Oct 27 2009 How To: Never Lose Your Remote Again
If you can manage to lose this remote you're doing something seriously wrong. Or drinking a lot, in which case you're actually doing something seriously right. What a dichotomy!
Dad's Lost The Remote For The Last Time [thereifixedit]
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Never lose your remote control again with this simple, cheap DIY solution [crunchgear]
Thanks to jules and DaveS, who only use the controls on the television because they lost their remotes. Should have had them grafted to you like I suggested!
Sep 25 2009 THERE IS NOTHING OKAY ABOUT THIS
This is a video of the government's latest flying cyborg beetles in action. That's right, ACTUAL LIVE beetles being remotely controlled via implanted electrodes. Just wait till the government gets its hands on you!
"We demonstrated the remote control of insects in free flight via an implantable radioequipped miniature neural stimulating system," the researchers reported in their new paper for Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience. " The pronotum mounted system consisted of neural stimulators, muscular stimulators, a radio transceiver-equipped microcontroller and a microbattery."
The research, supported by the Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, is part of a broader effort, called the HI-MEMS program, which has been looking specifically at different approaches to implanting micro-mechanical systems into insects in order to control their movements.
OH HELLLLLL NO. You show me one person who thinks this is okay and I'll show you a got-damn freedom hating communist. Just sayin', I saw that sickle and hammer tattoo!
Video: Pentagon's Cyborg Beetle Takes Flight [wired]
Thanks to Danny, Mycropht, Bo, Mike, Zach, Jason, Peterman and TobyRaider, who already have government chips implanted in their brains that make them irresistible to women. WHERE WAS I ON THAT, THE MAN?!
Sep 22 2009 WoW Freakout Kid Versus Grandmother
This is a video of the infamous WoW freakout kid arguing with his grandmother, who's been sent over to watch him and his brother for the weekend. Now I really wanted to believe that these videos are real, but this one's the nail in the coffin for being fake. And not just because octogenarians are notoriously bad actresses (and will shit themselves on set), but she actually references him trying to jam the tv remote up his ass. Now I know how you're feeling, and yes, it's like Santa isn't real all over again.
Tough Granny Teaches Grandson a Lesson [break]
Thanks to Adam, who plays BINGO with his grandma on Tuesday nights and she always has him sneak a bottle of booze in. Fun lady!
Sep 14 2009 TV Wand Changes The Channel With Magic!
Let's face it: pushing buttons on a remote to change the channel on your television is archaic and embarrassing. What we need are a bunch of magic wands to wave around like assholes! Well we're in luck! Enter the Kymera Magic Wand.
It works like a standard universal learning remote but thanks to a built-in accelerometer it's able to recognize "magical gestures" instead of just pushing buttons.
So for example, to turn the volume up or down on your TV you'd simply make clockwise or counter-clockwise gestures with the wand, and to change the channel you'd either flick it up or down. All-in-all there are 13 different gestures recognized by the wand that you can custom-program including big swish, push forward, pull back and even multi-taps.
The wand is allegedly real and will set you back around $84 when they start shipping next month. Alternatively, have a child sit in front of the television and yell at them when you want the channel changed. Isn't that right, dad? Who's your little #1 remote?!
Kymera Magic Wand Universal TV Remote [ohgizmo]
Jun 12 2009 Weird Gel Remote Lays Limp When Not In Use
This conceptual gel remote from Panasonic lays limp when not in use, pulsating with a soft light. But when its sensors detect a hand coming, it stiffens, ready for action!
Constructed of a soft, flesh-like gel, the remote appears cold when off. Once turned on, however, it seems to come to life. A soft light emanates somewhere from within as the center of the device begins to slowly rise and fall, mimicking the tranquil motions of breath. Left undisturbed, the remote will slumber peacefully. But should a human hand approach, sensors inside alert it to the imminent touch. It stops breathing, grows rigid - the light from within is extinguished.
Wow, congratulations on the world's creepiest remote, Panasonic. Limp when not in use, rigid when you touch it -- doesn't that remind you of something else? No? Me neither.
Strange Gel Remote Concept by Panasonic [cubeme]
Thanks Anothony, but put that away. You can't change the channel with that.
Jun 10 2009 Iceberg, Dead Ahead!: Your Own R/C Titanic
Want a 1:150 (~6-foot) R/C scale model of the Titanic? These monster water gobbling whores allegedly have over 300 handmade parts and take over 400 man-hours to complete. You can buy them too, provided you've got a cool $2,500 lying around. Which, if you do, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE? *sockful of pennies you in the face* Haha, the boat is mine! TOOT TOOOOT! [Insert joke about going down on my ship]
Product Page
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Remote-controlled scale model of the Titanic is asking for trouble [dvice]
Jan 7 2009 Motorola's New Carbon-Neutral Cell Phone
Motorola unveiled what is believed to be the first carbon neutral (and sideways) cell phone at the 2009 Consumer Electronics Show this week. The W233 Renew Phone is made predominately out of recycled plastic bottles and Motorola hopes it will help the company bust a circuit all up in the environmentally friendly market segment.
Motorola said it was the world's first carbon neutral phone. As well as using recycled materials for the plastic casing, the company also pledged to offset the carbon dioxide used in manufacturing, distribution and operation of the phone through investments in renewable energy sources and reforestation.Motorola, which has lost market share by being slow to follow trends such as touchscreens and high-speed data links, also plans to showcase three different items at CES: a relatively large touchscreen tablet phone, a rugged phone, and a rechargeable cable TV remote control with a find feature.
Holy shit -- a rechargeable TV remote with a find feature! That's new and exciting! Seriously Motorola, I can see why you've been struggling. And who can get that excited about your recycled-plastic phone anyways -- it looks like the same piece of shit i was rocking three years ago (minus the lime green). Now a cell-phone manufactured out of used condoms, THAT would be something. Aural sex anyone?
Motorola phone made from recycled bottles [msnbc]
Thanks to ITSELF, who once had phone-sex with some chick at 411 and didn't even have to pay.
Nov 15 2007 Solid Gold Remote Makes Me Sick, Mad
Denmark's Lantic Systems have just released a solid f'ing gold remote control that's "designed for operating home media and automation systems including video, audio, internet, CCTV, alarm, lights, curtains, air-conditioning and even navigation systems." It costs -- sit down -- are you seated? $55,000! It doesn't even come with a damn display! OMGWTFBBQ!?!? As an added bonus for anyone that buys one I'm going to throw in a solid suede size 12 up your ass for having too much money and not spending it on booze and hussies like a normal person. Damn I'm spitting mad about this.
solid gold remote costs moe than a lexus [technabob]
Nov 14 2007 Take Control Of Your Man/Woman Remotes
The Take Control Remotes are talking remotes that let the man/woman in your life know exactly what they need to be doing. The Control Your Man Remote features 18 different phrases like "Time to listen!", "What about my needs?", "What were you thinking?", and "Just tell me you love me!". The Control Your Woman says stuff like "Zip it!", "All right, hand over the credit cards!", "Yeah baby, do that again!", "Feed me!", and "I'm outta here!". They run on 2 AAs and cost $18 for one, or $30 for both. I bought the Control Your Woman one, and I think some of the buttons are broken. Like all of them except increase spending, decrease cleaning, and decrease sex. The mute button sure as hell doesn't work.
Control Your Man, Woman Talking Remotes For High Tech Verbal Abuse [nerdapproved]
Oct 15 2007 Remote Is Fragile, Will Break & Make You Sad
The Ceramic Remote Control, from designer Yuta Watanabe, is, you guessed it -- fragile! The idea is that since you can't just throw it down on the floor or table with gusto, that it will never get lost. You'll always set it down somewhere safe and easy to find. Interesting concept, but I'm sticking to my remote, which is a six foot pole with a chicken wing taped to the end. It never gets lost, and if I accidentally drop it over the side of the bed, the chicken wing attracts the dog, who picks it up for me. Not to brag, but it did win the "most delicious remote" award at a recent contest.
Ceramic Remote Control [yankodesign]
Oct 12 2007 Pet Finder Locates Pets, Deafens Them
The Pet Finder from GadgetsUK consists of a remote control and a pet locating siren beacon you attach to your pet's collar. When they're asleep you jam on the button, letting loose an 85db beep that's sure to help your pet on its way to an early grave. The system costs $40, has a 60 ft range, and is basically a glorified electronic key finder. Now call me crazy, but if you can’t locate your dog or cat, I think you should reevaluate whether you have an actual pet, or a wild animal living in your home.
Pet Finder - Useful And Cruel! [ohgizmo]
Oct 8 2007 Desktop Mario Golfer Putts, Doesn't Drive
Mini Golfing Mario & Luigi are remote controlled desktop toys. You use the A and B buttons on a Famicom style remote to control their swings. Each comes with two balls and a practice hole. They run $25 apiece. I want one, despite the fact that they can only putt. They need to make some that can actually drive the ball. I'd never be bored at work again. I'd spend all day driving office supplies over the cubicle wall, trying to hit my coworkers. They're all dicks.
Oct 5 2007 More Remote Buttons = More Awesome
The Pultius remote was designed by Art Lebedev Studios with the idea of having a button for every channel on television. It's 20-inches long and has 102 small channel buttons, in a rainbow of colors. I'm from the old school, where more buttons means you're more of a man, so I'm all about it. The color gradient may detract from the manliness slightly, but you can't win them all. This might not be a bad idea. If you can program all the buttons any way you want, then you can program color blocks for different genres of channels. For example, my remote would be sports in the purple section at the bottom. The sections above that would be for porno.
Art Lebedev's Pultius remote: one button for every channel [engadget]
Sep 6 2007 Keys Find Remote, Remote Finds Keys!
So those crazy folks at Skymall are selling an invention that might actually be useful, unlike, well, most of their stuff, including this thing. It's a keyring that can locate your remote, and a remote that can find your keyring. Whee! They're made by GE and cost $45 a set, which is too expensive. But I still need them. Of course, whenever I lose my keys or remote I should just realize that 1. I don't have keys, I have a chauffeur, and 2. I don't have a remote, I have topless models that walk up and change the channel for me.
Keys Find Remote, Remote Finds Keys! [ohgizmo]
