May 5 2009 Pfft, Who Needs Ears?: Pierced Glasses
Born without ears? Lose them in a samurai sword fight? Whatever the case, for those of you who have found yourself both aurally and ocularly challenged, you may want to consider pierced glasses. Pierced glasses are a pair of prescription eyeglasses that stay affixed to your ugly mug via a piercing through the nose. Pretty clever. Not as clever as just having Lasik surgery so you can shoot lasers out of your eyeballs, but hey, laser vision isn't for everyone. And, incidentally, neither are laser-wangs. Go ask The Superficial Writer why he's blind in one eye.
Pierced Eyeglasses [bmezine]
Thanks to Warfaremonkey, who wears a pierced hat and is now limited to the use of his animal brain like Phineas Gage.
Sep 3 2008 World's Strongest Magnet Being Built
Scientologists at the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory in Florida are building the world's most powerful magnet. When finished, the fridge rapist "will reach a power of 100 tesla when it's complete, which is a whopping 67 times more powerful than the magnets in a typical MRI." Impressive. So what do you use such a powerful magnet for? "(To) test the properties of newly discovered high-temperature superconductors like iron oxyarsenide, which may improve the performance of MRI machines and high-voltage power lines while lowering their cost." Sure, why not. I have relatives in Florida, so I'm gonna arrange a tour next time I'm down there.
UPDATE: Forgot to take the Prince Albert out first. Looks like an M-80 detonated in my pants.
Feb 14 2008 I'm Stuck On You: Suction Cup Implants
Personally I want to leave the world with as many suction cups as I came in with, but for some of you that may not be the case (please note my opinion of elf ears is entirely different). Enter suction cup implants. Sadly they're just plastic saucers implanted under the skin and don't actually stick to anything. There were done by Dark Freak at the Luck All parlor in Sao Paulo, Brazil and look reasonably like the real thing. The dude should have gotten them all along the insides of his arms though. That would have been way more octo-like. Oh well, you know what they say -- a sucker is born every minute. Oh my God did I actually just write that? You're damn right I did, and I'm sticking to it.
Tentacle Implants [notcot]
