Oct 12 2009 Eh: Marge Simpson In Upcoming Playboy
Whee, Marge Simpson is gonna be in the upcoming November issue of Playboy. Great, like I haven't already seen her naked a million times in those racy cartoon pop-ups that I got from that sketchy hentai porn site came pre-installed on my computer.
Playboy said the cover and a three-page picture spread inside was a celebration of the 20th anniversary of the "The Simpsons" and part of a plan to appeal to a younger generation of readers.
Scott Flanders (IRONIC!), the recently-hired chief executive of Playboy Enterprises, told the Chicago Sun-Times in an interview that the Marge Simpson cover and centerfold was "somewhat tongue-in-cheek.""It had never been done, and we thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual," Flanders told the newspaper. He said the magazine hoped to attract readers in their 20s compared to the average Playboy reader's age of 35.
Right, "hip, cool and unusual". Listen, Playboy, this guy sucks. You want somebody to help you appeal to a younger, more influential demographic, I'm your man. And by man I mean huckleberry. You're no Daisy -- you're not Daisy at all! Wow, that just took on an all new, much sadder meaning.
Marge Simpson makes cover of Playboy [yahoonews]
Thanks to Scarlet, Camille, john and Duke, who aren't stimulated by cartoons because they're sexually repressed. Geez, you guys need some Saturday morning therapy.
Sep 21 2009 Sexy Japanese Lap Pillow Is An Actual Lap
This is a $99 Lap Pillow from Japan that, get this, looks like an actual lap! They come in both black and red skirt options and make a perfect gift for the person in your life that has everything but sexual relations with real people.
This pillow is skin-coloured polyurethene calves folded under soft thighs, a comfy cushion for napping, reading, or watching television.
And that's ALL they're good for, okay? Napping. Reading. Watching television. No funny business -- this includes prop comedy. Wocka wocka wocka!
Thanks to Claytron, who is holding out for chest pillows which, actually, probably already exist.
Apr 17 2009 Surprise!: Japanese Video Game Harnesses Head Tracking Technology For Perversion
Japanese erotic game maker Teatime's latest perversion comes in the form of Tech48, a platform which allows players to look at the in-game characters using head-tracking technology via webcam. What does this mean to the lay-pervert? More realistic upskirt action. Wow, using the latest in technology for deviancy, I'm shocked. Just kidding, it's the American way. Did I say American? I mean Japanese. My God those people are geniuses.
Hit the jump for a video of the perversion in action (upskirt demo starts at 2:30).
Dec 15 2008 What Does That Say?: Questionable BIOS
Who wouldn't boot in Hard Dick Mode?
Photo [photobucket]
Thanks to twatz0r, who, despite sending a tip, still called me a dick.
Dec 10 2008 Pervert Inventor Le Trung Still Working On Building Robot Girlfriend, Wasting Money
Remember Le Trung? The last time we saw him he was busy groping his robotic lover. Well not much has changed in the interim: he's still going strong, perfecting "fem-bot" Aiko to be his wife.
Inventor Le Trung, 33, created Aiko, said to be "in her 20s" with a stunning 32, 23, 33 figure, shiny hair and delicate features.
Pfft, she's not a day over 14 you sick bastard.
"So far she can understand and speak 13,000 different sentences in English and Japanese, so she's already fairly intelligent. "When I need to do my accounts, Aiko does all the maths. She is very patient and never complains."He said he did not build Aiko as a sexual partner, but said she could be tweaked to become one. "Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm and reacting to touch as if she is playing hard to get or being straight to the point," he said.
Sex. With. A. Robot. *HORF*
"Fem-bot" Aiko, who has cost £14,000 (~$21,000) to build so far, is a whizz at maths and even does Le's accounts.Le, a scientific genius from Brampton in Ontario, Canada, said he never had time to find a real partner so he designed one using the latest technology.
Scientific genius my ass. Scientific geniuses don't blow twenty grand building robotic girlfriends. No, scientific geniuses build rocketships to blast off into space and f*** aliens. This is the word of The Geekologie Writer. Amen.
One more of the cute couple after the jump.
Nov 28 2008 Fool Me Once, Shame On You, Fool Me Twice, Damnit, You Got Me Again: Real X-Ray Specs Here? Geekologie Writer Hopeful
Allegedly David Steele, a pervert, is selling 30 and 58mm lens filters capable of seeing through many kinds of fabric. I've got the feeling they only work with sheer wet t-shirts and fishnets, but whatever: boobs yo, boobs. Each lens costs $200 and purchase includes a free trial subscription to Perv Quarterly, a beard, and a pair of those glasses that tint in sunlight.
40 years later, real X-Ray specs finally hit the market [dvice]
Nov 11 2008 Get That 'Peeling A Banana' Feeling Anytime!
In the same vein as the bubble wrap popper and envelope ripper, comes the banana peeler, a device that gives its user the sensation of peeling a banana, complete with sound effects. The Dazzling Banana will cost six coconuts when it hits stores in Japan next March. Sadly it isn't edible (although I'll still sure as as hell try). While six pineapples isn't bad, but what's so fun about peeling bananas? I prefer my bananas pre-peeled. Now mush you stupid monkeys, MUSH!
UPDATE: It was brought to my attention that calling monkeys stupid doesn't do justice to their keen intellect. So, my little banana peeling minions, I apologize. Now put the turds down, and nobody gets tazed.
Dazzling Banana an electronic Banana peeler [newlaunches]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who has a banana in his pocket. If that's a good thing -- if not, it's a wad of cash.
Oct 31 2008 Coming Soon To A (Pervert's) Webcam Near You: Weird Augmented Reality Manga Chicks
Dennou AR Figures were released in Japan earlier this month by Geisha Entertainment. It's a software package bundled with a special cube and paddle that you move in front of a webcam to interact with your make-believe lady friend. Mostly I think they were made so you could look up their skirts and spank them, which, while disturbing, is by no means surprising. You know what? This is the last straw -- I'm moving to Japan.
Dennou Figure ARis [canneddogs]
Thanks to cubesquared, lover all things boxy.
Jun 26 2008 Pervwad Hides Cellphone Up His Keister
Jeffrey Barrier is a pervwad. One that was standing on a chair taking cameraphone pictures of a naked chick in Cincinnati, Ohio's Aloha Tanning salon. The woman spotted him and police were quickly on the scene.
When cops later confronted Barrier, "he kept denying any involvement of the incident" and claimed to not have a camera. However, a second search of the suspect turned up the camera. As noted in a Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report, Barrier "did hide evidence in his anus."
Ah yes, the ol' cellphone in the anus trick. Been there, Jeffrey. It helps if you turn the ringer off. Say, this reminds me of a song I just made up.
Well, if my ass is a ringin', don't bother callin'
Yeah, if my ass is a ringin', don't bother callin'
If my ass is a ringin', don't bother, my cellphone's in my anus
Hit the jump for a picture of Captain Perv and a copy of the Sherriff's report and court affidavit.
May 29 2008 Man Admits To Having Sexual Relations With Over 1,000 Vehicles. This Just In: I Vow To Never Rent A Car Again
Edward Smith has sex with cars and doesn't care if you think he's a demented perv (which he totally is).
The 57-year-old Washington state native first had sex with a car at age 15, and says he has never been sexually attracted to people, female or male. And he feels no need to change. His current flame is a Volkswagen Beetle that's he's named Vanilla, and considering a typical woman's reaction to Smith's spreading himself around, she's very low maintenance (not counting trips to the mechanic or pricey imported auto parts).
Smith says his fetish took root when he was a teenager. "When I was 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it." He continued, "There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until nighttime, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them."
Wow, it doesn't get much worse than that.
Despite his passion for his four-wheeled friends, Smith has occasionally strayed. His most intense sexual experience ever, he says, was with a helicopter. It totally chopped his nob off.
Holy shit, it did get much worse!
Read the whole article for more ridiculousness.
Man who's had sex with 1000 cars gives new meaning to auto-erotic [nydailynews]
Thanks Jaden, I'll never look at my Neon the same again
