Nov 18 2009 I'll Miss You: Pirate Bay Tracker Shut Down

Well folks, it happened. The Pirate Bay BitTorrent tracker officially kicked the bucket yesterday. What does this mean for Pirate Bay users?

Although the site will remain operational for now, millions of BitTorrent users will lose the use of its tracker and will instead have to rely on DHT and alternative trackers to continue downloading.

"Now that the decentralized system for finding peers is so well developed, TPB has decided that there is no need to run a tracker anymore, so it will remain down! It's the end of an era, but the era is no longer up2date. We have put a server in a museum already, and now the tracking can be put there as well" the Pirate Bay crew write on their blog.

And what does this mean for iTunes users?

iTunes sucks, there's no porn on iTunes.

HELL YES I QUOTED MYSELF IN AN ARTICLE! I know shit -- I can say things!

The Pirate Bay Tracker Shuts Down for Good [torrentfreak]

Thanks to Bill, who hasn't paid for music since the Green Jellö cassette with 'Three Little Pigs'.

Oct 31 2009 Guy Needs 1M Facebook Fans And Girlfriend Will Let Him Turn House Into A Pirate Ship

First of all, the only Facebook group you really need to join is Geekologie's (and NOT The Superficial's). But if you're into joining every group possible you can join this guy's, whose girlfriend has agreed to let him pirate-theme their house if he gets 1,000,000 fans.

I've always wanted to be a pirate, and the onlyway I can truely do this is to live aboard a pirate ship, as I am tied into a house and a mortgage with this house, and I dont live anywhere near the sea, the only thing I can do is to turn my house into a massive pirate ship.

I already have enough money to buy some wooden slats from B&Q, I just need to get my girlfriend to agree to remortgage the house so that I can afford decking, and masts, and eventually sails.

If 1 million people joined this group it would help her understand that this isnt such a bad idea, and lots of people would do it as well, and it would help my dream come true.

If you can leave a piratty message on the wall, it would also help.

I was going to join but then I saw dude already has 988,756 fans, so he's practically there. And by 'there' I mean on my shit-list. NOBODY OUT PIRATE-HOUSES ME!

Facebook Group

Thanks to Nikki, Dan, AJ and Lemrin, who all live in ninja-houses and have vowed to burn dude's pirate house to the ground to prove their stealthy supremacy.

Oct 12 2009 BEEP BOOP Arrrr!!: Transformer Pirate Shirts

These Piratron shirts come in Autopirate and Deceptipirate models and are perfect for showing your support for both high seas plundering AND vehicles that turn into talking robots at the same time. Each shirt will set you back a cool $20, and I recommend getting one of each just in case, well, I don't know why. Just do it. No I don't profit from these. But seriously, you can't have enough. Buy like thirty. Million. DO IT NOW!

Product Site

Thanks to tim, who agrees that in the battle of pirates vs. robots, the ninjas will prevail.

Sep 18 2009 September 19th Is Int'l Talk Like A Pirate Day!

That's right you salty, half-masted sons of wenches, tomorrow (September 19th) be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And to celebrate, TellTale Games is giving away free 1-part episodes of Tales of Monkey Island. Also, I will be getting drunk all day wearing an eyepatch and waving a plastic cutlass. So, if you want some free awesome gameage head over HERE tomorrow to claim your booty. Unless you already own the game like I do CAUSE YOU ARE A PIRATE 4 LIFE! Now, whattya say you and I swill some grog and yell at the wenches? What do you mean, "no"? That's it: hand me my wooden leg, I'm gonna kick your ass.

TellTale Games

Thanks to deadbodyman, who talks like a pirate all the time because he illegally downloads copywritten files online all day.

Aug 4 2009 Voltromas The Transforming Tank Engine

I like trains, and not just because they go CHOO CHOO. I also like the hobos that jump on them! THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME, OKAY? Anyway, this is a Thomas the Tank Engine/Voltron mashup toy available from Singapore for around $8. It is in no way shape or form licensed or legal. But it is cool. Everybody's calling it a Transformer but it is clearly a throwback to Voltron. Who, despite being a robot, I still liked as a child because he was rainbow colored and, damnit, I'm a sucker for a rainbow. One time I even got a girlfriend to dress up as Rainbow Bright on Halloween. And not to brag, but she did go home with the handsomest pirate at the party. I was one sad ninja turtle. :(

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Voltromas The Transforming Tank Engine "

Jun 30 2009 Miss You: The Pirate Bay Has Been Sold

The Pirate Bay, one of the world's best known torrent search portals, is being sold to some Swedish firm. It will no longer be so piratey.

Global Gaming Factory X AB, a Swedish firm that runs Internet cafes and game centers, plans to buy The Pirate Bay for 60 million kronor (~$8 million), twice the fine that was slapped on The Pirate Bay defendants by a Stockholm court earlier this year.

...the new owners plan to make it a legal service that allows "content providers and copyright owners [to] get paid for content that is downloaded via the site."

"Legal service"...."paid for content"....they better change the name.

Pirate Bay sold, to become more like Carnival Cruise Lines [arstechnica]

Thanks to Thumperchica and Zombie Pirate LeChuck, who agrees this isn't even Disney Pirate's Bay any more.

May 19 2009 MUST SEE!: LEGO Mindstorm Pirate Movie

NOTE: I embedded the video in high quality so it may take a minute to load.

This is a little movie made using nothing by LEGO Mindstorm NXT sets and LEGO blocks. It is amazing. Plus, it's about pirates, so double whammy. The movie is only 2:20 long, and the rest of the video shows you what's behind the curtain, so you can understand how it was made. Which surprisingly didn't involve magic. Or so the maker would like us to believe. I'm on to you, sorcerer!

Incredible Mindstorms NXT Theater Creates Pirate Battle On Lego Seas [gizmodo]

May 8 2009 Facebook Konami Code, Pirate Language

If you enter the Konami code (↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A ENTER -- don't do in a text box) after logging into Facebook you get a lens flare effect anytime you click, scroll or type anything. Good times. Unless you're epileptic, in which case, dangerous times. Also, if you scroll to the bottom of the page on the left where it has language selection, you can click on that and then choose 'English (Pirate)' to change Facebook to pirate talk. So yeah, pirate it up and then join the Geekologie Fan Page (if you haven't already) so we can all get together and hunt for treasure and shit. Also, I may send a couple of you L337 mateys on top secret missions (possibly with a liquor store involved). After all, you do want to appease the captain, don't you? NO? Then it's the plank for you, you barnacle loving scalawag! Oh, but be a doll and fetch me a grog first.

Thanks to Ian, Joemo, dboucher, matty, mark, Amanda and Liesel, who all sail under the colors of Geekologie.

Apr 23 2009 Fair Trial Fail: Judge In Pirate Bay Case A Member Of Swedish Copyright Association

So yeah, it turns out the questionably honorable judge (Tomas Norstrom) in the recent Pirate Bay trial is "a member of the Swedish Copyright Association and sits on the board of Swedish Association for the Protection of Industrial Property". How did this even happen? Hint: Swedish Fish. Love those things.

Peter Althin, the lawyer for TPB cofounder Peter Sunde, said he's asking the Swedish appeals court to consider ordering a retrial based on the judge's possible bias, the BBC reports.

"The judge in one of Sweden's most high profile case ever is also a member of an interest organisation for one side and associates with the prosecution trial lawyers in his free time? That is inexcusable corruption.

Wow, I don't even know where to being with -- ORDER IN THE BLOG! ORDER IN THE BLOG! Bailiff, remove this unruly commenter from my blogroom. Then come back and let me touch your gun. Now, where were we? Oh right -- recess. Who's down for hopscotch?!

Pirate Bay judge is member of Copyright Association [zdnet]

Thanks to Matty, who is now welcome to join my pirate crew -- provided he pass the three trials first.

Apr 21 2009 Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye

Rob Spence has had eye problems since a shooting accident at 13. Now 36, Rob had the eye removed three years ago and decided he wants a video camera in it's place. Only problem: getting a video camera in its place.

Thus far, they've built devices that create wireless NTSC signals--the sort of standard wireless signal a television uses--and are now working on getting this to work in sync with a miniature camera and a battery, all attached to a printed circuit board, all of which has to fit inside a prosthetic eye.

So in the meantime Rob sports the Terminator eye to drum up interest in the project and try to score some funding. Good luck, Rob. And by good luck I mean I won't hesitate to go John Connor on that ass if I have to.

Hit the jump for one more shot and a link to the superlong article.

Continue Reading " Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye "

Apr 17 2009 Pirate Bay Founders Sentenced To A Year

That's right folks, the four men (Peter Sunde, Gottfrid Svartholm Warg, Fredrik Neij and Carl Lundstrom) most intimately linked to The Pirate Bay, a torrent-tracking portal I know absolutely nothing about and have never visited except to take this screenshot, have been found guilty of breaching copyright laws and have been ordered to pay around $3.6 million and each serve a year in the slammer.

The group that controls The Pirate Bay, launched in 2003, says that no copyrighted material is stored on its servers and no exchange of files actually takes place there so it cannot be held responsible for what material is being exchanged.

The prosecution said that by financing, programing and administering the site, the four men promoted the infringement of property rights by the site's users.

Lundstrom's attorney Per Samuelson told journalists he was shocked by the verdict and the severity of the sentence.

"That's outrageous, in my point of view. Of course we will appeal," he said. "This is the first word, not the last. The last word will be ours."

I don't know much, but I do know I wouldn't want to spend a year in Swedish pound you in the ass jail, because that would involve a whole different kind of pirating (read: butt). Also, $3.6 million in fines? I've probably downloaded that much material myself. Sounds reasonable.

Pirate Bay fileshare four jailed for a year [yahoonews]

Thanks to Joshua, Robert, E of R, Sean and Richard, who don't even know what a torrent is. Isn't that right, guys? *wink*

Apr 8 2009 Sexy Pirate Statue Angers Townspeople

Several people in the town of Girardville, Pennsylvania are upset over a busty pirate statue whose magical treasure chest (ZING!) draws scalawags into a local antique store. Amongst the town's most outspoken opponents of the statue is local Roman Catholic Priest, Edward Commolly.

"I believe that it's indecent. I guess it would be categorized as soft porn. If there is a definition of that, I would call it soft porn," said Father Edward Commolly.

Sorry, Father, but the definition of soft porn is the dryhumping you see on Cinemax. This is pure class.

"I think it's art. I don't see nothing wrong with that," said Randy Smith of Girardville.

"I think there is worse on television, to tell you the truth. If they want to do anything they shouldn't worry about a statue, they should start on television," said Heidi Martin.

Good lookin', Randy, totally agree: a statue of a female pirate with her blunderbusst (I could do this all day, folks) hanging out is art in the truest sense of the word. You hear that? Now walk the plank, Picasso! Oh, and valiant effort, Heidi, but they should definitely start on the internet.

Pirate Statue Stirs Controversy [wnep]

Thanks to Nefarious Nick, who totally made a friend take a picture while he was touching her rack. Wow, Nick, you've got problems. Awesome problems! Can I get a copy?

Mar 31 2009 Netflix Announces Blu-ray Renting Costs

Yesterday Netflix announced its new cost structure for adding Blu-ray access to you account, just in case you were wondering. Basically, it costs $1 more than the number of discs you can have out at one time (if you're on the 3-at-a-time plan, adding Blu-ray costs $4 a month, for the 4-at-a-time, $5 a month, etc.). So there you have it. Of course, if you're looking to save money instead of spending it, you should do what I do and only rent from The Pirate Bay. And by rent I mean download. And by download I mean I heard they have porn. Which, *poker face* I don't know anything about.

Netflix Blog

Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who's still convinced HD DVD is gonna make a comeback.

Mar 9 2009 Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates

Want to build you own 17,000 calorie pirate ship? No problem, pick up these ingredients and then follow the picture tutorial after the jump.

Ingredients:

~20 sausages
~48 rashers of bacon
1.2kg of sausage meat
1kg of pork mince
10 franks
1kg of pastry (not 100% meat this time)
1 onion
1 mushroom
2 packets of chipolata sausages
various food colorings
sage

My god that looks delicious. I've always known I wanted to be a pirate, I just had no idea how badly I wanted to be a meatpirate. Yaaar, surrender yer sausage! Haha nothing, I'm being serious -- now drop trow ye scalawags!

Hit the jump for the making of the ship.

Continue Reading " Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates "

Mar 3 2009 Lookin' Good: Disposable Tape Sunglasses

Let's face it: we all sit on our expensive sunglasses. Perhaps not everyone for sexual gratification, but whatever, they still break. Enter disposable tape sunglasses by designers Azumi & David. They come on a roll like packing tape and are perforated for easy detachment. You just rip off a pair, slap them on your face, and PRESTO, everybody feels bad for you because it looks like you have a problem. I'm gonna get a roll and cut them in half to make eye-patches. How wicked would that be? If you answered 'Wicky to the power of Gnar-Gnar', you're close.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the shades.

Continue Reading " Lookin' Good: Disposable Tape Sunglasses "

Feb 12 2009 Music Video: I Never Thought I'd Be On A Boat

NOTE: Video is clean version but still has lots of bleeping out since every other word is a bad one. Watch at full volume.

This is the latest from The Lonely Island, the SNL crew that made a music album. The song, I'm On A Boat, is about being on a boat. Which *yawn* is nothing special if you're a pirate captain like me. Screw your boat, I'm on a ship, bitches.

I'm on a ship, I'm on a ship, I'm on a pirate ship

You best swab my deck or I'll hook that lip
I got cannons -- I got an anchor too
Come pillage with me on the ocean blue

I'm on a ship, I'm on a ship, I'm on a pirate ship
I gots a wooden leg, bitch, I walk with a limp
We gettin' treasure -- and that booty too
I pop my pistol "YAAAAR!", while I'm aiming at you

And that, my friends, is how it's done. Now where do I sign for the record deal?

Clean Version [youtube]
and
Uncensored Version

Thanks to Jon, who is more than welcome to come sail away with me, Styx style.

Feb 10 2009 'Immaculate' Prosthetic Aims To Make Fake Limbs More Attractive, They Totally Succeed

The currently conceptual 'Immaculate' prosthetic was designed by Hans Alexander Huseklepp and looks like a robot's arm. Am I running? No, but I am typing this standing up.

The concept "immaculate" from Hans Alexander Huseklepp explores the idea of turning a handicap into a high-performance, cybernetic fashion statement. The neurological prosthetic is clad in technology-packed corian plates with dome-joints that offer a larger degree of freedom than that motherly-issued arm of yours.

Hey, anything that makes a prosthetic more efficient and those wearing them feel better is alright in my book. I just wish they came with a wood veneer option. What can I say -- I'm a pirate at heart. A really classy one who wears a monocle over his eyepatch. YAAAR, anyone for tea?

Hit the jump for one more picture sans model.

Continue Reading " 'Immaculate' Prosthetic Aims To Make Fake Limbs More Attractive, They Totally Succeed "

Jan 6 2009 Um, Hooray?: MacWorld Keynote Highlights

Good afternoon my delicate flowers. The MacWorld keynote ended not too long ago and I am here to report the highlights of said keyish note. Unfortunately, most of the news was boring and made me flaccid.

iLife '09: iPhoto, face recognition for pictures, GPS geotagging, *yawn*, sorting options. New version of iMovie, new editing options, advanced drag-and-drop, free porn, themes. Garageband '09: new interface, learn how to play an instrument lessons ($5 a pop!)

iWork '09: who cares.

17" MacBook Pro: thinnest, lightest 17-inch laptop, 920 x 1200 display, 700:1 contrast ratio, 60% greater color gamut, alleged 8-hour battery. "It comes in one config -- $2799." 2.66GHz, 4GB RAM, 320GB hard drive."

iTunes: 10 million songs by end of the quarter, ALL DRM (digital rights management) FREE, finally. Also, $0.69 and $1.29 tiers for song purchases in addition to the regular $0.99 one. 3G downloading too! Whee!

Well folks, there you have it. I want my Pulitzer melted and sent to Cash-For-Gold. The Greenbacks, bitches, I want them!

Live from the Macworld 2009 keynote [engadget]

Jan 2 2009 Yaaaaar!, A Custom Davy Jones Munny Figure

This is a custom Davy Jones Munny figure. You might recall Davy from such blockbusters as Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chesticles, and Ass Pirates of the Caribbean: The Geekologie Writer's Cave of Treasure. This particular pirate was made by Mallory Carson of Fullerton, CA.

Mallory is a 21 year old animation major and currently in her senior year at CSU Fullerton. While she's a full-time student, she manages to score some extra cash by selling her artwork.

And to think I sold my soul (and genitals) to pay my way through college. Art -- who would have known? Seriously though Mallory, good lookin'. I mean it -- I'm handsome as hell. We should date casually.

Hit the jump for two more, including one of Davy-in-progress. Also, his peg-leg looks like a summer sausage and is making me hungry.

Continue Reading " Yaaaaar!, A Custom Davy Jones Munny Figure "

Nov 21 2008 Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down

Pirates, they used to wear cool hats. Now? Not so much. But you can still check out their exploits on the International Maritime Bureau's "live piracy map" (based on Google Maps). You know, to see where the booty's being plundered.

Just drill down by using the zoom slider, and click on a flag to see what kind of crime took place. All are labeled with the type of ship, as well as whether the pirates successfully hijacked it or merely boarded. Certain areas, like this one off the coast of East Africa, are pirate paradises. The seas around Singapore and Malaysia are also packed with pirates.

You know where else is packed with pirates? My pants. Isn't that right you little swashbuckling bastards? Haha, just kidding -- they're crabs. I still gave them pirate names though. Stop it Captain Clawhands, that tickles!

Hit the jump for one more map and a link to interactive version in case you can't find the one I cleverly hid in the text of the post.

Continue Reading " Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down "