Aug 29 2009 I Would Watch That: Mario Kart, The Movie
This is a pretty awesome trailer for Mario Kart: The Movie. Obviously, the movie isn't actually real but the trailer is 3:40 long so you get to see all the would-be good parts anyway. I especially liked the part at the end where Princess gets all nekkid and dancy at the finish line. I jest. OR DO I? You'll have to watch to find out! Or not, because you know that nudity gets pulled off Youtube. Trust me, I've looked. AND uploaded. HIYO!
Thanks to Juan, meeotch and Chris, who always want to play as Yoshi because that little green bastard can drive AND be sexy at the same time. And to Alex, who is actually part of the comedy group (Dr. Coolsex) that made the video. Good lookin', Alex.
Aug 28 2009 Real Life Mario Kart Go-Kart Is Super Scary
This is a video of a go-kart with a Honda CBR 900RR motorcycle engine in it. It's the closest thing to a real Mario Kart I've ever seen. I love how the guy driving doesn't even bother wearing a helmet. Because, honestly, heads are overrated, especially when you're drifting into a curve at a billion miles an hour. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I would have turbo-boosted through those turns, nancy boy!
900RR Go Kart is pure awesome [videosift]
Thanks deadbodyman -- say, you mind helping me get rid of this thing in my trunk?
Jun 2 2009 Winner Of Baby Race Crawls For Laptop
First of all, I bet on baby races all the time ($40 on the bald one with a dirty diaper). And secondly, Kajus Aukščionis recently won a Lithuanian baby race and is a super fast crawler. Not as fast as me, but I have a special skill set. But what gets young Kajus crawling so fast? Laptops. The little haxor loves those things and bolts to them whenever he sees one. It's true, I heard one time he shat through his diaper in Best Buy he was so excited.
Lithuanian Baby Racing Champion Mired In Performance-Enhancing Laptop Scandal [gizmodo]
Thanks to ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, who may or may not have fallen asleep at the keyboard.
May 16 2009 Looks Safe: Setting Jet Pack Speed Records
This is a video of Jetpack International trying to raise the airspeed record for jetpacking. Because, well, you've gotta start somewhere.
This is not especially difficult to do, considering that jetpack airspeed records don't really exist yet, but when you only have 30 or 40 seconds of fuel, you have to make sure and remember to leave yourself enough time to slow down.
The actual jetpacking starts at around 1:30, but whoever edited the video did a pretty shitty job and loves slow motion too much. Still, dude gets up to 61MPH. Which is impressive considering he's towing like 30lb balls.
Jet Pack Speed Record [ohgizmo]
May 6 2009 Wait, What?: A Chocolate Powered Race Car
That's right, a team at Warwick University have developed a race car that's made out of vegetables and runs on chocolate. Of course, gumdrops and licorice sticks would have been cooler, but hey, you work with what you've got.
The racer isn't legal to race in the F3-series as chocolate-based fuels aren't on the approved list of energy sources, but that's not the point. The WorldFirst team is trying to prove green-racing doesn't have to mean boring-racing. They've used recycled materials in combination with fibers and extracts of fruits, vegetables and plants to create composites, materials and lubricants along the same vein as carbon fiber, plastics, and oil. It's based on the standard Lola chassis and despite the eco-friendliness, the car will still hit 145 MPH and corner like the real deal.
Well snap crackle pop! Plus, if you crash in the wilderness you can eat your car to survive. Double whammy! Now, here's your fun word fact for the day: race car is spelled the same forwards and backwards. It's a palindrome, just like "Wo! Nemo, Toss a Lasso to Me Now!" You know that joker Mr. Wizard that used to be on TV? Yeah, well I'm like his illegitimate cousin, Mr. Word Wizard. Except I don't invite neighborhood kids over to my house all the time BECAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL.
WorldFirst ecoF3: A Chocolate-Powered Sustainable Race Car [jalopnik]
Thanks to Dr Freak, Thumperchica, Lisa, Stirling and James, who made a race car that was powered by dreams but crashed it when one of them had a nightmare.
Mar 11 2009 Race Car Controlled With Blackberry Storm
So apparently some guys programmed a Blackberry Storm to control a little toy race car using its accelerometers. Then they posted the video on Youtube. Then McLaren saw the video and contacted them about using the device to control a real race car. And that's what they did (second half of the video). Pretty neat. Sure, not as neat as controlling a race car with your mind, but hey, we'd have to go to the aliens for that technology. Which would probably require a few sacrificial probings. Just saying, I'm friends with them. Ladies? No? Okay, plan B. Effeminate gentlemen?
Thanks to Curtis and Troy, who both know race car is the same spelled forward and backwards. It's palindromic!
Jan 25 2009 Vroom Vroom For Six, Please: A Racecar Limo
This street-legal racecar limo is actually available for hire and can allegedly reach up to 300MPH. Of course your sissy of a driver will probably never top 65MPH, but that's because this whole idea is stupid. Unless you get a couple highspeed track runs before going to you to the dance, in which case, maybe. All I'm saying is if I had gone to prom in that mother, I most certainly would have gotten to touch a boob. And by touch a boob I obviously mean cop a feel. I'm thinking the old "sudden braking" reach across.
Jan 24 2009 Who Knew?: Vader Drives A Sports Car
First we discovered Lotus Exiges are standard issue for Imperial Stormtroopers, and now that Vader blasts around in a little Ariel Atom. What next, JarJar in a septic truck? Or maybe an Ewok in a fur-covered Caddy with fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview? Oooh -- and a Princess Leia hula girl dancing in the back window. Which, be honest, the thought of just gave you a boner. Just saying, now accepting pre-orders.
Hit the jump for a picture of Vader's Stormtrooper pit crew, the identity of the Lotus Stormtrooper revealed (SPOILER: it's a hot chick!), and a Stormtrooper dryhumping his girlfriend.
Dec 30 2008 Spoiled Brats: The Cloud 9 Radio Flyer
The Cloud 9 by Radio Flyer is thankfully just conceptual at this time because no child, I don't care if they pick platinum boogers, deserves to ride around in such opulence. The questionable Flyer comes complete with two seats, MP3 player, speaker system, 5-point racing harnesses, and a digital display with temperature, odometer, and speedometer readouts. If the Cloud makes production, expect around a $1,000 pricetag. And to think: I spent my youth being pushed around in a wheelbarrow. For shame.
Radio Flyer Cloud 9 Wagon Crushes My Youthful Memories With MP3 Player, Bucket Seats [gizmodo]
Nov 7 2008 IGN Names Wal-Mart #1 Video Game Retailer
According to a recent IGN poll of 2,000 gamers (that's not enough), Wal-Mart is the go to for buying video games. I find it hard to believe, but I find a lot of things hard to believe. Moon landing my ass -- I'm gonna be first!
Wal-Mart, the world's largest retailer, is also king when it comes to videogame sales.
To prove it, they've linked to a chart showing that 62% of respondents bought games at Wal-Mart, compared to 54% who bought games at Best Buy or Gamestop. Only 17% of the people surveyed bought games from Blockbuster, where they're dirty and used.
Wal-Mart? Really? I don't like it. Nope, the only thing I buy there are late-night shopping cart races. Beat you to the toy department! Also, let's try to return something we bought on eBay.
Wal-Mart declared 'king' of videogame sales [dvice]
Jul 28 2008 RaceChairs: Sports Car Seats For The Cubicle
When I was shopping for just the right ass-receptacle for my cubicle, I considered the ejector seat chair, Hula chair, and tank chair. Unfortunately, I didn't know about these fast little numbers at the time. RaceChairs are actual seats from sports cars that have been converted into office chairs. Based on the picture, they may or may not be manufactured in somebody's guest bedroom. Depending on the model, they vary in price from a paltry $2,000 to over $10,000. Holy crap. That one there is from a Ferrari 360 and costs $3,000, but I just used the company card to get the $11,000 Lamborghini LP640 Murcielago. Yeah baby, the Geekologie Grand Prix is mine this year. I'd have won last year too, but a certain cheating taint threw down an oil slick (water cooler) that sent me careening into the infield (women's restroom), where I saw my life pass before my eyes before being carried off the track by adoring fans (I snuck a peek under a stall door and was escorted out by security).
Hit the jump for a couple more chairs.
Continue Reading " RaceChairs: Sports Car Seats For The Cubicle "
Jul 17 2008 Cool: Batman's Tumbler As A Transformer, Also, Tumber Vs. F1 Race Car, WHEE!
This is what Batman's Tumbler might look like as a Transformer. I say "might look like" because I'm pretty sure the real Transformer would be more piratey. You know, with a patch and peg-leg.
Make sure to check out the high-res picture, including info, here. And since the Dark Knight is dropping tomorrow and I'm as excited as the time I found out my girlfriend wasn't pregnant after all, I threw up some pictures and a video of the Tumbler and Toyota's F1 race car going at it after the jump.
Kris Kross will make you jump jump
uh huh uh uh
jump jump.
Continue Reading " Cool: Batman's Tumbler As A Transformer, Also, Tumber Vs. F1 Race Car, WHEE! "
May 23 2008 First Person Perspective: R/C Car Comes With Camera And Dorky Looking Goggles
The VTS (Vision Tracking System) R/C car is probably the awesomest R/C vehicle I've seen in a long time (flying lawnmower excluded). The car has an onboard camera attached, which relays real-time video to your goggles so you can race with a first person perspective. Not only that, the camera moves around according to your head movements! Holy shit I want one. Unfortunately each setup (including controller, etc.) will cost you over $1,100. And then you'd have to convince a buddy to dish out the same so you can actually race. Which would be fun as hell, especially since you'll be wearing a pair of goofy-ass goggles and waving your head around like Ray Charles (see video). The goggles do lend themselves to one of my secret racing tactics though -- taking yours off and kicking your opponent in the nuts.
Another picture and a worthwhile VIDEO after the jump, but a heads up -- they set it to a song about some guy whose dog got hit by a truck and wife left him because he loves NASCAR more than her (read: country).
Continue Reading " First Person Perspective: R/C Car Comes With Camera And Dorky Looking Goggles "
May 22 2008 Wii Training Wheel For The Superficial Writer
The Superficial Writer is about as good at Mario Kart Wii as I am at succeeding in life (read: an epic failure). So I thought this little DIY Wii Training Wheel article would be perfect for him. Basically you take a plastic crate, add some bungee cords and a Wii Wheel, and then look like a monster taint whenever you play. Say, wanna race for shots tonight?
Mine gauntlet has been casteth down. Thou shall meeteth me on the interwebs at dusk.
In case you wanted to see someone playing with it, there's a video after the jump.
Continue Reading " Wii Training Wheel For The Superficial Writer "
Dec 3 2007 VRX Mach 4 Racing Simulator Seems Legit
Typically I question the merit of racing/flight simulators, but the VRX Mach 4 actually seems legitimate. Granted it probably costs more than my house, but that's beside the point. It's powered by 4 Xbox 360's -- one for each of the 3 Sharp Aquos LCDs, and one for the 7" LCD rear view mirror. It even has a "Virtual Wind System", consisting of 2 dual Honeywell fans, so you can feel the wind in your face when you're burning rubber. Yeah, it's pretty nasty. But if you've got the money to blow on this system, chances are you've got the money for a real damn sports car and the tickets associated with racing it. In which case you should stick to that -- because while driving simulators are cool, they only come with one seat. See what I'm getting at here? Sports cars get you laid, racing simulators get you bad grades in college and a string of failed relationships.
A full list of the system's features and a few more pictures after the burn-out.
Continue Reading " VRX Mach 4 Racing Simulator Seems Legit "
Nov 9 2007 F-1 Car Lawnmower Cuts Grass, Hauls Ass
Kadeg Boucher of France developed this F-1 inspired concept mower. It's a lawnmower that looks like a little F-1 racecar. At first I thought it was remote controlled, which would have been bad-to-the-ass but it's a push mower. It still looks fast though doesn't it? You probably have to run behind it to keep up. It's even got an LCD gauge display on the push-handle. The only thing it's missing? A cup holder. Who the hell mows the lawn without drinking beer? I modded my push mower with two cup holders and I pull a cooler of beer behind me. I can go from 0 to wasted in 1/4 acre.
Two more pics after the jump, including one from behind.
Continue Reading " F-1 Car Lawnmower Cuts Grass, Hauls Ass "
Oct 19 2007 Scooter Desk Is A Desk With Wheels!
Oh happy day! The Scooter Desk, from Utilia Design, is one of the awesomest desks ever. It combines a desk, with, get this, an f'ing scooter! So you can race around the office like never before. Now I prefer a knees in the chair and legs extended off the back stance when office racing, but I'm willing to give this a go. This will be more like an adult tricycle race. I don't need to go so fast anyways. The last time I raced I plowed into an unsuspecting secretary as she was exiting the restroom near turn two. It's not fair I have to pay the hospital bill. She was old and that hip was about to go anyways.
Sep 11 2007 Exercise Bike Lets You Race At Home
Made by German manufacturer Daum Electronics, the web enabled Ergo Bike Premium 8i (really rolls off the tongue doesn't it?) lets you race other bikers from around the world. It has a bunch of different virtual courses available, each based on a real place. You can chat with the other racers via VOIP, monitor their heart rates, and it even has a web cam in case anyone is biking topless. The unit costs $3,500. I would just challenge all the ladies online to a round of strip biking, then take the pedals off and attach a cordless drill and socket. It may sound like cheating, but there's no such thing as cheating when you haven't seen any boobies (except your own) in almost three years.
Exercise Bike Lets You Race At Home [uberreview]
