Sep 3 2009 Ouch: Helping Hands Condom Applicator
This is a commercial for the Helping Hands condom applicator. And, after seeing it, I'd trust a fire-breathing dragon with a toothache to be gentler. And I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to get some, but, well, dragons and dinosaurs ARE related.
Helping Hands Condom Applicator Makes Me Shrivel Up in Fear [gizmodo]
Aug 28 2009 I'd Sleep Under That: Mega Man 2 Chain Mail
From the same maker as last week's chain mail chess set comes this awesome Mega Man 2 chain mail blanket/wall hanging. I know this little picture doesn't do it justice so click HERE to see a higher res version. Then, click HERE to discover life's greatest secrets. Oh, sorry, hyperlink must be broken (tricked you!).
After one and a half years, the Megaman II Project is finally finished. The dimensions are 38" x 45", as it hangs on the wall, and its total weight is over 16 pounds.Ring Count: 63,608
Can you imagine crimping 63,000 little rings together? Because I can't. And not just because I'd probably swallow a half dozen for every ten I got together, but I would. I LIKE TO PUT THINGS IN MY MOUTH, OKAY? Just saying, good thing I can type without looking. Those consonants -- delicioso!
Project Page [chainmailbasket]
Thanks to NES--still-the-best, who won't even talk to you about playing Genesis.
Jul 18 2009 Dark Knight Motorcycle Gear Coming Soon
Want a replica of Batman's motorcycle outfit from The Dark Knight to sport on your own crotch rocket? Well get excited, because Universal Designs is about to release them for an undisclosed sum of money. Sorry Robin, but you're still riding bitch.
An Officially Licensed Replica Like No Other is Coming.
- Strong Cordura Mesh Base with Heavy-duty 4 way stretch Spandex
- Removable CE Approved Body Armor in both Jacket and Pants
- Highly detailed, removable lightweight interior lining.
- Form Molded Leather and Kevlar Armor Sections.
- Made from Quality Tanned Cow Hides
No word on cost or when they're actually dropping but THESE THINGS ARE HOT! Unfortunately, my mom won't let me get a motorcycle because she says their too dangerous and she hasn't even removed the training wheels on my bicycle yet. So, give it to me straight: think I'll still be able to pedal in those pants? And, more importantly: would you ride in my basket? Come on -- I'll let you ring the bell!
Thanks to Skroonk, Davie B and FDSY, who have all danced with the devil in the pale moonlight -- and looked up his skirt.
Jul 10 2009 4GB Vision: Calvin Klein USB Sunglasses
These $200 sunglasses from Calvin Klein (available this October) feature a 4GB flash drive in the right arm so you can take your data to the beach or wherever the hell people wear sunglasses these days. Me? I just squint.
calvin klein usb sunglasses: data for your eyes only [technabob]
Jul 6 2009 Another Day, Another Retro iPhone Case
Last week it was an exceptionally made oldschool Playstation iPhone case, and this week, a Game Boy.
"You will love it, and your friends will be jealous because you are so much cooler." said German designer Toastkawaii wildly exaggerating in her product description.
$15 will take one home, and another $10 will take me. Now I don't know about you, but I'm digging this one more than the fancy Playstation. This one's got a nice kindergarten arts and crafts feel to it.
Hit the jump for another shot.
Jul 3 2009 Cuuuuuuute!: Felt Playstation iPhone Case
This is a felt Playstation iPhone case made by Etsy user rabbitrampage. As you can see (provided you're not rocking dualie eyepatches) it was very well constructed. And whenever she actually has one in stock, it'll run you $20 -- plus another $7 per controller. Still, damn cute. I'd even consider buying one if I didn't just get a new purse.
Hit the jump for a shot of an iPhone exiting the case. Or is it entering? We may never know.
Continue Reading " Cuuuuuuute!: Felt Playstation iPhone Case "
Jun 20 2009 Pew Pew!: Guy Builds Bumblebee In Yard
As most of you probably know, the original Bumblebee was a Volkswagen Beetle. And as very few of you probably know, I still have the original toy around here somewhere because I'm gangster.
Tom Rhodes likes Transformers. So, naturally, he built an 18-foot-tall, 1,200-pound Bumblebee robot out of an old Volkswagen Beetle.
As you can see, Bumblebee protects Tom's windmill from the Decepticons. Because, fun fact: Decepticons HATE clean energy. Transform and recycle!
Man builds gigantic Bumblebee Transformer in his front yard [dvice]
Thanks to FDSY, who once tried switching the bodies on two of his old Transformer toys but it didn't work BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT G.I. JOE'S.
May 28 2009 Frickin' Huge!: Full-Size Blue Whale Website
This full-sized blue whale website comes to us from the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society that urges everyone to "EAT MOR CHIKIN". Kidding, those are the Chick-Fil-A cows. Damn, now I want a sandwich. Ladies? Anyway, the website was designed to give the average computer user a sense of awe for just how large the sandwich you better be making me should be. Crazy, huh? Those whales are huuuuuuge. And as a guy whose had his fair share of BBW lovers: motion of the ocean, baby. I don't even know what that means, but I just bought a sailboat!
Thanks to Shelby, who is a special f/x artist and could make even me look cool. On fire. While exploding. Riding a shark.
Dec 26 2008 eBay: Pocket Sized Vampire Hunting Kit
Well we've already seen a $15,000 full-sized vampire killing kit. But what if you want something smaller? You know, a little vampire protection that'll fit in your pocket or man-purse? Enter the Vintage Pocket Sized Vampire Slaying Kit.
This is a Vampire killing kit that will travel with you, cause you never know when you may need it. It measures 6 5/8 inches long, and 1 1/4 inch square. One of a kind for sure.
The crucifix is from Paris, as stamped on the back of it, and it is obviously old. The Box also appears very old. The vials are brass, and contain Holy Water in the one with the copper tag with the "H" stamped on it, and the other vial has "G"stamped on it for garlic. The vial corks are sealed in red wax. A small wooden stake completes the set. A "V" is stamped on the copper plate on top for "Vampire".The parts, crucifix, wood box, screws, and metals used are old and tarnished, and most parts of the set are vintage.
Eh, I'd make my own if I were you. But $20 isn't too bad if you're lazy. You just better hope that holy water isn't urine. I hear vampires love that shit. And speaking of vampires -- the lead in Twilight, so dreamy.*
*This message brought to you by The World For A More Effeminate Geekologie Writer.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the kit, and a link to the auction.
Dec 18 2008 Stupid Idiots Name Son Adolph Hitler, Bakery Refuses To Make Birthday Cake For The Young Terrorist. Sadly, It Gets Even Worse
A husband and wife team of stupid idiots named their son Adolph Hitler Campbell because, damnit, sometimes beating your kid just isn't enough. "Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name"." Unfortunately, ShopRite supermarket refused to decorate a birthday cake with the little tyke's name on it. Wait, it gets worse.
The shop has also refused to make a cake for Mr Campbell's second child, who turns two next February. Her name is JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell. Heath and Deborah Campbell's third child will probably not get a cake from that shop either.
The eight-month-old baby has been named Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, apparently a reference to one of the Nazi's most monstrous leaders, SS head Heinrich Himmler.For the time being, the matter has been settled - the Campbells had their cake made by Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart, of course. Anything to make a freaking dollar. Seriously though, this couple should have been sterilized long ago. You know, with bullets.
Baker: No Cake For Little Hitler [yahoonews]
Thanks to GRRR, who named his son The Geekologie Writer, because he wants him to grow up just like me.
Nov 17 2008 Oooh, Nice Ride: The New Presidential Limo
General Motors, best known for their delicious line of breakfast cereals, has designed an all new presidential limo for when Barack Obama takes power next year. They were going to do it four years ago, but figured, f*** it, let's focus our efforts on going belly-up for awhile. Anyway, the car.
Most of the specs of this car are top secret, but a few tantalizing details are floating around, such as the five-inch-thick windows that are about half as transparent as regular glass and can stop projectiles from assault rifles, rocket-propelled grenades and high explosives. It's also said to be built of a combination of blast-proof ceramics and exotic metals, and certainly won't have a convertible top or sunroof. While GM's trying to make it look like a Cadillac DTS, it's based on the company's line of heavy-duty 2500 trucks.
Top secret specs my ass. I'll tell you all about this thing: It runs on a rocket engine powered by the tar-like blood of terrorists. It can also hover. Comes complete with dinosaur chauffeur who doubles as sexual masseuse should you hit rush-hour traffic. AM/FM radio. Four tires and spare donut in the trunk. Mini-bar. Wicked two-tone paintjob. Left and right turn signals. Bomb proof undercarriage. 7MPG city/13 highway. A real pussy magnet. I'm serious -- the CIA stole my blueprints.
Obama's new presidential limo is built like a tank, looks like a Cadillac [dvice]
Nov 4 2008 Own Your Own Apollo Spacesuit (Replica)
You remember when you were a kid and wanted to be an astronaut? Well I still do. And I'm building my own rocketship (screw you NASA -- rules and regulate this!). Originally I was gonna blast the eff off in a pair of gym shorts and novelty t-shirt, but now I'm thinking I might need something a little more....official looking. Enter the replica Apollo 11 spacesuit. Made based on a real Apollo A7L suit, it looks and feels like the real deal -- and all for only $9,500! Which, incidentally, is more than my entire rocketship cost to build. Speaking of which, I'm now accepting applications for one lucky lady (or dude that's really convincing) to join me on my groundbreaking journey to blowing up on the launch pad and dying. Pre-liftoff lunch will be included, no purchase necessary, just send a picture and five bucks to help cover the cold-cuts.
Buy a real Apollo spacesuit and finally live out those childhood dreams [dvice]
e. -- I'll blast off with you any day. And, God willing, we won't explode.
Aug 27 2008 This Is What Happens...
When the CERN Large Hadron Collider starts crashing particles into shit next month. I can hardly wait!
Hit the jump for a highly questionable (yet informative) video of some chick singing a rap song about the collider.
Aug 14 2008 Husband Cheats On Wife, She Sells Condom Wrapper And Picture Of His Lover's Undies
Some guy cheated on his wife and was caught after he accidentally sent her a text message meant for his mistress. She came home, and the rest is soon to be penis-chopping history.
Once upon a time there was a women who, after 22 years of marriage, found evidence that the soon to be ex-husband, had had 'The Tart' in their marital bed this very afternoon. This low life deceitful son-of-a-person ( I'm all for political correctness) blatantly denied that this event took place even though the evidence is irrefutable and is now up for auction on e-bay.
The woman is selling a picture of the "tart's" underwear and the used condom wrapper (size small) she discovered. She was originally selling the actual underwear, but eBay yanked the auction as you're not allowed to sell preworn underwear because that's freaking disgusting and a good way to catch malaria. Make sure to hit the auction link if you want to read a much, MUCH longer description of how the guy was busted. Current bidding is at $303 with 3 days remaining, and I have no idea why anybody would freaking pay that. But hey, if you're interested I'll sell you the lingerie section from a JCPenney catalog and an empty box of Trojans for the same price.
eBay Auction
Thanks Amanda and Matt, may you never have to post a similar auction.
Jul 30 2008 Officer Brutally Rams Cycler From Bike
Remember Officer Rivieri? Good. Well, during the New York Critical Mass bike ride (a monthly protest against motor vehicle reliance) some other officer of the law decided to show the crowd how he feels about our reliance on motor vehicles. Apparently he freaking loves it, at least enough to running body slam some guy off his bicycle (VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP!). The cop has since had his badge and gun yanked while the incident is being investigated.
The video, posted anonymously, shows the officer standing in the street as bikes whiz past. He moves toward a cyclist and violently knocks him to the ground in front of crowds of people. The biker, Christopher Long, of Hoboken, N.J., was arrested because he was obstructing traffic in the heart of Times Square, a criminal complaint said. He was charged with attempted assault, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.The complaint said Long, 29, deliberately steered his bicycle into the officer, causing both of them to fall to the ground.
During his arrest, Long squirmed and kicked, saying to the officers, "You are pawns in the game. I'm gonna have your job," the complaint said.
Okay, it definitely didn't look deliberate on the part of the biker. That cop wanted to see dude's head splatter. And why on earth Long would tell the cops they're "pawns in the game" during his arrest, well, that's just not smart. They're at least the little castles.
Hit the jump for the video. It's worth a look.
Jun 25 2008 Oh Boy!: Spray On Prophylactic Coming Soon
We've all been there before: You finally bring a girl home from the bar, get her to the bedroom, and you're rounding 3rd base and trying to come home when...shit, out of condoms. So you grab a snack-sized Doritos bag off the nightstand, but before you can secure the thing to your member with a piece of electrical tape, the chick dives out a window.
Enter German inventor Jan Vinzenz Krause. Jan got super drunk at a party once and forgot to take his shoes off before passing out. He woke up with a huge penis drawn on his face and a crotchful of silly string. Putting two and two together, Jan soon invented spray-on latex condoms.
The spray-on condom prototype measures a man's size (really big, big, average, small, really small) and then covers his penis in liquid latex providing him with a proper fitting condom. A man places his penis in a chamber. He then presses a button and a pump squirts out liquid latex through some nozzles onto the man's penis in about 20 seconds. If 20 seconds seems like a long time to wait the good news is that the inventor is working on shortening the time to about 10 seconds.
Uh, Jan? 10 seconds is a long time and The Geekologie Writer isn't exactly known for his stamina. What he is known for is once trying to slow himself down by using an empty shampoo bottle for a condom. Now I'm "that Pert Plus guy".
Hit the jump for the uncensored picture and a video demonstration.
Continue Reading " Oh Boy!: Spray On Prophylactic Coming Soon "
Jun 19 2008 Tasers Not As Safe As Previously Thought, 1/3 Of Victims Require Medical Attention
Who would have thought jolting a body with a shit-ton of electricity isn't super-safe? I know I'm shocked (!). According to a report compiled by CBS News and the Canadian Press, tasers are a lot more dangerous than previously though.
...about one-third of people shot by Tasers reportedly required some form of medical attention. Those numbers were drawn from the Taser-use forms that RCMP officers are required to fill out whenever they draw the device, which revealed that 910 of the 3,226 people shot between 2002 and 2007 had to go to a medical facility, and that "many more" people had minor injuries but never saw a doctor.
So yeah, I'm getting one of those tase-proof jackets as soon as they come out. I'll be damned if I get tased again. I got hit once and it was enough. Okay, if I got really drunk at a party and there was a girl I was trying to impress, maybe. But not in the balls. Eight months of Rogaine and still no hair.
Probe finds one-third of people shot by Tasers need medical attention [engadget]
Thanks Julian, and don't worry, I won't tase you bro
Jun 10 2008 Hood Airbags To Help Save Pedestrians?
Let's face it, getting hit by a car sucks unless the person driving is filthy rich and you don't get hurt but can fake a good neck or back injury. Well now Toyoda Gosei has begun the testing of hood and grill airbags to help protect people on foot. They're activated via some combination of camera and radar sensors and may or may not launch pedestrians even further than you would have been without them. Whether they make it to actual production awaits to be seen, but if you're regularly running over people I recommend rigging a mattress to your hood during the interim. Or you could, I don't know, STOP DRIVING ON THE FREAKING SIDEWALK.
One more picture of the car after the jump.
Jun 10 2008 Security Robot Protects South Korean Children From "Free Candy" Scams
We've seen Japanese robot babysitters, but now South Korea is ramping it up a notch with an actual robotic security guard for children. The $100,000 robot, dubbed OFRO, has been placed in Seoul middle schools and alerts officials to suspicious behavior.
According to the developers the robot could be useful in alerting staff in case outsiders intend to seduce students. Chief Executive of Du Robo, Kang Jung-Won, told Korea Times that one of the possible scenarios is that in case OFRO spots someone trying to seduce a student it will immediately alert school's officials.After the robot has alerted teachers, they have several opportunities: whether to warn the offender via loudspeaker or send school's security guards.
OFRO has a top speed of about 3 miles/hour which is slow as shit and can be programmed to walk a regular route or controlled manually. Now where the hell were these things when I was a kid? We had all kind of damned creeps hanging around the middle school. Seriously, Peder Lou's Free Candy Van was like a second home growing up.
South Korea Hires Robot to Protect Children [weirdasianews]
Thanks MIKAL, now lets go blow up some white vans
May 20 2008 FakeTV Acts Like Television, Deters Thieves
The FakeTV is a $50 array of super-bright LEDs that flicker on and off to resemble the light given off by a television. The idea is that a burglar will see this, think you're home watching television when in fact you're on a family vacation that's making you want to kill yourself, and pass on robbing you blind.
FakeTV uses a built-in computer to control super-bright LEDs to produce light of varying intensity and color that light up a room just like a real television does. The light effects of real television programming -- scene changes, camera pans, fades, flicks, swells, on-screen motion, and more, are all faithfully simulated by FakeTV... fills a room with color changes, both subtle and dramatic, in thousands of possible shades. FakeTV is completely unpredictable, and it never repeats.
The FakeTV uses substantially less energy than leaving a real television on, and doubles as an epilepsy detector. Video after the jump, but WARNING: We are in no way, shape, form, taste, smell or color responsible for any resulting seizures.
Continue Reading " FakeTV Acts Like Television, Deters Thieves "
