Nov 5 2009 WTF Was That?: The Lateset Android Ad

Just as I suspected, Motorola's new Droid phone (which drops tomorrow) is at the middle of a U.S. government conspiracy to wipe out the American midwest. Why the government would want to do this is beyond me, but if I had to guess it has something to do with farm subsidies. I'm on to you, the man!

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Thanks to Marc, Blitz and Tiny Jim, who have all ridden in stealth bombers but they can't talk about it because if they did they'd have to stealth kill you like a ninja.

Sep 23 2009 Wow: AT&T Predicted The Future In 1993

This is a montage of AT&T commercials from 1993 that basically predict the future with 100% accuracy. Now I'm not suggesting somebody at AT&T ripped the space-time continuum, BUT THEN WHERE DID THIS FLYING DELOREAN COME FROM?! AT&T, you have some splainin' to do. GIMME THE SPORTS ALMANAC!

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Thanks to K.T., who is going places roads aren't needed.

Sep 11 2009 Lookin' Bad: Bluetooth Ringphone Concept

Who the hell would actually want to talk to their hand like in the picture is beyond me (where do I sign up?), but Argentinian design team BCK designed this set of rings to use as a Bluetooth headset handset. Also, anybody else notice how the thumb above the ring was drawn in, and the pinky looks like it was torn off and sewn back on by Dr. Frankenstein? I wish mine looked like that.

The user talks to the hand using the yellow ring that fits halfway down the little finger, and then listens with the pink ring on the thumb.

This is one concept that probably won't catch on, ever. Unless you can make a display to put on the palm. Maybe there is some alternate reality where this technology came into fruition.

One ring to hear your calls,

One ring to talk in,
Two rings to take your calls,
and with the Bluetooth bind them.

BWAAHAHAHAHAHA. A Lord of the Rings themed poem, that's too precious. See what I did there? See how I snuck the precious right on in there? Jesus I should teach lessons about being awesome.

Bluetooth Concept turns your finger phone into reality [alphabetatricks]

Thanks to Cinema Obsessed, who isn't obsessed with movies so much as the popcorn.

Aug 2 2009 iPhone Allegedly Catches Fire, Ruins Upholstry

Allegedly some Dutch guy's iPhone spontaneously combusted in his passenger seat when he stepped away from his vehicle to fix a windmill and make a pair of wooden shoes. Per the translation:

Pieter from Leiden had this afternoon, unfortunately the Dutch premiere of his iPhone 3G spontaneously started burning. His iPhone 3G was on the passenger's seat in standby mode and not the charger. By returning to his car came thick black smoke through the door to the outside and the cause was his iPhone 3G in spontaneously fire was flown. Besides a total devastated iPhone 3G Pieter has also considerable damage to his car.

Pieter has direct contact with Apple Netherlands and T-mobile but n och Apple or T-mobile still take some responsibility.

Hey, weirder things have happened. I can't think of any right now but I'm sure they have. Well, there was this one time I parked my car, opened the door, and there was a $10 SITTING RIGHT THERE. Explain that one without aliens. Exactly, you can't.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the damage.

Continue Reading " iPhone Allegedly Catches Fire, Ruins Upholstry "

Jul 16 2009 *Ring* Hello -- Death?: Novelty Skull Phone

I honestly thought novelty phones went out of style when people stopped using land lines, but hey, maybe your grandparents want a damn skull phone. That's cool. Just don't let them get on the interwebs lest they hand their life savings over to a Nigerian prince. Anyway, the $25 Thriller Skull Phone from Brando is available in white and metallic copper finishes and has blue LED eyes that light up when the phone is ringing. Sadly, it's not even cordless. WHO THE HELL STILL USES CORDED PHONES? Fun fact: I saw a payphone the other day. Did you know we still had those? Me neither. There was a hooker standing nearby and everything.

brando's thriller skull phone: so this is what happened to skeletor [technabob]

Thanks to FDSY and cakey, who make all their calls the old fashioned way: by yelling.

May 12 2009 No Surprises Here: How That Viral Samsung HD Camera Phone Commercial Was Created

Remember that viral Samsung ad with the mysterious disappearing phone? Me neither! *rewatches video* Oh right, that looked vaguely familiar. Well, this video explains how they made it just in case you care. And, not to ring our own collective bike bell or anything, but it's exactly how we all thought. Well, except for you -- you're slow. Like a turtle. ONE WHO CAN'T EVEN BEAT A RABBIT IN A FOOTRACE. But still, I like you. I like turtles.

Samsung's puzzling camera trick: here's how they did it [dvice]

Apr 16 2009 Viral Samsung Ads: Now With Trickery

This is a viral ad for Samsung's new I8910 camera phone. I found the guy in the video annoying but I would do his girlfriend. Twice. Once with the lights on.

OUR CHALLENGE: GUESS HOW WE DID THIS. This clip was shot on an I8910 HD phone, a new camera phone just released by Samsung with an 8 megapixel camera that can actually record and output video in HD format. It was shot in one take, with no post production or special effects of any kind. Everything you see here was done "in-camera". Our challenge to you is to figure out how we did it. Hint: it's worth watching in HD...

I went ahead and took the time to embed the video in high definition for you. You know, since I'm your little bitch. And now I'll go ahead and ruin it for you. SPOILER ALERT: Not a mirror. Just a hole. A big, gaping hole. Which, SPOILER ALERT: my ex-wife.

Samsung camera trick: How did they do it? [dvice]

Feb 24 2009 LG Watch Phone Coming Soon, Costing A Lot

The LG touchscreen G910 watchphone is both watch and cellphone and is actually being made. The drop will start in Europe with a pricetag of £1,000 / €1,144 and then make its way to the states for somewhere between $1,000 and $1,500. So, you willing to pay a cool grand to be the first one with a watchphone? How much you willing to pay to be the first to kiss the Geekologie Writer? Do I hear $10? $5? The ice-cream truck? Wait for me, mister, I want a rocket-pop!

LG's G910 watchphone to cost £1,000? [engadget]

Jan 7 2009 Motorola's New Carbon-Neutral Cell Phone

Motorola unveiled what is believed to be the first carbon neutral (and sideways) cell phone at the 2009 Consumer Electronics Show this week. The W233 Renew Phone is made predominately out of recycled plastic bottles and Motorola hopes it will help the company bust a circuit all up in the environmentally friendly market segment.

Motorola said it was the world's first carbon neutral phone. As well as using recycled materials for the plastic casing, the company also pledged to offset the carbon dioxide used in manufacturing, distribution and operation of the phone through investments in renewable energy sources and reforestation.

Motorola, which has lost market share by being slow to follow trends such as touchscreens and high-speed data links, also plans to showcase three different items at CES: a relatively large touchscreen tablet phone, a rugged phone, and a rechargeable cable TV remote control with a find feature.

Holy shit -- a rechargeable TV remote with a find feature! That's new and exciting! Seriously Motorola, I can see why you've been struggling. And who can get that excited about your recycled-plastic phone anyways -- it looks like the same piece of shit i was rocking three years ago (minus the lime green). Now a cell-phone manufactured out of used condoms, THAT would be something. Aural sex anyone?

Motorola phone made from recycled bottles [msnbc]

Thanks to ITSELF, who once had phone-sex with some chick at 411 and didn't even have to pay.

Jan 4 2009 Russian Roulette: The Nokia Gun Phone

This is a conceptual Nokia gun phone made by somebody in Photoshop. It's fake. Mad fake. Faker than the ID I use to buy booze (I'm 16). Because no phone company has the gigantor cojones it would take to manufacture an actual handgun-phone. And I think we can all agree, that's a fundamental problem with today's society. That's why I outsourced the manufacture of a gun-phone to a friend of mine. And I've got to tell you, this shit looks legit. *BRRRING* Oh, if you'll excuse me -- I need to take this. *BANG* Oh. Uh-oh. Listen, I've gotta run to the vet real quick.

Gun Phone Concept [uberphones]

Dec 11 2008 Oh Snap, There's A Zune Phone Coming!

Or is there? I don't know, I'm not good at speculation. But I am good at making shit up. And also, making out. Ladies?

According to Trip Chowdhry, an analyst at Global Equities Research, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer will announce a Zune-style mobile device during his keynote address at the upcoming Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, on January 7, 2009. In an article in Barron's, Chowdhry claims that the company's new centerpiece will combine the best features of the Zune media player with the hardware design of Danger's mobile Sidekick, in addition to "motion enhancement features," like an accelerometer.

Basically, this means the device will come with a physical keyboard like HTC's G1 and will likely feature a larger screen to accommodate heavy multimedia elements. And since we're all here copying each other's mobile phone features, we'll be shocked if the Zune phone doesn't feature multitouch capabilities.

Wow, way to make my new-phone boner shrivel like a century-old prune. Microsoft, Microsoft, Microsoft. Did you not learn anything from yesterday's lesson? Are you trying to drop hints about a new phone or not? If so, this is how it's done:

Steve Ballmer: Zune phone? Who said anything about a Zune phone? Psyche -- gimme them digits, bitches! BA-DOW!

Remember Microsoft, I'm still available for hire.

Rumor: Zune Phone Is Coming to CES 2009 [wired]

Thanks to Ain, who doesn't need a cellphone because he has two tin cans and long piece of string in his treefort.

Nov 19 2008 Really? That's The Best You Could Do?

In a story that reminds me of every wedding I've ever gone to where they set out disposable cameras so you can take pictures, some dude took a snapshot of his junk with his iPhone. And, after emailing it to his mistress, his girlfriend found it. Oh snap! So what did the no-good cheating bastard do? Simple, he blamed it on Apple.

The Fanboy's excuse was that he had taken the picture but never sent it to anyone. In fact he was so worried about his Iphone taking the picture that he said had paid a visit to the ironically named Apple Genius Bar. There he swore that a spokesman for apple had told him that it was a known glitch. Photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent, he swore blind that the Genius told him.

Well folks, I think we can all walk away from this having learned a valuable lesson. One about, oh I don't know, making up better lies.

Help! Iphone snapped my husband's genitals [theinquirer]

Thanks to Michael, who doesn't take pictures of himself in the mirror for his Facebook profile.

Nov 12 2008 It's The Future!: Gmail, Now With Video Chat

Truthfully, I only use Gmail and Gmail chat to communicate with two select individuals (you know who you are). But now, thanks to the marvel of modern technology, we can talk it up with streaming video. Oh happy day! You ever videochat with a blogger that's only left bed to let the dog out and eat three bowls of cereal? And on a side note: did that just make your loins tingle? Because it did mine. Just kidding, bed bugs.

Gmail gets voice and video chat capabilities [dvice]

Oct 21 2008 Steampunk Cell Phone May Look Good, But Works Horribly

This steampunk cell phone looks pretty freaking sweet. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. Made out of wood, brass, and ass, the faux phone looks like it came right out of the 19th century and requires a unique punch-card to dial a number (if it actually worked). The unit would go perfect with this nonfunctional bluetooth headset. Then you can pretend to make old timey prank calls all day long. I dare say good sir, you haveth just been steampunk'd!

Hit it for a couple more, including one of a guy with a brass-cut.

Continue Reading " Steampunk Cell Phone May Look Good, But Works Horribly "

Oct 2 2008 Cool!: New Phone Can See Through Walls

Apparently software developers are working on a cell phone application that can "see" through walls.

The 'Real Space See-through Mobile' software comes from KDDI's R&D laboratory and Tokyo University and is - you'll not be surprised to learn - still just a prototype.

Although we weren't able to see it in action, we can tell you that it is supposed to be able to judge its surroundings, including those on the other side of a wall, using six different sensors. Three acceleration sensors combine with a similar number of geomagnetic sensors and a GPS chip to work out exactly where the phone is and in what direction it's pointing.

Using some sort of digital voodoo, the software then uses OpenGL to draw on the screen what it has 'sensed' is in the immediate surroundings.

Awesome, locker room spy shots without having to disguise myself as a water fountain!

Bizarre phone lets users see through walls [techradar]

Thanks to Jesus, who's a friend of mine.

Sep 22 2008 Text Messaging Lowers Your IQ 10 Points

In a recent New York Times article, technology trend forecaster Aul Saffo claims that texting actually makes a person dumber.

The act of texting automatically removes 10 I.Q. points. "The truth of the matter is there are hobbies that are incompatible. You don't want to do mushroom-hunting and bird-watching at the same time, and it is the same with texting and other activities. We have all seen people walk into parking meters or walk into traffic and seem startled by oncoming cars."

whatev, dats a fkng li.

Text messaging lowers your IQ by 10 points [textually]

Thanks to Silver Sided, who swears texting-sex is the wave of the future.

Sep 10 2008 Verizon Technician Busted For Making $220K In Phone Sex Calls Using Customer's Lines

A Verizon technician, whose name I won't mention (Joseph Vaccarelli, 45, of Nutley, New Jersey) managed to tap into the land lines of over 950 customers and make 45,000 minutes of phone sex calls.

Verizon estimated that out of a 40-week period, Vaccarelli spent 15 weeks talking on 900 chat lines, authorities alleged. Of the 15 weeks, 14 were spent on lines with men pretending to be women.

Holy hellfire, shit, and brimstone, somebody buy this guy a freaking hooker already.

Verizon Tech Accused Of Making $220K In Sex Calls [wcbstv]

Thanks to Mark, who once used a descrambler to see a boob on Cinemax.

Sep 2 2008 Teddy Bear Phone Actually Being Made?

Willcom recently displayed a new phone at the 2008 Good Design Expo in Japan. But it doesn't stream classic 70's porno flicks or have a built in taser. Nope, The Kuma Phone just comes in the form factor of a teddy bear. The sick thing is the company actually wants to make the damn things, at $500 a pop.

It has a SIM card inside just like a real cell phone, and even stores four speed dial numbers, accessed through paw-squeezes. Awww. It vibrates and makes noises when you have incoming calls. When you get a call, just answer by gripping the bear's tail and end the call in the same way.

Awesome! One time I dropped a bunch of acid on a camping trip and a squirrel spoke to me. You know what the old and wise Rococo The Acorn Eater said? He said, "the meaning of life lies within the bear's nads". So, by deduction, the meaning of life is either monster testicles or, uh, cell phone parts.

Teddy Bear concept phone is just wrong [slipperybrick]

Thanks to Silver Sided, who once spoke into a Grizzly's balls and can now levitate and turn invisible at will.

Aug 25 2008 Smart Goggles Help Find Stuff You've Lost

Smart Goggles not only make you look cool, they help find stuff you've misplaced.

To use the glasses, the wearer first wanders around a house or workplace for an hour or so, looking at the objects he or she may later want to find in a hurry. Each time the camera focuses on a object - such as a set of keys, a mobile phone or a purse - the wearer says the name aloud. The name is then recorded and stored into the memory.

Once the names have been programmed in, the glasses will try to find the right name for any object they come across. The names appear in small type on the viewfinder. If they are unable to recognise an object they make a guess and - if they get it wrong - learn from their mistakes.

At some point in the future, if the wearer is trying to find their keys in a hurry, they simply name the object. The glasses search its video memory and show its last known location on the display.

Pretty neat concept, but I don't need any help finding my phone or keys. You see, I keep the phone in my car's cupholder, and just leave the keys in the ignit....freaking crackheads!

The Smart Goggles that could make lost keys, mobile phones or iPod a think of the past [dailymail]

Thanks Lauren, and no, I haven't seen your virginity -- but I'll keep my eyes peeled.

Aug 20 2008 Viral Ad For Samsung's Omnia Touch Phone

This is a viral video for Samsung's new touchscreen Omnia i900 phone. I don't want to ruin anything, so you'll just have to watch it. I thought it was cute. Well, not like bunny or kitten cute, but still, it's neat. Just not as neat as my bedroom. I'm OCD.

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Thanks Dennis, but please, don't touch anything.