Nov 19 2009 Laser Crosswalks: Because Pews = Safety
Laser Crosswalks are the crosswalks of the future. You can tell because it has 'laser' in the name. Pretty much anything with 'laser' in it is gonna be a huge hit in the future (including cereal). Don't believe me? Just stare at this laser eye-toy for a minute. Aaaaand now you're blind.
The Virtual Wall is designed as a replacement for traffic lights and if made would use "plasma laser beams" to project silhouettes of moving people into the path of oncoming traffic.
Supposedly this would calm traffic and make drivers more careful around the soft humans as they cross the street. I'd say it would be more likely that the appearance of giant red figures before the windshield would cause panic, crashing and general mayhem.
Hell yes, giant red laser-people. *pew pew* means walk! Plus, if you try driving through it the lasers should cut you up into little pieces. Don't act like we don't have that technology! We have that technology.
Laser Wall Replaces Traffic Light [wired]
Thanks to Fnahra tha evur livin, who loves lasers almost as much as I do but not quite because I have laser-vision. Yeah, so there, Fnahra.
Jun 15 2009 Raytheon Gets Contract For Laser Weapon
Raytheon, a company best known for my brother and I both swearing we saw an airplane land on top of one of their buildings in Huntsville, Alabama, has received a Navy contract to draw up the initial design of a powerful burning 100-kW Fee Electron Laser (which may or may not look like an automotive engine) to be mounted on seagoing vessels. Pew pew? No. PEW PEW!
Once designed, the naval operators could adjust the wavelength of the laser, which wasn't possible with conventional lasers. This helps compensate for the varying humidity associated with ship-borne situations.
The laser beams could be used against missiles, airplanes, or even boats.
I need one of these for my car. Seriously, I'm tired of sitting in traffic. And let me tell you, I don't just road rage, I road man-rage. You ever seen a guy tear off his own steering wheel, jam it down an air-conditioning vent and then sob uncontrollably? If you've ridden with me you have.
Navy/Raytheon working on 100kW weaponized laser: cue the 'pew-pew' sound effects [dvice]
May 16 2009 What The World's Smallest Car Looks Like
This is what the world's smallest (but not the lowest) street-legal car looks like. Because this is the world's smallest street-legal car. I don't know if you understand logic, but my argument is infallible. The car, which measures a scant 39" high x 26" wide, is allegedly twice as small as the last record holder.
Car modder Perry Watkins took the frame of the "Postman Pat" children's ride and mounted it on a quad mini-bike, using its 150cc engine. The car features a windshield wiper, lights and signals, mirrors, and even a Pimp My Ride-worthy paint job and fake racing exhaust pipes. The car, christened "The Wind-Up," can hit 40 miles per hour in what we're sure is an incredibly uncomfortable and scary ride.
Good looking, Perry. And you know what they say about guys who drive really small cars don't you? Serious neck and back problems. Kidding, kidding -- monster junk.
Hit the jump for a short video about the build and some driving footage.
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May 13 2009 UPDATE: Zapatag Calls Out Bad Drivers
Zapatag is a user submitted database of bad/inconsiderate/female/rude/raging drivers' license plate numbers and their alleged infractions. I have no idea of the legality of such a system, but quite frankly, I don't care -- I think this is a great idea. Provided, of course, I never see a GK WRITR tag pop up. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk! That said, I change my mind about the GK WRITR thing -- make as many sightings as you can around the DC area talking about how handsome I am and how I can make light turns green by unbuttoning my shirt. Also, maybe mention that it looked like my truck was dragging its muffler but it turned out to be my penis. Ladies?
UPDATE: Click HERE to see all my infractions to date.
Thanks to The Jerk, who already has like fifty listings.
Mar 28 2009 Google Street View: Peeing In Middle Of Road
A Google Street View car in France spotted these high-brow citizens pissing in the middle of the highway together (I'll hold yours if you hold mine). I guess they don't have rest stops in France. Still, you've got to commend them on their technique. It's similar to what I do, except nothing like it because I just hang my junk out the window. One time I was dragging it behind my station wagon when an 18-wheeler hit it and then did like fifty flips in the air and exploded. True story.
Hit it for a close up that may or may not show some guy's penis.
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Feb 19 2009 Do It Yourself: Pac-Man Motorcycle Helmet
Let's face it, every motorcyclist wishes they could cruise down the street looking like Pac-Man is eating their face. Well loyal Geekologist MMach made the dream a reality when he painted his helmet to look like the icon character. But instead of munching dots, now he munches the dotted line. But not the double solid, that would be dangerous.
I'm not quite sure if this has use on your blog, but I find it quite funny, albeit a bit geeky. Months ago, I bought a new helmet, and I got this idea for my old helmet. I decided it would look great to paint it like pacman. And I have to say, I like the look of it. :)
I like it too. Smart decision, MMach. Reduce, repaint, recycle. I would totally make one except I don't have a motorcycle or motorcycle helmet. But I do wear a crash helmet when my dad pulls me around in the wagon. So I may paint that. One time we crashed and I rolled into a storm sewer. I made friends with a dead raccoon down there. I poked Stripey in the eye with a stick.
Hit the jump for some before and after action.
Continue Reading " Do It Yourself: Pac-Man Motorcycle Helmet "
Feb 3 2009 Dinosaurs Running Loose In Indiana
That's right folks, apparently a truckload of raptors got loose in Hamilton County, Indiana, and drivers are being unsurprisingly stupid.
"It's kind of crazy. I'm totally confused," said one motorist. "I'm kind of expecting ... dinosaurs to run down the road, or something."
Only in my dreams, stupid motorist, only in my dreams.
'Raptors Ahead' Sign Gets Stares, Chuckles [theindychannel]
Thanks to Jeff, who got my hopes up and then crushed them like Piggy under a boulder.
Jan 30 2009 Google Maps Van Hits Deer, Uploads Pics
A Google Maps van hit a deer while out on the prowl -- and recorded and uploaded the whole damn thing to the live version of Google Maps! WTF!?
The Google employee had to have known that they hit the deer but the more interesting thought is why did they proceed to upload the images? Is Google that determined to be the first to map the roads by street view that they don't care what goes live on their site?
Based on some of the other stuff I've seen on Street View, it's pretty obvious Google doesn't care what goes live -- or dead! Zing!
UPDATE: Google has responded and states "the deer was able to move and had left the area by the time the police arrived". So yeah, go Bambi! Hit the links to see a couple more graphic pictures if you're a real sicko.
Google Maps
via
Google maps car hits a deer, records it all. Oh deer [neowin]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once thought he ran over a squirrel. In reality, the squirrel passed perfectly under the car, only hitting his head on the tailpipe. In his rearview Spikey saw the squirrel standing there, scratching its melon and wondering "WTF just happened?".
Jan 29 2009 Aaaaand The Roadsign Hacking Has Begun
Are you surprised? Of course not. What's there to be surprised about? You post an article about how to hack something, and people try it. Simple as that.
(Traffic Controller Bruce) Jones, who has one of only two keys to the locked access panels on the portable signs, said that the hacker broke into the panels [arguable] on each sign and bypassed the passwords before leaving five different zombie messages and even changing one of the passwords. Jones said he had to wait until 8 a.m. to call the manufacturing company to figure out how to override the hacker's work [Bruce, please see original article]. He speculated that the hacker could be a computer genius from UT.
A computer genius from UT! Or, I dunno, somebody who read an article on the internet. Whatever the case, the zombie thing was cute in the beginning folks, but it's time to start thinking outside the brain. The robots are coming too, you know.
Hit the jump for the other five messages left on the signs and the link to a video news report.
Jan 22 2009 Uh, I've Got The Feeling This Is Illegal: How To Hack Those Programmable Road Signs
Ever wanted to put your own message on one of those portable road signs along the highway? Well now you can with just a little tampering and a whole lot of illegal! Unfortunately, because many children read this website, you'll have to follow the link after the jump to find out how. I'll admit, I gave it a go myself, and it does actually work. Although I did get busted. In hindsight, standing next to the "SHOW ME YOUR TITS" sign with a Motorists Gone Wild t-shirt and video camera probably wasn't the smartest decision I've ever made. But definitely top five.
Hit it for a couple pictures and a link to the how-to.
Dec 6 2008 Yes Please: An A-10 Warthog Motorcycle
The A-10 Thunderbolt II (aka Warthog) is a plane that never fails to make me swoon. I don't know if it's the styling or the 30mm Gatling gun in it's mouth, but my god does that plane do something to me. And now the guys over at ICON Motorsports have gone and made an A-10 inspired motorcycle. Complete with 800-watt sound system, 8-inch LCD screen and minigun, the bike is clearly ready for combat. And by combat I obviously mean me in my "If you can read this, my bitch fell off" t-shirt.
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups and a little artsy film ICON made for the bike.
Nov 10 2008 What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Everything): World's Largest Truck Going Robotic
A group of sickos at Carnegie Mellon have decided to automate the world's largest truck, a 3,550-horsepower, 700-ton behemoth designed to haul 240-ton loads.
Autonomous vehicle technology is pretty much in its infancy," said Tony Stentz, a professor at CMU involved in the project. Stentz expects that over the next five to 10 years, the technology will expand to areas beyond mining, eventually finding its way into consumer cars and trucks.
Autonomous vehicle technology. Really has a ring to it, doesn't it? No, it doesn't -- and anybody that answered yes is a robot sympathizer and officially on the FU-BOTS shit list. Seriously, this is bad news. You know what happens when a 700-ton robot truck gets road rage?
A: Everybody dies.
World's Largest Truck Goes Robotic [discovery]
Thanks to Hayden, who gets a free membership to FU-BOTS for finding this as scary as I do.
Sep 15 2008 Crazy Dutch Architects Photoshop Some Stuff
This picture (and the others after the jump) were created by Dutch architecture firm NL as a creative exercise in design and were recently presented at the Venice Architecture Biennale. I have no idea what this has to do with anything, but now I want to be an architect. And also, I want a loopty-loop on my way to work. Can you imagine how fun that would be? Deathly fun! Now who wants to help me pitch this show idea to the History Channel? I'm thinking Loop Road Truckers.
UPDATE: F*** the History Channel, they wouldn't return my calls. We're going with the Discovery Channel. The Deadliest Commute baby, I smell Emmy!
Hold it now, hit it for a bunch of other clever shoppings.
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Sep 4 2008 Check Live Traffic Cams With iPhone App
Hate driving in traffic? Get a job where you don't have to commute. But for the rest of us, the ones that live 8 miles from work and spend 50 minutes getting there, there's the, uh, Metro. No wait, there's an iPhone application. Yeah, it's called Mobileyes and it can access live traffic feeds so you can see a bunch of cars sitting bumped to bumper. Now That's What I Call Hits Volume 14!
Current cities where this is available are: Detroit, Hartford, Houston, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Knoxville, Los Angeles, New York, and Washington, D.C. while other cities will eventually be added. Depending on the speed of your connection the app can show low, medium or high resolution images.
Let me tell you, there's nothing safer than browsing pictures of traffic while you're driving, it just makes good sense. And you know what else does? Flying to work instead of driving. Seriously cheapass, just buy a freaking cape already.
Mobileyes iPhone App Can (Potentially) Help You Avoid Traffic [ohgizmo]
