Nov 19 2009 FroliCat BOLT: A Laser Lightshow For Cats

Yay, two laser posts in a row! The $17 FroliCat BOLT is an award winning laser lightshow for cats with owners who are too lazy to wave a laser pointer around or have lost the use of their limbs.

Simply turn it on and projects a red dot and moves it in random patterns for 15 minutes, or until your cat (or dog, or baby) realizes what's going on and attacks the gadget itself.

You know why cats love lasers so much? Because they're from the future. Plus it has something to do with their nightvision. No, really, I'm not just making this up. I took a correspondence college course in beertasting science. I wore a lab coat and everything.

Video of the POS in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " FroliCat BOLT: A Laser Lightshow For Cats "

Nov 17 2009 Drunkest/Pilliest Man Ever Battles Laser Wizard At The Convenience Store, Loses

Remember the video of the world's drunkest/crunkest/least stand-uppiest man trying to score some beer from the convenience store? Well it turns out he was battling a previously unseen wizard trying to prevent him from drinking and walking. This security footage, enhanced with technology so advanced you wouldn't even be able to understand it, explains it all. Even better than Clarissa -- AND THAT BITCH KNEW EVERYTHING.

Youtube

Thanks to naas and matt, who are always smart enough to don their anti-invisible wizard capes when venturing out for more brewhaha.

Nov 17 2009 BURN IT DOWN!: The Bender Head House

The Bender House looks like Bender's dome from Futurama. If you've never seen Futurama I'm going to assume you don't have a television or internet so you probably aren't even reading this. Unless they print out copies of Geekologie and distribute them in Africa, which, I think we can all agree, is the best idea you've ever heard. Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and start taking bets on how many beers it takes me to crash out of Bender's right eye and lay bleeding in the driveway -- oh -- oh -- *crash* Fourteen and a couple buttery nipples. Now somebody call 911 411, this guy needs a pizza.

I want this house [warmingglow]

Thanks to Marcie, who used to live in a house that looked like Robbie the Robot but it mysteriously burnt down. *whistling* Weird.

Nov 17 2009 Welcome To The Gun Laser Show: Girl Shows Off Her 'Pew Pew' Tattoos

This is a photo taken by Flickr user Meow Cely of a girl with 'pew pew' tattooed across her fingers. I must admit, I admire her dedication to the pews. You don't see me rocking any pew-y ink (except in THIS post), and I'm one of the the laser blaster's biggest proponents. Funny story: I went to a gun and knife show a few weeks ago and demanded my entrance fee be returned when I found out there weren't any laser guns. Also, I accidentally cut myself with a bowie knife and tried to play it off like I'd been stabbed.

Flickr
via
(Geek) Thug Life!: Pew Pew Tattoo [greatwhitesnark]

Nov 16 2009 The Sky Is Falling!: Leonid Meteor Shower Peaks Tonight/Early Tommorrow Morning

For those of you that like to get high and lie in the middle of a field staring up, the Leonid meteor shower is supposed to reach its peak tonight from 1AM to dawn. Great, I'll be hiding in the back of the hallway closet waiting for the apocalypse. It, uh, is 2012, right?

The best seats are in Asia, but North American observers should be treated to an above average performance of the Leonid meteor shower, weather permitting. The trick for all observers is to head outside in the wee hours of the morning - between 1 a.m. and dawn - regardless where you live.

"We're predicting 20 to 30 meteors per hour over the Americas, and as many as 200 to 300 per hour over Asia," said Bill Cooke of NASA's Meteoroid Environment Office. Other astronomers who work in the nascent field of meteor shower prediction have put out similar forecasts.

Listen, I've been disappointed by these things before. Those NASA Meteoroidoligists are almost as bad as the cloud and rain ones. Still, I recommend everyone that hasn't seen the Leonid Shower to get out there and check it out. Me? I'm holding out for the Girl's Locker Room Shower.

Strong Leonid Meteor Shower Peaks Early Tuesday Morning [yahoonews]
and
Picture

Nov 11 2009 Classy: A Starship Enterprise Chandelier

This Star Ship chandelier was designed by ELK Lighting to resemble the Starship Enterprise but they only call it the Star Ship because they don't want to actually pay royalties. Nice, ELK, I like your style. If you're interested, the classy fixture is available for $189. Plus bulbs. It does not come with the bulbs. You're going to have to boldly go to the hardware store and buy those separately. And, God willing, not break any in your ass. Don't even act like I'm the only one that's tried!

to boldly go where no lighting has gone before [technabob]

Nov 11 2009 Blow-Up Doll Found In New Call Of Duty

Is there any better way to celebrate Veterans Day than playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2? Yes, but that doesn't mean there isn't a blow-up doll in a bathtub in the game. And, as a guy who's no stranger to trying to shower around a blow-up doll, let me tell you: I accidentally popped her with a loofah :(

Hit the jump for the arguably NSFW uncensored version.

Continue Reading " Blow-Up Doll Found In New Call Of Duty "

Nov 10 2009 Close Calls: Killer Robot Plane Goes Rogue, Is Shot Down Before It Can Turn On Its Master

An autonomous killer Reaper jet recently went rogue in Northern Afghanistan and had to be shot down before it got the chance to go berserk and blast the shit out of the blue team. Eff that!

The aircraft was flying a combat mission when positive control of the MQ-9 was lost. When the aircraft remained on a course that would depart Afghanistan's airspace, a US Air Force manned aircraft took proactive measures to down the Reaper in a remote area of northern Afghanistan.

It wasn't clear from the US military announcement whether the erratic death-bot had turned on its masters and was planning an attack on critical US logistics bases located north of the Afghan border, or whether it had sickened of reaping hapless fleshies like corn and was hoping merely to escape. Alternatively the machine assassin may merely have succumbed to boredom or - just possibly - a mundane, non-anthropomorphic technical fault of some kind.

Okay, I don't know exactly how this fits into my government/robot conspiracy, but I assure you it does. Importantly. Like the last piece in a very critical puzzle. Provided my dog didn't eat any pieces. Because then I'll have to cut a similar shape out of construction paper and color it with markers. AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. My parents will tell me you can barely tell the difference BUT YOU CAN TELL. You can tell.

Robot Fighter Jet Killed Before It Could Go AWOL [io9]

Thanks to AdmiralN00b, Shawn, Beanbones, Paul, Timothy, Anonymous, Sambob, That Guy and Jason, who are all welcome to stay in my anti-robot shelter, provided they shower. And spoon.

Nov 5 2009 What Space Invaders Actually Look Like

This is an $18 Threadless shirt depicting what 8-bit Space Invaders actually look like in 3-D. Pretty amazing, huh? I know, I thought they were giant 2-D bugs as well. Really turns your whole world upside down, doesn't it? Like finding out your parents are swingers.

Product Site
via
8-Bit Invaders Are Perfectly Formed [fashionablygeek]

Thanks to Amanda, who just realized Aunt Beth and Uncle Simon weren't actually relatives. Sorry, Amanda.

Nov 2 2009 Whittlin': Guns Carved Into Old School Desks

Ben Turnbull is a London-based artist that hates America (USA! USA! USA!) and whittles guns into old wooden school desks. I smell a detention slip!

Ben Turnbull is fascinated by the global dominance of American culture, and his works unsettling effects result from re-presenting the toys of our innocent youth in symbolic forms that reveal the shocking truths about war, death and guns in the world's most powerful country. Turnbull is a passionate critic of the contemporary American political system, and explains why toys are central to his work: 'Force fed on violence, abused by a controlling superpower and blackmailed through patriotism, the public are ultimately as disposable as the toys they once played with'.

Damn Ben, why don't you tell us how you really feel? Over a spot of tea with your queen while I whip your crumpet-munching ass! Jingoism FTW! I'm serious, meet me behind the pub.

Hit the jump for five more.

Continue Reading " Whittlin': Guns Carved Into Old School Desks "

Oct 23 2009 Lies!: Germans Have Broken Speed Of Light

Two German scientists claim to have broken the speed of light. They are liars and should lose their science licenses. What do you mean you don't need a license to practice science? WELL YOU SHOULD!

According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second.

However, Dr Gunter Nimtz and Dr Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.

The pair say they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between a pair of prisms that had been moved up to 3ft apart.

The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles to break apparently unbreakable laws.

Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."

Yeah, no. Is the universe still here? Then these two crackpots didn't shoot shit faster than the speed of light. And speaking of shooting shit faster than the speed of light: the new Black Jack taco from Taco Bell. Plumber!!

'We have broken speed of light' [telegraph]

Thanks to Allegro, who once ran out for beer and returned before he even left (got hit be a street sweeper and passed out in a ditch for a whole day).

Oct 19 2009 Stop Laughing, Dog: Duck Hunt Tramp Stamp

This is Crystal. Crystal doesn't get much sun and has a Duck Hunt tramp stamp. Anybody else get the shivers when they see that dog? God, I hated it when he would laugh at me. Now I'm not saying I want to shoot him with my lightgun, but I would stab this chick and steal one of her kidneys. And by one I mean both. I have a drug addiction.

Duck Hunt Tramp Stamp Tattoo [bme]

Thanks to Alan, who was considering a Contra tramp stamp but then bailed at the last minute and got Metroid instead. I think it was the right decision.

Oct 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead: Robots Driving Tank

We can only pray this is an elaborate Photoshop hoax or we're all as good as dead. Well, you are, I'm as bad as dead. And twice as bad as that nancy Leroy Brown. That jive-talking mother ain't got nothin' on me!

Picture [pictureisunrelated]

Thanks to Daniel, who actually is meaner than a junkyard dog and once pushed an old lady into traffic.

Oct 13 2009 Waste Of Good Pews: Kellogg's To Begin Lasering "Kellogg's" Onto Corn Flakes

Kellogg's plans to begin laser-burning the signature Kellogg's emblem onto random corn flakes so you know you're getting the real deal. Pfft, what a waste of a perfectly good laser.

Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.

Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.

'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.

First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!

Kellogg's will use laser to burn logo on to individual corn flakes to stamp out fakes [dailymail]

Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!

Oct 6 2009 Dino-Rider: Geekologie Writer Vs. The Volcano

Jesse Starr, to thank me for showcasing his incredible Christopher Walken ballpoint pen portrait, took my shoutout at the end of the post, which read, "Thanks Jesse, now how about one of me riding a dinosaur battling a volcano?", and made the dream a reality. This is only a part of the piece, click HERE to see it in all its high-res glory. OH HELL YES! TAKE THAT, VOLCANO. Joe ain't got shit on me!

As an added bonus, Jesse made a video of how he created the piece, which you can see after the jump. But, SPOILER ALERT: there's a picture of my ugly mug involved, so shy away.

Hit it for the video.

Continue Reading " Dino-Rider: Geekologie Writer Vs. The Volcano "

Oct 5 2009 Another Gallery Of Video Games In Real Life

This is another little gallery of video games in realer life than they are when you play them. As you can see, this is a game I'm not familiar with. It looks like Tetris mixed with Rampage. I would call it Shape Rampagers, but that's just because I'M A WORLD CLASS GAME NAMER. Super Mario Bros.? Pfft, try Two Plumbers Fight To Bang The Princess. Yeah -- I'm that L337.

Hit the jump for a few of my favorites, and the link to a bunch more if you're interested in that sort of thing (I won't judge).

Continue Reading " Another Gallery Of Video Games In Real Life "

Oct 5 2009 It Buuuuurns!: Laser Projection Wrist Watch

This conceptual Alessi laser watch by designer Andy Kurovets projects the time onto your wrist with lasers. Pfft, what's the matter with Indiglo technology? That shit's hot! But if you do opt for lasers, just make sure you buy the right powered battery or that bitch might burn right through your arm! Kidding, future laser technology will be kinetically powered by the motion of your arm. So no masturbating. Kidding -- I say go for it!

Concept Watch Actually Projects the Time Onto Your Wrist...With Lasers [gizmodo]

Thanks to charlie and Aisha, who don't need watches to tell what time it is cause they have magnets in their brains like birds or whatever. Yes I paid attention in school!

Oct 5 2009 Wow: Plane-Mounted Laser Burning A Truck

This is a short video of Boeing and the Air Force testing a plane-mounted laser's ability to burn the everliving shit out of a stationary object during a flyby. Mission accomplished!

This video shows the effect of the high-energy laser beam from the Boeing Advanced Tactical Laser (ATL), fired at a stationary truck from a US Air Force NC-130H (Hercules) flying over White Sands Missile Range, New Mexico, on August 30, 2009. The ATL is a chemical oxygen iodine laser (COIL), and is a scaled-down version of the megawatt-class high-energy laser in the Boeing YAL-1 Airborne Laser (ABL).

Did that say scaled down? Because this thing was powerful enough to set a truck's hood on fire from who knows how far away. Now imagine the much more powerful megawatt laser pointed at your face. You'll have to wear glasses after that for sure!

Youtube

Thanks to Zach, who has one of these lasers mounted on his arm to heat frozen burritos. Good lookin', Zach, love those things.

Oct 4 2009 Bangladeshi Man Kills 83,000 Rats, Wins TV

Seen here doing God knows what, 40-year old Bangladeshi farmer Mokhairul Islam killed 83,450 rats from January to September and won the coveted #1 Rat Slaya title. His reward: a 14-inch color television.

Proof of his accomplishment came in the form of 83,450 rat's tails delivered by Mr Islam to local officials.

"Rodents are the most feared enemy for farmers, so it is an honour to win this prize," he said.

The competition aims to reduce the damage done to crops in the impoverished land, with an estimated 6.5 million rats killed this year. The Government estimates that as much as 10 per cent of Bangladesh's annual harvest of rice, wheat and potatoes is devoured by rodents.

Pfft, for that kinda prize I woulda killed at least twice that many rats. WITH LASERS. Just saying, you ever had laser-roasted womp rat before? I have -- on Tatooine! Also, don't tell Luke but I've seen Leia naked. He might get jealous!

Farmer wins TV for killing record number of rats in Bangladesh [timesonline]

Thanks to trishna87, who's actually Bangladeshi and I've promised to help win the title next year. I hope we get a cassette player!

Oct 1 2009 Pew Pew Pew!: Fallout 3 Laser Rifle Replica

Harrison Krix of Volpin Props (who also made the amazingly realistic ADAM syringe) went and constructed an accurate replica of the AER9 Laser Rifle from Fallout 3 out of wood. In 30 hours. With only minimal black magic. I want it. After all, life is all about the pews. Obvioiusly, I'm talking about those chairs at church. I can't stand and pray for shit!

Build Page [volpinprops] (with a ton of pics, including the build)
and
Make your own Fallout 3 laser rifle for fun and profit [dvice]

Thanks to Trav and SC2ZERGOMG, who once shot each other in the eyes with lasers and are now both legally blind. Good going, guys. At least you get eyepatches!