Nov 3 2009 The Gift Of Love: A Beating Heart Plushie
Looking for the perfect gift for that special someone? Give them your heart! Well, not your actual heart (unless you know that creepy mother from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). With just a shake this $18 anatomically correct heart from ThinkGeek begins making beating noises and pulsating in your lover's hand! Perfect to sleep with whenever your significant other is out of town. Or in town cheating on you!*
*Tear absorbent
ThinkGeek Product Site
via
Plush Beating Heart: Halloween and Valentine's Day All Rolled Up Into One [uberreview]
Oct 31 2009 'Tis The Season: For A Zombie Wedding Cake
Is there any better way to celebrate a couple's undying love and devotion for one another than with a zombie wedding cake? There is not. As you can see, the cake features the lovely couple on top fighting off a horde of the undead with chainsaws. Can you say romantic? This reminds me of the time I took a girl out in highschool and accidentally ran over a bum with my dad's car on the way to makeout point and made he swear she'd never tell anybody I received straight A's and gave a speech at the graduation ceremony. Whew, good recovery, GW.
Hit the jump for a shot of the lucky couple whose marriage may or may not end in a 911 call about a domestic stabbing (it's totally going to).
Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: For A Zombie Wedding Cake "
Oct 25 2009 Gutsy: This Dead Tauntaun Wedding Cake
Listen, if you can convince your wife that a dead tauntaun would make the perfect wedding cake I WANT YOU TO HOLD ON TO THAT WOMAN. I want you to hold on tighter than you do the dashboard when she's driving (I've seen your knuckles! Also, the way she drives). That said, you think they cut the cake with a lightsaber? I mean, it's only appropriate. Also, a slave Leia jumping out and humming the Star Wars theme. What can I say, I'm a natural wedding planner.
Hit the jump for four more shots, including a cute Stormtrooper couple.
Oct 19 2009 Aww: Custom Mario Level Wedding Proposal
Some guy proposed to his girlfriend by spelling out 'LISA WILL YOU MARRY ME?' in coins in a Super Mario World level he edited. This is the video of Lisa playing the game and accepting his proposal.
My nerdy way to propose. On October 15th 2009, it was out 5 year anniversary so i decided to propose. Using a program called lunar magic I was able to spell "lisa... Will you marry me?" she may not look too surprised in the video but you should of seen her afterwords, she couldn't sit still!!! And no it wasn't staged, but I did sit her down told her to play some Super Mario World, but she totally didn't know she was being recorded!!
Cute! This gives me a great idea about how I'm going to propose. By never asking. What do you think -- too romantic?
Thanks to mygirlfriendtoldmetosendthisin, Alex, Geo, Steve and Chaemelion, who all proposed the old fashioned way: by hacking roadsigns.
Oct 17 2009 Almost Cute, Almost: A Robot In Love
This is a little video entitled 'Robot In Love' that features a little robot named Bit Beat putting the moves on his woman. I don't want to spoil it for you, but he sadly doesn't get destroyed by a powerful burning laser in the end. Just wait for the break-up, little robot, she'll get ya.
Thanks to Oscar, who has never fallen in love with a machine because automatic coffee makers don't count. What about self-cleaning litterboxes? I need a ruling.
Oct 15 2009 *Sniff* A Street Fighter 4 Love Song
This is a Street Fighter love song. It made me sad, especially after reading about missing balloon boy (who better just be hiding under a neighbor's porch). Anyway, it may not be as good as the Mario Kart love song, but it still got to me. And by got to me I mean I wept like a baby chopped down a sequoia with my bare hands and had sex with ten alligators. Excuse me, crocodiles. And there were twelve.
Hadouken: The Street Fighter 4 Love Song [techeblog]
Thanks to naas, who knows how to throw hadoukens in different colors because he practices black magic.
Oct 10 2009 Gears Of War: A Steampunk Wedding Cake
This is a steampunk wedding cake created by Mike's Amazing Cakes in Seattle, WA and photographed by Libby Bulloff. I want to put my face in it so bad. I heart fondant!
Liz and Austin's steampunked wedding cake. The metallic gears, doors, rivets, and panels were all made of fondant and were entirely edible. This is probably the baddest-ass wedding cake you will ever see. Respect.
Best part: the cake tasted just as decadent as it looked! I had a slice of the lemon layer after photographing it.
Anybody else like the title I came up with? Thanks, I thought that was pretty clever myself. Gears Of War: A Steampunk Wedding Cake. Because marriage is like a war or something. Except mine. Mine was like GW genocide.
Hit the jump for a closeup.
Oct 5 2009 Wait, What?: Fake Virginity Kits For Sale
I don't even know what to say, except this makes me sad about the women in the world who are stoned and fed to dragons if they're not virgins when they're married. And you thought I was a heartless asshole.
No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.
Wow, did I really just read that? Because now I don't feel so good. The $30 kit ships from China and I suspect is manufactured using recycled condoms. Plus, I don't even know what. [Insert something here while I cry and puke at the same time]
Thanks to Michael and The webcam in your monocle, who can't tell the difference between a virgin and a hole in the wall. Literally, no idea.
Oct 1 2009 Website Maps People's Sexual Escapades
Honestly, I don't even know what a sexual escapade is. But if it's anything like the Ice Capades you can count me in! No, seriously, I love skating. Anyway, IJustMadeLove.com is a website where users can let the rest of the world they just made love and where the deed was done. Because there's nothing more romantic after coitus than rushing to your laptop to tell the world you just touched a vagina. And as you can see from the map above, basically only North and South Americans are doing it. Plus a couple people in Europe, but they don't count because their penises are notoriously small. INTERCONTINENTAL BURN! But seriously, don't stop reading, Euro fans. You can stop sending pictures though.
Thanks to Romeo, who just pointed out I'm the number one contribuer to IJustMadeLoveToMyself.com
Sep 22 2009 WoW Freakout Kid Versus Grandmother
This is a video of the infamous WoW freakout kid arguing with his grandmother, who's been sent over to watch him and his brother for the weekend. Now I really wanted to believe that these videos are real, but this one's the nail in the coffin for being fake. And not just because octogenarians are notoriously bad actresses (and will shit themselves on set), but she actually references him trying to jam the tv remote up his ass. Now I know how you're feeling, and yes, it's like Santa isn't real all over again.
Tough Granny Teaches Grandson a Lesson [break]
Thanks to Adam, who plays BINGO with his grandma on Tuesday nights and she always has him sneak a bottle of booze in. Fun lady!
Sep 16 2009 Don't Friend Your Mom: More Facebook Fails
You gotta love it when your mom publicly congratulates you on Facebook for breaking your spell of sexlessness. Isn't that right, mom? *high-five* But seriously, knock next time. Also, this sock needs washing.
Hit the jump for three more Facebook faux pas.
Continue Reading " Don't Friend Your Mom: More Facebook Fails "
Sep 10 2009 Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me
This is a excerpt from a Facebook conversation (hit the jump to read the rest) between some crazy old lady and who she believes to be her son, but isn't. I have no idea whether it's fake or not (I don't think it is), but that's not the point. The point is that this a perfect example of why older parents shouldn't be allowed to operate computers (or motor vehicles, unless they're driving me to the mall with my friends). And I'm not just saying that because my stepfather walked in to use the computer during one of my more risque webcam shows, but he did. And started dancing. Yeah, it was awkward. But only in the beginning.
Hit the jump for the rest of the conversation.
Continue Reading " Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me "
Sep 3 2009 Ouch: Helping Hands Condom Applicator
This is a commercial for the Helping Hands condom applicator. And, after seeing it, I'd trust a fire-breathing dragon with a toothache to be gentler. And I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to get some, but, well, dragons and dinosaurs ARE related.
Helping Hands Condom Applicator Makes Me Shrivel Up in Fear [gizmodo]
Sep 2 2009 Chubby Boy To Surrogate Mother, "Bacon Is Good For Me"
This is a short video from the television show Wife Swap featuring a health-conscious surrogate mother who is throwing away all the junk food in a family's kitchen when young Sir Eat A Lot makes a stand when he sees the bacon making its exit. A BACON STAND. Like a lemonade one, but even more delicious...
...
...
...OMG I'M GONNA BE RICH!
Thanks to TeckniX, asiantom and naas, who have actually gotten into fisticuffs over spray cheese before.
Sep 1 2009 Geekologie Readers Find Love On Omegle
Remember the article from a while ago about Omegle, the website that gets you randomly chatting to some stranger with candy? Well two Geekologie Readers hooked up on the site after reading the article about it and are now madly in love and totally gonna get married and have a white picket fence or whatever the hell people do whose marriages don't end in bitter divorce. Per Jessica, the lucky lady:
well i'm in this relationship...and i must tell you we met on the infamous OMEGLE. ...no i am not lying....i totally would have saved our conversation if i'd known we would be in this relationship now....annd...i think we'll end up getting married one day.....HOW WEIRD IS THIS???
How weird is this? More like HOW AWESOME AND CONGRATULATIONS GUYS. I took a stab at OMEGLE-ING love myself (picture above) and you can see how well it worked out for me. Promising in the beginning, penis-y in the end: the life and times of the Geekologie Writer.
Thanks Jessica, Geekologie wishes you two the best.
Aug 31 2009 Ninja Turtles Offering Relationship Advice
I like turtles AND pizza. Also, this is good news for me cause I couldn't cook to save my life anyway (don't even think about it, Jigsaw!).
TMNT Relationship Advice [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Aisha, who offered up this piece of relationship advice: Chicks dig guys who aren't monster douchebags (douching is so 80's).
Aug 29 2009 There's An App For That: iPhone Fauxmercial
This is a fake commercial for iPhone apps. I thought it was pretty funny. And not just because stalking ex-girlfriends is funny, because that is only mildy humorous (but mostly sad and creepy). No, I just couldn't get enough of the guy's voice. I must have you on my home answering machine!
LEAKED: New iPhone commercial [adamthinks]
Thanks to The Baroness, who had an iPhone for a day and then dropped it and broke it BECAUSE SHE MEANT TO.
Aug 25 2009 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: Two Robots Kissing
Listen, as long as you're human I firmly believe you should be able to kiss and have relations and relationships with whoever you want (provided they feel the same about you). I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow, blue, red, white, clear, striped, dotted, Canadian, from Australia, have food allergies, are bi, straight, gay or super gay, I say go for it. Robots, not so much. Robots should all burn in a fire.
Video: The first (televised) kiss between robots [engadget]
Thanks to Xavier, Mr. Robbot, Peterman, Joe Mamma, 3d, Kenneth and Captain Awesome, who swear they've never tried kissing themselves in the mirror and are all terrible liars.
Aug 25 2009 How Not To Private Message On Facebook
This is 41-year old idiot moron Tracy T-something trying to send lover Michael a Facebook message expressing how much she loved him recently railing her but instead posting the note ON HER OWN WALL (admit it, we've been there). Wow, Tracy, what are you doing with this Michael character anyway if you're engaged? And what the hell is a permanent invitation to "the-love-cave-between-my-legs?" Don't get me wrong, I love camping with bears as much as the next guy, BUT I'M NOT MOVING INTO THE CAVE. I would, however, start a fire in there and grill some mammoth.
Picture [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Lee and Lisa, who understand the internet is magic but can still send a message where they mean to.
Aug 19 2009 Awh: A Sentimental Super Nintendo Tattoo
I would never think to associate video game tattoos with sentimental memories, but apparently it happens.
My Super Nintendo controller tattoo. It says "Mom Mom" because I got it in memory of my grandmother who died 06/08/04. I grew up playing Super Nintendo with her. It's real patchy & I need to get it touched up because that grey color is a b, but it means a lot to me.
That's cute. Now I don't feel so bad about getting a tattoo of my first dog with a Game Boy for a head. *sniff* Miss you, Tetris face.
Super Nintendo Controller Tattoo [fyeahtattoos]
Thanks to Jonah Ray, who got a tattoo of Garfield humping a Dreamcast because it means something to him.
