Oct 12 2009 Sad: Donkey Kong Reduced To Selling Soda
Seen here unsuccessfully threatening a blurry old man with the 1-2 punch that used to make Mario shit his pants and cry, Donkey Kong, the once fearful gorilla, has been reduced to hocking root beer at local grocery stores. It's a sad day. Also, those arms look a little precarious. I'm definitely gonna stand under one and have a friend push a bunch of cases onto my head. Then, provided I don't get all brain damaged, sue the grocery store. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?! Cleanup in aisle six.
Donkey Kong Soda Display [pixelatedgeek]
Thanks to Jessica, who once laughed so hard she shot root beer out her nose when a friend was telling a joke. It stung. Like a bee, but different.
Aug 25 2009 How Not To Private Message On Facebook
This is 41-year old idiot moron Tracy T-something trying to send lover Michael a Facebook message expressing how much she loved him recently railing her but instead posting the note ON HER OWN WALL (admit it, we've been there). Wow, Tracy, what are you doing with this Michael character anyway if you're engaged? And what the hell is a permanent invitation to "the-love-cave-between-my-legs?" Don't get me wrong, I love camping with bears as much as the next guy, BUT I'M NOT MOVING INTO THE CAVE. I would, however, start a fire in there and grill some mammoth.
Picture [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Lee and Lisa, who understand the internet is magic but can still send a message where they mean to.
May 6 2009 Say Bye To Dromedary Digit!: The Cuchini
The Cuchini is a real product made by the two women in the picture (Kelly and Christy, NOT the camel-woman) and helps prevents undesired camel toe.
The Cuchini is a comfortable, light-weight material that adheres to any undergarment (panties, bikini, sports attire, etc). It smoothes the ridges of a woman's mons pubis area providing a smooth and camouflaged appearance. This eliminates what is commonly known as "Camel Toe."
The Cuchini sells in a pack of 2 for $15, but if you're cheap, you could probably just use a shoe horn. Personally, I don't see what's wrong with a little camel toe. Hell, or even some moose knuckle. But when you start talking mammoth knee, well....I like that too!
Thanks to Laylia and Elroy, who almost got spit on by a camel at the petting zoo. And to Where The Hell Is My Camera Charger?, whose parents must really hate him.
Apr 27 2009 Real Sugar: Mountain Dew 'Throwback'
Just for the summer (unless they're hugely popular) Pepsi is producing Mountain Dew and Pepsi 'Throwback', which both contain natural sugar instead of that high fructose maize (I'm part Cherokee) syrup bullshit.
The first thing I noticed was how smooth the carbonated soda went down. It's not nearly as harsh as the standard type and I'm sure peeps who aren't avid Mountain Dew drinkers will appreciate the difference.
Also, the aftertaste. It's more natural and clean. Hell, even my burps taste different. I LOVE IT.
Different tasting burps, now that's a selling point. It's like how Maker's Mark makes my vomit taste different. Mmmm. Unfortunately, Dew Throwback contains thrice the Yellow #5 as regular Mountain Dew, so you 'Throwback' fanatics can kiss your penises goodbye.
Review: Mountain Dew Throwback [crunchgear]
Thanks to Octopus Pie, who hates high fructose corn syrup almost as much as low fructose corn syrup.
Apr 3 2009 Tuantaun Sleeping Bag Becoming Reality?
As you may recall, ThinkGeek cruelly offered a tauntaun sleeping bag as an April Fool's joke, just to break your heart. Well, because of the overwhelming demand for such a product, Thinkgeek has decided to look into actually having them made.
ATTN Tauntaun Fanatics!
Due to an overwhelming tsunami of requests from YOU THE PEOPLE, we have decided to TRY and bring this to life. We have no clue if the suits at Lucasfilms will grant little ThinkGeek a license, nor do we know how much it would ultimately retail for. But if you are interested in ever owning one of these, click the link below and we'll try!
If you go to the product site you can click on the link that says 'Email me IF available' to be notified if they actually get made. But one thing's for sure: if they're getting made, I'm getting laid (in one). Ever made love inside a tauntaun? It's warm. And squishy.
Thanks to roflbot (who I may still kill despite the tip) and Allison, whose tauntauns could easily make to the second marker before freezing.
Feb 24 2009 Screw A Picture: VIDEO Of The New Mac Mini
For those of you naysayers that claimed last week's picture of the Mac Mini was Photoshopped, here's the video. So either somebody's good with Premiere as well, or it's the real deal. And speaking of the real deal: your boobs. They almost look too perfect. I'm gonna need to touch them to verify their authenticity. Haha, that's the first time I've ever touched one -- I have no idea! Wait, one more time.
Videos: A Spy Video of the New Mac Mini [uberreview]
Jan 31 2009 Cheers To You!: Sadly Not A Drinking Game
Many of you have probably already seen this since it was featured on the Ellen Degeneres Show, but for those of you who haven't -- Cheers To You!
Hit the jump for the much better metal-remix.
Continue Reading " Cheers To You!: Sadly Not A Drinking Game "
Jan 23 2009 Concealed Dork Permit: The Gadget Holster
Oh God, please don't shoot -- with your iPhone! BWHAHHAHAH! Let me guess -- you failed the police academy entrance exam again.
The fashionable e-Volve™ Gadget Shoulder Holster is a new "carry all" shoulder holster that allows you to get all of your personal electronic gadgets off your belt, out of your pockets and into a comfortable shoulder holster.
The e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster is designed to "evolve" and adapt to the reality of constant state of change in personal electronics by enabling you to wear your present and future gadgets. This evolutionary capability is achieved by a simple, but functional design of this ergonomic shoulder holster.
I bet it's got a place to store Awethumbs! And it's only 70! F*** a fanny-pack, I want an e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Douche Holster! Watch this little trick -- nothing in my hands right.....BOOM, iPhone! Haha, I'd bet you'd you like to know where it came from -- too bad it's called magic. I'm serious, I had to fellate the sorcerer's apprentice.
Thanks to Atlas Thugged, who done crushed that punk bitch to deaf wif the planet, son.
Nov 27 2008 Bruce Lee Plays Ping Pongs With Nunchucks
This is an ad for a special Bruce Lee edition Nokia N96. It's an oldschool looking video of Bruce Lee playing ping-pong with nunchucks. It's obviously real because Bruce Lee learned martial arts from God himself and once got a chick pregnant with a single karate chop. Nine months later, you were born. Feliz cumpleaños!
Hit the jump for another ad of Bruce lighting matches with the chucks.
Continue Reading " Bruce Lee Plays Ping Pongs With Nunchucks "
Nov 18 2008 Old Vampire-Killing Kit Sells For Small Fortune
An authentic vampire-killing kit from the 1800's recently sold at auction for nearly $15,000 to a pale man in a black cape. "This is a complete kit that comes fully equipped - stakes, mirrors, a gun with silver bullets (because where there are Vampires there might be Werewolves), crosses, a Bible, holy water, candles and garlic." The whole kit is housed in a beautifully decorated American walnut carrying-case. You know, because vampires hate nut trees, and nuts in general. Isn't that right, Dracula? Haha, biggest pair you've ever seen!
1800s Vampire Killing Kit Sold For $14,850 [youbentmywookie]
Thanks to Dave and REW, both of whom are trained in the art of beating the shit out of vampires.
Nov 12 2008 And You Thought I Was Kidding -- Well, I Wasn't: Jules The Scary-Faced Robot Openly Discusses Destroying The Human Race
We're all dead. This is Jules, a robot head created to make the most realistic facial expressions possible, talking about destroying humanity. The really disturbing part is that some sick f*** actually programmed him to say this shit. So yeah, we're gonna need two bullets.
Thanks Jeff, Scanner Erik, Marcus, and Uncle Eccoli, you owe me a new pair of pants.
Oct 16 2008 I'll Never Be Cold Again!: A LEGO Radiator
Allegedly this is a real radiator called the Brick, designed by architect Marco Baxadonne and manufactured by Scirocco. No word on price, but I think we can all agree that money is no object when it comes to a LEGO radiator. Unless it's more than $60, in which case, f*** it, I'm going with DUPLO.
Brick LEGO radiator keeps nerds warm [slipperybrick]
Thanks to idid yamum, who, wait a minute!
Sep 17 2008 Star Wars Episode III With Piss-Poor Subtitles
I don't know if this is real or not, but it certainly could be. Apparently some pirates got a copy of Star Wars Episode III before its release and decided to subtitle it themselves. The result? A homoerotic space thriller!
Skip to about 1:00 to get past the explanation.
Thanks Charlie, but you bite my finger and I'll kill you.
Sep 15 2008 Own Your Own T-Rex Statue With Movement And Blood Curdling Roar!
This isn't actually made from real bones (although for $22,000 it damn well should be), but it is an accurate skeletal statue of a young Tyrannosaurus E-rex (it does me anyway). Hit the jump to see the statue's movement and hear its roar, both of which are pretty freaking impressive. Now they just need to add some silicon skin, a couple life-like entries, a ladder for easy access, and what in the hell is wrong with me? That's right, nothing.
Hit it for the video.
Continue Reading " Own Your Own T-Rex Statue With Movement And Blood Curdling Roar! "
Aug 29 2008 Is This A Swedish Sea Monster?
I dunno, it kind of looks like a rectangle humping a tapeworm.
A group of filmmakers claim to have successfully captured Sweden's legendary Great Lake Sea Monster (Storsjöodjuret), which is said to lurk in the waters of the Storsjön outside Östersund in northern Sweden.
"It clearly shows that it's warm and is made up of cells, otherwise our cameras wouldn't indicate red, so it can be a sea snake or some other kind of sea animal," said a female member of the film crew to Sveriges Television news in Jämtland.The effort to find the monster has generated a great deal of interest, with the American television network NBC planning to document the hunt.
Boy are they in for a surprise. You see, the Great Lake Sea Monster is actually SPOILER ALERT: my penis. I guess he wasn't joking when he said he was packing the balls and moving to Sweden. Wait, then what's....
UPDATE: An ear of baby corn.
Hit the jump for a video news report in Swedish.
May 16 2008 WTF, That's Gross: Bread Head Bakery
Kittiwat Unarrom got a master's degree in fine arts and now makes lifelike body parts out of bread at a bakery in Thailand. All the disturbing yeast sculptures are made out of dough, raisins, cashews and chocolate. He'll also paint the outside with some sort of edible paint to give it an even more gruesome appearance. When asked why he does it, Kittiwat replied, "I'm a wackjob and I like making people sick".* And what does The Geekologie Writer think of these bready body parts? We may never know -- he's too busy puking up the Spaghetti O's sandwich he had for lunch.
*As interpreted by yours truly.
UPDATE: VIDEO added after the jump.
More pictures after the jump, but warning: they're more graphic than the first one. Yes, I'm a girl. I wear frilly panties.
Mar 31 2008 Underwater Habitat For Sale On eBay
After the homemade island debacle of a couple of weeks ago, I was reluctant to post this underwater habitat. But I'm doing it anyways in hopes of normalizing the situation and moving on with my life. For sale on eBay is a 300 square foot underwater habitat that is going to attempt a World Record in June for longest uninterrupted stay beneath water.
The record attempt will be used as a publicity event to highlight the habitat and the future company which will build these Worldwide. The successful bidder will have the option of becoming a partner in the future company. (25%) It will be there for a period of 3 months and then raised again. The living space is that of a Large RV (300sq ft) and it has full access to the internet and cable TV. The Habitat Waterford is connected by umbilical cord to the surface with power, fresh air and telecommunication being piped underwater. With no use of petrochemicals.
The bidding starts at $50,000 with a Buy-It-Now of $80,000. The record breaking will be attempted off the coast of Miami, but if you don't live there they say they can build these things anywhere. Real? Fake? Old? Old and real fake? You be the judge. But not the bailiff, I get the gun and to do the oath thing with the Bible.
UPDATE: Looked at the myspace page for the guy behind this. Questionable (but not as bad as Jack). Posted after the click. WARNING: His sultry stare can and will make you cry like a baby.
Several more schematics and info about the thing after the jump.
Jan 25 2008 Real Halo Energy Sword For Sale On eBay
It says so right there in the item description: "A life size, REAL Energy Sword exclusively from Lionheartsrealm!" So it's real after all folks. I can't believe all this time I thought it was just a fictional weapon in a video game! How stupid of me. I do wish he would have taken some pictures of it while the plasma was glowing and all, you know, just to be sure.
Current price is $255 with 5 days 10 hours left, hit the link for a different picture, a link to the auction and another energy sword you can make yourself.
Continue Reading " Real Halo Energy Sword For Sale On eBay "
