Nov 17 2009 Some Superhero You Are!: Spiderman Busted

Well folks, this just goes to show you can only dangle from rooftops staring into women's bedroom windows for so long before the boys in blue take notice. For shame, Spidey, for shame. And, on a completely and totally unrelated note that has absolutely nothing to do with this story: I have a used repelling harness for sale.

Spiderman getting arrested [jonahray]

Oct 28 2009 Good Friends: I'm Afraid That's What You Get

Don't even act like you didn't deserve it.

Twilight Saga: And so it begins... [lamebook]

Thanks to pstone, who always remembers to take his shoes off before passing out.

Sep 22 2009 Coppers Stop To Play Wii During Drug Bust

Admittedly, Wii Bowling is pretty addictive, but I sure as hell wouldn't stop to play some if I was a drug task force member in the middle of a bust. I'd be too busy stuffing a duffel bag full of free drugs!

With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.

As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco's house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.

While some detectives hauled out evidence such as flat screen televisions and shotguns, others threw strikes, gutter balls and worked on picking up spares.

"It was an expansive scene, a lot of searching to be done, a lot of waiting," Boatner said.

The raid cost taxpayers more than $4,000.

Wow, I don't even know what to say. Except I call next! OOH OOH -- let's tape somebody's pistol to the Wiimote first! Come on, I'll let you tase me if I bowl two strikes.

Polk undercover drug investigators play Wii during raid [tbo]

Thanks to Chip, who wouldn't halt a drug bust for anything short of a full-fledged LAN party.

Sep 21 2009 Taser Backfire: Man Gets Zapped By Police, Uses His New Found Powers To Run Away

This is a video of some crazy bastard talking nonsense to the police and eventually getting tasered. But, unlike most poor suckers who get zapped, this character uses his new electric power to yell a magical chant, get up, and run for freedom. It works too! Feel free to skip to 2:45 if you just want to see the getaway, but I watched the whole thing because people who ramble nonsense make me feel better about myself. Like anonymously flaming you guys in the comments, but not AS good.

Youtube

Thanks to Jay and Quark, who have both been tased while reciting the alphabet backwards as part of field sobriety tests AND PASSED. Hardcore!

Jul 16 2009 Naked 'Terminator' Tased By Police In Nevada

A Terminator sent back from the future has been tased and arrested by police in Nevada. Good lookin', boys in blue!

19-year-old Sean Stanley Smith was arrested on the Nevada border after he was spotted by a motorist wandering around the highway nude. He was ordered by police to stop but proceeded into a nearby casino - where he was then tasered in front of a group of children.

Smith claims he was a Terminator sent back in time from the future.

When questioned who he was sent back to kill, the Terminator responded, "The Geekologie Writer". Really buddy? TOO BAD I'M VACATIONING IN MIAMI YOU IDIOT MORON! Wait. Did I say Miami? I meant Manitoba. Shit.

Police arrest naked 'Terminator' [yahoo]

Thanks to Bubbles100, who wonders if he was packing more heat than the Naked Wizard.

Jun 17 2009 Zappity Zap!: Police Will Tase Your Grandma

Just in case you were wondering, the police will tase your 72-year old grandma. You hear that, members of the geriatric species? YOU ARE NOT EXEMPT FROM THE ZAPPERY! Also, does the officer really yell "TASERED!" as he's doing it? Because that's awesome. I'm gonna start doing that.

POSTED! LEAVE A COMMENT -- LEAVE A COMMENT!!

Youtube

Thanks to Watch-303, alex, double dragon, The Naked Wizard and Beth, who would have torn the electrodes out and flown off on their jetpacks like superheroes.

Jun 13 2009 Student Makes Barrel Monster, Gets Arrested

I don't care what you say, that's probably the best life those barrels could have asked for. God knows I've run over my fair share and dragged them home.

NC State student Joseph Carnevale, the artist behind the Traffic Barrel Monster, has been arrested for stealing the barrels and "cutting and screwing them together to make a statue," which apparently is a misdemeanor in North Carolina.

The total cost of the damage has been estimated at $360 and a court case is scheduled for July 21st.

WHOA WHOA WHOA -- $360 for four barrels? What are they, lined with crystals? Sounds like somebody in the barrel making business is in bed with somebody at the department of transportation. And they're doing it.

Traffic Barrel Monster Creator Arrested [jalopnik]

Thanks to Ty, who once made a bong out of a traffic cone.

Jun 12 2009 Gang Uses Stolen Credit Cards To Buy Own Music On Amazon/iTunes, Collect Royalties

That's right, some gang of criminal masterminds operating out of Britain uploaded songs to iTunes and Amazon and then, using 1,500 stolen credit cards, bought $750,000 worth of their own songs, netting them nearly $300,000 in royalties.

Six men and three women were arrested yesterday by 60 officers at addresses in London, Birmingham, Wolverhampton and Kent. A man in his forties, was arrested later.

They are all being held in custody on suspicion of conspiracy to commit fraud and money laundering.

A police source said: "We will not know why they did what they did until we have conducted all the interviews."

Yeah, gee, I WONDER WHY THEY DID IT. Probably the same reason anyone partakes in criminal activity -- to pretend you're a rockstar.

Criminal gang bought own music on iTunes and Amazon using stolen cards [timesonline]

Thanks to ff, who tried to sell a music video on iTunes that was secretly just a video of him fapping.

May 17 2009 Inventor Denied Patent For Human 'Killer Chip'

A Saudi inventor was recently denied a German patent for what is being described as a "killer chip". What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.

The basic model would consist of a tiny GPS transceiver placed in a capsule and inserted under a person's skin, so that authorities could track him easily. Model B would have an extra function -- a dose of cyanide to remotely kill the wearer without muss or fuss if authorities deemed he'd become a public threat.

The inventor said the chip could be used to track terrorists, criminals, fugitives, illegal immigrants, political dissidents, domestic servants and foreigners overstaying their visas.

"The invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law -- which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals

If the aliens have taught us anything, it's that the key to successful human tracking is NOT LETTING THE HUMANS KNOW. You embed a cyanide chip under my skin and guess what -- I'm cutting it out. With my teeth. Oh I'm sorry, was that too hardcore for you? Yeah, well one time I ate two of my own toes because I hadn't eaten dessert.

Saudi 'Killer Chip' Implant Would Track, Eliminate Undesirables [foxnews]

Thanks to Dustin and philip, who track people the old fashioned way: by looking for footprints and shit. Literally, looking for shit.

May 2 2009 Weed Copter Spots The Pot, Alerts The Cops

The 'Canna Chopper' is an unmanned miniature helicopter fitted with "odor and video detection instruments" that locates your field of (pipe) dreams in the Netherlands and notifies authorities. Needless to say, it's the polar opposite of a ROFLCOPTER.

On its maiden voyage it managed to locate a cannabis farm and officers arrested seven growers and recovered several kilos of the outlawed weed. Now all it needs is a gun attached to its underside and it could make its own arrests.

Robot, kill it. And also, stay the hell away from my basement, nothing to see down there. Smell -- what smell? Well, can't say I didn't warn you. *pew pew*

Dutch 'Canna Chopper' sniffs out cannabis fields from the air [dvice]

Thanks to twellve and Mr. Fancy, who are both smart enough to know that drugs your screw up brain real bad.

May 1 2009 Cincinnati Has Its Own Superheroes, Both Super And Hero Debatable (Can I Join?)

Finally, Cincinnati has it's own superheros. Shadow Hare, a 21-year old masked vigilante, prowls the streets while leading a ragtag bag of other assholes crimefighters known as The Allegiance of Heroes (MUST SEE hero pep rally at 1:07). And, apparently, this isn't a unique phenomenon -- there's actually a World Superhero Registry (ANOTHER MUST SEE), showcasing all the real-life heroes operating around the globe. Which, after viewing, has inspired me to start my own group of crimefighters (now accepting applications). I'm thinking 'GW and the Nut-Busting Crusaders Of Truth And Cool Costumes'. Too professional?

Hit the jump for parts 2 and 3 of the news story about Shadow Hare. Trust me, best way to spend your Friday afternoon. ALLEGIANCE ASSEMBLE!

Continue Reading " Cincinnati Has Its Own Superheroes, Both Super And Hero Debatable (Can I Join?) "

Apr 17 2009 Scotland Police Department Heavy On Jedis

Strathclyde Police, Scotland's largest police force, says eight of its officers (and two of its civilian staff) listed Jedi as their official religion on voluntary diversity forms, making them the least feared police force ever.

The details were obtained in a Freedom of Information request by Jane's Police Review.

About 390,000 people listed their religion as Jedi in the 2001 Census for England and Wales. In Scotland the figure was a reported 14,000.

The Office for National Statistics did not recognise it as a separate category, and incorporated followers of Jedi with atheists.

Wow, do you think the officers mod their billy clubs to look like lightsabers? Because that would be awesome. And by awesome I mean incredibly sad.

Force is strong for Jedi police [bbcnews]

Thanks to Thumperchica, debaser, Liz, Lee, Patrick and Annie, who once Force-choked a thief till he turned to the Dark Side (blacked out).

Mar 28 2009 Wow, Surprisingly Doesn't Work: Paying A Speeding Ticket With Urine-Soaked Coins

Michael Harold Lynch received a $206 speeding ticket for doing 54 in a 35MPH work zone. Outraged (I was only 19 over!), he got $206 in small coins, put them in a bag, and pissed all over them. Then he sent the bag in as payment. Shockingly, it wasn't accepted.

Turns out Lynch didn't break any laws - it's not necessarily illegal to mail bodily fluids. The pee-and-pennies were sent back to Lynch - COD, in fact - with a note that said they couldn't be taken because "the pile of coins emitted a strong, pungent odor of stale urine." Lynch responded by sending a check made out to another agency, which was returned, then he sent a check for the wrong amount. Now he's on the hook for $271 because his payment is late.

Wow, Michael. You sure showed them, didn't you? Now you only owe $65 more than before, not including the shipping and COD payments you already made. You are such the prankster! And also, under arrest. Up against the wall, buddy -- now spread those legs. *violently tasers Michael in the taint* Haha -- this is a rented uniform! NOW WHO'S THE PRANK KING?!?!

Streaming Mad: $206 in urine-soaked coins is not acceptable payment for a speeding ticket in Washington [autoblog]

Thanks to The Jerk, who was peeing in the slot your money comes out of on an ATM when the little door slammed closed on his pecker and he had to call the police. They laughed at him and then posted the security cam footage on Youtube. I saw it, it was funny.

Mar 4 2009 Woman Calls 911 Over McNugget Emergency

NOTE: Video consists of the calls to 911.

Not once. Not twice. But three times did Latreasa Goodman call 911 about the lack of McNuggets at her local McDonald's and the manager's unwillingness to give her a refund.

When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Goodman noted, "I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report. That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."

I'm with you, Latreasa -- McNuggets ARE an emergency. I've nearly killed cashiers for less. Like that time they told me the McFlurry machine was broken -- I was over the counter and had dude's hand in a deep fryer before you could say Value Meal.

A McNuggets "Emergency" [thesmokinggun]

Thanks to Jason and Tank, who have both called 911 because they didn't get the toys they wanted their Happy Meals.

Feb 20 2009 Woman's Weave Proves Tighter Than A Speeding Bullet, Saves Life From PEW

A woman's tightly woven hair weave allegedly saved her life from a gunshot fired by her ex-boyfriend.

The 20-year-old Kansas City woman told police Juan Kemp, her ex-boyfriend, opened fire on her while she was inside her car at a Kansas City convenience store Wednesday night.

Bonds' back window and tail light were shot out, but it is what police found in her weave that is amazing. Detectives pulled a spent bullet from the back of Bonds' head. It had become lodged in her weave.

(Hairdresser Kim) Walton said while the weft is the strongest part of the weave and would be the most difficult to penetrate, she finds it hard to believe a weave could stop a bullet.

Captain Brokenheart of the USS Fails At Life and his friend were later arrested. Now, physicists out there: is this even possible? I feel like it had to be a ricochet or something. There's just no way. But, if there is a way, this guy needs a weave!

Woman's hair weave stops bullet [woai]
and
News Video [yahoonews]

Thanks to Julian, who once caught a speeding bullet in his teeth but lost a filling.

Feb 5 2009 Idiot Tries To Strangle Girlfriend With Wiimote

In the latest of video game-themed attacks, a guy tried to strangle his girlfriend with the cord of a Wiimote. And I'll tell you -- he even LOOKS like the kind of guy that'd try to strangle someone with a video game controller. What a quarter-pound of fail.

An Austin man has been accused of trying to choke his girlfriend with the cord of a Wii video game controller after she became angry that he had eaten all of her Girl Scout cookies, according to an arrest affidavit.

The two struggled until they ended up in the living room, where Alvarez grabbed a Wii controller, according to the affidavit. Alvarado was able to free herself and call 911. Alvarez fled the home but was arrested soon after.

First of all, you don't ever try to strangle a woman, that's pathetic. And secondly, if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you never, ever, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, come between a woman and her Girl Scout Cookies. You're lucky to be alive, Alvarez, now kill yourself.

Man accused of choking girlfriend with Wii controller [statesman]

Thanks to Jordan, who once tried to choke his roommate with a PS3 controller. The plan was doomed from the start.

Feb 3 2009 Japanese Police Use Wii Miis For Suspect ID

As a guy who actually witnessed a hit and run last night, I've got to admit: I should drive more carefully. Now there's probably a picture of my Wii Mii out there posted next to the carcass. Wonderful.

No, really, that is a wanted poster and that is a Mii on it, and that made me laugh so hard I sprained my epiglottis. The Kanagawa kops (Japan) are searching for the Mii, or a someone who looks like it, anyway. The blogs that have posted about this are inconclusive as to whether that is the actual Mii of the actual suspect (to say nothing of how they might have gotten it) or if the cops used the Mii creator to build their composite.

I've seen her! She beat me on Rainbow Road not even a week ago! I threw my controller. It hit the dog. The dog died. Thankfully, my neighbor resuscitated it. Then demanded "a little something for his time". You know what he got? Wii'ed in the nads.

Mii Sought in Hit and Run [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, whose Wii Mii doesn't associate with lawbreaking lowlifes.

Jan 27 2009 Spider Robot Shoots Webs, Catches Criminals

This spider-inspired robot apparently shoots webs to catch criminals in the act of cowering like little girls. Per translated German:

Which like an ugly remote controlled car is in really an awake robot, which is to catch burglars, looks harmless. The Japanese robot manufacturer Tmsuk and the safety enterprise Alacom developed the prototype of the T-34 of robot mentioned.

I have no idea what that means but I think what they were trying to get at is if this thing actually catches you, you're probably the worst burglar ever. Or a magic goat. Probably a magic goat.

Spiderman-Robocop fängt Menschen [stern]

Thanks to Dirk, who once had the opportunity to prevent a liquor store robbery but used the opportunity to guzzle a bottle of wine while the clerk was distracted.

Jan 20 2009 Wow, What A Go-Getter: Kid Buys Back Car To Prove Speeding Ticket Was Falsely Issued

One day Dale Lyle got a speeding ticket in the mail issued by one of those automatic ticketing cameras. It claimed he was doing 98MPH in his 14-year old Honda Civic, a car he insisted could only do 85MPH max on a downhill slope with a tailwind. So what did he do? He did what any badass would do -- he stuck it to the man like dogshit under a cardoor handle.

Mr Lyle, 21, who has a clean driving license, had already sold the car to a friend for £600. He had to take out a bank overdraft to buy it back. Then he had to pay an independent driving expert £600 to test the 1.3litre Civic's top speed at a circuit in Bedfordshire.

The result was as expected. Even when driven flat-out, the Honda could still only do a top speed of 85.4mph in fourth gear and 81.3mph in fifth.

Next, Mr Lyle obtained the mobile speed-camera footage of his alleged offence - travelling at 98mph on a 70mph three-lane carriageway of the A38, near Plymouth, on December 13, 2007.

The three-minute film shows three other cars in the frame at the same time, he said, which he believes means his vehicle was mistaken for another.

Nice, Dale, way to make us all proud. Now make the court give you back all the money you spent. I swear, I wish I was more like you. I probably would have just paid the fines and then vandalized the ticketing camera. Yay, passive-aggressiveness!

Also, somebody make this website a freaking Wikipedia page already. Geekologie demands Wikognition!

Hit the jump for a picture of the test report Dale had run.

Continue Reading " Wow, What A Go-Getter: Kid Buys Back Car To Prove Speeding Ticket Was Falsely Issued "

Jan 13 2009 Uh-Oh: SWAT Team Called On FPS Gamers

A couple of Danish gamers (Danishers), got the SWAT team called because they were playing a first person shooter too loud one night. Thankfully, they weren't rocking any Wiimote-gun mods.

As far as we can make out from this report, two young men from Valby near Copenhagen were giving it some stick on a large flatscreen telly with the volume cranked up, prompting residents in their apartment block to suspect someone had been shot.

Cue rapid SWAT intervention, with the area sealed off and heavily-armed officers using megaphones to order the pair to surrender. The two apparently came quietly, and suffered nothing more than a temporary cuffing while police ascertained that the only danger posed was to the neighbourhood's peace and quiet.

First of all, "giving it some stick" means something completely different in my neck of the woods. And secondly, I can relate to these guys because I've often had the cops called for "having loud sex late at night". They're called adult films you idiots!

Danish SWAT team surrounds PlayStation shoot-'em-up [theregister]

Thanks to Richie-con-carnie, who once had the fire department called because he set a lover on fire. He's just that hot.