable mortar, which you can make yourself using the following recipe:
Wifezilla's Low carb "Meat House" Mortar2 8oz packages of cream cheese
1/4 cup palm oil
1 package onion soup mix
Blend all ingredients together until smooth and creamy. All to sit in the refrigerator for an hour or so to let the onion flavor blend with the cheese.
Mix that shit up, throw some sausage logs and Slim Jims together, and BAM! -- your very own meat cabin. And speaking of which, I once stayed with twelve other dudes in a single room on a ski trip. It was homoerotic to say the least. A full blown orgy complete with ski poles and goggles to say the most.
Hit the jump for a couple more of the yummy.
Oct 27 2008 Oh God, No. No, No, No: Robot Determines Humans Taste Like Bacon, Are Delicious
Great. NEC's Tasting Robot, the diminutive bastard originally designed to assess wines, has now assessed humans -- and determined they'd taste delicious.
It's all pretty straightforward tech: stick a bit of nosh in front of the robogourmet's infrared spectrometer and it analyzes the reflected light to determine the chemical composition of the sample. A nice trick, although it can only be programmed to accurately identify a few dozen wines.
Innocent enough, you may think. However, when NEC demonstrated the cybersommelier to a reporter and snapper from Associated Press, the robot claimed the former's hand tasted of prosciutto ham, while the latter apparently had the unmistakable whiff of bacon about him.
Great, so it looks like we might end up fighting the robot and zombie apocalypses simultaneously. Wow, could today get any better? Not unless I get hit by a delivery truck. Oh shit -- or see a boob.
Humans taste of bacon, says gourmet robot [theregister]
Thanks to Birchie, king of ruining my day.
Oct 6 2008 Tallest Lego Tower Record Already Beaten
Sometimes victory is fleeting. You have to realize that you can't have the tallest LEGO tower forever, and that some jerks from Vienna are probably gonna trump you within months of the feat. And that's exactly what happened. Hundreds of children helped construct the tower to celebrate the 100 Years of Friends of Children (WTF?) festival. And you know what? The kids didn't even have the common courtesy to blow the other tower out of the water. Nope, they just made theirs 7" taller, for a height of 96.72 feet. You see, that's the matter with kids these days, they're freaking lazy. If they're not playing video games, they're just barely beating world records. Seriously, somebody should build one to the damn moon already. Imagine -- a LEGO tower six miles high!
Lego Tower Record Broken [uberreview]
Thanks to Delphine, who's gonna help me start construction ASAP.
Feb 12 2008 Computer Mug Is Surprisingly Conceptual
Jason Farsai has conceptualized the Yuno PC, which is a computer in a coffee mug. He envisions the device having all the necessary morning computer applications: weather, time, traffic, stock prices, comic strips, and email. You can also upload your own screensaver images and just stare blankly at your coffee mug until 11 am like I do. Neat I guess, but completely impractical. Oh, and there's no mention of it being dishwasher safe, so that's, uh, a pretty major design flaw as far as I'm concerned. You got me, I only posted this because of those delicious looking griddle cakes in the picture. Huh? What do you mean it's an English muffin? Are you sure? Shit, well I'd still pound those hash browns.
Several more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Computer Mug Is Surprisingly Conceptual "
Jan 29 2008 Welcome To Macintosh: The Documentary
Well it appears that 2008 is going to be the year of the Apple documentary. Last week I mentioned the upcoming MacHeads The Movie, and now comes Welcome To Macintosh. It looks a little less fanatical than MacHeads. There's a trailer and teaser out, but I could only find the teaser on Youtube, so I have it posted after the jump. The trailer is the good one though, so you'll have to follow the link on the next page to watch that sucker, but it's worth it. Best line in the whole video, from an Apple employee:
The people on the outside think that it's like this wonderful World of Oz or Disney going on and all of us are just all these brilliant, amazing, happy people and like, it's not, it's like a sausage factory man -- you really don't want to know how this stuff happens.
Oh my god! He said Apple was a sausage factory! I can't believe it. I'm totally pulling the job application I submitted. I can't take a job in that kind of environment. It'd be like the college party I went to last weekend. Tons of dudes, no chicks -- a total sausage factory. Way suck.
The teaser video after the jump. Hit the link at the bottom to see the trailer (with sausage factory comparison).
