Oct 30 2009 Russia To Build Nuclear Powered Spaceship
You read correctly: Russia plans to build a nuclear powered spaceship. I smell a new coldcool lukewarm war coming on! ADVANCE THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK!
Roscosmos, Russia's Federal Space Agency has a new design for a manned spacecraft powered by a nuclear engine. Anatoly Perminov, the head of the agency, told reporters yesterday the goal of the Megawatt-class spaceship was "implementing large-scale space exploration programs."
Perminov added that this new spacecraft -- which will have a preliminary design by 2012 -- is supposed to help Russia maintain its edge in space, and possibly allow travel to the Moon or Mars. But Anatoly Koroteyev, president of the Russian Academy of Cosmonautics and head of the Keldysh research center, told RIA-Novosti that setting up permanent base on the moon was still out of the question.
Listen, I'm all for atomic energy, but I can't imagine the aliens being too thrilled about the Ruskies launching an atomic missile in their direction. AND YOU WONDER WHY THEY COME TO EARTH AND STICK THINGS IN OUR ASSES.
Поехали! Russia Plans Atomic-Powered Spaceship [wired]
Thanks to Nick, who built a nuclear reactor in his parents' basement but got grounded when they found it.
Oct 13 2009 Aliens Are Here, Apparently Vodka Drinkers
Aliens were recently spotted (well, not literally) hovering over Moscow and playing with the clouds above the city because they have that technology and like to make our meteorologists jealous for sucking so bad at predicting the weather (you said no rain today, jerks!). And don't even try to tell me there's some other reasonable explanation for this video, because there isn't. Even Stephen Hawking agrees with me, and that guy knows his stuff. Isn't that right, Stephen? STEPHEN?! Need I remind you you're parked precariously close to the stairs?
Thanks to Sergey, melissa and roy, who would have at least thrown a rock at it or something.
Jul 28 2009 Russian Pilot Ejecting From Plane At Mach 2
Growing up, my dad would only slow to 25MPH to drop me off at school, so I'm no stranger to bailing out of moving vehicles. Just not at Mach 2. That's crazy talk. Now don't get me wrong, I would still do it. BUT ONLY BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A DANG.
Movie producers paid two Sukhoi Su-35 pilots to fly without a canopy at Mach 2.0, and have one of them eject in what probably is one of the most dangerous stunts ever filmed.
Two words, Russian movie producers: special effects. Just throwing that out there.
Hit the jump for a shot of the remaining pilot flying with no canopy.
Continue Reading " Russian Pilot Ejecting From Plane At Mach 2 "
Jun 8 2009 Evading The Red Army: Russian Freerunning
Not to be outdone by wicked sickness that is ninja boy, this is an older video of some wicked Russian freerunning/climbing. It's pretty impressive and if I had even half those moves I would have spent a lot less in the slammer learning about love and relationships and bartering one's ass for cigarettes. Regardless, I think we can all agree that the world would be a much different place now if the Ruskies had this intelligence during the Cold War. Read: I'd be drinking vodka right now. Wait, I am drinking vodka right now. I HEART YOU RUSSIA!
Send me a bride.
Thanks to AmericanKGB, who may or may not be working both sides. I suspect he is.
Jun 3 2009 Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants
So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That's some sauce, Russia. Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too.
Official Site
via
Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews]
Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.
May 18 2009 How To: Get Free WiFi During Your Commute
Like this. At least that's how they do it in Moscow. From Russia With Love, baby! Also, with nesting dolls and bacon vodka. Suck it, Mr. Bond, you just got stirred!
Hit the jump for another shot of the girl in action just in case you thought it was fake or something. OH YEAH -- WELL YOUR DIAMOND IS FAKE!
Continue Reading " How To: Get Free WiFi During Your Commute "
May 14 2009 Russian Whale Tails Taking Web By Storm
Vilena, the woman above, is the originator of a Russian internet phenomenon I'm dubbing "whale tailing". Basically, she took the picture you see there (with her ass all up in the air, hence the "whale tail"), posted it on some social networking site, and, next thing you know, BAM, all the women are doing it. *sniff* Brings a tear to my eye. Now I don't belong to any Russian networking sites, so I say we bring the trend over here. Now THAT'S an internet phenomenon I can get behind! And thrust. HIYO!
Hit the jump for several more slightly NSFW examples, the last of which will make you sad.
Continue Reading " Russian Whale Tails Taking Web By Storm "
Apr 14 2009 Gross!: Man Grows Small Fir Tree In Lung
Apparently some guy was huffing pinecones when he accidentally snorted a bud into his lungs, where it grew into a little tree. Please note: man was not actually snorting pinecones, I just made that up for the sake of providing you with the highest quality investigative journalism. Also, I don't know know if you could tell or not, but I made that graphic using Photoshop. Elite skills: I'm full of them. But hopefully, not evergreens.
Artyom Sidorkin, came to a hospital in the city of Izhevsk in Central Russia last week, complaining that he was experiencing chest pain and coughing up blood.
After submitting to an X-ray the doctors saw a lump in the patient's lung. After a biopsying the lump the doctors pulled out a 5 centimeter fir tree branch out of his lung, complete with needles.
Sick! At least he didn't swallow it though. Because one time I swallowed a pumpkin seed and then several months later pissed a jack-o-lantern, complete with cut-out face and candle. Boy did I feel 8 pounds lighter!
Hit the jump for a graphic shot of the tree and partial lung after removal. NOT recommended for lunch viewing.
Continue Reading " Gross!: Man Grows Small Fir Tree In Lung "
Apr 9 2009 Eva? No, A WALL-E Computer Case Mod
We've already seen Gamecube WALL-E, LEGO WALL-E, paper WALL-E, and wooden WALL-E, so it was only a matter of time before somebody went and case-modded the handsome little devil.
This project took 18 days from this Russian guy to accomplish. It all has began after he has watched that cartoon. An idea sparked thru his head "I want to build such thing to hold my computer stuff in it". A solid-metal Wall-E computer case, each detail carefully cut from the metal sheets processed and put in place.
Nice. I posted a couple more pictures of the finished product after the jump, but if you hit the link you'll be magically transported (thank you, internet!) to the build page with like a hundred billion-zillion incredibly slow-loading pictures of all the milling and metalwork that went into the thing. And speaking of things going into things....WALL-E was a trash compactor. I AM THE TIE-IN KING!
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the cuteness.
Apr 7 2009 Star Wars And Mario Russian Nesting Dolls
Some artsy folks went and custom painted traditional Matryoshka dolls to look like characters from Star Wars and Super Mario, respectively. Not bad. I think these would make a great arts-and-crafts project to do with your kids, provided they don't eat the paint or glue their heads to the kitchen table. Which, be honest, they totally will. Haha, do I know your kids or what? On my way to work today I saw your youngest standing in the front yard hitting himself in the head with a Whiffleball bat. *sniff* Made me wish I had one of my own. The bat, not the kid.
Hit the jump for some closeups of the two sets.
Continue Reading " Star Wars And Mario Russian Nesting Dolls "
Apr 3 2009 UPDATE: A Helicopter Hotel That Flies
The Hotelicopter is allegedly real, although I have some serious doubts (especially if you go to THIS PAGE and see how they're hocking some renderings as real "test flight" pictures). That, and we're two days to April 1st. Still, it might be (but it's totally not).
Experience the adrenaline rush of taking off and flying high in the largest helicopter ever produced. The Hotelicopter features 18 luxuriously-appointed rooms for adrenaline junkies seeking a truly unique and memorable travel experience.
The Hotelicopter is modeled on the Soviet-made Mil V-12, of which there were only two prototypes ever made. The Mil V-12 took its first flight in Russia in 1968 and was awarded numerous world records, which it still holds today. The vehicle also earned the prestigious Sikorsky Prize awarded by the American Helicopter Society for outstanding achievements in helicopter technology.The Hotelicopter Company purchased one of these prototypes from the Mikhail Leontyevich Mil helicopter plant in Panki-Tomilino, Russia in 2004 and have been engineering the world's first flying hotel ever since.
Eh. Even if it is real I can't say I'm that excited. And not just because I could never afford a flight. No, I'm afraid of heights. Which is why I sleep on a mattress on the floor. Now, which one of you lovely ladies wanna join the ten-inch high club? Memory-foam topper, just sayin'.
UPDATE: FAKE, I just got an email from Hotelicopter.
Thanks for your coverage of The Hotelicopter!
I wanted to let you know that while The Hotelicopter is not real, hotelicopter the company is - we're a new travel brand launching next week.Can you please update your post accordingly? We did ask Yotel permission to use their images in our prank, and they agreed.
Hit the jump for a couple more of the questionableness, including the interior.
Dec 16 2008 What?: Russian Man Trademarks ;-) Emoticon
Apparently the Russian patent office granted a trademark to resident doucheweed Oleg Teterin, a man who now allegedly owns the rights to the ;-) emoticon. WTF!
But critics doubt the trademark's legal basis as the emoticon has been in the public domain for years.
"I want to highlight that this is only directed at corporations, companies that are trying to make a profit without the permission of the trademark holder," Mr Teterin said in comments on the Russian TV channel, NTV.He also said since other similar emoticons - :-) or ;) or :) - resemble the one he has trademarked, use of those symbols could also fall under his ownership.
Wow, what is the world coming to? And where does this Ruski get off trying to trademark MY emoticons. That's right folks, I invented them all. Just kidding, but I do use 8===D a lot, often followed by 'PEW PEW!'
Russian hopes to cash in on ;-) [bbcnews]
Thanks Richthegringo, and good luck on your quest to patent all punctuation. Also, thanks to Abby, my new legal consultant.
Nov 18 2008 Alien/Dragon Cars Gaining Popularity In Russia. Also, Remaining A Virgin, Vodka.
Apparently in Krasnoyarsk, Russia, the youth are obsessed with pimping out their cars with dragons, which is probably one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. Dinosaurs, sure, but dragons? What are you, 10?
Thanks to some really imaginative car lovers with tons of time to kill, the youth of the Russian town get to witness some of the wildest car art in the world.Dragon Cars, as they are called, are apparently a real hoot in that neck of the woods and even bald guys with mean looking cars get all the chicks. Now that's what I call a culture shock!
No, dragon cars and dumb bastards getting chicks is not a culture shock. A culture shock is a worn-panty vending machine. *ahem* Japan. I <3 you -- call me. xoxo
Hit the jump for several more of dragon cars, including one of a bald guy smoking a hookah.
Nov 17 2008 Now That's A Good Dog!: How To Cook A Hot Dog Russian Style, Or, Alternatively: How I Died Trying To Heat A Wiener
This is how some system administrator in Russia prepares himself a quick meal during those long nights at the office -- with a 220-volt hotdog. He stabs a fork in each end, connects the clips, plugs in the plug, and presto: death by electrocution just waiting to happen. The guy even sticks LEDs in the dog to determine its ripeness. Now call me crazy, but my god that must be one delicious wiener.
Hit the jump to see two more of the process, including cooking and LED insertion.
Oct 22 2008 Russian Suspended 'Boob' Ceiling
Apparently suspended ceilings are popular in Russia because upstairs neighbors have a penchant for getting drunk and leaving the bathtub running all night.
In Russia suspended ceiling is not only a stylish element of the flat interior, it can simply save your dwelling from flood made by the careless neighbors living above. Like in this case the practice shows that it is able to gather and hold all the water. Now the question is how to pour it off safely. But just imagine you wake up one morning and your ceilings look like this!
If I woke up one morning and my ceiling looked like that I'd think, "damn, I got a sexy f***in' ceiling." And then, if nobody was around, I might do some light to moderate fondling. Just kidding, I don't care who sees.
Hit the jump for several more shots, including one that shows why you wouldn't want to suckle these things (the last one).
Jul 14 2008 Russian Ravers Go Blind From Laser Show
As many as 29 people may have partial vision loss as the result of a laser light show at an outdoor rave near Moscow last week. Several have experienced vision loss as high as 80 percent.
Attendees said heavy rains forced organizers to erect massive tents for the all-night dance party, and lasers that normally illuminate upwards into the sky were instead partially refracted into the ravers' eyes.
Now don't get me wrong, a person losing their vision is freaking awful, and I hope all those affected by this show can get some kind of help. But the point I'd like to make is this: a laser light show where the possibility of going blind doesn't exist is a crappy laser light show. You might as well hire a kid swinging a flashlight on a string. Seriously though folks, I wish these ravers the best and would like to remind you, the reader, to be careful with your eyes. Like testicles*, you only get two.
*Or ovaries.
Ravers lose sight at Russian laser show [reuters]
Thanks Mark and Romeo, have either one of you ever bitten through a glow-stick? I have, it tasted awful.
May 20 2008 R/C Helicockter Interrupts Russian Speech
Did you read the post title carefully? That's right folks, somebody made a flying phallus and flew it into a news conference when Russian chess grandmaster and political activist Garry Kasparov was giving a speech. No idea if Vladamir Putin was the man behind the styrofoam salami, but he most certainly was. A translation of the website I got it from? Sure.
I do not have any sympathy for the Kremlin nor holuyam rumolovtsam nor kasparovsko-limonovskim dissenting, but this event fun ...
в общем, как я понял, румоловцы запустили на каспарова сию аццкую боеголовку: In general, as I understood it live on rumolovtsy kasparova retirement hellish warhead.From the video, obviously, that this "person Kremlin" kasparov strangely was wound circles over Limonovym until it is not brought down any of brave fighters kasparovskih.
Well there you have it, straight from the keyboard of some Ruski. And hellish warhead is right. Seriously though -- so someone flies a weapon of mass (erectile) dysfunction into your conference, big deal. Just make a penis joke and move on. I mean at least it wasn't pierced.
Arguably NSFW picture and VIDEO after the jump.
WARNING: It's a flying, relatively realistic styrofoam penis.
Continue Reading " R/C Helicockter Interrupts Russian Speech "
May 19 2008 Russian Mario Kart Looks Pretty Good
This is a custom painted Lada Zhiguli Mario Kart from Russia. As you can see, it's got a Super Mario Bros. theme. "The mural contains Goombas, pipes, coins, blocks, red-shelled Koopas and of course, Mario-himself." Not much else to say, except that I drank with a Russian guy once. It all started when I bought a car on eBay. A drive up to Philadelphia later, I met with the car's seller (who, from the looks of things, was clearly involved in an organized crime syndicate). He broke the top off a vodka bottle and said I couldn't leave until we finished the whole thing. Obviously we did, but I had to sleep in the car that night. The next morning he took me to a title place that only did business in Russian. I was still drunk and had no idea what the hell was going on or being said. Long story short: there was a body in the trunk. I Febreezed the shit out of it, but you can still catch a wiff in the summer when it gets hot.
Close-up shots after the jump.
Feb 11 2008 Uh Oh: Russians Think Time Machine Is Right Around The Corner
Two Russian scientists claim that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a particle accelerator in Switzerland, may be the world's first time machine. They're in the process of trying to recreate a miniature Big Bang. They're not sure exactly what will happen, but my guess is destroy the planet somehow. The first particle smash goes down in May, and they believe it may create a rip in the fabric of time, making time travel possible. I don't know about all that, but one time I did an experiment where I collided a subatomic toot with the particles of my jeans, creating a rip in the fabric of Levi's. But there wasn't any time traveling afterwards, just a stink and ruined pants.
News video after the jump, complete with some Back To The Future scenes
Continue Reading " Uh Oh: Russians Think Time Machine Is Right Around The Corner "
Nov 26 2007 New 'Kite' Used To Harvest Wind Energy
Architect Laurie Chetwood believes that kites will play a key roll in future "green" energy generation. Chetwood's brainchild, the Wind Dam, is scheduled to go up over Lake Lagoda (Russia) in the coming months. He is convinced the concept will be a hit, stating it's "highly effective at capturing the wind because it replicates the work of a dam and doesn't let the wind escape in the way it does using traditional propellers." Basically the Wind Dam is a "75-meter kite with multiple tethers used to funnel wind into a turbine, creating juice." Sounded good until then didn't it? I'm all about green technology, but I think this guy has got his head in the wrong place. Juice? Juice is easy to make -- you just squeeze some damn fruit. We need electricity damnit.
