May 7 2009 Lose Weight, Somehow: The Boneless Belt
The Boneless Belt is a Japanese weight loss product that's supposed to help you shed the pounds. From the look of things, I'm gonna guess it's far less effective than exercise or tying a dry cleaning bag over your head. But hey, different strokes for different folks gullible idiots.
In effect, the structure of the rubber belt is a large mesh grid that splits the dieter's belly, side and back fat into easily manageable blobs. This allows for increased metabolic consumption of calories and raises the propensity for increased blood flow values. More blood flow = more heat = more burning of fat.
Wow, that was really convincing. And by really convincing I mean I want to pop that shit like a sheet of bubble wrap! *SNAP POP BANG*
Boneless Belt Separates Your Fat Into Small Segments, Shames You [gizmodo]
Jan 23 2009 Concealed Dork Permit: The Gadget Holster
Oh God, please don't shoot -- with your iPhone! BWHAHHAHAH! Let me guess -- you failed the police academy entrance exam again.
The fashionable e-Volve™ Gadget Shoulder Holster is a new "carry all" shoulder holster that allows you to get all of your personal electronic gadgets off your belt, out of your pockets and into a comfortable shoulder holster.
The e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster is designed to "evolve" and adapt to the reality of constant state of change in personal electronics by enabling you to wear your present and future gadgets. This evolutionary capability is achieved by a simple, but functional design of this ergonomic shoulder holster.
I bet it's got a place to store Awethumbs! And it's only 70! F*** a fanny-pack, I want an e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Douche Holster! Watch this little trick -- nothing in my hands right.....BOOM, iPhone! Haha, I'd bet you'd you like to know where it came from -- too bad it's called magic. I'm serious, I had to fellate the sorcerer's apprentice.
Thanks to Atlas Thugged, who done crushed that punk bitch to deaf wif the planet, son.
Jan 13 2009 Vroom Vroom!: Water Faucet With A Shifter
This is a water faucet with a shifter. Because, let's face it, regular faucets just aren't fast enough. The shifter controls the volume of water flowing, and is completely unnecessary. Still, it looks cool. It's just not practical. Now put a sink in a car -- THEN we'd be talking. That reminds me, did I ever tell you the one about the hooker I picked up that refused to use my complimentary hand-sanitizer? Let's just say you won't see her walking the streets anymore! However, you may see her in Davy Jones' locker. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he opens it at school tomorrow!
Shifter faucet lets you change gears as you do the dishes [dvice]
Dec 29 2008 PEW PEW: Cops' New Non-Lethal Weaponry
That thing doesn't even look real. It looks like a gun out of a video game. Or something cardboard Halo kid would make. But no, it's real (nonlethal) weapon.
Pictured above is the PHaSR, the bad-ass "Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response" rifle that's just about ready for deployment. It puts the hurt on you by dazzling you with laser light, while also burning your skin with an infrared laser.
PHaSR, very clever. I would have gone with PEW! though: Personal Eradication Weapon!. But hey, what do I know? I'm only a guy that practically comes up with acronyms for a living. Anyway, there's another weapon coming too, the ADS, or Active Denial System (which should clearly be the Active Incendiary Denial System), capable of shooting a 6-foot wide microwave beam that makes you feel all hot and bothered, but, on the plus side, can cook a frozen burrito like that.
Two fearsome non-lethal weapons on their way to cops' hands [dvice]
Nov 17 2008 Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink
The RGB Glasses from designer Luís Porém are hollow and made to be filled with the ink color of your choice. Want black glasses? Add black ink! Want pink glasses? Add pink ink! Want tortoiseshell glasses? Add brown, orange, and black ink! Want to frighten everyone you pass? Add the blood of your fallen enemies and smile while you gnaw on a raw arm.
Hit the jump for a couple more.
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Sep 8 2008 Questionable, But I'd Still Buy Some And Wear Them Around The House: Star Wars Condoms
If you can't tell from the picture, these are knock-off Star Wars jimmy jackets, cleverly named Star Condoms. Apparently they were purchased somewhere in Asia and, HELLO, I'm wearing one. "A long time ago in a galaxy for, for away..." Awesome. Just a heads up though: don't buy condoms with misspellings on the box, it indicates poor quality control. Seriously, the one I'm wearing doesn't even have a tip. Hmm, I hope I don't catch anything from this keyboard.
Star Wars Condoms [theswca]
Thanks to Toni, who I think will agree with me when I say that the only good sex is safe sex. With dinosaurs. Oh shit, and ninjas.
Jun 27 2008 Toaster Launches Your Bread When It's Done
Freddie Yauner is a nutjob. A nutjob with a dream. A pretty lame dream. A dream of building The Highest Popping Toaster In The World. And here it is. It uses high-pressure CO2 and a mechanical arm to blast your toast through the ceiling and kill the woman in the apartment above yours that you swear must run on the freaking treadmill directly above your desk all day long. That's it, I'm going up there and screaming at her until she cries.
UPDATE: Damnit, she distracted me with a loaf of banana bread and I forgot what I went up there for. I think she's a witch.
Insane toaster launches your toast high into the air for some reason [dvice]
Thanks to Lee, king of problematic neighbors.
Apr 29 2008 3,800 HP Jet-Cycle Is A Little Over The Top
Mad Ron Laycock is a man. Mad Ron Laycock is a man who should change his name. Mad Ron Laycock is a man who should change his name and be careful riding a 3,800 HP jet powered deathtrap. That just doesn't look like a good idea. And this is coming from a guy who gets friends to bet him he won't jump out of tall trees. So I know all about bad ideas. Anyway, this bike certainly does bring new meaning to the phrase "crotch rocket", doesn't it? Hrrm, this time that actually made sense. I don't like that. Oh well, good luck with that thing, Mr. Laypipe. Just one last question -- are your balls really steel? Oh damn, plutonium. Well keep those suckers good and polished -- I've heard chicks dig a nice radioactive glow down there.
Another picture after the jump.
Continue Reading " 3,800 HP Jet-Cycle Is A Little Over The Top "
Mar 14 2008 Mario-Themed Corset Is Gaudy, A Must Have
Remember the disturbing Birdo fetish costume? While not quite as traumatizing, this corset certainly ranks up there with unusual Mario-themed apparel. Made with ultra-rare 80's Mario fabric, this sexy little number was for sale on Etsy. Unfortunately I was too slow to purchase the item myself. So I wrote a little note to the buyer:
Mario Coset Buyer,
You and I are a perfect match like Mario and the Princess Toadstool. We should get together sometime and search for power-ups. You know, under the covers. Growl. Holy shit that wasn't me. Oh my God a tiger! Someone help.
A picture of the art on the back after the jump.
Continue Reading " Mario-Themed Corset Is Gaudy, A Must Have "
Feb 20 2008 Guitar Hero Loses Something During The Move To Pocket Sized Playability
Now I'm not saying this 7 ¾” X 3" pocket-sized Guitar Hero game isn't going to be any fun, it's just that, well, damnit, it's not. Okay maybe a little. For a minute. The questionable device has a number of songs from the first two video games and the neck of the guitar (which serves no purpose) folds into the body, so you don't have to worry about it poking a hole in your jewels. They hit shelves early next month for around $15. Just imagine -- how funny will it be when you can ask people if that's a Guitar Hero in their pocket or are they just happy to see you? If you answered not funny at all you're correct.
guitar hero: get in my pocket [technabob]
