Nov 19 2009 About Time!: Improved Steering Wheel Desk

We saw another steering wheel desk here on Geekologie quite some time ago, but I think we can all agree this is a much improved model. First of all, you can write/type at a normal angle and not the angle of the actual wheel. As a matter of fact, I'm using one now, and I've got to admit: it's quite comfortable. Secondly, HOOOOOOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Hit the jump for a bunch of other worthwhile product shots.

Continue Reading " About Time!: Improved Steering Wheel Desk "

Jun 17 2009 Oh Great: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon

That's right folks, NASA plans to shoot a giant missile at the moon and make it go boom. BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE MOON!

In an unprecedented scientific endeavor -- and what may be one of the coolest space missions ever -- NASA is preparing to fly a rocket booster into the moon, triggering a six-mile-high explosion that scientists hope will confirm the presence of water.

The four-month mission of the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS), which will be directed from NASA's Ames Research Center at Moffett Field, is to discover whether water is frozen in the perpetual darkness of craters near the moon's south pole. As a potential source of oxygen for life support and hydrogen for rocket fuel, that water would be a tremendous boost to NASA's plans to restart human exploration of the moon.

Come on NASA -- as pro blowing stuff up as I am, there has got to be an easier way to find out if there's water on the moon. Like, oh I dunno, ASKING THE MOON PEOPLE. Hey, moon-chick, is there water in the moon? "ZIP ZAP ZIP YES WE DRINK IT". Ta-da, mystery solved. But while you're here, how about flashing those blue cheese boobs in my direction one more time?

NASA/Ames ready to explode one of the coolest space missions ever [siliconvalley]

Thanks to meeotch, who wants to ride the rocket when it goes. Me too, meeotch, me too.

Jun 9 2009 USB Microwave Is World's Smallest, For Beans

The Heinz Beanzawave is being billed as the world's smallest microwave and measures a scant 7.4 inches tall by 6.2 inches wide and 5.9 inches deep. It's equally suited for heating a can of beans/soup at your desk or frying your nuts so you can't have children.

The mini microwave is being developed as a partner to Heinz Snap Pots, baked beans in single-serving containers. The Snap Pots, available in the U.K., fit perfectly into the Beanzawave. But the $160 device will only be released commercially if consumer feedback is positive and if component prices drop in the near future.

Well you can count me on board. I'M ON A BOAT! Just kidding, I wish I was though. No, right now I'm just laying in bed topless braiding my penises. Now where'd I put that scrunchie?

Beanzawave: The World's Smallest Microwave [fastcompany]

Thanks to scottsc, who cooks his beans at work the old fashioned way: on a campfire in the boardroom.

May 6 2009 OLD Hover Scooter Is OLD, From The '60's

The Hover Scooter may have made its debut in December, 1960, but that doesn't make it any less the vehicle I want to ride to work everyday. Also, if any of you ladies are interested in a lift I'll even mount a seat on the blower. And I'm not just saying that so I can make a 'If you can read this, my bitch got sucked into the intake' t-shirt, but, damnit you got me!

Hover Scooter [neatorama]

Mar 27 2009 Alfie Patten, You Are....Not The Father!

Remember Alfie Patten, the 13-year old that got his 15-year old girlfriend pregnant? Well, turns out he's not the father after all, and ogres really are the cheating whores I suspected. The fairy tales were true!

A DNA test showed a 13-year-old boy in Britain is not the father of a baby born to a 15-year-old he had unprotected sex with once.

Chantelle Stedman told Alfie Patten, who was 12 when he slept with her, he was her newborn daughter Maisie's father.

At first Stedman said Patten was the only boy she had ever slept with, but soon after other teens came forward saying they too could be the baby's father, because they claimed to have had sex with the girl.

It is still not clear who the baby's father is.

Alfie, if you're reading, I have some advice: get your junk checked for funk and then WALK AWAY with clean hands and dong. Chalk it up as a life lesson and move on. Just be thankful you learned it now before you married the beast atop Mt. Bloodfang and were sealed to the ogre clan forever. Because that would suck. Now run, Alfie -- run as fast and far as those little child-sized feet and size 4's will take you! Also, no more sticking your penis in things until you're 30 and gainfully employed. And then only the change return slot in vending machines.

DNA test shows 13-year-old Alfie Patten is not a dad [heraldsun]

Thanks to darkfall13, Eva, Freddy, Sinclair and Romeo, who all know the only great sex is safe sex with dinosaurs.

Mar 2 2009 Do You See What Happens, Larry?

This is older so you may have already seen it. It's the scene from The Big Lebowski when Walter is beating the hell out of "Larry's" car with a crowbar. Except it was edited for television, making it perfectly SFW. Do you see what happens, Larry?? This is what happens, Larry!

Youtube

Thanks to Mike, who doesn't want to see what happens.

Feb 4 2009 Man Vows To Eat Only Bacon For A Month

Mike Nelson (of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame) has vowed to only eat bacon for the month of February. Why? Because it's delicious. And healthy.

Now for the fine print: "Bacon" shall hereafter refer to the cured and smoked fatty cuts of pork, either back, side or belly. In other words "American bacon". No "Canadian bacon", which is really just lunchmeat. No pork chops. No turkey bacon. No "tofacon" or any such horror. Just bacon.

No condiments allowed. No syrups, or hot sauces, or pureed vegetables in the form of ketchup. No sauces at all. Just nature's finest bacon, all by its dignified self.

I am making allowances for the following beverages: beer, wine, martinis and water. No juices, no V8, nothing that could be construed as "healthy". This is somewhat arbitrary, I grant you, but one bit of madness at a time, is my reasoning.

So far things are going without a hitch on day four, but he'll be dead by mid-month. RIP in advance, Mike.

Bacon Stupidity [rifftrax]

Thanks to Kevin, who once vowed to only eat pastrami for a month. He made it to brunch.

Jan 16 2009 Safety First: Condom Animals Doing It

NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT CONDOM ANIMALS HAVING SEX ALL OVER THE PLACE.

This is a Durex commercial that may or not have made it to the air (certainly not in this country) that features arguably homosexual condom rabbits doing it. I kept waiting for one to pop until I realized you probably wouldn't want to advertise that. Also, I would like to take this time to pat myself on the nuts for never getting that crazy bitch of an ex-wife pregnant.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not my child!

Superfad Ad Agency (which has a couple outtakes to watch as well)

Thanks to Skin & Bones, Jase, leftrightleft, and Julian, who, despite their vehement denials, have all used BBQ sauce as lube.

Dec 26 2008 New Mercedes Feature Alerts Sleepy Drivers

Mercedes, in their unending quest to save the lives of the rich, is installing a new feature in its E class automobiles (sorry, you C class peasants are still f***ed).

Mercedes studied the brain waves of sleepy drivers, and matched those up with lackadaisical steering tendencies, resulting in a car that can sense if you're spacing out.

Attention Assist uses precision sensors on the steering column to watch your attention level, and if you start to fall asleep, it sounds an obnoxious alarm, accompanied by an icon in the middle of the speedometer suggesting that you pause for a cup of coffee.

No word on whether it can distinguish if you're just masturbating.

Mercedes cars now smart enough to wake up drowsy drivers [dvice]

Dec 25 2008 Merry Christmas, You Filthy Rebel Scum

Well folks, we've all somehow managed to survive another year and make it to Jesus' B-day Extravaganza, 2008. I imagine you're all enjoying time with friends and family, opening wrapped boxes containing the things you've always wanted. And, if you're not, hopefully you at least know a bar that's open.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, from the Geekologie Writer and his (dog).

Flickr Picture

Thanks to Rich, who saved Christmas with a picture of a stormtrooper wearing a Santa hat.

Nov 19 2008 Keep Your Money Secure With A LEGO Safe

This LEGO safe is made out of modular plastic blocks called LEGO bricks. And it has a Mindstorm NXT unit attached to handle its secret combination.

Five double digit codes protect your valuables, and the dial goes both ways, so there's a left and right entry for each number -- hence, over 305 billion possible combinations. Moving the safe will trip motion sensors and set off an alarm, and bars inside strengthen the structure.

Not bad -- as long as you're only locking up old Halloween candy or your little sister. But what if you need to protect something a little more valuable? That's right -- always cover your nuts with a free hand.

Video after the jump.

Continue Reading " Keep Your Money Secure With A LEGO Safe "

Nov 17 2008 Now That's A Good Dog!: How To Cook A Hot Dog Russian Style, Or, Alternatively: How I Died Trying To Heat A Wiener

This is how some system administrator in Russia prepares himself a quick meal during those long nights at the office -- with a 220-volt hotdog. He stabs a fork in each end, connects the clips, plugs in the plug, and presto: death by electrocution just waiting to happen. The guy even sticks LEDs in the dog to determine its ripeness. Now call me crazy, but my god that must be one delicious wiener. Hit the jump to see two more of the process, including cooking and LED insertion.

Continue Reading " Now That's A Good Dog!: How To Cook A Hot Dog Russian Style, Or, Alternatively: How I Died Trying To Heat A Wiener "

Oct 21 2008 Website Makes Notifying Sexual Partners About Possible STD Exposure Quick, Easy, And Painless (Minus The Burning)

Does it hurt when you pee? Look down. Did the toilet lid fall on your penis? If so, disregard. But if not, get tested. And then use the inSPOT website to notify all your past sexual partners you may have given them something. Originally developed for gay and bisexual men, the site can be used by anybody to let their recent partners know they may have have been exposed to disease. I'm sending them instead of Christmas cards this year! Oh, hold on, incoming.

UPDATE: Great, just great. Now my penis is gonna fall off.

inSPOT

Thanks to Kelly, who urges Geekologie readers to wrap it up twice and still rubberband a Funyun bag on for good measure. Remember: you never can be too safe. Or onion-y.

Sep 8 2008 Giant Liverpudlian Spider Didn't Kill Anyone

Remember the giant robotic spider that was supposed to destroy Liverpool over the weekend? Well it didn't. From the reports I've read not a single person was bitten or squished. So maybe we do have a couple more years before the robots finally Tet Offend. Just kidding, a friend's Roomba told me we'll all be dead before Christmas. So you know what that means -- Santa better stuff his fat ass down my chimney early this year.

Youtube

Search La Machine, Liverpool spider or La Princess on Youtube to see a bunch more of the beast.

Aug 25 2008 Intel Demonstrates Wireless Power Transfer

Last week Intel demonstrated a system that can broadcast 60 watts of power up to three feet with 75% efficiency. Using the system seen above, they shot power from one ring of death to the other, and lit a lightbulb. Now I'm not saying it's a good idea to wave your baby-maker around in between the two coils, but it most certainly is. Especially if you've ever wanted your balls to spontaneously combust. And honestly, who hasn't?

Intel demos a wireless power broadcasting system, villagers terrified [engadget]

Thanks Jill, and don't worry -- I'm sterile.

Aug 25 2008 Wait, Come Back: The Olympics Are Over

Well folks, the Olympics are over. And you know what that means: no more getting drunk at the bar and watching rhythmic gymnastics. Oh, and 100,000 used condoms. Wait, what?

The UNAIDS, the Beijing organizing committee BOCOG and International Olympics Committee are providing 100,000 condoms as part of a campaign on HIV prevention and anti-discrimination.

While sex is not an Olympic sport it is expected to be an activity in the Beijing village housing 10,500 athletes, all of whom are in great shape and with plenty of free time on their hands once knocked out of the Games.

First of all, sex should be an Olympic sport. And secondly, holy crap -- 100,000 condoms for 10,500 athletes? That's like each athlete having sex ten times. Twenty times if athletes only have sex with other athletes! I mean, shit, the last time I had sex twenty times it felt like my arm was gonna fall off.

Beijing provides 100,000 condoms for athletes [yahoonews]

Thanks to Hunter, who's smart enough to know the only good sports are safe sports.

Aug 5 2008 I Want: This Periodic Coffee Table

This $8,550 Periodic Coffee Table features actual samples of all 92 naturally occurring elements.

By embedding all element samples in clear acrylic, they are beautifully presented and also protected from tarnishing. This format also helps to addresses health and safety issues, as all potentially toxic or corrosive substances are permanently encased in a thick layer of robust resin. Argon gas and mineral oil is further used to ampoule reactive samples and preserve their freshly cut appearance.

Sweet, but back when I went to school there were only a few elements: earth, wind, water, fire, and aether (which I always felt was a bullshit element to begin with). Anyways, I failed a test once because I wrote rain, sleet, snow, hail and tornadoes. I demanded partial credit, but my professor refused. So you know what I did? I got elemental on his ass. Specifically, I set his car on fire.

Hit the jump for some closeups and a link to the product page.

Continue Reading " I Want: This Periodic Coffee Table "

Jun 25 2008 Oh Boy!: Spray On Prophylactic Coming Soon

We've all been there before: You finally bring a girl home from the bar, get her to the bedroom, and you're rounding 3rd base and trying to come home when...shit, out of condoms. So you grab a snack-sized Doritos bag off the nightstand, but before you can secure the thing to your member with a piece of electrical tape, the chick dives out a window.

Enter German inventor Jan Vinzenz Krause. Jan got super drunk at a party once and forgot to take his shoes off before passing out. He woke up with a huge penis drawn on his face and a crotchful of silly string. Putting two and two together, Jan soon invented spray-on latex condoms.

The spray-on condom prototype measures a man's size (really big, big, average, small, really small) and then covers his penis in liquid latex providing him with a proper fitting condom. A man places his penis in a chamber. He then presses a button and a pump squirts out liquid latex through some nozzles onto the man's penis in about 20 seconds. If 20 seconds seems like a long time to wait the good news is that the inventor is working on shortening the time to about 10 seconds.

Uh, Jan? 10 seconds is a long time and The Geekologie Writer isn't exactly known for his stamina. What he is known for is once trying to slow himself down by using an empty shampoo bottle for a condom. Now I'm "that Pert Plus guy".

Hit the jump for the uncensored picture and a video demonstration.

Continue Reading " Oh Boy!: Spray On Prophylactic Coming Soon "

May 2 2008 Zombie-Apocalypse Survival Truck Is Out Moonlighting As A Storm Chasing Vehicle

Somebody took these pictures at a gas station in Kansas. They show what is allegedly a tornado chasing vehicle (they're hot on the tail of that one that got Dorothy). Now I've never watched Twister, mostly because tornadoes scare the shit out of me and I was born with a monster vajhyena (its bark is worse than its bite), but I doubt Helen Hunt was driving one of these. Was she? I didn't think so. So, that leaves only one question left to be answered -- what is this vehicle's true identity? Does the government know something we don't? Are the zombies coming? Because if they know the zombies are coming and they're not telling us, that is f***ed the f up. And I'll be damned if the zombies munch my brain. That's why I'm stealing my neighbor's truck tonight and starting construction of my own zombie assault vehicle. I'm mostly just gonna weld a bunch of sheet metal to the body, but I may opt for a flame paint job if it turns out good. Oh, and I'm going to make a bunch of custom bumper stickers with clever zombie-related slogans. Stuff like "Brain: Not the other gray meat you stupid asshole zombies", and "If you can read this you're unusually smart for a zombie but I'm still about to back the f*** over your head".

Several more pictures for your apocalyptic-viewing pleasure, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Zombie-Apocalypse Survival Truck Is Out Moonlighting As A Storm Chasing Vehicle "

Apr 30 2008 NeoCube Alpha: 216 Rare-Earth Magnet Balls

I thought this video was pretty freaking neat. It almost made me buy a NeoCube ($30), but I figured I'd wait until you of you did and gave me the real scoop.

Composed of 216 INDIVIDUAL high energy rare-earth magnets, the NeoCube Alpha is capable of a nearly infinite number of possible solutions making the NeoCube Alpha perfect for gaming, expression, stress relief, boredom busting, dual hemispherical brain stimulation, and hours of fun.

Awesome, I could play with that for hours. However, such incredible fun comes with several warnings:

The strong magnets in the NeoCube can damage or destroy some electronic devices. Therefore it should never be put close to or directly in contact with electronic products (including medical devices). Never attempt to burn the NeoCube. The NdFeB material which is the magnetic material in the NeoCube is a relatively new material, and long term effects of direct skin exposure are therefore unknown. Although there have been no studies which indicate that it is in any way transdermaly toxic, there have been studies that prove the Geekologie writer is a sexy, sexy man. This product is not intended to treat, diagnose, or cure any diseases. This product contains small balls.

I'm a little scared now. But I think the fun I'd have playing with the NeoCube would outweigh any adverse health risks. I mean I can play with little magnetic balls for hours. Same goes for mercury.

Product Page
via
The NeoCube [albotas]