Jul 23 2009 Tour Guide/Rent-A-Cop Robot Eats Children

Okay, so maybe it doesn't. OR AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THEY'D HAVE YOU BELIEVE. The Alsok Guard Robot D1 is being put to use in Fukuoka, Japan as tour guide/guard/monster piece of suck. Damn I'm good with the news!

The area's tourist attraction known as Canal City opted to use the decidedly cute and human-friendly services of a Alsok's Guard Robot D1.

In the daytime the robot functions as a kind of tour guide, offering website information and communication in Japanese, English, Chinese and Korean. At night the robot functions as a security guard, ready to alert authorities in case of trouble.

Not to start any wild rumors or anything, but I heard it touched a kid. BURN IT WITH FIRE!

Hit the jump for a video of the monster waste of money.

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Jul 22 2009 Ethicists Demand New Laws For Robots

Robot-ethicists are demanding a retuning of Asimov's laws of robotics, which they believe are too simple and do not take into account just how badly robots want to kill us all.

"If you build artificial intelligence but don't think about its moral sense or create a conscious sense that feels regret for doing something wrong, then technically it is a psychopath," says Josh Hall, a scientist who wrote the book Beyond AI: Creating the Conscience of a Machine.

Accordingly, robo-ethicists want to develop a set of guidelines that could outline how to punish a robot, decide who regulates them and even create a "legal machine language" that could help police the next generation of intelligent automated devices.

Wow, psychopathic robots -- I didn't see that coming. And by didn't see that coming I mean I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WARN YOU FOREVER. Also, you're on fire. Now stop, drop and get the hell out of my office -- I'm in the middle of a very important business call. Now, where were we, sexy? Oooooh, right -- now CAW like a Pterodactyl for me.

Robo-Ethicists Want to Revamp Asimov's 3 Laws [wired]

Thanks to roikles, Andy, danny g, Patrick and NetSerk, who think rule one of robotics should be we do not talk about robotics.

Jul 21 2009 American Robots Are Celebrating Today

Be quiet for a second. You hear that? It's your Roomba singing "Oh Happy Day" because today marks the 25th anniversary of the first robotic death in the United States. That's right -- on July 21st, 1984, a factory worker was crushed to death by a robot in Jackson, Michigan. A moment of silence, please. Now, a moment of yelling. I HATE YOU YOU STUPID METALLIC ASSASSINS I WANT YOU ALL TO DIIIIIIIIIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE, GHAAAAAAA!!! Okay, so I think I just popped a blood vessel. Also, a boner. Yelling makes me so hot!

July 21 [wordiq]

Thanks to Mike, who will be holding a candlelight vigil/Roomba burning party/kegger tonight in honor of the first U.S. victim.

Apr 21 2009 Boston Dynamics: Possibly My Biggest Enemy

Boston Dynamics, purveyor of such hellhounds of the robot apocalypse as BigDog, LittleDog, and BullDog, are back at it, this time at the opposite end of the spectrum: robotic bugs called Squishbots.

SquishBot is a program to develop a new class of soft, shape-changing robot. The goal is to design systems that can transform themselves from hard to soft and from soft to hard, upon command. Another goal is to create systems that change their critical dimensions by large amounts, as much as 10x. Such robots will be like soft animals that can squeeze themselves through small openings and into tight places.

Okay, I want to see a show of hands of who's cool with a robotic centipede burrowing in their ass. Now, everyone look around the room. You see the people with their hands raised? Perverts. The worst kind too: roboboners.

Terrifying robot image of the day: Boston Dynamics' SquishBot [bbgadgets]

Thanks to Greg, who once found a robotic silverfish trying to climb into his ear at night so it could read his mind. Thankfully, Greg huffs Raid and had a can by the bed.

Feb 25 2009 Even Parking Meters Are Out To Get Us

Thought you were safe from robotic parking meters? Think again. Apparently the clever little bastards are pretending to be broken, then, once you've limped away without feeding them, auto-correct themselves and POW, parking ticket.

How is this possible? One explanation, according to DDOT, is that 74 percent of D.C.'s 15,453 meters are designed to self-correct, but are also "at the end of their useful life." So a person who parks at a meter displaying a "fail" message may return an hour later to find a working meter flashing zero time and a ticket on the windshield -- a process that may repeat several times a day.

"It was a news flash to me that we had this huge number of meters that are self-repairing," Ward 1 Councilman Jim Graham, chairman of the public works committee, said Thursday.

First of all, I think it's time for a new Ward 1 Councilman. And secondly, I live here in DC and just write BROKEN in black Sharpie across the glass of all parking meters. Law breaker or handsome vigilante -- you decide. But if you decided law breaker you should reconsider. Because -- you see this? No, down here. Yeah, the knife in my hand -- It's got your spleen's name on it. Well, it will. What's your spleen's name? Okay, now what'd I do with the Sharpie?

Parking Meters Out to Destroy the Human Race [nbcwashington]

Thanks spudtheimpaler, you in DC? We should drink beer together.