In other depressing news, this is a vest that inflates to give you a simulated hug whenever you get a 'like' on Facebook. It was designed by Melissa Chow at MIT's Media Lab and would suck to use as a life-vest when I'm drowning because all my friends are @$$holes and never lik... / Continue →

This is a $650 bulletproof iPhone case from Japanese manufacturer Marudai that can allegedly stop a .50-caliber round (but only from the rear). Unfortunately there's no PROOF it can stop a .50-caliber round, since they didn't bother making a video. So you're gonna just have t... / Continue →

Inb4 don't mind me, just dropping some tweets off at the bird-bath or whatever. Because this is the world we live in (I want out, STAT), Shitter will print four rolls of TP with the Twitter feed of your choice for $35. That's close to $9 a roll. You could almost wipe with do... / Continue →

Because why should women be the only ones who get to wear stupid pajama pants that look like f***ing jeans, now there's a line for dudes. Those are them in the picture. That's right, the boxers are printed on. You know, shit like this really hurts my brain. I have so many q... / Continue →

Now I know what you're wondering, "WTF SORT OF SORCERY SHITTERY IS THIS?" And I'm right there with you. As a matter of fact, we're holding hands. No, no we're not. But I am trying to inconspicuously touch your butt with my leg. "You're that guy from the bus!" FUFUFUFUUUUUU... / Continue →

These conceptual (thank God) Magic Emotion glasses from thinker Yunfan Tan were designed to enhance the visual emotions of the wearer, that way THERE IS ZERO DOUBT whether somebody's sad or angry. You know, because it's hard to tell when somebody's crying or punching you in th... / Continue →

The Eatensil is exactly what it sounds like. "An edible pencil?!" Okaaaaaaaay, maybe not. They really should have called it the Chopsitckpizzacuttersporknifewoodenthingybottleopener, which, I think we can all agree, really rolls off the tongue. Also, marbles when your mom p... / Continue →

What better way to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus than with a million-dollar advent calendar designed by Porsche? Singing Christmas carols and spreading good cheer? Don't make me laugh. Standing two meters tall and rendered from brushed aluminum, the "calendar" looks more... / Continue →

Carstaches are the male counterpart to Carlashes: both are ridiculous and will be torn off your car in a matter of days. Hours if you live in a bad part of town. Minutes if you live where I do. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if somebody stabbed the mailman and ... / Continue →

You'd think a company selling a $20K diamond-encrusted iPhone would be able to come up with a better looking picture. But what do I know? I'm just a man with limited Photoshop skills who's selling Bedazzled iPhones to stupid rich people. These phones are the shit, that's wha... / Continue →