Aug 10 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Fireplace In A Tool Chest

The 'Mall Fire' by Ataria is a $5,400 tool chest (sans tools) that turns into a romantic ethanol fireplace whenever opened. Well, as romantic as a fireplace in a tool chest can be anyways. Which is very. And also why I just had one mounted in the bed of my truck. What do you say I spread a tarp back there and we make ourselves a little pool? Me, you, a box of wine and a pool with a fireplace. I'm sorry, am I being too romantic? Because I can't help myself. Bathing suits optional. For you. Me? I'm a nevernude.

There's Nothing Dangerous About a Fireplace in a Chest [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who knows a romantic evening when he hears one (nuclear hot wings and a titty bar).

Jun 24 2009 A Match Made In Plastic: A LEGO Proposal

We've all heard about LEGO themed proposals in the past (most of them choking hazards), but Ryan Wood went about it a little differently. Namely, by presenting his bride-to-be with a giant LEGO ring containing an actual engagement ring inside its clear diamond. Wow, how romantic (read: be thankful she said yes). Now, as a guy who has been married in the past -- and isn't in a relationship anymore, I've got to admit: ladies? Tip me. Literally -- I've been working hard for you!

Nothing Says "I'm a Dork, Marry Me" Like a Giant Lego Wedding Ring [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian and m0h, who proposed at the zoo right when a monkey was drinking its own urine. *swoon*

Feb 20 2009 Bear Sleeping Bag Not Nearly As Nice Or Comfy As My Bear Skin Rug, Ladies?

The Sleeping Bear Pack was designed by Eiko Eshizawa and makes you look like you're sleeping inside a bear just like Luke Skywalker inside a tauntaun. It's nice, but nowhere near as romantic as the polar bearskin rug in front of my fireplace. What do you say -- me, you, a bottle of bubbly and a bowl of ripe strawberries? Too romantic? Okay -- me, you, a sixer of High Life cans and some chocolate syrup? Still? Fine: me, a 40 of Old English and a bag of watermelon Sour Patch Kids.

Bear sleeping bag will keep you safe from bear attacks, I assume [dvice]

Apr 22 2008 Sad: Death By Misinterpreted Text Message

Ermine and Ramazan Çalçoban were a Turkish couple going through a separation. Like any normal unhealthy couple, they continued to harass the shit out of each other via text message. Until one day Ramazan sent a text message that, thanks to his cell phone not having a "closed i" (ı) character, proved disastrous.

The use of "i" resulted in an SMS with a completely twisted meaning: instead of writing the word "sıkısınca" it looked like he wrote "sikisince." Ramazan wanted to write "You change the topic every time you run out of arguments" (sounds familiar enough) but what Emine read was, "You change the topic every time they are f***ing you.

WARNING: Sad story follows.

Uh oh, not good. Emine showed the text to her father, who called Ramazan and threatened him for insinuating his daughter was a dirty strumpet. Ramazan shows up confused but ready to apologize, and is stabbed by Emine's father and two sisters. Badly injured, Ramazan tried to escape while Emine attempted to finish him off. At the door he managed to pull a knife out of his chest and stab her before fleeing into the street, where he was picked up by police. Emine bled to death awaiting an ambulance. Ramazan, still confused as to what happened, killed himself in jail.

Damn, like a modern Romeo and Juliet.

R.I.P. Ermine and Ramazan.

A Cellphone's Missing Dot Kills Two People, Three More in Jail [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jaden, who is a very careful texter, for the tip

Feb 21 2008 Bravit Candle Is Neat, Expensive, Romantic

The Bravit Candle was created by Christoph Van Bommel. Basically you light the main wick, and then the flame can split and take different wick paths, sometimes with as many as 5 going at once. They cost anywhere from $80 - $170 depending on the size. The actual wick structure was "inspired from the molecular structure of cholesterol" and the candles were "specially designed for long romantic dinners, as the light can last up to 5 hours." Ah yes, the cholesterol inspired romantic dinner candle. I'll tell you what, I find cholesterol so romantic. Cholesterol and heart attacks both really get me in the mood.

Bravit, The Multi-flame Candle [cribfashion]

Thanks to Brendan, who knows how to wine and dine the ladies, for the tip