Oct 21 2009 NASA Testing First New Rocket In 30 Years

NASA, an organization that has actually convinced itself they put men on the moon despite it being all staged in Hollywood, is now testing a new rocket. The phallic booster is the first new design to come out of agency since 1981. Which, incidentally, is the year I was born. What does all this mean? I'm 28!

The rocket is Ares I-X -- a suborbital prototype for the Ares I rocket NASA plans to use to launch its shuttle successor, the Orion spacecraft. Currently the world's tallest booster, the Ares I-X rolled out to the launch pad early Tuesday and is slated to blast off Oct. 27 at 8 a.m. EDT (1200 GMT) on a short demonstration flight.

"The Ares I-X is going to fly straight up and straight out," said NASA commentator George Diller as the 327-foot (100-meter) tall rocket began moving toward Launch Pad 39B at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. "During that time we'll be testing the stage separation to determine how well the first stage separation motors perform, as well as the performance of the booster itself, namely the parachutes and other apparatus that will deploy."

The $445 million rocket's rollout comes on the eve of a final report from an independent committee appointed by the White House to review NASA's plans for future human spaceflight.

You want me to tell you about the future of human spaceflight? Cause it goes like this: The Geekologie Writer builds a rocketship in the shed behind his house and blasts himself into the sun. Everyone is so sad rockets are banned for ever. Then everybody dies because you couldn't colonize Mars. The end.

NASA Unveils Ares 1-X Rocket for Historic Test Flight [foxnews]

Thanks to joseph, who tied his little brother to a bunch of fireworks and was just about to light the fuse when his mom caught him and yelled at him for having matches.

Oct 17 2009 Europa Has Enough Oxygen To Support Life?

So apparently one of Jupiter's moons, Europa, might have enough oxygen to support life. Well that's cool BECAUSE I'M TOTALLY MOVING THERE. Who's with me? You better shower!

The global ocean on Jupiter's moon Europa contains about twice the liquid water of all the Earth's oceans combined. New research suggests that there may be plenty of oxygen available in that ocean to support life, a hundred times more oxygen than previously estimated.

The chances for life there have been uncertain, because Europa's ocean lies beneath several miles of ice, which separates it from the production of oxygen at the surface by energetic charged particles (similar to cosmic rays). Without oxygen, life could conceivably exist at hot springs in the ocean floor using exotic metabolic chemistries, based on sulfur or the production of methane. However, it is not certain whether the ocean floor actually would provide the conditions for such life.

Hell yeah, Europa -- I've always wanted to visit Holland! Do they really wear those wooden shoes?

Jupiter's Moon Europa Has Enough Oxygen For Life [physorg]

Thanks to Kelly, who can come with me provided she steer the spaceship while I get drunk and puke out a porthole.

Oct 2 2009 Serious Eye Candy: Amazing Photograph Of The World's Tallest Rocket Blasting Off

This is a photo of the world's tallest rocket blasting off for outerspace without me. Damnit, I packed a sack lunch and everything! HOLLER AT YOUR BOY, NASA. Come on -- I'll bring you back an alien corpse!

You're looking at the 253.2-foot Delta 4-Heavy lifting off from launch complex 37B at Cape Canaveral, and yes, that's actually a photograph. Good thing the camera was remotely triggered by photographer Ben Cooper, who used sound activation to snap this shot while he was safely ensconced 3 miles away.

We feel sorry for that camera, though, whose lens was destroyed. The good news is, the camera itself somehow survived this hellish inferno as the world's tallest unmanned rocket roared away from its launchpad.

Impressive, huh? We've certainly come a long way since people thought the world was round, am I right? IT'S A D-20 YOU IDIOTS. God loves D&D! Now, gimme a roll for drunkenness, big guy. 19! BLAAAAAAAHH!!

World's tallest rocket roars away, captured in spectacular photo [dvice]

Jul 7 2009 Michael Jackson To Be Buried In Gold Casket

Michael Jackson, donning his last piece of flair (possibly a Bedazzled glove), will be buried in a 14-karat gold coffin only befitting of a king (of pop. Alternatively, Neverland).

The $25,000 container from Batesville Casket Company ("because every family deserves a Batesville") is made of solid bronze, plated with 14-karat gold, and polished to a mirror finish. It's the same model in which James Brown was buried. No question about it, it'll be the fanciest coffin in the graveyard.

You know, when I go I want to be buried in my rocketship. And by buried I mean launched into the sun. And by "when I go" I mean I'm pushing the button now. I'M OUT BITCHES, PEACE!

Michael Jackson to be buried in 14-karat gold coffin [dvice]

Jun 17 2009 Star Face: Girl Asks For 3 Stars, Gets 56

Allegedly Kimberley Vlaminck, 18, went into a tattoo parlor and requested three stars on the left side of her face by her eye. However, she claims she fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with 56. I suspect she's lying.

Rouslan, who runs the tattoo parlour called The Tattoo Box in Courtrai, said Kimberley was awake and actually looked in the mirror several times during the procedure to see how it was going.

'He said she knew 'exactly what she wanted. The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotised her. What rubbish!'

'She asked for 56 stars and that's what she got.'

Well, I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson from this story. One about how sweet Kimberley would look with a little rocketship added right by her mouth. I WILL SUPERNOVA YOUR FACE!

What did she expect? Incredible face revealed of the man who tattooed girl with 56 stars when she only asked for three [dailymail]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, Rémy, STOMPY, Joemo and Menace, who all went to the same dentist to get their teeth cleaned and walked out swinging 2X manhammers.

Jun 8 2009 It's About Time: Haynes Manual For Apollo 11

This is the $29 Haynes Owners' Workshop Manual for all the vehicles and equipment used during the Apollo 11 mission to the moon. I'm still gonna pick up a copy, despite deciding to build my own rocketship for scratch (I'm hoping for pointers on seducing moon-women).

On 20 July 1969, US astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. This is the story of the Apollo 11 mission and the 'space hardware' that made it all possible. This manual looks at the evolution and design of the mighty Saturn V rocket, the Command and Service Modules, and the Lunar Module. It describes the space suits worn by the crew and their special life support and communications systems.

There you have it, everything you need to know about how to fly a mission to the moon 40 years ago. Of course, things have changed since then. Namely, US women now have the right to vote. Yeah, and we haven't sent anyone else to the moon in 37 years. Coincidence, or should women not be allowed to drive? You decide.

Product Site
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NASA Apollo 11 Service Manual From Haynes [ohgizmo]

May 11 2009 Another Day, Another Cosmic Eyeball

We've already seen God's hand, God's eye and the Eye of Sauron, so why not another cosmic ball of eye? This here is the latest in a batch of images from the Hubble Space Bubblescope of planetary nebula Knockout 4-55. Enter Punch-Out tie-in here. I AM THE L337 BLOGGAR!

Planetary nebulas have nothing to do with planets. They were named so because in early telescopes, they had the fuzzy look of planets in our outer solar system. In fact planetary nebulas sit throughout our galaxy. This one contains the outer layers of a red giant star that were expelled into interstellar space when the star was in the late stages of its life.

Ultraviolet radiation emitted from the remaining hot core of the star ionizes the ejected gas shells, causing them to glow.

In the specific case of K 4-55, a bright inner ring is surrounded by a bipolar structure. The entire system is then surrounded by a faint red halo, seen in the emission by nitrogen gas. This multi-shell structure is fairly uncommon in planetary nebulae.

BOOM, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WAS GETTING ASTRONOMY LESSONED! Now, for your astrology lesson: it's all bullshit. Also, you will make decisions soon. NO I AM NOT HIGH. Tell me, if eyes are the windows to one's soul, is a cosmic eye THE WINDOW TO ANOTHER DIMENSION?! And, if so, is there a dinosaur park there? ZOMG -- quick, tie me to a rocket engine!

Hubble Photographs Giant Eye in Space [yahoonews]

Thanks to Watch-303, who may or may not be operating out of Boulder/Denver region.

May 1 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Growing Plants On The Moon

Paragon Space Development Corporation, a NASA subcontractor, has decided to take a stab at growing plants in a specially designed greenhouse on the moon. THE MOON! The attempt will take place in 2012, so we may or may not get to see if it works before the world ends.

In order to successfully grow a plant on the moon, Paragon has developed a very specialized greenhouse that can safely contain a plant and provide it with all elements it needs to survive. The greenhouse will need to protect the plant from the sun's intense rays while providing it with enough water, balanced soil, and carbon dioxide while removing its waste oxygen.

Paragon has chosen a species within Brassica (the mustard family), due to their quick growth and the abundance of knowledge about the plant. A typical Brassica needs 14 days of light in order to grow, flower and then set seed. A lunar day is 14 Earth days long, so if the landing is timed perfectly, it will allow just enough time for the plant to grow to maturity and possibly re-seed.

Nice, but you really think anyone cares about growing mustard on the moon? No, I'm convinced there's a much more diabolical motive behind this experiment. Namely, government space weed.

First Gardens on the Moon by 2012! [inhabitat]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and toast king, who once got high on Mars and thought they saw an alien. It was a rock.

Apr 22 2009 Scientists Find Watery, Earth-Like Planet?

Earth Day Fools! Oh, wait, no. Apparently this is real, and only 20.5 light-years away! Ladies and gentlemen -- start your rocket engines. PSSSSHOOOOOOOOW! PEW PEW.

The Gliese 581 planetary system now has four known planets, with masses of about 1.9 (planet e, left in the foreground), 16 (planet b, nearest to the star), 5 (planet c, center), and 7 Earth-masses (planet d, with the bluish colour).

Michel Mayor, a well-known exoplanet researcher from the Geneva Observatory, announced the find today. The planet, "e," in the famous system Gliese 581, is only about twice the mass of our Earth. The team also refined the orbit of the planet Gliese 581 d, first discovered in 2007, placing it well within the habitable zone, where liquid water oceans could exist.

Planet Gliese 581 d, is that really the best they could do? GIVE IT A REAL DAMN NAME ALREADY. I propose Waterworld. And speaking of which, that was a hell of a movie, was it not? Oh, I'm getting a "no" from The IWatchStuff Writer. But he had gills, man, gills!

Nearly Earth-sized Planet, Possible Watery World Spotted Near Another Star [universetoday]

Thanks to Morgana, who, for an Earth-related tip on Earth Day, wins a free trip to Gliese 581 d, just as soon I finish my rocketship.

Apr 20 2009 Largest Model Rocket Ready For Blast Off

I did absolutely zero research to determine if this 36-foot tall, 1,600lb model rocket built by Steve Eves is, in fact, the largest ever, but that's only because I've already won numerous prizes for investigative journalism and figured I'd give somebody else a chance. I jest -- I'm just stoned to bejesus.

The mini-Saturn V is powered by nine rocket motors including 8 13,000ns N-Class motors and a single 77,000ns P-Class motor.

The single stage flight should reach an altitude somewhere between 3,000 and 4,000 feet, and at apogee the rocket will separate into three parts and return to Earth via the assistance of various parachutes. In the end Eves estimates he's invested about 1,500 hours into the project with a total budget of around $25,000, though that will actually be covered by various sponsors come the April 25th launch event.

Nice. Reminds me of the time at Space Camp we built model rockets and launched them off with crickets as payload. I remember my cricket (Chirpy McHandicapped) only had one back leg. Well, before liftoff. After liftoff he had one back leg on fire. R.I.P. Chirpy, say hi to Space Bat for me.

Largest Model Rocket In History Is 36 Feet Tall, Weighs Over 1,600 Pounds [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Stephen, who once put a rocket's fin on crooked and the rocket went all crazy like PPSSSSHOOWWOWOWOWWOWWSSSSSSSS *pop*

Mar 5 2009 Little Moon Spotted Hiding In Saturn's Rings

Saturn, the second largest moon-whore in the solar system (behind Jupiter), has been caught hiding another trick in one of it's outer rings. What a slut!

The discovery of what appeared to astronomers as a faint, moving pinprick of light, was announced by the International Astronomical Union.

The international Cassini spacecraft spotted the small moon, which measures about a third of a mile wide.

Pfft -- 1/3 mile wide? That ain't no moon. That ain't even a moonlet. That, my friends, is a moonatoid. Come get some, Pluto!

'Moonlet' Found in Outer Saturn Ring [discovery]

Thanks to tarastars, who once stole a moon from Neptune and sold it at a yard sale to buy a video game.

Dec 24 2008 Blast Out Of Bed With The Rocket Alarm!

The $25 Rocket Launcher Alarm Clock is phallic as hell and I want one really badly. When it's time to wake up the rocket ship blasts off -- and you have to retrieve said rocket and replace it on the base for the beeping to stop. Alternatively, you can break the base. And while this certainly isn't the worst way to wake up, it is a close second behind the SWAT team busting into your bedroom. Those guys act like they've never seen a little morning wood before. Somebody fetch the proverbial buck saw -- this timber looks like a two-man job.

rocket launcher alarm clock blasts into orbit to wake you up [technabob]

Thanks to Julian, who requires like 16 diamond-toothed chainsaws to dispatch his morning lumber.

Nov 4 2008 Own Your Own Apollo Spacesuit (Replica)

You remember when you were a kid and wanted to be an astronaut? Well I still do. And I'm building my own rocketship (screw you NASA -- rules and regulate this!). Originally I was gonna blast the eff off in a pair of gym shorts and novelty t-shirt, but now I'm thinking I might need something a little more....official looking. Enter the replica Apollo 11 spacesuit. Made based on a real Apollo A7L suit, it looks and feels like the real deal -- and all for only $9,500! Which, incidentally, is more than my entire rocketship cost to build. Speaking of which, I'm now accepting applications for one lucky lady (or dude that's really convincing) to join me on my groundbreaking journey to blowing up on the launch pad and dying. Pre-liftoff lunch will be included, no purchase necessary, just send a picture and five bucks to help cover the cold-cuts.

Buy a real Apollo spacesuit and finally live out those childhood dreams [dvice]

e. -- I'll blast off with you any day. And, God willing, we won't explode.

Oct 28 2008 Whee! View Outerspace From A Fishbowl

Not cool with viewing space from the cramped confines of a tiny dildo? Well how about the 360-degree views offered from the "Fishbowl Spaceship".

The company, founded by iD software (Doom, Quake) chief John Carmack, plans to build this far-fetched space bubble next year, aiming to start its first suborbital flights a year later. The company says a ticket on this wild ride will cost you a relatively cheap $100,000.

Awesome, now fumigate the bubble to get rid of those anal space tentacles and I'm sold.

Fishbowl Spaceship to give tourists a breathtaking 360-degree view [dvice]

Thanks to LSDiesel, who once huffed a bunch of nitrous and then heard this WAWAWAWAWA in his head that made him feel like he was on a spaceship.

Oct 24 2008 Blast Off Into Space (Cramped And Alone)!

Copenhagen Suborbitals wants to send you into space, and on the cheap. Which means alone and stuffed into a little capsule atop a freaking rocket. Only limited arm movement will be possible, and you'll probably develop an itch on your back you can't scratch, which will inevitably ruin the entire trip. During the flight you'll experience 3g forces on your way to the far reaches of passing out and puking on yourself and then dying. No word on cost, but can you really put a pricetag on crashing into the moon?

Micro spacecraft to blast single brave rider into space [dvice]

And a very Happy Birthday to loyal Geekologist Jennifer, who, for her special day, can borrow my pet unicorn and fly him to the stars.

Apr 21 2008 Sweet: We Can Now Grow Plants In Moondust

I've been itching to live on the moon for as long as I can remember (~ last Wednesday). So boy was I excited when I learned that scientists have figured out how to grow plants in moondust. All it took was some special bacteria that helps transfer nutrients from the soil (if you can call it that) to the plants. As you can see from the picture, those flowers weeds are really thriving in the stuff. Well, except for pot 3, that one isn't doing so hot. Reminds me of the rose bush I planted for my wife in the cat's litterbox.

Scientists figure out how to grow plants in moondust [dvice]

Apr 16 2008 Cyborg Keyboard: Not A Rocket Control Panel

The Cyborg Keyboard can't assimilate worth a damn but it does have glowing keys. The peripheral allows you to mix shades of color from red to amber to green and the hue will glow through all the letters. In addition to all the colorwheel fun, it's got 12 programmable "Cyborg' keys (the ones on the far sides), tough metal-caps in high-use gaming areas, and a Cyborg mode that configures the keyboard to your preferred gaming settings with the push of a button. Plus it looks like something off a spaceship. So you can sit in front of it and make rocket noises and shit and feel like a real spaceman. If, of course, real spacemen sit at their computers going "beepity beep beep", and "pew-pew" in their boxers. Which they don't, so you'll just feel like an asshat. Unless you're high, in which case that'd be awesome.

'Cyborg' keyboard lives up to its name [crave]

Thanks to Huevo, who rocks a pair of monster eggs, for the tip

Mar 12 2008 Freedom Ship: For When The World Floods

When the world floods only a few people will survive. I will be one of them, because I'm blasting off in a rocket ship instead of jumping onto a glorified cruise ship. But whatever. The Freedom Ship, which is a floating city, has existed as a concept for some time. But now the company (Freedom Ship International) is moving forward with construction and expects the monster to be completed in three years. Which means it may go into service before the apocalypse. It will have the following amenities:

18,000 living units, with prices in the range of $180,000 to $2.5 million, including a small number of premium suites currently priced up to $44 million.
* 3,000 commercial units in a similar price range
* 2,400 time-share units
* 10,000 hotel units
* A World Class Casino
* More than 100 acres of outdoor Park, Recreation, Exercise and Community space

Wow, BO-RING. Oh you want to hear what my rocket ship will have do you? Well I'm glad you asked. The Geekologie Writer's Intergalactic Freedom Rocketship Of Safety will contain the following amenities:

*Me
*You
*A hot tub
*Some champagne
*Bathing suits optional
*Come over whenever
*Wink*

Do you see what I did there? I pretended to have a rocketship to lure beautiful women over to my house for some fun in the hot tub. *ding-dong* Oh, that's the doorbell -- looks like I've got my first taker -- back in sec. Damnit, that was a dude. Yeah, and he was sans swim trunks. Didn't I say no dudes? Shit, I must have forgotten.

UPDATE: NO DUDES!

One more conceptual pic from above after the jump off.

Continue Reading " Freedom Ship: For When The World Floods "

Feb 14 2008 MISSING (From My Childhood): Space Shuttle Bunkbeds. Thanks A Lot Mom And Dad

Thanks mom and dad. Thanks for nothing. Where was my Space Shuttle Bunk Bed growing up? I'll tell you where it wasn't. It wasn't in the pink room I had to share with my sister, that's for sure. Nope, the bed we shared was My Little Pony themed and had a purple mosquito net thingy hanging over it. So what if the Space Shuttle Bunk cost $2,595, was I not worth it? Oh I wasn't huh? What do you mean an accident? I never peed the bed. Oh, oh, I was the accident. Wow mom, wow. Well happy Valentine's to you too.

Space Shuttle Bunk Bed [nerdapproved]