Oct 30 2009 It's About Time: Glow In The Dark Lingerie
Listen ladies -- if you have to wear glow in the dark lingerie in order for your lover to find all your parts, I've got news for you: you may be dating a middle-schooler. NOT COOL.
LuminoGlow is an Australian company that makes unmentionables that look normal with the lights on, but glow in the dark when they're turned off. Pretty neat, but don't glow in the dark items need to be left in the light for a while before they glow? Are you supposed to wear these around the house all day first just to charge them up before gametime at night? And will they glow through your clothes if you wear a thin shirt or dress?
Unmentionables, I love that term. Because they're actually totaaaaally mentionable. PANTIES PANTIES BRA THONG BOOBIE BELT. See? No big deal. Also, call me old fashioned but I prefer non-glowing genitals. Just sayin'.
Because I love you, hit the jump for four more full-body shots of the undies in action.
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Oct 5 2009 Wait, What?: Fake Virginity Kits For Sale
I don't even know what to say, except this makes me sad about the women in the world who are stoned and fed to dragons if they're not virgins when they're married. And you thought I was a heartless asshole.
No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.
Wow, did I really just read that? Because now I don't feel so good. The $30 kit ships from China and I suspect is manufactured using recycled condoms. Plus, I don't even know what. [Insert something here while I cry and puke at the same time]
Thanks to Michael and The webcam in your monocle, who can't tell the difference between a virgin and a hole in the wall. Literally, no idea.
Sep 20 2009 Reusable Pokémon Woman Pad Thingies
I don't even know what to say except WTF, HORF and I would totally tape that to my head like a do-rag. Available for $8 on Etsy, this reusable menstrual pad (I can't believe I'm typing this) is perfect for the Pokémon-loving, environmentally friendly chick with unshaven pits in your life. Not bleach safe or for human consumption. Really?! THEN WHY DID I JUST EAT ONE? Wait, why did I just eat one? My stomach: pump it. The contents: gotta catch 'em all!
Pokémon Menstrual Pad, Yours for Eight Bucks [kotaku]
Thanks to Aisha, I think.
Jul 3 2009 Anti-Paparazzi Bag Flashes Bulb, Not Privates
Some guy named Adam Harvey designed an anti-paparazzi purse that, when the flashbulbs of the photogs go off, immediately flashes it's own bulb back, ruining their pictures and effectively protecting your privates from showing up on TheSuperficial. Obviously, it's a terrible idea. Terribly terrible. Right up there with the current public decency laws. IT'S HOT OUTSIDE, GIMME A BREAK. Also, a rub-down with that lotion ;). SP my F.
Anti-paparazzi device flashes lewd photographers right back [dvice]
Thanks to FDSY, whose anti-paparazzi device looks a lot more like a sock full of quarters.
Jun 9 2009 Han Solo, P.I.: Star Wars/Magnum P.I. Mashup
These are scenes from Star Wars set to the Magnum P.I. opening theme with amazingly accurate scenes to match those from the television show. Which leads us to an important question: who would make a better lover, Han with his laser blaster or Magnum with his mustache? If you answered, "The Geekologie Writer and a rack of pork ribs", congratulations, you've won yourself a date. I'm thinking the museum of natural history -- pick me up at seven, I don't drive.
Hit the jump to see a video of the mashup without the comparison shot.
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May 6 2009 Say Bye To Dromedary Digit!: The Cuchini
The Cuchini is a real product made by the two women in the picture (Kelly and Christy, NOT the camel-woman) and helps prevents undesired camel toe.
The Cuchini is a comfortable, light-weight material that adheres to any undergarment (panties, bikini, sports attire, etc). It smoothes the ridges of a woman's mons pubis area providing a smooth and camouflaged appearance. This eliminates what is commonly known as "Camel Toe."
The Cuchini sells in a pack of 2 for $15, but if you're cheap, you could probably just use a shoe horn. Personally, I don't see what's wrong with a little camel toe. Hell, or even some moose knuckle. But when you start talking mammoth knee, well....I like that too!
Thanks to Laylia and Elroy, who almost got spit on by a camel at the petting zoo. And to Where The Hell Is My Camera Charger?, whose parents must really hate him.
Apr 22 2009 What The?: Questionable Sub Commercial
I love Quiznos. Or, I should say, I loved Quiznos before I found out their ovens encourage employees to have sex with them. I mean, WTF? This isn't how you sell delicious, oven-baked subs, this is how you....damnit, now I want Quiznos.
Thanks to Jordan and Reiko, who have never gone anywhere near a toaster with their junk exposed. Or so they say.
Apr 15 2009 Highly Questionable: 'Mow The Lawn' Ad
This is the second in a series of highly questionable commercials (tulips on the mound -- WTF?!) for the Shick Quattro For Women TrimStyle with Bikini Trimmer. Which, if you couldn't tell by the name, is a beaver cleaver. Now I'm not going to go into the racial stereotypes presented in this commercial, but needless to say there were some. Admittedly, I do like to keep myself trimmed. And my ladyfriends too. And not just because it won't reach if we both aren't, but that's totally why. Also, what's up with the perfectly spherical bush? Do you women actually do that? Pictures or it didn't happen.
Thanks to Abbo and Eric the Cleric, who don't use razors because they have lasers. That, uh, that sounds scary, guys.
Apr 3 2009 Angry Villagers Chase Off Street View Car
A group of angry villagers in Broughton, England chased off a Google Street View car because they feared an invasion of privacy and increased crime in the area.
"I was upstairs when I spotted the camera car driving down the lane," resident Paul Jacobs told The Times of London. "My immediate reaction was anger: How dare anyone take a photograph of my home without my consent? I ran outside to flag the car down and told the driver he was not only invading our privacy but also facilitating crime.
"This is an affluent area. We've already had three burglaries locally in the past six weeks. If our houses are plastered all over Google it's an invitation for more criminals to strike. I was determined to make a stand, so I called the police."
Just to be fair, I broke into Mr. Jacob's home and stole his valuables and last bowl of cereal just to prove that, even without Street View, The Geekologie Writer will still rob you blind. But seriously, Paul, if you could pick up some more Raisin Nut Bran, that would be awesome.
Gang of villagers chase away Google car [cnn]
Thanks to Brad, who once chased a Google Street View car six blocks before he realized it was a pizza delivery guy.
Mar 28 2009 Google Street View: Peeing In Middle Of Road
A Google Street View car in France spotted these high-brow citizens pissing in the middle of the highway together (I'll hold yours if you hold mine). I guess they don't have rest stops in France. Still, you've got to commend them on their technique. It's similar to what I do, except nothing like it because I just hang my junk out the window. One time I was dragging it behind my station wagon when an 18-wheeler hit it and then did like fifty flips in the air and exploded. True story.
Hit it for a close up that may or may not show some guy's penis.
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Dec 11 2008 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: The TwoDaLoo
The TwoDaLoo is a toilet made for two. Just the thought of it disgusts me.
The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station.
Oh yeah, because a "modest privacy wall" makes it all okay. WTF! Available now for wholesale, the units cost $1,400 apiece and the minimum order is 12. So yeah, you ever shit out in the open with 23 other people before? *sniffle* God, I miss college.
Thanks Tali, like they say: a family that shits together, uh, starts to look at each other differently.
Nov 19 2008 Really? That's The Best You Could Do?
In a story that reminds me of every wedding I've ever gone to where they set out disposable cameras so you can take pictures, some dude took a snapshot of his junk with his iPhone. And, after emailing it to his mistress, his girlfriend found it. Oh snap! So what did the no-good cheating bastard do? Simple, he blamed it on Apple.
The Fanboy's excuse was that he had taken the picture but never sent it to anyone. In fact he was so worried about his Iphone taking the picture that he said had paid a visit to the ironically named Apple Genius Bar. There he swore that a spokesman for apple had told him that it was a known glitch. Photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent, he swore blind that the Genius told him.
Well folks, I think we can all walk away from this having learned a valuable lesson. One about, oh I don't know, making up better lies.
Help! Iphone snapped my husband's genitals [theinquirer]
Thanks to Michael, who doesn't take pictures of himself in the mirror for his Facebook profile.
Oct 6 2008 Now That's What I Call Good American Politics Volume 18: The American Titty Committee
Now boobs are an issue I can get behind. And by get behind I mean mush my face in between.
Thanks to Jason, who knows that breasts are our nation's most valuable resource.
Oct 6 2008 Passengers Worried X-Ray Security Shots Will Wind Up On Facebook And Myspace
Passengers are worried that pictures from a new x-ray security camera, the "virtual strip search", will end up online and display their privates for the whole social networking world to see.
Readers feel the new security measure has gone too far.
"Sure as heck, some customs officers will make snide remarks about young girls with breast implants and people with piercings in private locations. You betcha some will appear on Facebook or MySpace," said a post on news.com.au
However, authorities insist there's nothing to worry about.
"Faces are blurred and images are not saved and cannot be transferred," said Office of Transport Security executive director Paul Retter.
Oh yeah, because I'm dying to see some fuzzy monochromatic images of a chick's privates on Facebook. Wait....I think I am. Sweet!
Passengers fear airport "virtual strip search" [news.com.au]
May 21 2008 Uh-Oh: Robot Can Climb Almost Any Surface
Similar to this climbing robot, but 100% absolutely nothing like it, comes this agile bastard.
The as-yet-unnamed robot uses electro-adhesion to cling to the wall, generating electrostatic charges between the wall substrate and itself to keep from falling. "The principle of operation is similar to electrostatic chucks used to hold silicon wafers, or other specialized grippers for robotic handling of materials," senior researcher Harsha Prahlad explained to PM in an email last week. "The technology uses a very small amount of power ... and shows the ability to repeatedly clamp to wall substrates that are heavily covered in dust or other debris."
This isn't good news folks. If this were a medical prognosis for the future of the human race, we'd be getting toe-tagged. And speaking of toes -- if you strapped a camera to this thing and sent it up the side of my house to the bathroom window you might catch a hot and steamy glimpse of...me doing a crossword puzzle on the can.
Several more pictures of the robot and a video of it climbing a wall in your house, after the jump.
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Apr 17 2008 It's About Time: Massage Pants Are Here!
These are massage pants from the Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Company. What do they do for you? Well I'll tell you, by copy/pasting the product features.
Product Features: * Built-7 group of super vibration massage, a scientific and rational allocation * Ring far infrared heaters, automatic temperature control, safe and reliable *A variety of massage * Automatic mode * Automatic regularly work 20 minutes * High-performance rechargeable batteries for exclusive use, energy, security
You know, looking at them I could tell they had a scientific and rational allocation of vibration massage. And that makes me really want some. Just a heads up though, I don't think these are technically pants. Because pants are usually longer. These look more like shorts. Shorts that are missing some fabric in the front. You know, so your balls hang out. Wow, these are even awesomer than I first thought. Unfortunately there's a 500 pair minimum order. Anybody want to go halvsies?
Thanks to Zachary, who doesn't need massage pants because he's got a harem that does his massaging for him, for the tip
