The last thing I need is any more children running around. Shoot, I don't even want any more children laying around. Enter a recent study published in the Fertility and Sterility journal about laptops cooking dudes' nuts. *high-five* I WAS MADE TO BE A BLOGGER DAMMIT, NOT A... / Continue →

Remember when mood rings were cool? That was a trick question, they've never not been. As a matter of fact, I'm wearing like forty of them even as I type this. Two on my penis! He's super sad right now. This is one of those things that is so obvious that you want to smack ... / Continue →

Spanish prosties hooking on the highway outside of Els Alamus have been ordered to wear reflective safety vests or face up to 40 euro (~$55) fines. But nobody looks sessy in reflective yellow! Police claim the sex workers on the LL-11 road are not being specifically targeted ... / Continue →

Earthquakes: they're scary. Almost as scary as tornadoes. Did you know in the event of an earthquake you're supposed to stand in a doorway? I didn't. I thought you were supposed to stop drop and roll. OMG --I think my teacher was trying to kill me. Eff you Miss Gardner! ... / Continue →

If there's one thing you should never let a robot near, it's your genitals. Followed by your head. Your children are third. But this post is all about #2. And I'm not talkin' dookie, although I may have let a little slip pretending I was in that chair. Panasonic's hair-was... / Continue →

That way if you're about to crash you can just jump off and blade to safety. Pretty genius if if you think about it. Just don't think about it for too long or you might start doubting the logic. And when you start doubting logic my friend, magic happens. CUT HER IN HALF -- ... / Continue →

Always knocking you coffee cup over? It's because you're clumsy. Me? I only do it because I've been drinking. Does that make me better than you? No, but it does make my boss ask to smell my breath a lot. F***, I thought I had another pack of Orbit Sweet Mint aside, spill n... / Continue →

When there's something strange someone getting stabbed in your neighborhood prisonyard, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters. The Excruciating Pain Laser Ray-Gun. Hoho, look at those perps burn! An advanced laser weapon that feels like a painful blast of hot air is to be used in... / Continue →

So apparently Warner Bros. is suing the Swiss manufacturer of 'Harry Popper' condoms for copyright infringement because the name's too similar to Harry Potter's. Personally, I don't see it. Wiener magic! Per questionable Google translation: The lawyer of the film Giant, "Ev... / Continue →

I lay in bed all day with a laptop burning my genitals so I don't have a neck-craning problem when it comes to viewing my monitor. No, what I have is a giant gut in the way which is why I've learned to read the screen upside-down and backwards using the sex-mirror I double-sid... / Continue →