Jan 29 2010 Perfectly Accurate: How To Report The News
NOTE: F-bomb at 0:24 so turn down the volume there but still listen cause it's funny.
This is a news report on how to report the news. It's 100% accurate and will blow your mind wide open like a knowledge bomb just went off inside your skull. Which -- are you getting all this, Jigsaw? Just sayin', one time I trapped my little sister under a laundry basket for nearly an hour.
Thanks to Dustin, who knows no news is good news unless it's on Geekologie.
Sep 9 2009 Study: OMG Women Have Faces!?
In a unshocking report released by the New Zealand's University of Wellington, researchers found that most men don't know that women have faces. Only breasts. Haha! But seriously -- what's a face?
Researchers found that virtually half - 47 per cent - of men first glance at a woman's breasts. A third of the "first fixations" are on the waist and hips, while fewer than 20 per cent look at the woman's face.
Not only are breasts often the first thing men look at, they also glance at them for longer than any other body part, the experts discovered, the Daily Mail newspaper in the UK reported.
Hey, different strokes for different folks (I always check for a penis first).
Scientific proof that men look at women's breasts first and their face is almost last [dailytelegraph]
Thanks to deadbodyman, who's still not convinced women have faces. OR BREASTS (foot fetish).
Aug 21 2009 Uh-Oh: Gamers More Likely To Be Depressed
No that isn't me. That is a sad gamer. You see, a recent study found that gamers are more likely to be depressed than non-gamers. Shocking, I know.
The average gamer is 35, overweight, and more likely to be depressed, says a new study conducted by researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
The study, which was carried out in the Seattle-Tacoma area, found that gamers reported "lower extraversion, consistent with research on adolescents that linked video-game playing to a sedentary lifestyle and overweight status, and to mental-health concerns."
Oh yeah? Well I'm only 28, overweight and depressed. So put that in your study and smoke it like a bong (BLUBLBLUBLBLUBLBLUBLUB)!
Study: Games are depressing...or are they? [yahoo]
and
How to read the expressions of a gamer (picture)
Thanks to Matt, who is like a giraffe in a potato sack.
Jun 24 2009 Robopocalyptic Proof: News From The Future
This is a new report from the future. For you doubters of our potential robotic overlords, I'll accept your apologies now. Also, your wallet. I mean it -- this isn't a damn Slim Jim in my pocket. *snap* Mmmm, so it is.
Thanks to samuel and Viktor T, who traveled to the future in a sled. There is no snow in the future.
Jan 30 2009 Shrine Erected For Iraqi Shoe Thrower
Remember the reporter that bared his sole to President Bush during a news conference? Well now Muntadhir al-Zaidi's famous footwear is immortalized at an orphanage in Saddam Hussein's hometown of Tikrit, in the form of a giant copper shoe.
Assisted by children at the home, sculptor Laith al-Amiri erected a brown replica of one of the shoes hurled at Bush and Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki by journalist Muntadhir al-Zaidi during a press conference in Baghdad.
The shoe monument, made of fiberglass and coated with copper, consists of the shoe and a concrete base. The entire monument is 3.5 meters (11.5 feet) high. The shoe is 2.5 meters (8.2 feet) long and 1.5 meters (4.9 feet) wide.
Well now I want a big metal shoe. *removes flip-flop and throws at laptop* Take that, interweb godz! Haha, I know it was a sandal, but you think you could make my statue a boot? I want to drink out of it!
Monument to Bush shoe-throwing shines at Iraqi orphanage [cnn]
Thanks to Yousri and Sshaitan. Sshaitan wrote a rap song about Geekologie, here it is:
Of all the websites in my head/
this one PWNS the interweb/
the links bout link, the bourbon drinks/
the depressing posts about what you think/
(on the low you need a shrink)
but all in all damn im a fan/
starwars, steampunk, watches from japan/
perverse jokes, portal guns/
the sites poppin off at number one/
this is freestyle, so call it free/
pimp daddy , mac daddy ... geek-ol-oh g!
Those beats were so fresh! Now where was your song, Yousri?
Jun 19 2008 Tasers Not As Safe As Previously Thought, 1/3 Of Victims Require Medical Attention
Who would have thought jolting a body with a shit-ton of electricity isn't super-safe? I know I'm shocked (!). According to a report compiled by CBS News and the Canadian Press, tasers are a lot more dangerous than previously though.
...about one-third of people shot by Tasers reportedly required some form of medical attention. Those numbers were drawn from the Taser-use forms that RCMP officers are required to fill out whenever they draw the device, which revealed that 910 of the 3,226 people shot between 2002 and 2007 had to go to a medical facility, and that "many more" people had minor injuries but never saw a doctor.
So yeah, I'm getting one of those tase-proof jackets as soon as they come out. I'll be damned if I get tased again. I got hit once and it was enough. Okay, if I got really drunk at a party and there was a girl I was trying to impress, maybe. But not in the balls. Eight months of Rogaine and still no hair.
Probe finds one-third of people shot by Tasers need medical attention [engadget]
Thanks Julian, and don't worry, I won't tase you bro
May 14 2008 Man Grows Old Right Before Your Eyes
Wow, I really need to ramp up my efforts to live a more stress free life. I don't wanna end up like this guy, who, in the span of three years, went from a young dapper lad to an old diaper clad. Apparently he's a Japanese news reporter that let the stress of the job get the best of him. Listen, I've got a piece of advice for those of you out there that feel like you may be headed down the same path. Hookers. They help you live a happy, stress (but not necessarily VD) free life. I'd still frequent them if I didn't get wrapped up in this whole "marriage" thing. It's seriously killing me, and I've only been hitched for two years. It started with gradual hair loss, then a strange rash. Next came a chest pain, and now I can't hear (over the sound of my wife's blathering piehole). Oh no -- oh no. Hold on a sec. "Hey, wait, please don't go -- I need you. PLEASE. No, not them too. Come on, maybe tonight'll be the night. No I haven't been saying that for two years! Come back, I beg you!" *sobbing* Well folks, it's official -- my proverbial sausage has packed his metaphorical meatballs and left. Life as I know it, is over. I might as well become a leper.
Feb 25 2008 B-2 Stealth Bomber Crashes, I Cry
If you haven't heard the news, a B-2 Stealth Bomber crashed immediately after takeoff in Guam over the weekend. That's not it crashing in the picture. That's one with the cloud effect commonly associated with breaking the sound barrier (although this B-2 is not breaking the barrier, or as we like to say in the business "bustin' up in that noise wall"). The one (of 21) that went down was the Spirit of Kansas and was the first B-2 crash ever. Both pilots ejected safely but later wished they hadn't when confronted about the plane's $1.2 billion dollar cost.
A news story video after the jump.
