Nov 16 2009 WTF WAS THAT?: Boy Loses His Cool, Cries And Punches Wall Over Modern Warfare 2
NOTE: NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE. WATCH IT WITH HEADPHONES ON OR THE VOLUME LOW.
There's rock bottom, and then they're webcam-ing yourself crying and punching the wall over your disappointment about Modern Warfare 2. Jesus, kid, fix yourself a spot of tea and calm the f*** down. Oh, and for the love of God: lose the milk mustache.
Thanks to kweks, who had a meltdown about the new Super Mario Bros. for Wii but was smart enough not to tape it.
Aug 17 2009 No Broken Bottles: Trash Filled Punching Bag
The man seen here, demonstrating there's nothing wrong with some good ol' fashioned man-bag love, is hugging a Do Box punching bag. A Do Box punching bag is a fist receptacle made to be filled with trash and then assaulted. Now, not to brag or anything, but I filled mine with grizzly bears. Good warm up.
Beat up trash instead of people [dvice]
Aug 6 2009 Fisticups: Because I'm Not A Morning Person
Sure we've already seen brass knuckle inspired coffee receptacles in the past, but, quite frankly, those ones didn't look as good (I did like the blood splatter though). Now the Fisticup from Fred (available mid-September for around $15) -- this is a coffee mug I can really sink my fingers into. But a warning: I will mug you in the face if you even think about asking me to do any work before lunch. You hear that, Steve? You hear that, Dan? Otherwise, two guys, one fisticup, I WILL MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
Fisticup [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Gino, who one punched a coworker with his coffee mug and spilled bourbon everywhere and that's how we all found out he drinks all day at work.
Jun 10 2009 Street Fighter II Bonus Stage In Real Life
Alright, I have to lay off the ropacalypse posts for a little bit, I was starting to have heart palpitations. Also, a serious decrease in libido. Thankfully, I just watched Jurassic Park in fast forward, so I think I'll be okay. Anyway, this is the 'beat up the car' bonus stage from Street Fighter II reenacted by a real life Ryu. And, as you can probably tell, he received no bonus points.
Thanks to asiantom, who would have begun with a couple well-placed Hadoukens to get the party started quickly.
Jun 1 2009 Prison: Don't Drop The Soap Knuckles
This is soap shaped like brass knuckles. It's equally suited for punching yourself in the taint or fighting off would-be lovers in the prison shower. Which, miss you Big Bear.
Brass Knuckle Soap Allows You To Punch Up a Good Lather [gizmodo]
Thanks to pstone, who made me his bitch.
May 27 2009 Avery Labels In Cahoots With Tyler Durden?
This is a real package of Avery shipping labels and, as you can see, they've been sending packages to Tyler Durden. It's not Photohaxored either because you can see another picture at their official product site. So, apparently somebody at Avery has a sense of humor (and a bong). Or is going to help bomb a bunch of credit card companies. Quick, somebody call the FBI! *checking credit card balance* Cancel that -- let's see how this plays out.
Picture
and
Product Site
Thanks to biggity2bit, who feels like destroying something beautiful.
May 20 2009 The Original Punch-Out!!: Now More Realistic
Not to be outdone by the new Wii Punch-Out!! game that just dropped, here comes a video of the original Punch-Out!! the way it was meant to be played: with, uh, a bunch of buttons attached to a boxing dummy. While cool in theory, it leaves a little something to be desired in practice. Namely, everything. Still, I do like the sound it makes when you punch a button. Wait, no I don't.
Modified boxing dummy makes Punch-Out a bit more realistic [dvice]
May 11 2009 Cool: Punch-Out!! Commercial/Documentary
This is a commercial for the new Punch-Out!! coming to the Wii, and it is awesome. Doc is exactly what I thought he'd be like in real life. "You see, a comeback is like a yo-yo. You gonna go down, but you comin' right back. And then you may end up walkin' the dog." Truer words have never been spoken. Truer words have never been spoken. What's that? Oooh, good call -- except for BANGARANG.
Hit the jump for a commercial for the original Punch-Out!! (complete with Mike Tyson!)
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Apr 13 2009 Cute: 2-Year Playing Street Fighter II Turbo
This is a video of a two-year old playing Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix and pulling off Zangief's Double German Suplex simply by mashing all the buttons. Which, ironically, is how I play.
My two year old son's first time in front of the joystick, playing against another five year old online in Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix. Manages to get a couple grabs and finishes the third round with a double suplex. He also did Fei Long's flaming kick and some other special moves in matches I didn't get on video. He's better at flailing at 2 than I was at 22 when SF2 came out in the arcade. :P I'm so proud.
Hearing the father say "push the buttons" gets pretty annoying after the first time, so feel free to skip to the last 15-seconds to watch the kid pull off the suplex. Then, start training your own child for a promising career in video games. Hey, anything can happen. Believe it or not, I even touched a boob once. *poker face* Admit it -- I had you going for a second!
Baby Pulls Off Zangief's Double German Suplex [kotaku]
Thanks to Julian, who once beat Sagat with one eye closed, just to be fair.
Apr 12 2009 Woody Harrelson Assaults 'Zombie' Paparazzo
And in celebrity-related undead news, Woody Harrelson beat up a photographer and blamed it on the fact he thought the dude was a zombie. Good lookin', Woody.
Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.
"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist."With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.
Ha, quite understandably is right. But seriously, Woody, how'd you sneak weed on the plane?
Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie [cnn]
Thanks to Larry, RyanThePerson, Evan and 4thirty, who once beat up a group of vampire paparazzi before realizing they were just a bunch of pale Twihards trying to score a picture of Robert Patteson.
Apr 10 2009
ShamWow Sells Like Hot Cakes Bluth Corn Baller In Spanish Speaking Countries
This is Vince "Punchahook" Shlomi selling ShamWows in Spanish. And yes, it's every bit as "I want to beat him till he bleeds" as it sounds. Even worse. I actually put my monitor in a choke-hold just watching it. Now tap out or you're dead. I mean it!
Vince Tries To Sell ShamWow In Spanish [consumerist]
Apr 7 2009 Violence Escalates Between Twilight Fans (Twihards) And Non-Twilight Fans (Anti's)
That's right folks, diehard Twilight fans (Twihards) are waging war on their non-teen vampire loving brethren (Anti's) for talking smack on the series. Thankfully, there's a discussion board that has collected all the cases of Twihards attacking Anti's with books, bricks, knives and flare guns. I'm sure some of them are fake, most are poorly written, but a couple of them were pretty funny. They're broken into categories, depending on the severity of the attack, ranging from slap on the wrist, to police worthy, to felony. You know, I always suspected these books were brainwashing readers into lives of violence. This Twilight series is even worse than gangster rap! And, oh God, my girlfriend is one of them! BURN IT WITH FIRE!
The Twihard Attack Directory [twilightsucks]
Thanks to Watch, who once called Dracula a blood-sucking taint and then peed in his sleeping-coffin.
Mar 29 2009 ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face
First of all, Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy, is 44 years old. In the infomercials he doesn't look a day over a very douchey 25. Secondly, a $1,000 hooker tried biting his tongue off during a sexual encounter at a South Beach hotel and Vince was forced to ShamPow her in the face until she let go. Damn, that is some freaky cannibal S & M shit. And lastly, since when is being the ShamWow guy not enough to get a dude laid for free? Next thing you know you'll tell me Ron Popeil isn't sticking his Solid Flavor Injector to a bunch of groupies. Now back me up here, Ron. Ron? What do you mean you're a 'Pocket Fisherman'?
Hit the jump for a raggedly looking ShamWow guy and hooker.
Mar 3 2009 Now Turn Away Son While I Blow Up Your Toy
This is a Wolverine punching bag. I bought one for my son. Blowing it up was my first homosexual experience. But it won't be my last.
Mar 3 2009 Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It'
20-year old Acea Shomaker is a failure at life who shouldn't even be allowed to have a cat. I mean Jesus, just look at that bong. Pathetic.
Deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a home that Schomaker shares with his grandfather, Sgt. Andy Stebbing said.
Deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on Schomaker that alleged possession of drug paraphernalia.Upon re-entering the house, deputies saw Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose duct-taped to a Plexiglass box, in which the cat had been stuffed, Stebbing said.
Shomaker told police the cat was too hyper and he was just trying to calm it down. The kitten is now in good condition in the care of Capital Humane Society. Wow. Now I'm all about some vigilante justice, so I suggest we dose Shomaker with a taste of his own medicine. Namely, we stuff him in a Rubbermaid full of acid. And not the happy face-melting kind either. I'm talking the real face-melting stuff -- that hydrochloric joint. IT BUUUUUURNS!
Hit the jump to see the kitty and the face of a failure.
Feb 9 2009 'Sixth Sense' Device Created, Sadly Doesn't Capture The Ghost That Lives In My Closet
The brainiacs at MIT have gone and created a 'sixth sense' device, which is basically a smart phone/camera/projector combo small enough to be worn on your face like my fist. KA-POW! Also, it does stuff, and won't leave you bruised.
The device...can turn any surface into a touch-screen for computing, controlled by simple hand gestures. The gadget can even take photographs if a user frames a scene with his or her hands, or project a watch face with the proper time on a wrist if the user makes a circle there with a finger. The device can recognize items on store shelves, retrieving and projecting information about products or even providing quick signals to let users know which choices suit their tastes.
Other than letting some of you live out your fantasy of looking as cool as Tom Cruise in 'Minority Report' it can really let you connect as a sixth sense device with whatever is in front of you," said MIT researcher Patty Maes."It is very much a work in progress. Maybe in ten years we will be here with the ultimate sixth-sense brain implant."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Brain implants -- that's where I draw the line. There may be nothing but cobwebs, The Golden Girls theme song, and a candy bar wrapper up there, but, damnit, this is my brain we're talking about here. That said, I'll saw my own skull open if it gives me x-ray vision.
MIT researchers make 'sixth sense' gadget [physorg]
Thanks to Ain and Icehawg, who created a 7th sense device but their research was muffled because it was too far ahead of its time.
Jan 23 2009 No, No, No, We Don't Pierce The Kitties!
Holly Crawford is a 34-year old sadistic dog groomer that decided to pierce the ears, necks, and tails of some cats and sell them as "gothic cats" on the interwebs. After being tipped off by PETA, her home was raided and she was arrested.
She defended herself saying that she did not see any difference between piercing a cat and piercing a human. She said she used sterile needles and surgical soap and that she checked the kittens several times a day to make sure they were healing properly.
Crawford said her dog-grooming business, Pawside Parlor, has plummeted since the raid and that she has received dozens of nasty phone calls.
Piercing pets -- what the f*** is wrong with people? Please discuss. And as a guy with a Prince Albert piercing myself, I've got to admit: sometimes I pee two streams.
'Gothic' pierced cats sold online [thesun]
Thanks to Kathryn, who knows kitties are for loving, not piercing.
Jan 14 2009 Morons Who Named Their Son Adolph Hitler Lose Their Kids To Youth And Family Services
Remember Heath and Deborah Campbell, the two failures at life that named their children Adolph Hitler, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie? Well, unsurprisingly, they've had their kids removed from the household by the New Jersey's Division of Youth and Family Services because they're freaking idiots and shouldn't have been allowed to breed in the first place.
No reason was given for why the children were removed, however, and Holland Township police chief David Van Gilson told the site they had not received any reports of abuse or negligence.
Um, naming your son Adolph Hitler IS abuse.
"They're just names, you know," Heath Campbell told the Easton Express-Times in December. "Yeah, they (the Nazis) were bad people back then. But my kids are little. They're not going to grow up like that."
However, Heath reportedly denies the Holocaust and their home is decorated with swastikas.
Real smooth there, Heath, real smooth. Now if you'll excuse me, I've just been informed your nuts won a date with my tire iron. And guess what -- you're paying.
Report: Child named Adolf Hitler removed from home in New Jersey [nydailynews]
Thanks to Shaggy, who, despite my convincing, wouldn't name his son Thundercats.
Nov 3 2008 How To Get Hit By A Bus: The Immersion Scarf
Ooooh, I like that tie. The Immersion Scarf is basically a smaller version of a whatever the hell you'd call this thing. But, instead of being used in conjunction with a computer, it was designed for use with cell phones and portable gaming systems. And no so much for warmth and privacy as much as anti-glare and privacy. So yeah, totally different. Nope, no idea theft going on here at all. And also, no plagiarism. Just kidding, I copy/pasted this shit from your mom's blog. Funny lady!
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Continue Reading " How To Get Hit By A Bus: The Immersion Scarf "
Oct 21 2008 Literal Translation Of A Freestyle Rap Battle
Well we've seen a couple literally translated music videos in recent history, and now comes a rap battle, carefully translated by a well-spoken honkey. I love the part about having sexual relations with the other guy's biological mother (around 2:00) -- rappers really do that shit, it's true. And then, at the end of the video, they actually start fighting because the one dude is all up on his tippytoes trying to kiss the other one. I didn't get that part.
Hit the jump to see the very NSFW (due to language) original video.
Continue Reading " Literal Translation Of A Freestyle Rap Battle "
