Nov 19 2009 The Monsters That Didn't Make The Cut: New Star Trek's Deleted Gorn And Salt Vampire

Wonder what the Gorn and Salt Vampire that were supposed to appear in the new Star Trek's deleted Rura Penthe Klingon prison scenes looked like? This. Good lookin', but I'll take a steroid abuser in a dinosaur mask any day. I'm serious, just show up.

J.J. Abrams' Version Of Star Trek's Salt Vampire And Gorn Revealed [io9]

Thanks to Jase, who may or may not have just ordered some Mexican roids and a t-rex mask off eBay. I'll be waiting.

Nov 17 2009 DO WANT: Dinosaur Hatchling Ornaments

Just look at that cute little devil wrapped up all tight in his egg! It's like he's a little present himself -- all he needs is a bow! Show your strictly platonic dino-love this holiday season with this $14 Brachiosaurus hatchling ornament from the Big Bad Toy Store. They make the perfect Christmas momento for children and adults who never stopped loving dinos alike. Unfortunately, I want a REAL dino hatchling for Christmas. I'm talking from my loins. Godzilla, Falkor, Puff, Barney -- one of you better immaculate concept me. DO IT NOW!

Dinosauria Hatching Egg Ornament [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Naja, who better have gotten me a season pass to Jurassic Park.

Nov 10 2009 Handsome: Geekologie-Loving Dino-Shirt Boy

This handsome little devil loves both dinosaurs AND Geekologie. You smell that? Smells like a winner at life! Sure you may argue children under the age of 35 shouldn't be reading this website, but I actually recommend a healthy dose of prenatal Geekologie. See where I'm going with this? If you answered, "straight to the OBGYN to try to have sex with pregnant chicks", you don't. Plus you're sick.

Picture

Thanks to Sean, who has lady-killer written all over him, which you could see if he didn't have such a sweet dino shirt on.

Nov 3 2009 Could A Human Beat A T-Rex Arm Wrestling?

I say yes, but Jack Conrad, a vertebrate paleontologist at the American Museum of Natural History in New York, is arguing otherwise. Don't act like you know dinosaurs. I KNOW DINOSAURS!

"Doesn't matter," Conrad says. "There's no chance that any human alive could win." The T. rex's arms might have looked wimpy, but they were extremely strong. Each was about three feet long and, based on the size of the arm bones and analysis of the spots where muscle attached to the bone, they were jacked. "The bicep alone--and this is a conservative estimate--could curl 430 pounds," Conrad says. Even the beefiest humans max out at around an embarrassing 260 pounds.

Surely an Over the Top-era Sylvester Stallone would put up a good fight? "Not even Lou Ferrigno in his prime would stand a chance," Conrad says. "They didn't just have big biceps. Their chest and shoulder muscles were huge too. They had huge arms and shoulders--bigger than my leg. They had the strength to rip a human's arm right out of its socket."

So you don't think I could beat a t-rex? Well Jack, I guess there's only one way to settle this. *warming up time machine* See you in a second!

UPDATE: Yes, AND have sex with it afterward. Put that one in your science book and intelligently design it!

Could a Human Beat a T. Rex In Arm Wrestling? [popsci]

Thanks to Xkrimeg, who could beat a giant arm created in a government laboratory at arm wrestling despite her being a girl and built for domestic chores.

Oct 28 2009 Just Ordered Two Cases: Dinosaur Condoms

That's right, dinosaur shaped condoms. Available from Willy Wardrobe (probably NSFW, but also has a bunch of other novelty condoms), each Stegosaurus E-Rex will set you back £2.50 (~$4) and is not recommended for re-use (even though you and I both know you totally will anyway).

A bit of a sexual fossil? Then this dinosaur condom is for you!

Warning: Sold as novelty only. Product may be used during intercourse although there is no guarantee that it will prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.

Also, not responsible for lost spines.

Okay, so I made that last part up. Still, you've got to wonder. WONDER WHY NOBODY WAS MAKING THESE EARLIER! Plus, they like a perfect fit to me. Pfft, don't even act like your penis doesn't have feet too.

Product Site

Thanks to Starchitect, Ezrail, david, DatsMark, Xavire, Ross, John, sara, Jody and clipper, for knowing me all too well.

Oct 26 2009 That's It, I'm Moving To Dinosaur, Colorado

Unbeknownst to me there's an actual town in Colorado named Dinosaur, making it one of the coolest places in the continental United States -- right up there with Anti-robot, West Virginia! Plus, all the road names are dinosaur themed. Now I can't decide if I want to live on Triceratops Terrace or Brontosaurus Boulevard! What's a boy to do? Make love to city hall? Get out of my brain!

Google Maps

Thanks to Sir Roman the Galiant, pants and Kristin, who live in Aliens, Nebraska, Zombie, Arkansas and Vampire, Illinois, respectively.

Oct 25 2009 For A Very Limited Time: Dino-Arm T-Shirts

Even while I write this the clock is ticking. There are only 13 hours left to order this shirt (or save the image so you can blow it up and print it yourself) before it's gone forever. And, because I'm slow, by the time this actually gets posted you'll probably have less than 12. $11 gets the shirt sent anywhere in the continental US via a combination of airplanes and ground transport vehicles. Get one for yourself and a lady-friend and then challenge her to a dino arm wrestling competition! Wow, did I really just hold your hand and walk you to second base? I think I did! (Don't forget to send a thank you)

TeeFury (will be a different shirt tomorrow, so order if you want it)

Thanks to two sledgehammers dennis, who BOOM....BOOM!

Oct 19 2009 South America + Africa = Tyrannosaurus Rex

Proof that God loves dinosaurs, when South America is superimposed over Africa, it forms a Tyrannosaurus Rex head. Now don't take this lightly -- several people died getting this information out, as the Catholic Church has been trying to keep this from us for centuries. Suck it, Dan Brown, I own you!

Picture

Thanks to b00m, who found out if you superimpose me on top of a dinosaur you get a picture of me having sex with a dinosaur. Cool!

Oct 19 2009 DO WANT: Tyrannosaurus Rex Wall Decals

This $45 Tyrannosaurs Rex wall decal is available from Etsy seller lildecalshoppe (who will make you any decal you want) and is definitely something I'd never tire of waking up next to. Also, a box of Thin Mints.

* Made from 7 year high quality vinyl * Measures 65 x 45 inches * Available in many other colors. Please email color choice or black will be sent.

We use a durable high grade matte finish vinyl which gives a painted look and feel to your wall. Decals are self adhesive making them easy to apply and remove, leaving no residue behind. This material is specifically made for interior walls and will last a very long time indoors.

7 year vinyl? They're aging their vinyl! If that's not a sign of quality I don't know what is. Because one time I drank 12-year old bourbon and then when I was puking it felt like I was breathing fire. DAMN YEAH JUST LIKE BOWSER!

Product Site

Thanks to twellve, who is totally gonna get one for her new nephew. Jealous!

Oct 17 2009 DO WANT: Full-Body Leather Lion Armor

This is a full set of leather armor created by DeviantARTist Azmal. As you can see, it is bad to the ass and I would be proud to rock it into battle any day (except Saturdays, I drink beer on Saturdays). En garde! RAAAAAWR!

Made entirely from leather and nickel finished hardware. Production time was about 3 weeks with the help of a couple friends. Chris and George.

Consists of:
Lion Head Helmet
Articulated Gorget
Breast and Back Plate w/ Overlays
Pauldrons with Heraldic Rampant Lions
Full Arms: Rerebrace, Vambrace, Elbow & Guard
Claw Gauntlets
Tassets
Front Skirting
Full Legs: Cuisses, Knee Cop & Guard, demigreives & full grieves, and sabbatons
All with tons of claws and block dyed tooled borders.

Don't you wish we still lived in a time where you could slap a guy with your gauntlet without fear of him shooting you? I mean, whatever happened to good old fashioned dueling? Also, fair maidens and dragons and all that. Man, the 2000's suuuck.

Azmal's DeviantART Page

Thanks to sham, who once slayed a dragon with nothing but her willpower.

Oct 16 2009 Okaaaay: Children's Giant Gaping Jaws Shirts

These are two $25 hoodies designed by Mouthman that, when a child crosses their arms, appear as though they're going to eat you. Now I know that one's a dinosaur, but rest assured I would never make out with a child's elbows. Seriously. You know, that pose reminds me of middle school when you'd wrap your arms around yourself like that and pretend you were making out with someone against a bank of lockers. Except it was just you, and the other kids would start laughing. But not with you, AT you. And then the tears would start to fall. I just wanted to fit in so bad!

Mouthman Hoodies (with a whole bunch of other designs)
via
Huge fanged mouth hoodies [boingboing]

Thanks to b00m, Peter and Aubrey, who don't wear hoodies because they mess up their beautiful manes. RAWR!

Oct 14 2009 Pocket Change Rawr: Canadian T-Rex Coin

The Canadian Mint, which surprisingly doesn't come in flavors like chocolate-moose (ZING!), is releasing this $4 silver dino coin because dinosaurs are awesome and they deserve to be on money even more so than some presidents I know. Ahem, Eisenhower.

A selective aging effect creates a powerful impression of fossilized bones in stone. In fact, this technique ensures no two coins are exactly alike. Each 99.99% pure silver coin is unique and--with a design that was developed in close collaboration with palaeontologists at Alberta's Royal Tyrell Museum--is an original and compelling keepsake of one of humanity's great fascinations.

You can order your $4 t-rex dino coins from the mint today for the low, low price of $43. So every time you spend one you're out $39. But who would do that?! This guy -- I'm richer than God! You know, If God were sleeping in his car tonight.

Hit the jump for a Dromaeosaurus coin the mint is also selling.

Continue Reading " Pocket Change Rawr: Canadian T-Rex Coin "

Oct 13 2009 Because Crocs Suck: Sweet Dino Shoes

Dinosaur shoes: more erotic than having your junk stomped in stilettos. And now, thanks to Weboo, you can own a pair -- provided you can stuff your man-feet into toddler sized footwear (is it too late to bind my feet?!). Plus, no laces! It was funny, just this morning an elderly woman on the bus asked me if I had a dinosaur shoe in my pocket or if I was just happy to see her. I told her both and winked. She got off at the next stop.

Product Site
via
Kid's Dinosaur Shoes Threaten Bugs With Teeth & Arms [fashionablygeek]

Thanks to Dick, who doesn't wear shoes because he has ninja feet and can walk on hot coals and razor blades.

Oct 8 2009 Raptor Jesus Went Extinct For Your Sins

First of all, we're not going there. I just thought this would be a good time to open up a discussion about what sort of dinosaur mount you think Jesus will ride into battle against the robots. My guess is a supersweet t-rex/raptor hybrid God made just for him. That can fly. Oooh -- and breath fire. Okay, basically a dragon. Puuuuuuuff!

Image [bme]

Thanks to tripcreator, who may or may not be a travel agent.

Oct 7 2009 Oldschool Destruction: Rampage In Real Life

This is a video of the oldschool classic Rampage in real life, brought to you by the same angry bald man that produced the real life Paperboy (but not the movie). I chuckled. But I did NOT upchuck, even though I did two nights ago. That was the night I walked into the restroom at a bar and caught a guy standing at the pisser trying to blow a snot rocket on the wall above the urinal. So you know what I did? I waited till he was done pissing THEN WHIPPED HIS MONKEY ASS. Being gross: don't do it around me.

Youtube

Oct 2 2009 Google Search AutoComplete To The Rescue

I do that shit all the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

Google (go type "I like" to see for yourself)

Thanks to b00m, who likes to tape a bedsheet to his arms and pretend he's a pterodactyl.

Sep 9 2009 3rd Most Complete T. Rex Skeleton For Sale

"Samson", who is being billed as the third most complete Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton (I would hit that like a meteor), will be on the auction block in Las Vegas October 3rd. Bidding is expected to top $6 million. Great. Anybody know how to rob a bank?

Experts say the 170 bones discovered about 17 years ago in South Dakota represent more than half the skeleton of a 40-foot-long, 7.5 ton dinosaur that lived 66 million years ago.

"This represents the pinnacle of paleontology," Lindgren told The Associated Press on Friday.

"Most of the major museums in the world have casts of T. rexes," as opposed to the real thing, he said. "Bidding on this T. rex is not going to be a gamble, it's going to be the opportunity of a lifetime to whoever gets it."

The more I think about it, the more I can't believe they're letting this happen. You can't just sell a dinosaur. I mean, dinosaurs are people too, you know? THEY'RE NOT LIKE PROSTITUTES. Also, I don't care if the auction is going down in Vegas, this is just horribly, horribly wrong (I'll give you $2,000 for one night alone. $600 for just the skull).

T. rex for sale: Dinosaur fossil on block in Vegas [yahoonews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in, are any of you by chance millionaires?

Sep 9 2009 Steel Velcro: Because Plastic Is For Sissies

This new steel velcro can support up to 35 tons of pressure and looks ultra-badass. So badass I want a belt made out of it. Yeah, and a headband. Wait, is this stainless steel? Cause I can't have no rust juice dripping in my eyes!

Developed by German engineers, this new version of Velcro is dubbed Metaklett, and it can support 35 tons at temperatures up to 1472 degrees. It's made from "perforated steel strips 0.2 millimetres thick, one kind bristling with springy steel brushes and the other sporting jagged spikes."

I have no idea what sort of industrial uses they have planned for this shit, but that's not important. What IS important is this: Velco is actually a name brand. The generic term for this type of closure is 'hook-and-loop fastener'. If you already knew that, congratulations. If not, I hope I just wasted some space behind your face! I'm talking about in your brain.

Thank you for being a friend

Travel down the road and back again
your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant
And if you threw a party,
Invited everyone you knew,
You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend.

Haha, I'm just messing with you now.

Steel velcro can support up to 35 tons [dvice]

Sep 8 2009 Robotic Bear Will Kill You In The Hospital

This is a promotional video for RIKEN's RIBA, a robotic pedo-bear that was designed to pick hospital patients up out of their beds and discreetly crush their genitals. Yeah, no thanks. Oh, and don't let the Whinny the Pooh music in the video fool you, this robo-bear would maul your whole damn face off and wear it like a mask for a single pot of oil. Don't believe me? Ask Piglet.

Couldn't find him, could you? Draw your own conclusions.*

*Tigger and I roasted that delicious son of a bitch.

Youtube

Thanks to ANON, who once got Pooh so high he ate like forty jars of honey and then tried to rob a hive at gunpoint.

Aug 30 2009 Crazy Fool Is "Friends" With A Pack Of Lions

This crazy damn fool, Kevin Richardson, runs a wildlife refuge in South Africa and has become a member of a pack of lions. It is probably the awesomest and stupidest thing I've ever seen (and I once saw a friend jump off the top of his parents' townhouse with a trashbag parachute). Just sayin', you remember how Grizzly Man ended, don't you? SPOILER ALERT: As a giant Timmy Treadwell-shaped grizzly turd. But who am I to judge? I'm just a regular guy who bangs dinos. RAWR! YES....YES....EAT ME NOOOOOOOW!

Youtube

Thanks to Asbo, who was once accepted into a pod of whales but was later rejected when he tried to suckle one's teat.