Oct 7 2009 Photosketch: Photoshop For The Unskilled

Photosketch is an intuitive computer program that makes Photoshopping pictures of yourself humping a dinosaur crushing a robot's skull even easier. You just sketch out some stick figures, add text labels, and the program does all the heavy lifting for you.

A group of researchers have put together a system called PhotoSketch which allows the user to literally sketch a desired scene (see above for an example), label each part of the scene with keywords, then PhotoSketch searches the web for photos and assembles a photographic version of the sketch.

Why the hell anybody would want a picture of themself with a strange woman on a beach with a regatta in the background is beyond me, but hey, it's possible. And you know what else is? Anything you put your mind to. I jest, you'll never accomplish anything. Kidding -- you're all winners in my book. I mean that.

PhotoSketch: Make the Internet Create Photos for You [mentalfloss]

Thanks to Richard, Jack, susan and The Superficial Writer, who only use Photoshop for counterfeiting fast food coupons. The gig is up!

Sep 22 2009 Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month

Some idiot moron, in an effort to become the world's biggest failure at life, used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn't even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche.

Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.

Continue Reading " Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month "

Aug 25 2009 For Your Car: Web Programming Stickers

Want to let commuters know what you're favorite web programming language is? Well now you can thanks to this 5-pack of CODE Stickers by John Freeborn. $5 takes home all five and I think they're worlds better than the stupid Outer Banks (OBX) stickers I see around here. So you like the beach, WHO DOESN'T? I mean, besides redheads and vampires.

web coder bumper stickers: honk if you love to write code! [technabob]

Aug 5 2009 Cool: When Lasers And Sharpies Collide

I honestly have no idea what I just watched but it had something to do with lasers and Sharpies, both of which I am huge fans of (I love your music!). Something about a laser and music and following a line. Honestly, the video could be fake for all I know. Haha, kidding -- I know everything. Well, not everything. I WAS ASKING FOR YOUR NUMBER, GOD!

Youtube

Thanks to chubo, who once mounted a laser inside a Sharpie and then forgot and burnt a nostril trying to huff it.

Jun 17 2009 It's Been Fun: Teaching AI How To Kill Us All

In one of the sickest and twistedest announcements I've read in recent history, programmers attending the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers symposium will attempt to program AI to destroy us all in a game of DEFCON.

Part of the symposium is a sort of "Turing Test" challenge, in which contestants program an AI to play a videogame. The objective is to try to trick a panel of human judges into thinking the AI is a human player.

This year's videogame is DEFCON, the brilliant nuclear war strategy game from indie developer Introversion.

A group of talented programmers will pitch their DEFCON bot against enemy bots in a series of one-on-one thermonuclear chess games. The winner is the programmer whose bot successfully annihilates its opponents and racks up the highest death count. IEEE is offering a $500 prize to the deadliest DEFCON AI bot competition winner.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Like I don't have enough to worry about without people programming artificial intelligence to kill us all. You KNOW the robots are behind this. And also, BEHIND YOU -- DUCK! *pew pew* I just saved your life. No need to thank -- actually, yes, sing my praises. *cocking laser blaster* DO IT!

Symposium will teach AIs how to wage nuclear war [fidgit]

Thanks Kenny, shall we play a game?

May 17 2009 Another Dorm Used As A Giant Display

This is another video of students from the Polish Wroclaw University of Technology turning one of their dorms into a giant 12 x 10 four-color display. They play all kind of games and animations, so feel free to skip around and realize just how much time was wasted. The group responsible calls themselves P.I.W.O., which is apparently the equivalent of B.E.E.R. in English. Of course it could mean cock rocker for all I know, I'm not Polish.

Youtube
and
Dormitory Turned Into Huge Color Display [slashdot]

Thanks to Mark and Julian, once played Pong against each other on a 2 x 2 display and both lost. And to Emode, who is Polish and informed me that P.I.W.O. does in fact translate to B.E.E.R. and not T.I.T.S., which would have been cool too.

Apr 30 2009 Graphical!: Some Sweet Adobe Suite Pillows

I was gonna do the whole FAKE! bit on this post but then I realized I've done it like three times already and that's way too many for any one person, so I decided not to. Anyway, this is a set of Adobe icon pillows, featuring all your favorite design programs like Photoshop, Illustrator, and that handsome devil Dreamweaver. Prices are as Illustratored(!). Buy the whole set and save $10. Buy sweatshop free and save some third-world youth's fingers. Buy me a drink and then take me home and do me. RAWR!

Adobe Creative Suite Pillows Are All About Design [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jesse, who doesn't need a pillow to be comfortable because she sleeps in the clouds with unicorns. Lucky!

Apr 23 2009 Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store

In an unshocking turn of events, Apple has pulled 'Baby Shaker', an iPhone application that allows users to shake a baby until red X's appear over its eyes and it stops crying, from the iTunes store.

Within a day of the game being available for download, childcare organisations had reacted with fury to the game's shocking premise.

An Apple spokesman would not comment on why the program was initially approved for sale nor about how many people downloaded the game. Apple screens every iPhone application and has rejected a number of controversial apps in the past, including one that let iPhone users throw virtual shoes at President Bush.

First of all, shaking babies isn't really funny. And secondly, I'm more than a little pissed that POS application got approved and mine didn't. How the hell does 'Baby Shaker' make it and not, 'The Oregon Happy Trail: An Adventure In My Pants'. What? It was educational! You died of gonorrhea.

Also, I've had several requests for a Geekologie iPhone app. Personally, I view the site in the browser, but hey, if somebody wants to make one, I won't pay you. But I will make you famous. Internet famous.

Video of the 'game' after the jump.

Continue Reading " Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store "

Apr 9 2009 Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop

Bumptop (which has been in the works for awhile) is a program that makes your desktop appear 3D and much more customizable and manipulable so you can resize icons according to importance and post stuff on the walls and all around have a jolly ol' time not being productive. It's a free download (for light, $29 for full), so go grab it and then show it off to your office-mates. Yell things like "BOO-YA!" and "FINGERBANGARANG!" while showcasing its features to let them know how superior your desktop is to theirs. But, if they're anything like me, they may tell you your desktop sucks and that their desktop is 4-D. At this point, you'll go back and forth 1-upping each other with ridiculous claims of 5-D and 20-D desktops, until one of you says theirs is actually Infinity-D . Then they other (you want this to be you) will insist they have an Infinity+1-D desktop, and that person will win.

Hit the jump for a video explaining all the fun to be had.

Continue Reading " Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop "

Apr 2 2009 Apple iPhoto, You're Almost Too Good

This is a picture of some delicious cookies waiting to be baked, and as you can see, Apple iPhoto spotted a face in the crowd. ZOMG -- is that you, Mr. Cookie Bear?! OM NOM NOM NOM!

map~map's Flickr Gallery

Thanks to Duan, who once tried to bake a real bear but the tranquilizer dart wore off and it broke out of the oven and destroyed his kitchen.

Mar 6 2009 FAKE!: Magnetic Photoshop Picture Boards

From meninos, the same company that's bringing us tampon flash drives, comes some Photoshop/Illustrator picture boards. They're basically magnetic whiteboards that come with magnet sets that look like the various Photoshop/Illustrator toolboxes. The toolbox magnets for either program will set you back $25, $65 with a 20" magnetic board, and $80 with a 30" board. So buy one for your cubicle, and then start hanging all your memos/emails. That way when your boss comes by to ask why you haven't done jackshit for the day, you can tell him the most recent memo was clearly a fake, and has been Photoshopped -- you could tell because the shadows were all wrong. You will then be applauded for your detective skills and promoted. Or fired. Hopefully fired.

Hit the jump to see closeups of the two magnet sets.

Continue Reading " FAKE!: Magnetic Photoshop Picture Boards "

Feb 6 2009 9-Year Old Writes Finger Painting iPhone App

Lim Ding Wen is a 9-year old Chinese boy. But not just any Chinese boy, Ding Wen wrote a finger painting iPhone app for his younger siblings.

Lim, who is now fluent in six programming languages, first started using a computer when he was two-years-old, discovered programming aged seven, and has since completed more than 20 programming projects.

His latest application, Doodle Kids, allows users to draw pictures using their fingers and then clear the screen by shaking the iPhone.

Pretty impressive, huh? Not to his father!

"Ding Wen is an above average boy with an interest in computers, especially Apple IIGS and Macs, likes to do programming, and that's it. Doodle Kids is an extremely simple program that can be done by anybody. Everybody can program - if Ding Wen can, so can you," he wrote.

Wow, dad, don't be too proud. "Who, Din Wen? Eh, he's nothing special. And just between you and me -- I think he's retarded. Mother's side of course."

Nine-year-old writes iPhone code [bbcnews]

Thanks to Lisa, who was programming VCRs at four.

Jan 22 2009 Uh, I've Got The Feeling This Is Illegal: How To Hack Those Programmable Road Signs

Ever wanted to put your own message on one of those portable road signs along the highway? Well now you can with just a little tampering and a whole lot of illegal! Unfortunately, because many children read this website, you'll have to follow the link after the jump to find out how. I'll admit, I gave it a go myself, and it does actually work. Although I did get busted. In hindsight, standing next to the "SHOW ME YOUR TITS" sign with a Motorists Gone Wild t-shirt and video camera probably wasn't the smartest decision I've ever made. But definitely top five.

Hit it for a couple pictures and a link to the how-to.

Continue Reading " Uh, I've Got The Feeling This Is Illegal: How To Hack Those Programmable Road Signs "

Jan 20 2009 BOOM, Headshot!: Sniping App For iPhone

Now you can shoot things with better accuracy thanks to BulletFlight, a $10 application available for the iPhone and iPod Touch.

Users can mount their iPod touch to their rifle, and then use the iPod's touch-screen to tap in details about the wind conditions, ammunition type, distance to the intended target and even the wind speed.

"Unlike other apps, BulletFlight does not output information in table format," says the application's iTunes page. "What it does do is dynamically give you the solution you need now to take that shot."

Really? Attaching an iPhone to a sniper rifle? Terrorists everywhere will laugh at you. Thanks but no thanks, I prefer to do my sniping the old-fashioned way -- with a powerful burning laser. PEW PEW!

Sniper rifle software launched for iPod touch [telegraph]

Thanks to Tony and Larry, who only make heads explode with knowledge, son.

Jan 9 2009 Obama Requests Extension For Analog TV Shutdown. Confused Grandparents Rejoice, But Don't Really Know What's Happening.

President-elect Barack Obama requested Congress extend the analog television cut-off date because inadequate funding and flaws in the converter box program. You know, because a bunch of people are stupid. And dumb. Mad dumb.

John Podesta, co-chair of the Obama-Biden transition team, requested that "the cut-off date (February 17th) for analog signals should be reconsidered and extended". The letter was sent this Thursday to the chairs and ranking Republicans on the House Energy & Commerce Committee and Senate Commerce Committee.

Apparently there is some concern that the inbreds will freak out and blame the new president when their picture-boxes stop working shortly after his inauguration. So better to postpone the shutdown and educate the yokels before things get out of hand. Uh-oh, and speaking of getting out of hand -- where'd my penis go?

Obama Asks Congress for Analog TV Shutdown Delay [gizmodo]

Nov 26 2008 Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces

A group of Israeli computer scientists think they've developed a program that can beautify a human face based on the innate preferences humans have. As you can see from the "beautified" Mona Lisa there, they've failed. I could have done a better job in Microsoft Paint.

"We were able to fit a mathematical model to this set of data that we've gathered, namely the images that we showed to people and their responses in terms of the beauty scores that they chose to give to each image," said Lischinksi.

Um, dude? Your mathematical model blows monster dino-dick.

The team then applied the model to modify images so as to make them appear more attractive. They are now exploring a variety of potential commercial applications for the software, Lischinski said.

"This is something we're looking into," he said. It remains to be seen whether women would simply use the improved image as a guide to more effective makeup application or whether people take it to a plastic surgeon and say: "Make me look like that."

Ladies, this is such garbage -- you're all beautiful just the way you are. Especially naked. And I mean that.

Keep the pictures coming.

Hit the jump for a real human face comparison.

Continue Reading " Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces "

Nov 11 2008 Fake! Shadows Are Too Perfect, This Is From The Summer Blockbuster Never Back Down From Beating A Dead Horse: Real Life Photoshop

This is what Photoshop would look like in real life. If you think it's fake you can go this Flickr gallery to see its construction, then suck it. And if you think it's from the scene in Never Back Down where The Geekologie Writer stabs a commenter through their monitor, well, I can make that happen.

What Photoshop Would Look Like in Real Life [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison and Roberto, who are neither fake nor from a stupid freaking movie.

Nov 4 2008 Move Over Hot Or Not: A Digital Face Analyzer

BAPA (Balanced Angular and Proportional Analysis) Web is a web-based facial analyzer that apparently determines if a person is attractive or not (for a fee). You know, based on balanced angular and proportional analysis. So if you have big lips and tiny eyes, you're screwed. If you have chiseled features and a wicked scar from a bar fight like I do, you're in. As long as the programmers were smart enough to take badass scars into consideration. Oh shit, and eyepatches. Also, I burnt my good eyebrow off cooking ramen the other night. I'm gonna go ahead and use a picture from a few years back.

UPDATE: The computer's smoking -- it's a sign!

UPDATE: The computer caught fire -- things are looking good!

UDPATE: The computer exploded -- I'm ugly :(

Product Page

Thanks to Antonia, who doesn't need a program to tell her she's smoking hot.

Oct 15 2008 Thanks Volkswagen!: Palin/Obama Lovechild

I've been getting flooded with political tips lately, and will post some of the other, more technology oriented ones in the next few days, but this a picture of Sarah Palin/Barack Obama's lovechild as created using Volkswagen's RoutanBabymaker3000 (f*** those commercials, seriously). You just upload two pictures of the parents, and presto, a kid is formed. Is this what a Palin/Obama lovechild would really look like? You be the judge. And, since we're playing court, I'll be the bailiff. I get to hold the bible! PEW PEW!

RoutanBabymaker3000

Thanks Tim, I tried making one with me and a dinosaur, but it didn't work. Racists!

Oct 8 2008 Prevent Drunk Emailing: Google Mail Goggles

Google recently unveiled a Gmail application that may help prevent drunk emailing. When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and we'll be set. Or you can just subscribe to The Geekologie Writer's method of drunk messaging prevention -- dropping your phone in the pisser when you're trying to text. I touched a urinal cake with my finger!

Google's Mail Goggles Prevents Drunk Emailing [wired]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer and DJ LIBOR, who both probably regret sending this tip.