Apr 27 2009 I Want Out: Electrocuting Rubber Duckie
Looking for a way out but second guessing your decision to dive into a volcano? Enter the Electric Bath Duck, a suicide assistance device that allegedly works better than a toaster. Thankfully, it's fake. But listen -- I don't want any of you killing yourselves anyways, you hear me? Because then who would read the words I write? Nobody, that's who. My family doesn't even read my diary anymore and I leave it open on the coffee table. So if you are having suicidal thoughts, seek help. And remember folks, I'm here for you. God may have spited me downstairs, but I do have big ears.
Hit the jump for a shot of the back.
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Feb 9 2009 Make Calls In Private With The Isophone
The Isophone may like a giant waterbug banging your brain, but it's actually a device designed to provide uninterrupted peace and quiet while you're making phone calls.
The Isophone is essentially a telecommunications device providing a service that can be described simply as a meeting of the telephone and the floatation tank. The user wears a helmet that blocks out all peripheral sensory distraction whilst keeping the head above the surface of the water... a space is created for providing a pure, distraction free environment for making a telephone call.
I need one. Like yesterday. Ooh, and a pool. This bathtub just isn't cutting it anymore. *knocking* Damnit -- SHUT UP MOM I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE! What's that? Fish sticks for dinner? Hot damn, I'll be out in a sec!
Hit the jump for several more shots of this chick using the device.
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Nov 26 2008 Rubber Duckies To Solve Global Warming
No, not really. But the yellow buggers are helping scientists track the speed of melting glaciers. Whee?
Should Greenland's 2.17 million square miles of ice ever melt completely, the water could raise sea level world-wide by 24 feet, swamping coastal cities that are home to millions of people. As Dr. Behar at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory soon discovered, though, there isn't much money for global-warming experiments in Greenland.
Consequently, Dr. Behar and his colleagues at the University of Colorado this past August released 90 yellow rubber ducks into the melt water flowing down a chasm in the largest of Greenland's 200 glaciers -- the Jakobshavn Isbrae -- which has been thinning rapidly since 1997.Each duck was imprinted with an e-mail address and, in three languages, the offer of a reward.
Geez, what shameless litterbugs. Wait, did that say reward? What do you think it is, $100? Okay, now what's $100 times 90 -- $900,000 right? Let's charter a boat!
Rubber Duckies to Help Track Speed of Melting Glaciers [foxnews]
Thanks to Sam, who doesn't play with toys in the bath anymore.
Sep 17 2008 Woops: How Not To Dispose Of A Sex Doll
The best way to dispose of a sex doll is to hump it until it melts. But if you don't have superhuman stamina or a laser penis, your options are limited. So what do you do? Dump it like a dead hooker.
A 60-year-old man, having lived with his rubbery companion for a few years after his wife passed away, but when he decided to move in with his kids we felt like it was time to move on. He was too attached to chop his former lover up into pieces and toss her out with the trash, so he did what any respectable guy would do: stuck her in a sleeping bag, brought her to a remote, wooded area and dumped her.
Unshockingly, hikers stumbled upon the sleeping bag and notified authorities. One very brief post-mortem exam later, and the guy finally came forward to claim his former lover. He faces littering charges and future relations with a once-dead sex doll. You know, this reminds me of the time a dead hooker came back to haunt me. If I told her once, I told her a million times -- I'm still not paying you one-legged ghost of a whore!
Dumping Someone is Hard, Even if that Someone is a Sex Doll [gizmodo]
Aug 25 2008 Wait, Come Back: The Olympics Are Over
Well folks, the Olympics are over. And you know what that means: no more getting drunk at the bar and watching rhythmic gymnastics. Oh, and 100,000 used condoms. Wait, what?
The UNAIDS, the Beijing organizing committee BOCOG and International Olympics Committee are providing 100,000 condoms as part of a campaign on HIV prevention and anti-discrimination.
While sex is not an Olympic sport it is expected to be an activity in the Beijing village housing 10,500 athletes, all of whom are in great shape and with plenty of free time on their hands once knocked out of the Games.
First of all, sex should be an Olympic sport. And secondly, holy crap -- 100,000 condoms for 10,500 athletes? That's like each athlete having sex ten times. Twenty times if athletes only have sex with other athletes! I mean, shit, the last time I had sex twenty times it felt like my arm was gonna fall off.
Beijing provides 100,000 condoms for athletes [yahoonews]
Thanks to Hunter, who's smart enough to know the only good sports are safe sports.
Jul 16 2007 Giant Rubber Duckie
Artist Florentijn Hofman put together this massive rubber duckie for "Loire Estuary 2007," which is an outdoor, contemporary-art exhibition now taking place in France that features the works of 30 artists from around the world. All of the works are being installed along a 40-mile stretch at the mouth of the Loire River, and this one happens to be of a giant rubber duckie. Unfortunately my entry was disqualified. Apparently running around naked on a boat while screaming "Penis!" doesn't count as art.
