Nov 20 2009 For The Dapper Dog: Humunga Staches
The Humunga Stache is a $12 piece of molded rubber. One side's a ball, and the other is giant freaking mustache. So when your dog bites the ball, guess what happens! (Hint: you take pictures and post them Facebook with clever captions).
Add some low-cost laughs to your frequent frolics with Fido! This shiny black toy is a ball on one end, and a giant cartoon mustache on the other. Dogs naturally pick up the ball...which leaves the outrageously funny mustache sticking out! Dogs also love to hold the ball in their mouth, and shake the mustache back and forth!
Not a bad idea. Of course, my dog would just chew up the whole damn thing. You see, she's a bitch. And, based on those tits in the pic, so is Fido. Animal cruelty!
Product Site
via
Humunga Stache [likecool]
Thanks to Niki, whose bitch has a real mustache and moonlights as a carny.
Oct 28 2009 Just Ordered Two Cases: Dinosaur Condoms
That's right, dinosaur shaped condoms. Available from Willy Wardrobe (probably NSFW, but also has a bunch of other novelty condoms), each Stegosaurus E-Rex will set you back £2.50 (~$4) and is not recommended for re-use (even though you and I both know you totally will anyway).
A bit of a sexual fossil? Then this dinosaur condom is for you!
Warning: Sold as novelty only. Product may be used during intercourse although there is no guarantee that it will prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.Also, not responsible for lost spines.
Okay, so I made that last part up. Still, you've got to wonder. WONDER WHY NOBODY WAS MAKING THESE EARLIER! Plus, they like a perfect fit to me. Pfft, don't even act like your penis doesn't have feet too.
Thanks to Starchitect, Ezrail, david, DatsMark, Xavire, Ross, John, sara, Jody and clipper, for knowing me all too well.
Sep 10 2009 Military Experimenting With Airless Tires
We've known about airless tires for a while now here on Geekologie, but now the US military is getting involved and testing them sums of beaches out on some of their vehicles. But not their tanks -- they don't have any air to begin with, silly!
The advantages of airless tires are obvious: they can't be punctured and they never go flat. But it clearly takes a lot of science to get the proper material that can stand up to the pressure of a multi-ton military vehicle sitting on top of it.
Nice, military, but how about some REAL airless tires. I'm talking about hover wheels, bitches! I know that shit exists, we stole the technology from the aliens. GET OUT OF MY HEAD GOVERNMENT! Quick, somebody Reynolds Wrap me, STAT!
Aug 27 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Banana Phone
The Banana Cellfoam is a $10 piece of foam rubber that molds around your mobile phone, making it appear as though you're taking calls with a banana. Which I think we can all agree is pretty genius. Plus, you can turn your phone on vibrate and tell a friend to call for an instant sex toy! Kidding, that's icky. Holsters for the banana phone are also available, or you can just keep it in your pocket and save $8 while gaining some much needed respect from the ladies. You know, because they won't think it's a banana -- they'll think it's a gun! And firearms, dear reader, should be respected at all times.
Thanks to Matt, who once tried to impress the ladies with a whole pocketful of bananas but ended up getting beat within an inch of his life by a monkey that escaped the circus riding a tiger.
Aug 25 2009 Geekologie Reader's DIY Cell Phone Charger
Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that you all are the most cunning, clever and best looking blog readers out there, Geekologie Reader Magnus recently fashioned himself a cell phone desk charger MacGyver style.
As my new phone came with no desk charger I had to make one. The desk charger was fashioned from my old N95 which did not survive the 40degree wash (thanks for that Jo), the better part of an eraser, a broken cigarette lighter and about 30 Royal Mail elastic bands.
Plus, it looks better than anything you could buy. I still think it could use some more rubber bands though. And maybe a stapler.
Thanks Magnus, now how about a docking station for my pager? I know it takes regular batteries, I just want one!
Jul 15 2009 Good Enough To Eat: These GummiLights
GummiLights are expensive rubber lamps designed to look like Gummi Bears. Unsurprisingly, I tried to eat one. Shocked? I was. I'll be here all week folks, make sure to tip your waitstaff.
These GummiLights are made of a translucent rubber and measure in at 7-inches tall. They're illuminated by brightly glowing LEDs and come in a variety of candy-like colors, including red, orange, yellow, clear, blue, purple and pink. Each one is powered by rechargeable lithium batteries, and can run for about 20 hours on a charge.
A single bear will set you back $125 or you can get a set of 5 for $500. But, if you want something that'll really light up the night, you're gonna need me. I'm so bright my parents call me son (I'm on a roll today, folks!). Also, "little shit" and "a terrible, terrible mistake". Anybody want to adopt a GW? I spoon.
gummi bear lamps are unfortunately not edible [technabob]
Mar 15 2009 Guy Loses Finger, Replaces With Flash Drive
Jerry Jalava is a hacker who lost half his left ring finger in a motorcycle accident and decided to replace the digit with a USB drive. So now he sports a rubber half-finger with thumb(!)drive inside. Awesome. Plus, if he ever has to wear a wedding ring it won't count because it's not a real finger. Am I right? Because that's why I cut mine off. Just kidding, I was really high and trying to make a bong in shop class.
Hit the jump for three more shots of the digital digitry.
Continue Reading " Guy Loses Finger, Replaces With Flash Drive "
Mar 13 2009 People Still Pogo?: The Flybar Pogo Stick
Sorry for the delay folks, I just got back from the doctor for a checkup. Yeah, and you know that whole 'turn your head and cough bit'? Well, the doctor didn't properly anticipate the weight of my nuts and broke his wrist. True story. Anyway, the Flybar is a ridiculously stupid looking pogo stick that allegedly bounces higher than a regular one.
It does this using some seriously strong elastic bands known as rubber thrusters that increase the maximum bounce height to a whopping seven feet six inches. You can snag a Flybar of your own for a whopping $320.
Pfft, forget the Flybar -- I've got four-and-one-quarter inches of rubber thruster for you right here. *squeak squeak squeak* Anybody?
Flybar is one seriously juiced up pogo stick [dvice]
Jan 16 2009 Safety First: Condom Animals Doing It
NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT CONDOM ANIMALS HAVING SEX ALL OVER THE PLACE.
This is a Durex commercial that may or not have made it to the air (certainly not in this country) that features arguably homosexual condom rabbits doing it. I kept waiting for one to pop until I realized you probably wouldn't want to advertise that. Also, I would like to take this time to pat myself on the nuts for never getting that crazy bitch of an ex-wife pregnant.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not my child!
Superfad Ad Agency (which has a couple outtakes to watch as well)
Thanks to Skin & Bones, Jase, leftrightleft, and Julian, who, despite their vehement denials, have all used BBQ sauce as lube.
Oct 14 2008 Condometric Gives It To You Straight (Or Slightly Curved To The Left, Ladies?)
The Condometric is a condom with convenient measurements along the side so your partner can point and laugh and you can feel inadequate.
Condometric is the first prophylactic that measures and shows off the penis' length. Condometric helps us flaunt what we've got. It's about believing we can handle whatever we wish to take on, regardless of size.
Haha, 6 whole inches -- I'm perfectly average! What? Centimeters? Goddamnit.
Condometric [likecool]
Thanks to Lindsey for making me feel like Timmy Tiny Dick.
Oct 9 2008 Used Condoms Reborn As Hair/Rubber Bands
Soiled condoms *HORF* are being recycled into hair bands and rubber bands in China.
"There are a lot of bacteria and viruses on the rubber bands and hair ties made from used condoms," a dermatologist at the Guangzhou Hospital of Armed Police, who asked to be identified by his surname Dong, told the local paper. "People could be infected with AIDS, warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while weaving their hair into plaits or buns."
*HORF* Jesus. But on the upside, a bag of 10 hair bands only costs 3¢. Which, I think we can all agree is worth the risk of contracting something.
Report: Used condoms 'recycled' as hair bands in China [usatoday]
Thanks to Skip, who may or may not have been the guy that ratted me out for blowing up used condoms at my last clown gig.
Oct 8 2008 The Shower Power: No More Slipping And Breaking Your (Most Precious) Bone
The Shower Power is a powerful suction cup with two handles. It was designed to provide a safehold while you're having sex in the shower. Or in the car. Or on the side of a building. I couldn't find out how much it costs but it can't be much. And seriously, can you really put a price on personal safety anyways? Yes, about $8. Or, if you want to live dangerously, you can do what I do and have sex while swinging from the shower head. But remember: if you're not doing the Tarzan yell you're totally ruining the experience.
Hit the jump for the product packaging which explains how to use the device in graphic silhouettey detail.
Continue Reading " The Shower Power: No More Slipping And Breaking Your (Most Precious) Bone "
Sep 26 2008 Metal Gear Solid Rubber Band Gun
Some guy went and made a rubberband shooting replica of Solid Snake's Silver Wolf pistol from Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. The weapon was made from cross-drilled stainless steel plates and even has a laser sight and flashlight. I want one -- just imagine the damage you could do with that thing! Upwards of not any.
Hit the jump for a video of the gun in action.
Sep 17 2008 Woops: How Not To Dispose Of A Sex Doll
The best way to dispose of a sex doll is to hump it until it melts. But if you don't have superhuman stamina or a laser penis, your options are limited. So what do you do? Dump it like a dead hooker.
A 60-year-old man, having lived with his rubbery companion for a few years after his wife passed away, but when he decided to move in with his kids we felt like it was time to move on. He was too attached to chop his former lover up into pieces and toss her out with the trash, so he did what any respectable guy would do: stuck her in a sleeping bag, brought her to a remote, wooded area and dumped her.
Unshockingly, hikers stumbled upon the sleeping bag and notified authorities. One very brief post-mortem exam later, and the guy finally came forward to claim his former lover. He faces littering charges and future relations with a once-dead sex doll. You know, this reminds me of the time a dead hooker came back to haunt me. If I told her once, I told her a million times -- I'm still not paying you one-legged ghost of a whore!
Dumping Someone is Hard, Even if that Someone is a Sex Doll [gizmodo]
Sep 15 2008 Own Your Own T-Rex Statue With Movement And Blood Curdling Roar!
This isn't actually made from real bones (although for $22,000 it damn well should be), but it is an accurate skeletal statue of a young Tyrannosaurus E-rex (it does me anyway). Hit the jump to see the statue's movement and hear its roar, both of which are pretty freaking impressive. Now they just need to add some silicon skin, a couple life-like entries, a ladder for easy access, and what in the hell is wrong with me? That's right, nothing.
Hit it for the video.
Continue Reading " Own Your Own T-Rex Statue With Movement And Blood Curdling Roar! "
Aug 25 2008 Wait, Come Back: The Olympics Are Over
Well folks, the Olympics are over. And you know what that means: no more getting drunk at the bar and watching rhythmic gymnastics. Oh, and 100,000 used condoms. Wait, what?
The UNAIDS, the Beijing organizing committee BOCOG and International Olympics Committee are providing 100,000 condoms as part of a campaign on HIV prevention and anti-discrimination.
While sex is not an Olympic sport it is expected to be an activity in the Beijing village housing 10,500 athletes, all of whom are in great shape and with plenty of free time on their hands once knocked out of the Games.
First of all, sex should be an Olympic sport. And secondly, holy crap -- 100,000 condoms for 10,500 athletes? That's like each athlete having sex ten times. Twenty times if athletes only have sex with other athletes! I mean, shit, the last time I had sex twenty times it felt like my arm was gonna fall off.
Beijing provides 100,000 condoms for athletes [yahoonews]
Thanks to Hunter, who's smart enough to know the only good sports are safe sports.
Aug 20 2008 Bigfoot: "That Totally Wasn't Me"
In a turn of events that shocked no one, Bigfoot left a message for reporters in the woods claiming the recent pictures of a creature in a freezer, are, in fact, not him. The message, spelled out with carefully arranged arm-length turds, read "that totally wasn't me".
Turns out Bigfoot was just a rubber suit. Two researchers on a quest to prove the existence of Bigfoot say that the carcass encased in a block of ice -- handed over to them for an undisclosed sum by two men who claimed to have found it -- was slowly thawed out, and discovered to be a rubber gorilla outfit.
First, the hair sample was burned and "melted into a ball uncharacteristic of hair," Kulls said in the posting.The thawing process was sped up and the exposed head was found to be "unusually hollow in one small section." An hour of thawing later and the feet were exposed -- and they were found to be made of rubber.
Well folks, it just goes to show you -- you can't believe every legendary creature is real just because some asshats claim to have one in a freezer. You can't will Bigfoot real, no matter how badly you want to make love to him.
Researchers say bigfoot just a rubber gorilla suit [yahoonews]
Thanks to Dan, SilverSided, Laurel, Brad, The Hashishin, Gingela5, and Melanie for letting me down easy.
Jun 3 2008 Master Chief Made Entirely Out Of Balloons
If there is one thing I hate at a birthday party it's a creepy-ass clown. A close second are magicians. But after magicians come balloon animal makers. And not just because the one I hired for my college graduation party got drunk and swung his little balloon covered unit around like a helicopter in front of my entire family, but that's part of it. Well the guy shown here, known to sobbing children in the Provo, Utah area as Balloon Guy, makes some pretty serious balloon sculptures. Seen in the photo is Master Chief, but hit the jump for a Star Wars AT-AT, Mario, a Ninja Turtle, and what may or may not be Optimus Prime. Balloon Guy says he'll make anything "as long as it's family friendly." BOOOO! You're telling me you're gonna show up dressed like that and not make balloon privates? Secretary, cancel Balloon Guy for the company picnic, we'll have to go with our backup: pony rides and a stripper.
Hit the jump for all the highly questionable other.
Continue Reading " Master Chief Made Entirely Out Of Balloons "
Feb 22 2008 Self-Healing Rubber Sticks Back Together
Ludwik Leibler is a chemistry professor in Paris that has created an artificial rubber substance that can stick back together with the same strength it had prior to being cut. The unnamed material is made in an earth-friendly manner from vegetable oil and urea (the stuff in urine that makes it delicious).
Break a rubber and the chemical welds - known as covalent bonds - are also broken. The trick was to replace the covalent bonds in rubber with weaker connections known as hydrogen bonds. These are like hands on neighboring molecules that can clasp together, but let go when broken. Dr Leibler quickly realized that this meant not only that the new rubber could be recycled and remolded many times over, but that if separated by a cut or break, the chemical hands at the fresh surfaces would still be waving about ready to bind again.
Now let me tell you, covalent bonds aren't the only things severed when rubbers break. No sir. Your whole life can get split apart. You know what I'm talking about don't you? I'm talking about accidentally having kids. And don't believe that baloney "the stork brings them to your house" nonsense either, it isn't true. That's just a lie your parents told you so they wouldn't have to say the word vagina.
Self-healing rubber bounces back [bbcnews]
Thanks to Frankie, who is both wild and crazy, for the tip
Jan 17 2008 Ridiculous: Disintegrator Rubberband Gun
I remember some crazy old guy selling rubberband guns at the fair, but never anything that looked like this. "Composed of 479 pieces, the Disintegrator shoots rubber bands up to 22 feet at a blistering rate of 40 per second. Its 24 revolving barrels hold up to 288 standard-sized #36 bands, and the gun can be fired from a tripod, a table mount or from the hip." I'm not sure if holding it makes everyone look stupid, or if the kid in the picture was just born that way. Anyhoo, the unit took two months to build and takes 5 hours to charge for 7 minutes use. Which is pretty crummy. But if you want to build your own you can check the link to the construction page after the jump. I thought about building one, before I realized that real guns are cooler and do a lot more damage. Watch -- *BLAM* See, that shot almost took my other arm clean off. Damn that's a lot of blood. Wow, it's really gushing. I'm feeling a little light-headed all of a sudden. *THUD*
Another picture and a video that you should watch after the jump. But skip to around 1:30 to get past all the boring stuff.
Continue Reading " Ridiculous: Disintegrator Rubberband Gun "
