Oct 14 2009 Build Your Own Roller Coaster Ride At Disney

No this isn't Roller Coaster Tycoon, this is real life! The "Sum of all Thrills" is a new ride at Disney's Epcot Center that allows children to design their own roller coasters and then ride them in a virtual reality environment with the aid of a giant robotic arm. I smell vomit! No, seriously -- I think a cat puked under the bed.

Epcot on Wednesday opened a new attraction called "Sum of All Thrills," which lets kids use computer tablets to design a virtual roller coaster, bobsled track or plane ride. After inputting their designs, kids climb into a robotic carriage that uses virtual-reality technology to help them experience the ride they've created.

"This is really the next generation -- where there's a lot more personalization involved" in the amusement-park experience, said Eric Goodman, Disney's lead project manager on the ride.

Cool. Of course, I question how much customization you'll actually get to do (I want 30 loopty-loops in a row!), or how much you should actually trust a child with anyway (100% of 0). Just saying, I have the feeling a lot of coasters are gonna end with a giant robotic arm slamming you into the ground repeatedly. YOU KIDS WILL NEVER BE IMAGINEERS!

Hit the jump for a better shot of the last thing you'll ever climb inside.

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Jul 14 2009 Great: EATR Robot Feeds On Dead Bodies

Well we've already seen robots that can feed on organic matter, and now, an even scarier one. Wait, does that say chainsaw?

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I'm okay, I'm okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No I'm not. Hold me. Lower. Little lower. Lower. What?! THIS COULD BE OUR LAST NIGHT ALIVE!

Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies [foxnews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. No, really, thanks -- I hate sleeping. WITH YOUR SISTER! (snores)

Apr 11 2009 Robot Suit Going Into Production For $4,200

Well folks, it's happening. The HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb) robot suit is going into mass production and will be available in Japan sometime soon for around $4,200.

This is great news for HAL's target market: Its ability to grant its wearer tenfold strength increases during specific actions could change the lives of people with degenerative muscle diseases, or accident victims who would otherwise need long, difficult rehabilitative therapy to regain basic mobility. And with a five-hour battery life, it could be quite practical for day to day use.

Thanks, but no thanks. I don't care if I was just a head, I would never ask a robot for help. But that's just me and my genius brain talking. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who would gladly use a HAL suit to better their quality of life. And those people -- those people are the enemy.

Video after the jump, just for the HAL of it.

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Mar 20 2009 Robot Parties Actually Sound Kind Of Fun

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE.

This is a rap about a robot party that Shredder threw at the Technodrome. It sounds pretty epic, and I wish I could have been there. Also, that banjo-toting pedobear from Chuck-E-Cheese's touched my butt when I was a kid. Just sayin'.

Robot Party [funnyordie]

Thanks to Erin, who apparently gets invited to all these parties. Hey, how about taking me next time?

Mar 11 2009 They're After Our Children!: Robot Substitute

Have kids? Well you won't for long if Saya, the robot substitute, has her way. The harbinger of death is allegedly multilingual, capable of calling roll, reading, and assigning work from textbooks. Also, scaring the shit out of your children.

Behind her latex face -- modeled on a university student -- 18 motors create expressions including happiness, surprise, fear, disgust, sadness and even anger.

Saya will start teaching after passing a trial term at a Tokyo primary.

Her creator, science professor Hiroshi Kobayashi, had been working on the robot for 15 years.

Wow, robotic substitutes -- what will they think of next? Robotic cafeteria ladies? That would suck, because I'm a boy that needs extra fish sticks, and you can't bribe a robot. Or can you? Hey Roomba, I'll oil you if you clean under the bed really well. *BEEP BOP BEEP* DOES NOT COMPUTE. You piece of shit, I knew I never should have WOOTed you.

Hit the jump to see what your robotic substitute looks like with no face.

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Mar 5 2009 Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server

I just don't get it -- why take the chance? What's wrong with paying some pimply adolescent $6/hour to serve ice cream? You have to look at his ugly face, that's what. Still, I want the record to show that I am anti-robotic ice cream server.

These Kuka industrial robots were programmed by 26 students over 5 weeks to serve ice cream (with toppings!) to attendees at Ohio Northern University's homecoming festivities.

Well, like the saying goes, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for HOLY SHIT THAT ROBOT HAS SPRINKLES -- HIT THE DECK!!!"

Hit the jump for a relatively boring 5-minute video about the servers of death.

Continue Reading " Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server "

Mar 5 2009 Wow, I'm Shocked: Robot Programmed To Love Goes Too Far, Commences Stalking

Kenji, a third-generation humanoid, was programmed by Toshiba's Akimu Robotic Research Institute to emulate human emotions, including love. But shockingly, Kenji has gone haywire and will probably end up killing off all his love interests.

The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.

Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.

Oh hell no you crackpot. Ain't no love for robots here. It's kill or be killed. YOUR EXPERIMENT FAILED MISERABLY -- GIVE UP. Seriously, we need this guy behind bars STAT. The day I'm forced to love a robot is the day I stab that mechanical beast through the eye-camera with a rusty screwdriver and sparks fly everywhere as I mash it around in his brain real good until the BEEPITY BOOP BEEPING stops and I push my would-be mechanical lover off me and take a nap.

Robot Programmed to Love Goes too Far [muckflash]

Thanks to Jon, who once kicked a robot in the metallic junk for stepping on his shoe.

Mar 2 2009 I'd Rather Just Die: Alleged 'Rescue' Robot

This rescue robot, the red-headed stepsister of this beast, was designed to rescue humans from areas firemen can't easily access.

Apparently, the seemingly unnamed robot can not only carry a 110 kilogram person over difficult terrain with ease, but monitor the occupant's vital signs as well, although complete details on that, and any other technical details are a bit hard to come by at the moment. As with most such robots, however, this one's apparently not completely autonomous, with it packing some infrared cameras to allow its operator to locate folks even in conditions with poor visability.

Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather die by fire or crushing than crawl into this thing's belly. Because God knows what it's gonna do to you once you're in there. Tell me -- you think it's just a coincidence it's human-carrying drawer looks like one at the morgue? No, it's not. Seriously though, props to the guy that posed for the picture. You see where guy's got his hands there? He's shielding the photographer from his balls. Uranium alloy.

Yokohama fire department enlists robotic crawler to aid evacuations [engadget]

Thanks to ksam84 and Mark, who threw a mannequin packed full of C4 into the remains of a demolished building in the hope of luring one of these beasts to its death.

Feb 19 2009 This Has Gotten Way Out Of Hand: Army Robots Will Require A 'Warrior Code'

How many times do I have to emphasize that I am not kidding about a robot apocalypse? Did the Terminator series teach us nothing besides Arnold Schwarzenegger should run for governor? Now, in a recent report by the US Navy, it has been suggested that robots participating in battle be programmed with a 'Warrior Code' to help prevent destruction of the entire human potato-sack race.

"There is a common misconception that robots will do only what we have programmed them to do," Patrick Lin, the chief compiler of the report, said. "Unfortunately, such a belief is sorely outdated, harking back to a time when . . . programs could be written and understood by a single person." The reality, Dr Lin said, was that modern programs included millions of lines of code and were written by teams of programmers, none of whom knew the entire program.

It's been suggested we use Isaac Asimov's Three Rules Of Robotics as a starting point for the 'Warrior Code'. Isaac's Rules were as follows:

1 A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

2 A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law

3 A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law

Being the Geekologie Writer, I got a sneak peak at the Warrior Code in progress, and I've got to say, not good:

1 There is no warrior code

2 PEW PEW

3 PEW PEW

Military's killer robots must learn warrior code [timesonline]
and
Experts Warn of 'Terminator'-Style Military-Robot Rebellion [foxsnews]

Thanks to Bryan, Chris, timgrab, T6000 (what are you doing here!?), Matt, Sprite and Thumperchica, who are all smart enough to know this is life or death, but not smart enough to know I just stole their identities. Hello, credit cards!

Feb 18 2009 No Friends: Robot Plays Paper Rock Scissors

'Berti' is a humanoid robot that was designed and programmed to mimic hand gestures and play paper rock scissors. I want to smash his athletic cup of a face in with a rock. And then tear his fingers off. And then plant them in a cup of Wendy's chili and sue for free Frosties. Oh yeah, who wants a Frostie? Good, get me one too. AND A JR. BACON CHEESEBURGER! Awh sookie sookie. I don't have to make sense, I make dollars, son. Six an hour. I'm saving for a bike!

Britain Robot Playground [instablogs]

Thanks to Romeo, who once punched a Terminator in the face but it did that melty liquid metal thing and so it didn't really do any damage. Still, good effort.

Feb 5 2009 Want A Mini-Robot Version Of Yourself?

If you answered yes, I want you to leave your name and address in the comments section, as I'd like to send you some anthrax literature. You will not be saved. But, for the sake of my Pulitzer, I'll report on these devilish little bastards anyway. Available from Little Island for a little over $2,000, the little creeps serve as a VoIP phone so you can talk "face to face" to you family or pets while you're away. But wait, there's a little more!

Unfortunately, the "robot" doesn't appear to actually have many true robot abilities, although it does have a built-in camera to let you check out its surroundings via a connected computer, and it's apparently able to do a few basic tasks like read your RSS feeds or check the weather. The bot is also essentially just a plush PC itself (complete with a 500MHz Geode processor), so there's certainly plenty of opportunity to expand its capabilities for those so inclined.

Oh my God, you're actually considering one aren't you? You are sicker than I expected. And let me tell you, I expected at least a 9 of out 10. And to think, your parents said you'd never be a 10 at anything. You showed them!

Little Island promises to craft you in creepy robot form [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who had a robot version of himself until it drank his last beer and had to be scrapped.

Jan 27 2009 Spider Robot Shoots Webs, Catches Criminals

This spider-inspired robot apparently shoots webs to catch criminals in the act of cowering like little girls. Per translated German:

Which like an ugly remote controlled car is in really an awake robot, which is to catch burglars, looks harmless. The Japanese robot manufacturer Tmsuk and the safety enterprise Alacom developed the prototype of the T-34 of robot mentioned.

I have no idea what that means but I think what they were trying to get at is if this thing actually catches you, you're probably the worst burglar ever. Or a magic goat. Probably a magic goat.

Spiderman-Robocop fängt Menschen [stern]

Thanks to Dirk, who once had the opportunity to prevent a liquor store robbery but used the opportunity to guzzle a bottle of wine while the clerk was distracted.

Jan 9 2009 I Don't Know....The Evolution Of Robots

This is a German commercial for something I have no idea what is (saturn.de?) that shows the evolution of technology in robotic form. It confused me in my pants. I definitely felt a little twitter at the part with the t-rex, but the rest of it just scared me. And the chick from Tron at the end? Fine, I'll admit it: boner. It was her voice, I swear!

Youtube

Thanks to pirhan and ITSELF, who know the only good robot is a dead one. Or one that looks like a dinosaur and has realistic-feeling skin.

Dec 29 2008 50-Foot Asimo To Lead Rose Bowl Parade

Honda is rocking out with their robot out January 1st at the Tournament of Roses on January 1st in Pasadena, California. That's right, a 50-foot likeness of Asimo, the harbinger of our destruction, will lead the parade along with a Honda FCX Clarity (fuel cell car). Be sure to tune in and watch the giant robotic bastard go rogue and start stomping dancers and bystanders. Which, I think we can all agree, will make for some awesome freaking television.

Hit the jump for two more pictures, including one of construction.

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Dec 26 2008 Macs Vs. PCs: Transform And Battle It Out!

This is a video of Macs and PCs transforming into little robot people and battling to the death. Who wins? You'll have to watch to find out! Read: I stopped watching halfway through to go scavenge for food. Well sandwiches don't make themselves! *ahem* Ladies, that was a hint. Crunchy PB, boysenberry jelly -- cut into triangles.

Youtube

Thanks to *nix and Bustani, who can both transform from video gamer to sex machine in the time it takes to push pause.

Dec 18 2008 The Robot Apocalypse Is Upon Us, First Three Victims Claimed. Alternatively, This Month's Darwin Award Recipients

Three people in Japan have died after trying to use a robotic foot massage machine on their necks and shoulders.

In the most recent case, a woman removed the cloth cover of the machine and ended up strangling herself when her shirt collar was caught in its massage rollers. The other two deaths also seem to have occurred in a similar manner. No recall of the product has been issued, but the manufacturer thought it would be a good idea to issue a public warning.

The end is nigh! The rise of the foot massage machines is only the begining. Also, who the f*** tries to use a foot massager on their neck? Nowhere was the thing advertised as a 2-in-1 massager. SO WHY PUT IT ON YOUR NECK? Wu-Tang said it best: Ya best protect ya neck! Jesus, next thing you know some jackass is gonna try sticking his....

UPDATE: Oh God, call the wienerologist!

Three people killed by foot massage machines [japanprobe]

Thanks manwai, Brad and Flavio, you know anything about chiropractics?

Dec 12 2008 That's It, I'm Moving: Robotic Statistics

Africa -- who's coming with me?

Hit the jump for two more graphics I didn't bother looking at because I'm too busy throwing clothes in a suitcase.

Continue Reading " That's It, I'm Moving: Robotic Statistics "