Nov 1 2009 Please Stop Breaking Into My Car: "Try Again And I'll Go Gordon Freeman On Your Ass"
Some poor bastard, fed up with his car being broken into, decided to leave this passive aggressive note for the thieves. And not only does he reference Half-Life, THE DUDE KEEPS AN OCARINA IN HIS CAR. ZOMG, do you think he's Link?! Yeah, me neither.
Also, to guy's credit, I added the asterisk to his signature. DUDE MEANS BUSINESS.
Thanks to gabby, who would have booby trapped the car with Goron bombs.
Oct 28 2009 Good Friends: I'm Afraid That's What You Get
Don't even act like you didn't deserve it.
Twilight Saga: And so it begins... [lamebook]
Thanks to pstone, who always remembers to take his shoes off before passing out.
Oct 9 2009 NASA's Moon Bombing High-Five Fail
This is a short video from the live-feed at NASA showing the group responsible for bombing the moon celebrating after a job well done. Just watch red shirt there get snubbed by black shirt after initiating a high-five sequence. THEY EVEN MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT. Geez, talk about awkward. I've only aborted a high-five once, and that was because I knew the guy didn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. Seriously bro, I'm not touching your junk.
Thanks to Martyn, who has never been denied a high-five BECAUSE HE WILL RIP YOUR ARM OFF AND DO IT HIMSELF IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
Sep 17 2009 OMG!: Kids Kill Gollum By Panama Lake
A group of teens hanging out by a lake in Panama saw the elusive Gollum climbing out of his cave and did what any respectable youths would do: beat it to death with sticks.
According to reports in Panama, the teenagers spotted the creature crawling out of a cave while playing in the town of Cerro Azul north of Panama City.
Fearing for the safety as it moved towards them, the youths claim they attacked the beast with sticks before throwing its lifeless body into a pool of water.A hooked claw visible in one of the photos has been cited as evidence for the popular theory that the creature was a sloth that somehow lost its hair.
Wow you little assholes, you beat a hairless sloth to death. That's low. I mean, aren't sloths slower than turtles? You could have gotten high, had a four course picnic and taken a nap afterward and the thing would have still been like a foot from where it was before you packed the bong. That said, did you get the One Ring?! BECAUSE I MUST HAVE IT. I collect jewelry!
New 'Montauk Monster' spotted in Panama [telegraph]
Thanks to spoon platoon, Pesche and DoucheBag, who would have at least asked the poor bastard for an autograph first.
Mar 1 2009 Awww: Bizkit The Sleepwalking Dog
This is a video of Bizkit the sleepwalking dog. You should watch it, it's funny and sad at the same time. SPOILER ALERT: The dog sleepwalks into the wall. I originally thought it was cruel, but then watched the rest of the user's videos and they film the dog all the time, so I don't think they knew it would run into the wall. That said, I'm stealing Bizkit and starting a circus. DOOT DOOT DOODLE DOOT DOO DOO DOO DOOT. Cotton candy makes my clothes come off!
Hit the jump for a couple other videos of Bizkit, including one of some wicked sleep-standing action.
Feb 4 2009 Lightning Hits Cow, Cow Lives To Moo About It
The cow featured here, who we will refer to as "Well Done", was struck by lightning and lived to chew grass and moo about it, which is apparently rare.
When lightning hits the ground, current flows through the earth in a wide area around the point of impact. This is how a lightning strike can kill a field full of cows - the long wheelbase of the average cow means that a nearby strike induces a significant potential difference across the ground spanned by the cow's front and back legs; current flows through cow, cow dies.
For those of you who aren't science-minded, let me break that down in layman's terms: basically lightning strikes a cow, and makes it delicious. I smell barbecue! Or a cow on fire, same difference.
The path lightning takes through a cow [tywkiwdbi]
Thanks to towhee monster, who attracts lightning like she does men -- with witchcraft.
Jan 30 2009 Google Maps Van Hits Deer, Uploads Pics
A Google Maps van hit a deer while out on the prowl -- and recorded and uploaded the whole damn thing to the live version of Google Maps! WTF!?
The Google employee had to have known that they hit the deer but the more interesting thought is why did they proceed to upload the images? Is Google that determined to be the first to map the roads by street view that they don't care what goes live on their site?
Based on some of the other stuff I've seen on Street View, it's pretty obvious Google doesn't care what goes live -- or dead! Zing!
UPDATE: Google has responded and states "the deer was able to move and had left the area by the time the police arrived". So yeah, go Bambi! Hit the links to see a couple more graphic pictures if you're a real sicko.
Google Maps
via
Google maps car hits a deer, records it all. Oh deer [neowin]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once thought he ran over a squirrel. In reality, the squirrel passed perfectly under the car, only hitting his head on the tailpipe. In his rearview Spikey saw the squirrel standing there, scratching its melon and wondering "WTF just happened?".
Jan 22 2009 Wear Your Effing Wriststrap!: Woman Hits Dog With Wiimote, Killing It, Neighbor Revives
Kathy White hit her five-month old miniature Sheltie, Ozzy, in the head with a Wiimote when she was bowling with her daughter. Note: she didn't actually throw the remote, she was still holding it.
"We had just got the Wii for Christmas," explained owner Kathy White, "so we were trying it out, and that's when Alexis and I were bowling and Ozzy was standing by me and he jumped up and I hit him in the temple and killed him instantly."
Her first instinct was to call her neighbor Pene Honey for help.
Thankfully, Pene managed to come over and revive the dog with a little mouth to nose action.
Now she knows you have to be careful when playing a Wii.
"I just want people to be aware of their environment," White said, "especially small dogs and children so this doesn't happen to them. Because it was a horrifying experience and I don't want anyone to go through this."
I take it you didn't read the instructions before playing, did you, Kathy? No? Didn't notice the warning screen either? Jesus, how have you not died in a kitchen fire? Kathy White: astonishingly still alive after 40 years of not following instructions.
Hit the jump for a video report that will make you want to call animal services.
